LETTER TO MR JOHNSON

Absolutely right that that letter be written.

But I think Boris is on holiday.

I suppose that means that Raab is in charge.

By September we’ll have Truss instead of Johnson.

I wonder if she cares at all about the cost of living crisis of indeed has given it a moment’s thought.

1. So, there you go, you big drunken melt.
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4. Ye Gads, woman… You’re proud of what?
5. Couldn’t be prouder.
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She: “Why are you so down?”

He: “Because the football season is almost over.”

She: “But that gives you time to concentrate on other things.”

He (brightening): “You’re right. I’ll be able to concentrate on my golf.”

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Old Viking Drinking Songs

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I used to date an opera singer, but I had to get rid of her…She was all “Mi, mi, mi…”

Why was Cinderella kicked off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.

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THE Royal Navy is developing computer chips that store music in women’s breast implants. This is a major breakthrough as women are always complaining of sailors staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily this is not difficult. – Charlotte Whitton

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With thanks to TM, John, Erik, Graham, Brendan, Brenda, Russ, AndiMac.

OK, one last one. Neither Brenda nor I had any idea what this was about. Can anyone suggest?

It’s from the USA, so maybe there is a clue there that we didn’t get.

SOPPY SUNDAY

1. So we got here first this week, nah nah nah nah nah!! Bet that lazy orangutan’s still asleep in his bed.
2. Listen up.
3. What’s all the noise about, burd?
4. Where’s Jim?
5. Instead of looking, you could try helping!
6. Is it that time already?
7. Oh no. I sleeped in and missed my shift. I hope someone else turned up…
8. Teasels, which Munguin has decided he wants in the garden next year!
9. Don’t disturb me. I gotta get some honey for the dear old queen. Oh, you think she said MONEY? Hmmm. Yep, that sounds more like her.
10. Munguin can never see someone else with something without wanting it too. So next year we’re to have a wild flower meadow in the grounds of the Towers. This is the grounds of Morgan Academy, just up from Munguin Towers.
11. Don’t worry, little burd. You are safe with me. I’m a tiger really!
12. Looks like I slept in too! Where’s that Orangutan.
13. I am rather handsome, aren’t I, uncle Tris? You sure are, little one.
14. There you are, Dumbo. Now don’t drop it again! Dolphin rescues a phone dropped in the water by a daft human.
15. Can we both be the Lone Ranger or maybe the Not Totally “Lone” Ranger?
16. Ulan Bator, Mongolia.
17. Peppy the Pepper having a snooze.
18. Well, I suppose it was time to settle down while I’m still young enough to enjoy young Terrence here.
19. You may well look. I’m a rare silver pheasant.
20. I hope you like bees. There’s a lot of us about.
21. Munguin took this one himself!
22. Of course you can have a bit if you are hungry.
23. Is there a special VIP entrance into Munguin’s Towers for bush VIPers?
24. I see Tris was out buying bird food today. Just as well, I might tell you…
25. I got there in the end. But it’s these early starts when you’re very little that are the killers. You’d think he’d get Tris to do the early shift…

Thanks to AndiMac and Jim.

Bonus:

Thanks to Nicola Sturgeon. I think she has something to do with Edinburgh and Glasgow but Liz said just to ignore her…

Ooooops, Lacklustre Liz!!! Skelp!

More Bonuses.

John was, for some weird reason, unable to send any contributions due to something weird happening on the interweb… dark forces, I wouldn’t wonder.

However, late yesterday afternoon, he managed to get some stuff thought… so here it is… with additional thanks to Brendan, Erik and Kay and, of course, John.

I told you there were a lot of us bees about today. Andy and Kay have been working overtime on our portfolios.
In Bulgaria, the carts have matching wheel covers…well at least on three of their four wheels!!
Hummmmm (Can you guess what kind of burd I am?)
Erik’s Venus Fly Trap has become a Grasshopper Trap.

I SAY, THE TEST CRICKET IS STILL GOING WELL, OLD CHAP.

Maybe, if Jake can tear himself away form the Test Cricket that is thriving under Brexit, he could pop up to Scotland and let us know what exactly is the secret of successful cricket.

Then Nicola cold give him a little lecture on how to make less important stuff like Education and Heath Services work.

Please please Truss. Make him Minister for the Union and Test Cricket.

Honestly. ..could you make this up?

RANDOM THOUGHTS

Brotherly love between two “united” kingdom nations.

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Ye gads… such class.

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Munguin: Tris, can you translate this for me, please.

Tris: Certainly, you importantness. It means. “I can read the runes. The blonde idiot is going to win and I want to keep my job, so I better look like I’m supporting her or it will be Thérèse in No 11 and I’ll be in Northern Ireland!”

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Oh look, here’s another one touting for a job…

I think she wants to be chancellor… but so does John Deadwood and Thérèse Coffey. Someone is going to have to go to Ireland. Nooooo. Not Nadine, please. Give her Scotland. I’d love to see her go head to head with Nicola.

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Sometimes, this contest gets too weird even for Munguin. I mean, what on earth is this? Airbrushed wrinkles, looking half her age, wearing a red dressing gown, a grey nun’s habit and wellington boots, in an orchard, with a cloth backdrop. THAT. IS. A. DISGRACE.

Or is THIS the real photo?

And then you have the other one, who has pretty much lost now, sitting alone in that wheat field that Mrs May once ran through (naughty woman) on a dining room chair with a soft cushion.

Just…Why? Mrs May won’t be back, Rishi. She stopped all that running through cornfields nonsense years ago when she decided to be prime minister.

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However, Tessy hasn’t totally gone away yet… as you, my wee tin soldier, will see…

I hope Monsieur François understands just what a nasty temper Mrs May has… and that, notwithstanding his commando training, she is at least a foot taller than him.

And she doesn’t look a happy ex-PM. So if tomorrow, mon petit, you’ve turned into a small turnip, don’t say we didn’t warm you.

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Eh?

Translate again, Tris.

OK, Munguin. What he is saying here is that, never mind he did all that kinda stuff to Theresa May. That’s not important. He just thinks it’s wrong that they did it to him, because he’s special.

And he’ll get them back!!!!

Just a thought though. He’s not used to being thwarted and I would imagine that he won’t hesitate to settle scores.

What did he do when Gove told him he should go? Immediately, he sacked Gove.

Sunak et al should watch out. He’ll use Truss and he’ll use his contacts in the Press to pay you guys back…

I hope you don’t have things to hide.

Nah, OK, I’m lying, I hope that you do.

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JUST FOR A LAUGH

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For whosoever hath, to him shall be given, and he shall have more abundance: but whosoever hath not, from him shall be taken away even that he hath.… The haths and the hath nots!!
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17. These beasts are amazing. They can remain in one place for hours and hours without moving…
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Alex M

Brexit is the Government giving everyone a lump of coal and telling them if they press hard enough, for long enough, it’ll turn to diamonds…

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Thanks to Brenda and AndiMac.

SOPPY SUNDAY

1. You have to get here early to be in charge… so I’ve been waiting for HOURS.
2. That white dog likes the game too…
3. Здравейте, аз съм българска жаба… Oh sorry, I forgot, you don’t speak Bulgarian, or Tree Frog, anyway, that’s what I am and fortunately I’m a polyglot.
4. So what do you want? And don’t come it with the pretty pussy nonsense. It doesn’t work with me.
5. Stay still and quiet or you’ll disturb my fishing and this beak is very sharp. You really wouldn’t like me to get cross!!
6. Where was Dave?
7. It’s good to be invited to Munguin’s Soppiness this early in my life.
8. Eva and Claire. John will tell you a story, as only John can.
9. I’m very rare, so you should treat me with awe and respect. I’m a Western Ground Parrot.
10. That’s exactly what I’m doing for my big buddy.
11. Can you do that? What about you, Munguin? What about Munguinites? Go on, try.
12. Awesome rock formation at Qeqertaqrsuaq in Greenland.
13. Hard work with two of them. Does Munguin have a babysitting service. Maybe we could hire PP out for a few hours to look after them.
14. Happy cute dolphins in boy band to attract females. Must have heard about One Direction.
15. You’re safe, DonDon. It’s not a spider. But they have just found seven new species of these pseudo-scorpions in Australia, needless to say.
16. Just to remind you that in a few months’ time you’ll be looking like this if you venture out, and if you live in Britain, even if you stay in your house, unless you are royalty or Boris Johnson and a donor is paying your electricity bills.
17. Sumela Monastery, Turkey. Imagine building that?
18. Arctic Fox. Tell ya what, I’m not getting another blow dry!.
19. Dippy the Dipper.
20. Skara Brae.
21. I wasn’t expecting company, but come in anyway. Any friend of Munguin… and all that stuff.
22. Look into our eyes…
23. Hello there. I’m from Borneo and I’m a pig, which makes me a Bornean Pig.
24. Now you see me… and now you don’t. Me and my friend the tree have it sussed.
25. That’s my shift done. Off to collect my bananas and then bed!

Munguin thanks, John, Quokka, AndiMac, Dave, Cursty and Claire.

I did ask about thanking Tris, but Munguin said he just sits about like a lazy lump, so no!

Bonus:

They met at the orphanage and are now inseparable. You have to read this.