From the office of the prime minister of the UNITED kingdom of England and its lesser possessions and territories

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Dear Nikolas,

We were very tolerant towards your lesser self in the early stages of our taking over the top job at the centre of the Empire at No 10 Downing Street, London ENGLAND. We think we may even have done you the honour of visiting you in your bedsit at Bute Cottage in Aberburgh, although, of course, we do not recall.

However, following our tremendous and spectacular General Election victory,  and now that we have grown in stature in our position as triumphant leader of OUR United Kingdom and become close to world statesmen such as Mr Netenyahu and Mr Erdogan, not to mention HRH Excellency Trump and His Majesty King Salman, we feel that further discussion with a junior minister of a mere district would be inappropriate. Besides which, as I am now busily (and successfully) engaged in a red, white and blue Brexit, which means Brexit (including for your district) so that Britain can take back control of everything from the foreigners who are out to get us British people, I’m simply too busy to be bothered with inferiors.

It has been decided, therefore, that if you have anything that you wish to discuss with your superiors here at Empire Central, in our great capital city of London, you should address those matters with the Rt Hon David Mud… Mund… well, you know who I mean, and of course, if you can find her (she seems to have gone walkabout since Ms Arlene and I struck up a friendship) the Rt Hon and Gallant Lady, Colonel Davidson. Alternatively, you may try to approach the Noble Lord Duncan in his Baronial Castle, although I understand that he doesn’t much like commoners. A curtsey is appropriate.

You will not, any longer, be allowed to address yourself directly to us personally, and we intend to instruct the queen that she is no longer to grant you an audience, but must hold herself always in readiness for any occasion on which we wish to have a photo-opportunity with her, or get her to open our parliament.

Do not let any of that make you feel any less important than you already are.

Rule Britannia. God save the Queen and Theresa May

a££

Her Britannic Empr ,  sorry, Prime Ministerialness

Signed per pro

in her absence.

(Note to Cabinet Secretary: Send same sort of thing to that Welsh blokey, and the people in IOM, Channel Islands, and Gibraltar, Falklands and the rest of my empire. DO NOT ON ANY ACCOUNT SEND TO BELFAST on pain of death.)

Ha ha ha ha ha ha…

 

amay9
I knew if we kept her long enough, we’d find a use for her.
abg
Stayin’ alive?
ammt
Munguin wishes to echo these sentiments. If there’s any left over Munguin Towers needs some paint.
ammt1
NO. My chancellor says you get far too much anyway. Go away.
ammt3
Sorry, peeps. Arlene cleared me out.
atrump (1)
Trumpisgreat? Thanks to David for sending.

 

YOU’D THINK THEY’D LEARN

On reflection, no, you wouldn’t…

 

a
Good negotiating tactic there, Boris. What an asset you are to the UK team.

 

Before and during the campaign leading to the referendum on withdrawal from the EU, it is rumoured (and widely accepted) that David Cameron refused to allow anyone in government or the civil service to contemplate, even for a second, the possibility that his (remain) side would lose.

Indeed when Nicola Sturgeon said “You could lose this, David”, he replied, “Don’t be silly”.

As a result, when the admittedly unexpected result came in not one single plan was in place.

The EU had a set of rules and regulations by which it had to act. It only had to appoint a few people to make up the negotiating team which would work within these rules and regulations.

The British side had nothing. No plan, no staff, no negotiators, no trade people, no ideas, no knowledge. No nothing.

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During our referendum, I remember Alistair Darling (his nobleness) rant on and on about the YES campaign not having a Plan B if the UK government refused to allow an independent Scotland to use the pound. Of course, it would have been impossible and illegal for them to do this. But without cooperation from the British Treasury and Bank of England, it might have been awkward for Scotland. But of course, the YES campaign did have an alternative plan. It’s just that a Scottish pound, tied to the British pound made more sense both for Scotland and the UK, something which the Bank of England an anonymous government minister admitted. Having a Plan B then seemed to be incredibly important for the Brits.

Having a Plan B at that time seemed to be incredibly important for the Brits. What changed?

Now, I’m not convinced that the self-same Brits have much of a Plan A, but we now have it from the near top of the government that they haven’t prepared for anything to go wrong?

What arrogance.  Can they be saying that Mrs May’s plan is so perfect there is no need for an alternative? Her history hardly suggests that that is a starter.

Can you believe this lot?

Random Thoughts

Apparently, Mrs May spent £20,000 on an RAF flight for Ms Foster from London to Belfast after their talks last week. The magic money tree must still have been bearing fruit at that time because there are cheap flights for as little as £14 from London to Belfast.

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I know they are new besties, but seriously, as Arlene doesn’t actually have a job in Northern Ireland, what with her being the cause of the breakdown of the power-sharing government, it wouldn’t have hurt her to go to the airport and wait for RyanAir like the rest of the human race have to do.

Ruth must be incandescent. I bet, despite her being a colonel, May has never laid on military transport for her… and she HAS got a job….well, two actually.

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I’ve always thought that Michael Gove was some sort of a cartoon character, not to be taken seriously, from his idiotic beginnings as Education Secretary, to his ridiculous position as Lord Chancellor.

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On tv today he defended the tuition fees charged in England (the steepest in Europe) and said that people who didn’t go to university shouldn’t have to subsidise those who do. Mr Gove went to university in 1985. There were no tuition fees then.

Mr Gove went to university in 1985. There were no tuition fees then.

£!1

Most enlightened countries realise that it is to the benefit of everyone if we have an educated workforce. More and more jobs indeed require that people be educated to at least bachelor level. So in most of Europe governments make it as easy as possible for people to get to university. And most recognise that people’s ability to take up tertiary education should be based on their ability to learn, rather than their ability to pay.

Of course many people benefit from the education of doctors, lawyers, dentists, nurses, engineers, architects, teachers, etc. That seemed not to occur to Gove.

agove1

It’s a pity that Mrs May was “persuaded” by whoever to return Gove to the Cabinet. He may be an asset to Mr Murdoch inside the cabinet but he’s a bit of a liability to the rest of us.

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!£

Well, who would have believed it? And the car companies are mainly in the North East of England, which voted so decisively for Brexit.

abre

So, if I had voted to put the country at a huge economic, cultural, education and social disadvantage because I was bent out of shape about us using the metric system and wanted my £ : s : d back along with Sts : lbs : oz and Gallons, quarts, pints and gills, not to mention furlongs, poles, yards, feet and inches, and all the rest, then I think I’d probably be ashamed to write to the papers about it. Oh, and I’m not entirely sure that someone who prefers a system based on the number 10, to a system, build around any number other than 10, could necessarily be called a fetishist.

**********

 

aa

Reminds me of the story of the supermarket queue in California where a woman was talking on her phone. A man behind her thought she was talking in Spanish and told her that she was in America, she should speak English. The woman explained that she was actually a native American, and she was talking Navajo, NOT Spanish. She politely suggested that if he wanted to speak English, he should go to England!

Incidentally, although I enjoy languages and always try to learn a little of the lingo of whatever country I’m going to visit, I’m not ever able to do much more than say hello, thank you, please, and a few other words. I’m pretty grateful then that no Hungarian launched an attack at me on a bus in Budapest for speaking English. Hungarian has to be the most complex language I’ve ever heard spoken.

**********

a00

It’s as well, when the Orange Order are marching anywhere near your house, to be prepared to clean up after them as you would with your dog.  A bucket of disinfectant and a brush will be nnecessary. They seem not to be potty trained.

abrill

This would seem to be a reasonable response to them, though.

I’m a great believer in freedom of speech and of freedom to assemble, but these people, quite apart from their lack of toilet training, shout racial abuse at Catholics and Irishmen alike.

I have to ask myself if we want this kind of racism and sectarianism on our streets.

 

SO, HOW’S IT ALL GOING IN DOWNING STREET WITH BREXIT AND ALL THAT?

a no10

According to Reuters, there are moves at the top of the Conservative Party to depose May and replace her with Hammond. Davis would be deputy prime minister.

“I think Philip is the only plausible candidate for a couple of years, with DD (David Davis) running Brexit,” the paper (The Sunday Times) quoted a serving minister as saying.

A former cabinet colleague was quoted by the paper as saying that Hammond believed he could do the job. Not all cabinet members were in agreement, however, with some backing Davis and others favouring Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson.

A spokesman for May’s Downing Street office declined to comment.

brexit3

aaa1

The trouble seems to me to be that Hammond is only “better” because he and Davis may work together a bit more harmoniously to see if we can get a softer Brexit than May was proposing.

Of course, that would be good for some of us, at least. Remaining in the Customs Union and the Single Market is essential for Scotland’s economy. The trouble is that to be a part of these, countries must accept the now famous “four freedoms”.

These are freedom of movement of goods, capital, services, and labour.

And the EU is saying, if you want one, you get them all.

And of course, there is the EUs oversight of the laws that surround all of these freedoms, by (horror)  European courts. And at a cost.

abrex

Now, that might be acceptable if they hadn’t run a campaign that vilified everyone who was foreign, and played big, with the help of the comic press, on the “send them home” rhetoric. That campaign ran pretty in tandem with “bring back control of our laws” to English courts, which played well with some people. Well, until the English High Court found against the government at which point, of course, the English courts became the enemies of the people! (Go figure!) The third part of the campaign made it clear that the savings to Brits would be enormous. Remember £350 million a week to the desperately underfunded Health Services? Who could resist that?

If that was the three-pronged attack that the campaign came up with (and won on), it’s a bit hard for it now to say, “erm… well, actually, the foreigners won’t go home; the European courts will still have sway, and we probably won’t save any money”.

Then they’d have to explain that, whilst being in more or less the same situation as before, there won’t be any more EU social or infrastructure grants, farmers will have to rely on the UK government for subsidies and finally, the UK will no longer have any veto on the regulations that it has to obey.

Some might say that Mrs May was right, no deal is worse than a bad deal…

I just wonder how long the Tory Party could hold it together if that were the outcome,  regardless of leadership, if that was what they had to put to the people in 2019.

atwat

 

Return of Farage and UKIP, backed by the EDL, DUP, Britain First,  and England’s own Marine Le Penn: Tommy Robinson?

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For a more detailed (and knowledgeable) coverage of Brexit, I advise a regular read over at Terry’s blog.