JUST FOR A LAUGH

The Minneapolis Star-Tribune, U.S.
The Augusta Chronicle, U.S.
Der Standard.
Le Canard Enchaîné, France.

(Thanks to BJSAlba for these.)

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BAA-BAA BAARBECUE!

Hellfire sizzle for

wayward Scottish sheep

 

Image result for sheep

Councillors in the Scottish Highlands plan to reintroduce the death penalty – for jay-walking sheep.

They claim that sheep are responsible for a disproportionate number of traffic accidents and must be taught a lesson in road sense. To help the sheep mend their ways, they propose an increasing scale of penalties:

·       First offenders will be fined and fleeced – shorn of their wool which will be sold to cover the fines imposed. Repeated shearing will follow if the first clip does not raise enough money.

·       Second offenders will be deported to Aberdeen, where residents are well-known for their fondness for indiscretions with deviant sheep.

·       Serial offenders will go straight to the abattoir and butchery – first cursed by a priest or minister before entering a purgatory of spit-roasts and oven casseroles.

“Pass the mint sauce!” said Sandy Munro, area representative for Benderloch, north of Oban, the West Highland resort town. “Sheep have been causing carnage on our roads for too long and it’s time they learned the error of their ways.”

But local opinion is divided on the value of the penalties. John MacKinnon, who has a flock of prize Texel sheep on his farm at Kilmore, south of Oban, believes the death penalty is extreme over-reaction.

“As a good Catholic and a caring sheep-farmer, this is completely against my beliefs,” he said. “All life is sacred and can’t just be sacrificed on the whim of councillors. I would recommend amputation as a far more humane answer.

“Removing a leg or a shoulder at a time would sustain the market for lamb and mutton and simultaneously help solve the jay-walking problem. Three-legged sheep – or even two-legged ones – would be less capable of jay-walking or dashing unexpectedly into the way of oncoming traffic.

“I also recommend that the fines money raised from fleecing should be used for education, particularly Highway Code classes. In my own case, our lambs are taught from an early age to obey the rules of the road but this is very much an exception in the world of Highland agriculture. The sheep population as a whole would benefit from educational outreach – and the result would benefit our road-users and eliminate the need for the extreme measures that councillors are calling for.”

In Mull, clan chief and sheep farmer Lorne Maclaine of Maclaine of Lochbuie agreed with the educational proposal, adding recommendations of his own.

“I spend my time between Mull and South Africa, where the famous Karoo sheep are far less of a hazard to road users,” he said. “I believe an exchange programme would be very useful – bringing South African sheep to the Highlands to pass on their know-how, and sending ours to South Africa for first-hand experience and acquiring new skills to bring home and teach to their fellow flock members.

“At one time, we could well have secured EU funding for this – as well as using the fines money raised – but with the current Brexit chaos over agricultural subsidies, unfortunately I think this is now very unlikely.”

But in Aberdeen, the deportation plan was widely acclaimed. Bob Cassie, president of the Sheep Happy and Glad movement (SHAG) said: “We believe that most of the offenders will be young and female, which will appeal strongly to our members – and boost genetic diversity.

“Here in Aberdeen, we all look forward to welcoming them with open arms – and open zips.”

The death-penalty for sheep story is the latest scoop by e-Nos, the secretive ‘community minded’ hacker group which is believed to be Russian-based but many suspect operates from Bulgaria, the former Soviet satellite state which is now a member of the European Union.

e-Nos describes itself as “relieving indigestion in governments’ information flow”  – by hacking emails and phone calls by politicians that would otherwise remain undetected. And as always, Real Fake News will be first with the news they don’t want you to know.

(Thanks to John MacDonald for that inspired piece of erm… reporting!)

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Image result for brexit jokes

Image result for brexit jokes

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SOPPY SUNDAY

Image result for orangutan baby
Morning all…
Playtime with mum.
n vance creek washington
Vance Creek, Washington. How can he sit there?
n sq
Don’t suppose you’ve got any nuts about your person?
n stairway
Stairway to heaven?
n snuggles
Snuggles.
n siargio island philippines
Siargao Island, Philippines.
n virginia opposum
Virginia Opposum.
n. el
Family day out?
n pig
Aren’t I handsome?
n pigeon
Impressive puffed up feathers, buddy.
n petite fleur
I know it’s a bad picture, but does anyone have any idea what this is, all alone on a Scottish hillside?
n rhino bus
The Rhino Bus Company.
Image result for dar es salaam
Dar es Salaam, upmarket…
Image result for dar es salaam
… and the other end of town.
Cliffs of Moher, Eire.
n lion
Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it.
n burn
Not far from Munguin Towers.
n bubbles
I’m forever blowing bubbles…
Image result for orangutan baby
Well, that’s it. Tris has had to go tidy Munguin’s bedroom, again, so no more Soppy Sunday for you lot.

 

 

JEREMY: I SUPPORT EVERY TEAM

Image

Jeremy Hunt is afraid that if he says he supports one team above another, he might lose a vote or two.

So, as long as they play by the rules, of course.

He must be a mixture of elated and disappointed every week.

I think either Bojo of Hunt will be a disaster. Boris is a clown and with him as PM we shall be subjected to daily embarrassments of Trump-style errors of judgement.

But Hunt… What can you say? 

Image result for jeremy hunt looking particularly greasy

Up till now, he has had almost nothing to do with Scotland. As Culture Secretary his remit was largely English and as English Health Secretary, he, very, fortunately, had no influence on our health service. But if he becomes prime minister… 

Oh dear, the thought is too much to bear.

I actually find myself actually physically repelled by him.

Which of the two would Munguinites prefer?

 

LETTER FROM MUNGUIN

!!!!!!!m

Dear Amber Rudd,

Do you think, in one of the richest economies in the world, that this is a reasonable amount to live on for a month?

dwp123

And, is this the kind of behaviour that reflects the much vaunted Great British Values?

dwp1

And, given the horrible poverty in which people dependant on your department suffer, what do you say to these baubles handed out to your staff, presumably with your approval?

DWP FARCE

Do these people not get paid good salaries to do their jobs? Why do they get letters after their names too, while people are left with £5,82 for a month, or told to get a job when they are dying of cancer?

And why do they get a better honour the higher up the food chain they are?

What on earth kind of country is this?

Frogmore Cottage in the grounds of Frogmore House, Frogmore Estate, Windsor, UK, home of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, Duke and Duchess of Sussex

It’s not like we don’t have enough money to do up a house for a prince and an actress become duchess. Maybe some of the £2.5 million spent on doing up Frogmore Cottage (cottage?) would have been better spent on the person who was given only enough for a couple of meals in 30 days, and no heat or light.

Yours in disgust and despair

 

Munguin.

 

Prime Ministers, Presidents and Chancellors? Any Taoisigh there?

The head of government in Ireland is the Taoiseach (plural Taoisigh).

Given that she listed the titles of other people sitting around the table in Brussels, she might have had the manners to mention the Irish head of government by his title, rather than lump him in with presidents, prime ministers and chancellors.

Taoiseach does not translate as prime minister… but, Google informs me, as ‘chief’.