NICOLA STURGEON AND NANCY PELOSI

MEANWHILE, MR KERR

RANDOM THOUGHTS

And all, apparently, for 30p.

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This is, of course, a spoof. But, at the same time, it’s frighteningly realistic.

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I see he’s as popular in NI as he is in Scotland and Wales, or indeed as popular as Wee Wullie and his national anthem is in Liverpool, England.

John Major: 9/6/16. Brexit risks destabilising the complicated constitutional settlement that underpins stability.

Can someone please ask Johnson why he signed this international agreement, why he then boasted about it, why he commended it to the queen and parliament and fought a general election based on the fact he had this “oven-ready” deal to get Brexit done, and then changed his mind? Had he not read it? Did he read it and not understand it? Had he, like Raab, not read the Belfast Agreement? Did he not understand that either?

He and his ministers say that the EU is being intransigent. What is intransigent about signing an international treaty in good faith and sticking to the terms and conditions of it? Is that not what usually happens with international treaties? Help me out here, I’m a novice. And finally, does he understand the sort of reputation for untrustworthiness he is giving his country?

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Brexit, we were told, promised the possibility of £350 million a week for the NHS. Now, this, of course, would have been hard to achieve given that we only actually sent Brussels around £278 million a week there, thanks to the discount originally negotiated by Thatcher and then again by Blair. But, hey, what’s a wee white lie here and there when your name is De Pfeffel?

Clearly, it also took no regard of all the many and various grants, large and small, that the EU provided under the heading European Structural Development Funding … most obviously Farming Subsidies, Social Fund, University Science Funding, Cohesions Fund, and the Maritime and Fisheries Fund, but also smaller schemes like Erasmus. It also ignored all the savings that we have by sharing so many common tasks and the agencies that provide services.

The Bank of England is saying that Brexit has been costing us around £440 million a week for some time.

So, for those of us who expected to be £350 million a week better off, that’s a short fall of around £790 million a week that works out at £41,080,000,000 a year.

I wonder if that would fit on the side of a bus, or if you’d need a train!

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JUST FOR A LAUGH

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13. Replacing the UK sticker on cars… and it’s sold out!
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It appears that I am now very rich because I got this in the mail today:

Juan Nombo <lu0444440@naver.com>

To:tribhu@hotmail.com

Bcc:trispricewilliams@yahoo.com

Fri, 13 May at 10:19

Dear Friend

My Name is Mr.Juan nombo, I am a banker by profession. I hail from

Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso, West Africa. My reason for contacting you is

 to transfer abandoned sum of $10,200.000 (Ten Million Two Hundred

Thousand Dollars) to your account.

 The owner of this fund died in 2003 with his Next Of Kin. I want to

 present you to the bank as the Next of Kin/beneficiary of this fund.

 Further details of the transaction shall be forwarded to you as soon

 as I receive your return mail indicating your interest. You can reply

 me with this email:mr.juannombo@gmail.com

Your Full Name…………………

Your Sex…………………………..

Your Age………………………….

Your Country………………………

Your Occupation…………………….

Your Passport /driving license…….

Your Marital Status………………….

Your Personal Mobile Number………………..

 Your Personal Fax Number………………..

Best regards,

Mr.Juan Nombo

Unfortunately Munguin has refused to allow me to reply on the basis that if I were that rich I would be even richer than he is… and I wouldn’t want to work for him for next to nothing.

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16. “Do you have Cooking for 30p, by Lee Anderson?” Stolen from Jon de Plume on Twitter.
17. Um, yeah, so it is, Mick, so it is.

Roses are red

Passports areblue

Please stand over there

In the laughing stock queue.

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“Meister Rembrandt,” said Lady Catharina. “Thank you for agreeing to paint me, but there is one thing we have not yet discussed.”

Rembrandt stopped his preparations and looked up inquiringly.

“Yes,” she continued. “I would like you to paint me in the nude.”

The old painter was about to object when she continued: “No, I insist. I will pay 1000 guilders extra. Please do not think to refuse me.”

“Well, this is a very unusual request, so please give me a moment to consult with my wife.”

He returned smiling a few minutes later. “All right, my wife says it’is fine, but you’ll have to let me keep my socks on, because of my bad chest.”

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Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so. – Douglas Adams.

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THEY’RE at a dance club celebrating 20 years of marriage. A guy on the dance floor is break dancing, moon walking, doing  back-flips.

She: “See that guy? He once proposed to me and I turned him down.”

He:  “Looks like he’s still celebrating!”

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Laugh and the world laughs with you

Snore and you sleep alone.

(Anthony Burgess)

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29. Never mind. Didn’t they nearly win the Eurovision?
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Thanks to Brenda, Erik, John, Andi, Graham, John le Plume and Twitter/Facebook.

SOPPY SUNDAY

1. Ohhh, you caught me in the bath. Off you go and look at the other animals and stuff and I’ll see you when I’m cleaner.
2. Yeah, at least I had the good grace not to be in the bath when you arrived.
3. Irises are out now.
4. The Butler here. Who’s that down there at the door of Munguin Towers?
5. Friday, walking through Garlic Den.
6. Exercise time for little coos.
7. Edinburgh Castle.
8. Handsome or what?
9. Greenland bunnies.
10. Ready for luncheon chez Munguin, although it seems Munguin has eaten all the food!
11. I thought puppies were little dogs, not bunnies?
12. Munguin says, hi!
13. I’m a Tiger Moth from Bulgaria! I think I’ve persuaded them to adopt me, which is good, because they seem to have a lot of good grub, and LOADS to drink. Hic.
14. Where’s Dave?
15. Evening all. Ello Ello Ello, whats all this then?
16. Someone stretching their legs, or off to use the facilities, I reckon! In any case utterly unbothered by Munguin’s photographer, Andi, who was taking a walk by the Forth & Clyde Canal.
17. Horned Grebe.
18. Lochinver.
19. The Chieftain of the Garlic Race.
20. I’ve no idea where this is, but maybe Skye? I was taken with that tree that grows out of the side of the cliff.
21. Two can play at your game!
22. Can Kangaroos communicate with humans?
23. What a place to have an argument!
24. You can come in from a swim, if you like. I won’t eat you.
25. Right, we’re pretty tired now after all that tour guiding so we’re off to a nap. See you next week.

Thanks to Kay, John, Andi, Dave.

IN MY GRANDMOTHER’S HOUSE OF WINDSOR…

This is Willie Windsor-Wales-Cambridge-Strathearn-Carrickfergus-Saxe-Coburg-Gotha on a visit to Glasgow, laughing while a homeless man gives him a hug.

I reckon, of course, that this scene was staged for the down-market papers (and you don’t get much more down-market than this lot) to make royals look cuddly and nice and show how badly Scotland is doing with homelessness.

Seriously, would Billy’s security detail allowed an unknown homeless man to rush up to his importantness and TOUCH him? Who knows what he might have had in this pocket… a knife, a gun, a bomb?

But, it will be interesting to see if His Princely Dukey Early Baronyness will do as a result of this man’s sad plight.

After all, he has at his disposal many homes, of which this castle in the grounds of Windsor Castle (where Edward VIII signed the abdication papers) is just one example. Maybe the old guy would like to lodge there?

King James Bible
In my Father’s house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. John 14:2.

RANDOM THOUGHTS

It seems strange to me that the Tories of Dartford are celebrating the opening of a foodbank. Is it just me, or is it weird to celebrate the need, in a supposedly rich country, for charity to feed people?

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Hear hear!

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The BBC says that there is very little support for reunification of Ireland. This Ashcroft Poll found that wasn’t particularly true.

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This was apparently a supermarket in Grangemouth yesterday. The person who posted the photograph said that he had been in Romania last week and the shops were full of fresh fruit and veg. That recalled to mind a trip to Romania when I was a very young Factotum, and before Romania joined the EU, where there was almost nothing in the supermarkets. Empty shelf after empty shelf.

There was some bread, some biscuits that reminded me of dog biscuits, some bottled vegetables, carrots, I think, and something in tins that had a symbol of a fish on the label.

How things have changed.

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No, peasants, my mama’s government has decided to do nothing about feeding you or helping you to heat your homes or pay for your petrol to get to work. (Something, I think, about letting the bodies pile high.) And now Young Willie, Mrs Parker Bowles and I are heading off for a spot of tiffin. Be so good as to send for the fleet of Bentleys to take my hat back to Tower of London.

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Does Coke make you thirsty and say “eh” a lot? Also, how much of it would you need to make you a fan of Liz Truss?

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Mrs Parker Bowles approaches. Curtsey! Or are they just looking for that wee bag that Gove dropped?

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Conservative MP Marco Longhi says that anti-Brexit protester Steve Bray should be “locked up in the Tower with a loudspeaker playing Land of Hope and Glory on repeat with the maximum volume.” He says “the Met Police really should deal with him”. What has Britain become?

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HERE’S AN IDEA FROM HETTY

In view of the dire state of so many people’s finances in these hard times, Hetty proposed on Twitter that, instead of spending billions on a massive party to celebrate the fact that the queen has had the same massively-paying job for 70 years, we find another way to celebrate her good fortune.

For example the government could spend the money on supplying foodbanks with more food, because heaven knows, the need for them is frighteningly high.

It seems obscene to me that, at a time when kids are going hungry and old people have to use their bus passes and sit on public transport all day just to keep warm, that we spend vast amounts on a party.

As a good Christian woman, who has “always tried to live my life according to the teachings of our lord Jesus Christ”, as she tells us every Christmas, I’m sure she, who can afford to have a lavish party every day of her life, would heartily approve of this splendid way to help her poorer people.

Obscene, when this is going on…

What d’ya think?