RANDOM THOUGHTS

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Talking about lies and greedy elites that expect wallpaper to cost £800 a roll, how is your great leader and his would-be First Lady Let them Eat Cake Carrie Antionette?
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So, this is the reality, not exactly what you promised…
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I see the greedy elites on the continent are reasonably generous to the peasantry with their electricity prices.
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At least we’ll save money on food… given that there won’t be any.
Brexitted Brits…
And it seems that the lies of the elites in Europe have been contagious.
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How it was.
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Better Together, Johann?
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The French are actually having a laugh at the Brits, describing them as the 5th wheel, although it would be true to say that they are offended. And your Nobleness will probably find that offending them because you don’t think they are as reliable as the English, is a bit of a mistake. What you need, given the utter mess the UK is in, is friends in Europe, et vous êtes en train de jeter ça dans les toilettes. Vous Great Muppet!
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OK. Let’s start with people who can afford £800 a roll wallpaper and dinners celebrating 100 years of stately homes for prime ministers (to which almost no one comes), shall we? And when it comes to the virus, I doubt that the UK should be talking about levelling up… We really don’t want other countries to be as badly affected as the UK.
Yo, England, your justice minister doesn’t believe in justice.
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And your minister for Levelling Up, doesn’t seem to believe in levelling up… especially not for people who are dentally challenged
Michael Gove Fronts Bizarre Brexit Publicity Stunt For The Sun On Sunday |  HuffPost UK
Ummm talking of which…

Just for a laugh…

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“Never ask your wife when dinner will be ready while she’s still mowing the lawn. It could be dangerous.”

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15. We shoulda told them that if we Brexited they would have to learn to read, write and count. That would have discouraged the notion, and if it didn’t work we have told them they would have to lose weight.
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AT A GIRLS’ hostel, dates are permitted only on Saturday nights. A young fellow arrives on a Tuesday. He tells an older woman in the lobby that he needs urgently to see a certain young lady.

“I want to surpise her. She’s my sister.”

“She’ll be surprised all right. But think how surprised I am. I’m her mother!”

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The Auldest Leid

He read it in a buik o Herodotus: the wey ti fin the auldest leid.

Nou King Jamie was ettlin ti try it himsel. Sae twa new-born babbies were fund, whaise mither hadnae wun throu.

They were gien til a deif-mute wumman ti mynd, wha had nae bairns o her ain an no a word in her chafts.

Then aa thrie were sent ti bide on an inch in the firth, wi jist the sea-maws an solans for company.

Thrie-fower year gaed by, an the king caaed thegither his wycest men: hiscoonsellors, bishops an professors. An he caaed for the twa bairnies an aa. But whilk auncient tongue wud they speak? Some thocht it wud be Hebrew, an ithers the Greek, whilst a strang pairty haudit oot for the Gaelic.

Then a wheesht soupit owre the assembly as the bairnies were brocht forrit.

No dauntoned, the wee sowls tottered straucht up til the king. An naither were they sweirt ti speak: “Haw, mister! Goanie no send us back til that island, eh no?”

“Aye,” greed his sib, “’cause it’s just pure mingin, so it is.

Ken wha’ Ah mean?”

Gordon Donaldson (DonDon)

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Bonus:

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Thanks to John, TMc, Graham, DonDon, Brenda.

SOPPY SUNDAY

Orangutan - Funny Orangutans And Cute Orangutan Videos || NEW - YouTube
1. Ummm, Roddy, what kinda bus is this?
Two musk ox, Kangerlussuaq wildlife
2. Hello, we’re the welcoming committee at Kangerslussuaq, Greenland. We’re substituting for the airport bus service.
3. Purrrrrrr
4. Yeah, what you want?
Photo - Inutsiaq Kreutzmann - Northern lights above Maniitsoq
5. The Northern Lights of Maniitsoq, Greenland.
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6. I’m in the competition for the cutest animal here today. Munguin thinks I’m in with a chance, and he’s never wrong.
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7. I otter be doing something, but… yawn… later.
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8. South Uist Croft
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9. More South Uist.
Having fun | Baby orangutan, Orangutan, Cute animals
10. Football is a very tiring game, ya know.
Picture of a beach path, with a ‘no dogs’ sign. On the ground in front of the sign is a cat that appears to be laughing uproariously.
11. Ha ha ha ha, safe here then.
12. Amazing.
13. Don’t mind me… just having a wash and brush up here.
14, Oh dear. My eyes might be bigger than my tummy.
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15. Who could ask for more?
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16. Please can you protect me from the mad cow disease. I don’t want to be a great British sick cow with a great british illness.
May be an image of nature and body of water
17. Sailing in the Ilulissat icefjord.
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18. We’ve not had a spider for a long time, and as Andimac points out, this little one is so small it couldn’t frighten anyone… not even DonDon.
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19. It’s still summer here in Scotland.
Our Favourite Funny Orangutans | The Great Projects
20. OK, you lot. We need to have a snooze now. Come back next week.

BONUS SHOTS

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24. Turkey.
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25. Send me the pillow that you dream on…

Thanks to Andimac, Derek, John, Kay.

HURRAH, IT’S BACK TO THE GOOD OLD DAYS: YES, WE HAVE NO BANANAS, IN WHATEVER MEASURE

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No wonder Munguin looks confused.

The Rt Hon. the Noble Baron Frost, one of our betters so we are told, has decided that the use of filthy foreign measures for our fruit and vegetables… and everything else… is to cease, and we will return to the good old fashioned British way of counting things we don’t have.

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Also, water will be sold in pints, not these disgusting litre things that foreigners use. It will taste much much better, even though it will be quite rare because everyone will be buying it up in quantities unknown when there was a touch of foreign about it.

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But if what you were looking for is out of stock, put a great british smile on your face and look for alternatives. Your raging thirst may not be assuaged, but if there are no pints of water, you can always buy a ball of string, 10ft of it (that’s 120 inches and not 3.048 meters). Think of what you can do with good British string.

Ball of string Stock Photo by ©gemphoto 9149064

Remember, the Brits are clever people so the complexities of the imperial systems of measure will come easily to them, unlike dim foreign people who need there to be 100 of everything in everything.

Munguin’s handy guide to what you need to know:

Gallon = 8 pints
Quart = 2 pints
Pint = 4 gills
Pint = 20 fl oz.

That’s just a taster.

There’s distance to learn, and there’s weights, and every single thing is different. All this 100s nonsense will be a thing of the past.

Chart: Only Three Countries in the World (Officially) Still Use the Imperial  System | Statista
Soon, there will be no more of this mixing stuff.

How exciting it will be to have furlongs and poles ( not the European type)

Maybe shortly gentlemen will be wearing powdered wigs and ladies will be be in crinoline and we will go back to the good old days of 4 farthings to a penny, 12 pennies to a shilling, 20 shillings to a pound… and posh people will use guineas.

8 Fashions From the Past With No Future | The Saturday Evening Post

One note of caution though, the Noble Baron is known for coming up with plans which he and his boss consider to be over ready and absolutely fool proof, only to find them utterly ridiculous and unworkable only a few weeks later. Munguin, Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the Lord Frost NI protocol.

Northern Ireland Protocol blasted as 'totally disproportionate' by Arlene  Foster - The Irish News
Loyalists stage further NI protocol protests in Belfast and Newtownabbey -  BelfastTelegraph.co.uk

(Munguin thanks Derek for his Sainsbury’s nonsense photos. Methinks Lord Sainsbury is a Brexiteer.)

EMERGENCY SERVICES ARE FOR EMERGENCIES

The Scottish Health Secretary has asked people only to call the EMERGENCY services in cases of… guess what… yep EMERGENCIES.

And everyone seems to been loosing it over that.

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We can remind you that it has ever been thus.

And even in the United Kingdom, where as we know, everything is perfect..

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We all know that some people have phoned for an ambulance for utterly trivial reasons and that is not now and has never been what they are for.

Here is the advice from the ENGLISH heath service:

When to call 999

At some point, most people will either witness or be involved in an accident or experience a medical emergency.

Knowing what to do next and who to call can potentially save lives.

Life-threatening emergencies

Call 999 in a medical emergency. This is when someone is seriously ill or injured and their life is at risk.

Medical emergencies can include:

Call 999 immediately if you or someone else is having a heart attack or stroke. Every second counts with these conditions.

Also call 999 if you think someone has had a major trauma, such as after a serious road traffic accident, a stabbing, a shooting, a fall from height, or a serious head injury.

If you’re not sure what to do

NHS 111 can help if you need urgent medical help or you’re not sure what to do.

They will ask questions about your symptoms so you get the help you need.

If you need to go to A&E, NHS 111 will book an arrival time. This might mean you spend less time in A&E. This also helps with social distancing.  

You can get help from 111.nhs.uk or call 111. It’s available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

It would be an idea if folk got off the Heath Secretary’s back.

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RANDOM THOUGHTS ON RESHUFFLING ALL THE CARDS WE DON’T ACTUALLY HOLD

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I’m not altogether sure that it is a good look for the new English Culture Secretary to be backing a far right tv station (whose boss resigned after a few weeks).

She not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I was surprised to learn that she was indignant about the fact that the UK no longer had seats in the EU parliament after the UK had left Europe.

Maybe she thinks we should be represented in the parliament of Mongolia, Peru, Paraguay, Monaco too… Who knows with her!

Remember, she was the one who when Mr Green was accused of looking at pornography on his parliamentary computer, said… it might not have been him looking at the porn. My staff all have the password to my computer and log in every day…maybe forgetting that she was a junior minister with access to highly confidential information.

Buffoon. She’ll fit in perfectly in the new cabinet.

Johnson apparently wanted to demote Raab the Useless to the post of Justice Secretary, but in an argument that lasted for two-hours, Raab managed to get him to make him Deputy Prime Minister. So when Johnson takes off on his holidays (which he does on a regular basis) Raab will be able to lie on a beach somewhere and ignore the plight of all and sundry in the official position of Deputy PM.

As English Justice Secretary he may be able to instigate a long held desire of his… to remove human rights legislation from the UK (possibly even from Scots Law). Something we will need to fight.

He is also Lord Chancellor so we can look forward to seeing him in a ridiculous outfit of Gold and Black like this clown.

This row over Liz Truss as lord chancellor isn't about gender. It's about  the law | Charles Falconer | The Guardian

This clown, of course, (why not) is now Foreign Secretary. Heaven help us. Her main job, apparently is to repair the relationship between Britain and the USA.

I’m not sure how she will set about that while Johnson is prime minister and while Joe Biden is president.

The President is unlikely to forget the way Johnson spoke of Barak Obama, his dear friend, or that in general he referred to black people as piccaninnies and made comments about water melon smiles.

Additionally Joe Biden is of Irish descent and must be looking on with dismay at the mess that Johnson’s government, including the unbelievably vacuous Lord Frost, in charge of the aftermath of Brexit, is making of the NI protocol which, the last I heard, was going to be abandoned in contravention of the treaty with the EU. Breaking the law in a “specific and limited way”, I seem to remember it was described.

So good luck, Cheese Lady. You’re going to need it.

It appears that Union Jackie (you know, the bloke who agreed with the prime minister that a tunnel (Boris’s Burrow) through the discarded armaments of WWII, to Northern Ireland was a wonderful idea…) is being left at the Scotland Office.

Alister Jack - Wikipedia

Given that when the Under Secretary resigned to take up the post as branch office manager in Edinburgh (a job he is making a thundering mess of), they had to appoint an English MP in his place, because the rest of them were so useless, I’m not desperately surprised… although nor would I have been surprised if Her Highness, the Rt Hon, Noble and Gallant Duchess of London Lynx had been asked to take on that role.

Of course it may be that Johnson just forgot that there was a Scotland Secretary and that Jack wasn’t just the butler.

Ruth Davidson officially sworn into House of Lords | The Scotsman

RANDOM THOUGHTS

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Grubby Willie and Kate. Yes, I know it goes to a foundation, and not to buy yet more tartan clothes for Middleton in preparation for her crossing our border. But it’s still seedy.
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Micky the Grift.

The Queen’s first cousin, a recipient of the Kremlin’s prestigious Order of Friendship, told undercover reporters he could make business introductions to those in the Kremlin for money. Prince Michael’s a grubby money grifter.

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Hmmm, that’s not what Chick’s letter appeared to have said, though…
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…well, is it?
Prince Charles wrote a gushing thank-you letter to a Russian businessman, offering to meet him, days after receiving a six-figure donation for his charity.
When the gift was made in May last year, Charles told Dmitry Leus, 51, a banker seeking British citizenship, that he was “incredibly grateful” for his “immense generosity” to the Prince’s Foundation and that the money had given him “great comfort”.
So, it seems he’s another one.


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Oh, and while he’s handing out all this dosh to Royalty мистер Lues managed to hand the Brit Foreign Secretary and All-Round Beach Boy Dimwit a generous handful of Roubles. Maybe he’ll buy a gold-plated map of Calais with it?

Prince Andrew held a shooting party
Ugh, put it away.

AirMiles’s has lawyers claiming that the papers for him to appear in a court in New York to defend himself against the charges brought in a civil action against him, were wrongly served. What to say…

Well, once again the creepy git has fled to Scotland, bringing his ex-wife with him, and hidden himself on Lizzy’s Balmoral estate where no one will be able to get to him.

Apparently, he’s acting like nothing has happened and led a shooting party because, I suppose, killing innocent animals for sport is what that kind of lowlife does.

According to the Express article and “senior courtiers” (what century do they live in), no one at Balmoral wants him.

I’d go further and say no one in Scotland wants him.

Please, please, please…can britain, or at least Scotland, move into the 21st century and dump these utterly ghastly people?

Maybe of interest:

See the source image

Talking of ghastly people, a stack of Gove’s racist, homophobic and otherwise disgusting comments has been released for our “edification”.

It seems he’s even more unlikeable than I had preciously thought, but he’ll be safe. There’s nothing he’s said that his boss hasn’t said more loudly and more often.

How repulsive is your prime minister, Brits.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1XzAujyzN9JxpUl9rN7EIIX0AlgaXL8rE/view

Just for a Laugh

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A MAFIA godfather discovers that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10 million. Guido is deaf and dumb. That’s how he got the job in the first place. He could hear nothing so he could never be called on to testify in court.

When the Godfather confronts Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows signs language.

Godfather: “Ask him where the money is.”

Lawyer (using sign language): “Where’s the money?”

Guido: (also in sign language): “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Lawyer: “He says he doesn’t know what you’re talking about.”

The Godfather pulls out a pistol and puts it to Guido’s head: “Ask him again. Tell him unless he tells us I’ll kill him.”

The lawyer repeats it in sign language.

Guido (all a-tremble and in sign language): “OK, you win! The money is in a brown briefcase buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno’s house.”

Godfather: “What’s he say?”

Lawyer: “He says get knotted, you don’t have the guts to pull the trigger!”

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Nature knows

NATURE note. The difference between humans and animals? Animals would never allow the dumbest ones to lead the pack...

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9. Tesco in Cambridge. Now they have definitely taken back control, you know, with all the cards they were holding.
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11. Dumb and Dumber are the antipodean trade representatives for the unctuous kingdom.

“MY EX-HUSBAND wants to marry me again.

“That’s flattering.”

“Not really. I think he’s after the money I married him for.”

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Thanks to Brenda, John, Erik, T and Graham.

Bonus, just seen on Twitter:

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