2. Just mailing a Nigerian prince who is interested in my Pork Markets.
5. For lovers of Dad’s Army.
How many bureaucrats does it take to change a light bulb?
One to issue the requisition form LB24, one to sign the work order DF69, three to consult with management and reject both forms as not applicable to maintenance as per regulations. Seventeen to form a fact -finding committee to discuss the over-use of LB24. After 10 months of debate, there will be an inquiry into the findings of this committee, and 21 members will discuss the ramifications. After a further year the Under-Secretary of Public Works will call a press conference to announce increased budget spending to increase efficiency of the Department.
The reason lightning doesn’t strike twice in the same place is that the same place isn’t there the second time. – Willie Tyler
A PUZZLE. This fellow has eight stitches, a broken nose and a dislocated shoulder. But how did it happen? Here’s his story.
“I was sitting with my phone and my wife was watching her favourite TV programme. I asked her to fetch me a beer from the kitchen. She said no, she was watching TV.
“I phoned her number. Her phone rang in the kitchen. She got up, went through and answered it.
“I said: ‘Seeing you’re there, can you fetch me a beer?’ After that I don’t remember anything at all …”
“You know you’re living in Britbin when your petrol light is on and your house lights are off.”
“Tom, since when did you start wearing a G-string?”
“Since my wife found one in my car and I told her it was mine …”
THE three bears are out of work after the whole Goldilocks scandal.
They get offered a day’s work on a building site, and the foreman gives them a task and some picks.
Giving them their tools he says: , “Don’t lose them”.
After working all morning dinner arrives, and off they pop for lunch.
On returning from their break, they discover that their picks have gone.
Fearful of losing their jobs they reluctantly report it to their boss who starts laughing and sings.
“Today’s the day the teddy bears have their picks nicked”
HERE’S a politically correct version of an old nursery rhyme that will soon be sung in kindergartens and nursery schools all over.
Baa-baa non-specified colour grain-fed sheep,
Have you any cruelty-free wool?
Yes, gender-neutral person, yes, gender -neutral person,
Three recycled, eco-friendly bags full!
One for my nominal yet essentially equal superior, one for his/her consort,
And one for the little child, male or female being irrelevant, who lives down the lane.
19. A single tree, attached by its roots (ie still growing in the earth) stopped a lorry with a load of 100 trees, detached from their roots (ie chopped down). If you want to stay strong, stay attached to your roots and your principles.
20. My father told me: if you make fun of someone, you will become like them. Since yesterday, I’m making fun of millionaires!
21. or Munguin!
22. I do hope it blows them out of the water…
27. Ohh, a candlelit dinner. So romantic. What gave you the idea? …The power cut!
28. The Banana Island. How Britain made itself the laughing stock of Europe.
30. I’m looking for the book “Ideal Man”. On the right on the “science fiction” shelf.
Thanks to Brenda, John, TM, Eric, Graham
Double dose today because there were so many I liked… and Munguin is going to be taking some time off, so you’ll get some peace.