JUST FOR A LAUGH

The Minneapolis Star-Tribune, U.S.

The Augusta Chronicle, U.S.

Der Standard.

Le Canard Enchaîné, France.

(Thanks to BJSAlba for these.)

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BAA-BAA BAARBECUE!

Hellfire sizzle for

wayward Scottish sheep

 

Image result for sheep

Councillors in the Scottish Highlands plan to reintroduce the death penalty – for jay-walking sheep.

They claim that sheep are responsible for a disproportionate number of traffic accidents and must be taught a lesson in road sense. To help the sheep mend their ways, they propose an increasing scale of penalties:

·       First offenders will be fined and fleeced – shorn of their wool which will be sold to cover the fines imposed. Repeated shearing will follow if the first clip does not raise enough money.

·       Second offenders will be deported to Aberdeen, where residents are well-known for their fondness for indiscretions with deviant sheep.

·       Serial offenders will go straight to the abattoir and butchery – first cursed by a priest or minister before entering a purgatory of spit-roasts and oven casseroles.

“Pass the mint sauce!” said Sandy Munro, area representative for Benderloch, north of Oban, the West Highland resort town. “Sheep have been causing carnage on our roads for too long and it’s time they learned the error of their ways.”

But local opinion is divided on the value of the penalties. John MacKinnon, who has a flock of prize Texel sheep on his farm at Kilmore, south of Oban, believes the death penalty is extreme over-reaction.

“As a good Catholic and a caring sheep-farmer, this is completely against my beliefs,” he said. “All life is sacred and can’t just be sacrificed on the whim of councillors. I would recommend amputation as a far more humane answer.

“Removing a leg or a shoulder at a time would sustain the market for lamb and mutton and simultaneously help solve the jay-walking problem. Three-legged sheep – or even two-legged ones – would be less capable of jay-walking or dashing unexpectedly into the way of oncoming traffic.

“I also recommend that the fines money raised from fleecing should be used for education, particularly Highway Code classes. In my own case, our lambs are taught from an early age to obey the rules of the road but this is very much an exception in the world of Highland agriculture. The sheep population as a whole would benefit from educational outreach – and the result would benefit our road-users and eliminate the need for the extreme measures that councillors are calling for.”

In Mull, clan chief and sheep farmer Lorne Maclaine of Maclaine of Lochbuie agreed with the educational proposal, adding recommendations of his own.

“I spend my time between Mull and South Africa, where the famous Karoo sheep are far less of a hazard to road users,” he said. “I believe an exchange programme would be very useful – bringing South African sheep to the Highlands to pass on their know-how, and sending ours to South Africa for first-hand experience and acquiring new skills to bring home and teach to their fellow flock members.

“At one time, we could well have secured EU funding for this – as well as using the fines money raised – but with the current Brexit chaos over agricultural subsidies, unfortunately I think this is now very unlikely.”

But in Aberdeen, the deportation plan was widely acclaimed. Bob Cassie, president of the Sheep Happy and Glad movement (SHAG) said: “We believe that most of the offenders will be young and female, which will appeal strongly to our members – and boost genetic diversity.

“Here in Aberdeen, we all look forward to welcoming them with open arms – and open zips.”

The death-penalty for sheep story is the latest scoop by e-Nos, the secretive ‘community minded’ hacker group which is believed to be Russian-based but many suspect operates from Bulgaria, the former Soviet satellite state which is now a member of the European Union.

e-Nos describes itself as “relieving indigestion in governments’ information flow”  – by hacking emails and phone calls by politicians that would otherwise remain undetected. And as always, Real Fake News will be first with the news they don’t want you to know.

(Thanks to John MacDonald for that inspired piece of erm… reporting!)

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Image result for brexit jokes

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SOPPY SUNDAY

Image result for orangutan baby
Morning all…

Playtime with mum.

n vance creek washington
Vance Creek, Washington. How can he sit there?

n sq
Don’t suppose you’ve got any nuts about your person?

n stairway
Stairway to heaven?

n snuggles
Snuggles.

n siargio island philippines
Siargao Island, Philippines.

n virginia opposum
Virginia Opposum.

n. el
Family day out?

n pig
Aren’t I handsome?

n pigeon
Impressive puffed up feathers, buddy.

n petite fleur
I know it’s a bad picture, but does anyone have any idea what this is, all alone on a Scottish hillside?

n rhino bus
The Rhino Bus Company.

Image result for dar es salaam
Dar es Salaam, upmarket…

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… and the other end of town.

Cliffs of Moher, Eire.

n lion
Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it.

n burn
Not far from Munguin Towers.

n bubbles
I’m forever blowing bubbles…

Image result for orangutan baby
Well, that’s it. Tris has had to go tidy Munguin’s bedroom, again, so no more Soppy Sunday for you lot.

 

 

JEREMY: I SUPPORT EVERY TEAM

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Jeremy Hunt is afraid that if he says he supports one team above another, he might lose a vote or two.

So, as long as they play by the rules, of course.

He must be a mixture of elated and disappointed every week.

I think either Bojo of Hunt will be a disaster. Boris is a clown and with him as PM we shall be subjected to daily embarrassments of Trump-style errors of judgement.

But Hunt… What can you say? 

Image result for jeremy hunt looking particularly greasy

Up till now, he has had almost nothing to do with Scotland. As Culture Secretary his remit was largely English and as English Health Secretary, he, very, fortunately, had no influence on our health service. But if he becomes prime minister… 

Oh dear, the thought is too much to bear.

I actually find myself actually physically repelled by him.

Which of the two would Munguinites prefer?

 

LETTER FROM MUNGUIN

!!!!!!!m

Dear Amber Rudd,

Do you think, in one of the richest economies in the world, that this is a reasonable amount to live on for a month?

dwp123

And, is this the kind of behaviour that reflects the much vaunted Great British Values?

dwp1

And, given the horrible poverty in which people dependant on your department suffer, what do you say to these baubles handed out to your staff, presumably with your approval?

DWP FARCE

Do these people not get paid good salaries to do their jobs? Why do they get letters after their names too, while people are left with £5,82 for a month, or told to get a job when they are dying of cancer?

And why do they get a better honour the higher up the food chain they are?

What on earth kind of country is this?

Frogmore Cottage in the grounds of Frogmore House, Frogmore Estate, Windsor, UK, home of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, Duke and Duchess of Sussex

It’s not like we don’t have enough money to do up a house for a prince and an actress become duchess. Maybe some of the £2.5 million spent on doing up Frogmore Cottage (cottage?) would have been better spent on the person who was given only enough for a couple of meals in 30 days, and no heat or light.

Yours in disgust and despair

 

Munguin.

 

Prime Ministers, Presidents and Chancellors? Any Taoisigh there?

The head of government in Ireland is the Taoiseach (plural Taoisigh).

Given that she listed the titles of other people sitting around the table in Brussels, she might have had the manners to mention the Irish head of government by his title, rather than lump him in with presidents, prime ministers and chancellors.

Taoiseach does not translate as prime minister… but, Google informs me, as ‘chief’.

 

RANDOM THOUGHTS

brexguy

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a boycott

It seems that Good Morning Britain deleted this tweet very rapidly after putting it up… but on the internet, there’s always someone who’s kept it for sentimental reasons, or something! Stuff on the net never really goes away, eh Piers?

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Boris, seemingly determined to make Hunt prime minister, has appointed none other than Ross Thomson to be his campaign manager in Scotland and his advisor on Scotland and Scottish affairs. Presumably Ross will be hoping to take over from Fluffs as the McTea boy in chief at Downing Street.

But given that Boris has to get there first, he might have been advised to choose someone who knew just a little about Scotland or was at least slightly in touch with the country, as his advisor.

Ross is telling anyone who will listen that Boris is the prime minister to put the fear of whatever into Nicola Sturgeon. (You may remember that, yesterday, it was Hunt that was saying that distinction fell to him!)

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So, as we said yesterday… just two words on that. “Jim” and “Murphy”!

I’d also point wee Rossy in the direction of material that suggests a somewhat different or contrary conclusion.

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I bet the 2-3% of people who pushed the “leave” vote over the line in England and Wales weren’t as aware as they might have been that companies would go bust and jobs would be lost as a direct result of their choice.

I suspect that many were simply rejoicing at £350 million a week for the NHS and getting rid of foreigners from their care homes and farms and shops and factories leaving lots of jobs for “hard-working decent British families up and down the country”, as they are wont to say.

It’s such a pity that the Leave Campaign wasn’t as honest as it might have been.

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Image result for boris johnson would make independence for scotland more likely

There may be little point in electing Boris as prime minister. His own side has threatened to bring him down and start the process all over again if he tries to take the UK out of the EU without a deal.

The problem is that Hunt has more or less made the same promise (see above). Leave on October 31, come what may.

So whoever is the next prime minister may find himself in the records for all the wrong reasons and beat George Canning as the shortest ever serving PM (119 days). At least Canning had had a relatively distinguished career before that.

But, can you just imagine a second contest within a couple of weeks? Quite apart from the laughing stock that the UK would be around the world (about which I care little), we’d be obliged to suffer Leadsom and McVey and the wee goblin Gove, appearing on tv, radio and social media all over again.

Oh please, no!

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!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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JUST FOR A LAUGH

De Volkskrant, The Netherlands, June 14, 2019.

De Volkskrant, The Netherlands, June 18, 2019.

Caglecartoons.com, The Netherlands, June 19, 2019.

POLITICO.com, U.S., June 19, 2019.

Le Temps, Switzerland, June 18, 2019.

Image result for POLITICAL CARTOONS ENGLAND brexit

Thanks to BJSAlba for these cartoons

JOKES OF THE WEEK

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I hear that Nicola Sturgeon is on a 0 score. Anyone know what the Colonel scored…

joke jer
Jim Murphy

Image
Jeremy Hunt.

So Hunty comes to Scotland, gets off the plane and promptly tells us that we want London Heathrow expanded and we want HS2… and that he is the prime minister that Nicola Sturgeon fears the most.

Of course, Jeremy! Just like Jim Murphy was the Labour branch manager we all feared the most.

Can anyone recall how that worked out in the end?

If yer stuck, here’s a wee hint. We feared him so much that we engineered his swift return to London, after only 6 months in the job (a record even for Scottish Labour leaders), having seen him lose 40 of his 41 seats. I remember him saying that he wouldn’t lose one seat to the SNP. And he was right. He didn’t lose old Union Jaiket’s seat.

And while we are on patronising Irn Bru drinkers…

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Seriously, do English people think it’s all we drink here?

It’s a bit like me doing the Lambeth Walk down the old Kent Road singing “Any Old Iron” and picking at a poke of jellied eels while supping from a bottle of Brown Ale.

SOPPY SUNDAY

Image result for orangutan baby
Morning all…

n other
Some other world.

n bibury
Bibury, England.

N BLUEBELLS
Bluebell wood, and the gardener.

n cheetah
Snuggle time.

n mum and lamb
…and again.

n ducks gerry
Famille Canard. (Gerry).

n el fam
And yet more snuggles.

N erice casle italy
Erice Castle, Italy.

n garden p
Country garden.

n gone fishin
Gone fishing.

n isle of lewis
Lewis.

n kitten
Baby Kitten.

n paws
High Five.

n rhode island
Rhode Island Road!

n wolfie
I want to play!

Related image
Hello…who are you little buddy?

Image result for goat
Neat beard, huh?

Image result for nairobi
Nairobi.

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Joey and Teddy!

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OK, that’s it for this week. See you soon…

Thanks to Gerry.