JUST FOR A LAUGH

The Minneapolis Star-Tribune, U.S.
The Augusta Chronicle, U.S.
Der Standard.
Le Canard Enchaîné, France.

(Thanks to BJSAlba for these.)

++++++++++++

BAA-BAA BAARBECUE!

Hellfire sizzle for

wayward Scottish sheep

 

Image result for sheep

Councillors in the Scottish Highlands plan to reintroduce the death penalty – for jay-walking sheep.

They claim that sheep are responsible for a disproportionate number of traffic accidents and must be taught a lesson in road sense. To help the sheep mend their ways, they propose an increasing scale of penalties:

·       First offenders will be fined and fleeced – shorn of their wool which will be sold to cover the fines imposed. Repeated shearing will follow if the first clip does not raise enough money.

·       Second offenders will be deported to Aberdeen, where residents are well-known for their fondness for indiscretions with deviant sheep.

·       Serial offenders will go straight to the abattoir and butchery – first cursed by a priest or minister before entering a purgatory of spit-roasts and oven casseroles.

“Pass the mint sauce!” said Sandy Munro, area representative for Benderloch, north of Oban, the West Highland resort town. “Sheep have been causing carnage on our roads for too long and it’s time they learned the error of their ways.”

But local opinion is divided on the value of the penalties. John MacKinnon, who has a flock of prize Texel sheep on his farm at Kilmore, south of Oban, believes the death penalty is extreme over-reaction.

“As a good Catholic and a caring sheep-farmer, this is completely against my beliefs,” he said. “All life is sacred and can’t just be sacrificed on the whim of councillors. I would recommend amputation as a far more humane answer.

“Removing a leg or a shoulder at a time would sustain the market for lamb and mutton and simultaneously help solve the jay-walking problem. Three-legged sheep – or even two-legged ones – would be less capable of jay-walking or dashing unexpectedly into the way of oncoming traffic.

“I also recommend that the fines money raised from fleecing should be used for education, particularly Highway Code classes. In my own case, our lambs are taught from an early age to obey the rules of the road but this is very much an exception in the world of Highland agriculture. The sheep population as a whole would benefit from educational outreach – and the result would benefit our road-users and eliminate the need for the extreme measures that councillors are calling for.”

In Mull, clan chief and sheep farmer Lorne Maclaine of Maclaine of Lochbuie agreed with the educational proposal, adding recommendations of his own.

“I spend my time between Mull and South Africa, where the famous Karoo sheep are far less of a hazard to road users,” he said. “I believe an exchange programme would be very useful – bringing South African sheep to the Highlands to pass on their know-how, and sending ours to South Africa for first-hand experience and acquiring new skills to bring home and teach to their fellow flock members.

“At one time, we could well have secured EU funding for this – as well as using the fines money raised – but with the current Brexit chaos over agricultural subsidies, unfortunately I think this is now very unlikely.”

But in Aberdeen, the deportation plan was widely acclaimed. Bob Cassie, president of the Sheep Happy and Glad movement (SHAG) said: “We believe that most of the offenders will be young and female, which will appeal strongly to our members – and boost genetic diversity.

“Here in Aberdeen, we all look forward to welcoming them with open arms – and open zips.”

The death-penalty for sheep story is the latest scoop by e-Nos, the secretive ‘community minded’ hacker group which is believed to be Russian-based but many suspect operates from Bulgaria, the former Soviet satellite state which is now a member of the European Union.

e-Nos describes itself as “relieving indigestion in governments’ information flow”  – by hacking emails and phone calls by politicians that would otherwise remain undetected. And as always, Real Fake News will be first with the news they don’t want you to know.

(Thanks to John MacDonald for that inspired piece of erm… reporting!)

++++++++++++

Image result for brexit jokes

Image result for brexit jokes

+++++++++++

35 thoughts on “JUST FOR A LAUGH”

  1. Could someone explain the “one flew over Istanbul” cartoon to me, number three on the list?

    Perhaps it is funny, but I just don’t get it?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s to do with Recep Tayyip Erdoğan, president of Turkey, who once said something along the lines of “who rules Istanbul, rules Turkey…”,

      Well his party narrowly lost the mayoral elections there,and he called foul and demanded another election, which, because he is an autocrat, he got.

      He didn’t “narrowly” lose this one. He lost it in spectacular style.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Douglas….I didn’t get it either, but I didn’t ask. I don’t even get some of the European cartoons, so I figured that Turkey was hopeless.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. “Here in Aberdeen, we all look forward to welcoming them with open arms – and open zips.”

    Sorry, but unless I’m misunderstanding something, I found that somewhat offensive. I’m a woman, maybe that’s why.

    Like

      1. Harmless fun? Open zips. Seriously? Sorry, Tris, I’m out of here. Apart from the sexual implications which would offend any decent woman, I thought this site respected animals. There was absolutely no need for the comment I highlighted.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. This is indeed a site where one can forget most the travails of political debate. Usually.

    If someone wishes to be offended, they will be offended. Cheerio.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Well, I guess we can’t please all of the people all of the time.

      I’m genuinely sorry if the humour offended. I’m sure there must be other people who are offended form time to time.

      That’s what happens when you put yourself out there.

      Like

      1. We have your back Tris. I think “Jomac” may be more SiU than Feminist/Trans/ whatever.

        Like

          1. You are a prominent Indy website. Be prepared.
            Think about the people you are upsetting.
            It isn’t me, it’s someone who “appeared”.

            Liked by 1 person

            1. I wrote it. My responsibility. I was trying to make humour from long-standing Scottish accusations about Aberdonians and sheep. No idea – nor intention – that I could possibly offend women. Some people seem to take satire seriously. Didn’t realise I was so good at it.

              Liked by 2 people

              1. John, at this moment of time, all of history can be used as a political weapon. Fuckwits have control of the internet.

                I have books and a shotgun. My descendants and yours may trade rats.

                Liked by 1 person

              2. I’m from Aberdeen, John, and it’s the first I’ve heard of such accusations. Everyone knows the ‘Aberdeen on a flag day’ postcard joke, but nothing concerning sheep. Is it peculiar to you part of the country? I wasn’t offended by the piece but it left me scratching my head wondering what it was about.

                Liked by 1 person

                1. The Aberdonian mentioned is one of my best mates. He’s even given me a red T-shirt that says
                  SHE
                  EPS
                  HAG
                  GER
                  Claims he got it from the Aberdeen FC supporters shop.

                  Liked by 1 person

                  1. Weird. He can’t have much luck because Aberdeen is a city and there are no sheep. Ah, but as an AFC supporter there would be some frustration.

                    Like

      2. I have believed the jokes were more about the West Highlanders rather than the Aberdonians – viz the old Campbell song, later adapted by the Rolling Stones: Hey, MacLeod, get off of my ewe.

        Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Talking-up Scotland

NOT conflating the aberrant with the norm like BBC

The Dunglishman

The bilingual blog about all things British

STAGE LEFT

Love, theatre and ideas

Wildonline.blog

British Wildlife & Photography

scotlandisdifferent

Why Scotland should be an independent country

BrawBlether

Thoughts about Scotland & the world, from a new Scot

Divided We Fall

Bipartisan dialogue for the politically engaged

Insightful Geopolitics

Impartial Informative Always

Black Isle Media

We Provide The Facts, You Make The Decisions

The Broad Spectrum Life

Exploring Rhymes, Reasons, and Nuances of Our World

Musical Matters...

Mark Doran's Music Blog

Best in Australia

This site supports Scottish Independence

thehistorytwins

A comic about history and stuff by FT

My Life as Graham

The embittered mumblings of a serial malcontent.

Pride's Purge

an irreverent look at UK politics

ScienceSwitch

Your Source For The Coolest Science Stories

dondeeflugs

The greatest WordPress.com site in all the land!

Mark Explores

Nature + Health

netbij.com

http://netbij.com

%d bloggers like this: