Month: January 2023

HAVE A BUCKET HANDY…

The vomitus Hancock was on tv today. (Video at the end of the article).

Having been sacked for having a sexual encounter in his office at a time when everyone was being told to mask up and keep a 2 meter distance from everyone else, Hancock decided to head off in to the jungle and play at being a “celebrity”, whilst being paid by the taxpayer for being the “honourable” member of parliament for West Suffolk. You couldn’t make it up.

He wasn’t a celebrity, he was a disgraced English cabinet minister; he’s not honorable, indeed, quite the opposite. Imagine his kids having to watch him fondle his paramour’s ass.

He said at the time, by way of excuse for taking the time off, that he would donate a ‘substantial’ part of the £330,000 fee to charity.

Spoiler. He hasn’t. Instead he donated £10,000 which, out of £330,000, can hardly be called substantial.

He also wrote a book on his experiences, the “Pandemic Diaries” along with right wing journalist, Isabel Oakeshott, doubtless neglecting to mention the dubious contracts he handed out to various people including his local pub landlord and the family company. The book flopped.

According to the Mirror:

“Reviewers dubbed the move an exercise in self-justification and score settling, with the MP trying to engrave the statement that the successful UK vaccine rollout over Covid-19 was single-handedly his work. All of the disasters of the global pandemic, including the tragic handling of care home residents, were somebody else’s fault.

“The delayed restrictions were blamed on the Scientific Advisory Group for Emergencies, the terrible test and trace system was down to Public Health England and the failure to close UK borders was the fault of No 10. Comparing him to Alan Partridge, one reviewer said simply that ‘his ego got in the way’, adding: “Most people I speak to hate him.””

As my Granny would have said… “A’bdie’s oot o’ step bar oor Jock.”

So here he is justifying his small donation to charity with all the arrogance you’d associate with a ex-Tory ex-cabinet minister, but still, amazingly “the Right Honorable”.

I really wish that interviewers would use that style when interviewing these crooks and charlatans.

RANDOM THOUGHTS

For those tempted to believe Andrew Bridgen (few, I suspect, for various reasons, not least of which that he was recently called a proven liar by an English High Court judge) on the subject of Covid Vaccines. Here’s some other evidence on Covid from the USA and England.

Mr Bridgen spoke to a nearly empty House of Commons.

************

Integrity: Set of lying, cheating, bullying low life.

Accountability: Not accountable. Elected with an 80 majority on 44% of the vote. No legitimacy at all in Scotland, Wales or the North or Ireland, yet backed up by a totally unelected second house which Johnson stuffed full of his personal and party donors, including the son of a KGB spy.

Professionalism: Really, where do you start? I’m trying to think of a more third-rate bunch of amateurs in my lifetime and I’m failing dismally to find one.

************

So, the question of the day might be “which one of them is lying?”.

Boris Johnson, well known liar, sacked from several positions for lying about everything from bananas to extramarital affairs and abortions with Petronella, says that Putin threatened to kill him with missiles.

Putin, about whose veracity, to be fair, I have no particular knowledge, says he did not threaten to kill him.

But here’s Downing Street’s readout of the call when Boris Johnson says Vladimir Putin threatened to kill him in a missile strike.

If Johnson is telling the truth, maybe the people who summarise these calls for the records should try to stay awake during them… of maybe get employ people who speak Russian a bit more fluently. Job for Ed or Lord Siberia?

Maybe the real question of the day is…who cares?

**********

**********

Anyone advise me on where these reductions are being made, because I seem to be shopping in all the wrong places.

**********

***********

I see Munguin is giving a talk today…

JUST FOR A LAUGH

1.

2. Grate Britsewer

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

11.

12.

13.

14.

15. Soon in your area: “Damn, the extension lead is too short.”

16.

17.

18.

19.

20.

21.

22.

23.

24.

25.

26.

27.

28.

29.

30. I no longer eat meat; I get around on a bike and I don’t drink alcohol any more. What? Have you gone Green? No. I’m poor.

Thanks to AndiMac and Brenda.

SOPPY SUNDAY

1. Don’t expect a smile this early in the morning. Now where did I put my baccy?

    2. I was listening to Les Baker’s “Have you got any news of the iceberg” when I was looking for photos. (see yesterday’s post from Nigel).

    3. Yorkshire, England.

    4. Well, do you think that’s fair? Damned cats!

    5. We can be friends, if you like.

    6. We’re gonna be making sandcastles.

    7. Sandcastles? Is that something very small kangaroos can play?

    8. This Garter Snake is all dressed up and no where much to go.

    9. Hoy, Cat? You wanna come up here and play?

    10. No, idiot Bear. We are not amused by playing.

    11. It’s all in a day’s work on this farm.

    12. Dogs has got to do something for their living. Rescuing little lambs seems like a good idea to us..

    13. And after the sandcastles you have to get cleaned up.

    14. Rice Walls, Vietnam.

    15. My mum said I should get my hair cut before appearing on Soppy Sunday, but I’m a rebel, so here I is!!!

    16. Munguin wants to live there. Blue Jacaranda.

    17. Munguin: There are insufficient cats this week. Do something.

    18. There are never enough swans.

    19. In a world where species are disappearing with frightening rapidity, it’s great news that some are found not to be extinct.

    20. Floods are bad enough in Scotland, but in Australia they sometimes mean less than welcome visitors.

    21. OK, you get the gig.

    22. Cappadocia, Turkey.

    23. I’m a tiger so you better watch out. GRRRR.

    24. What kept ya? Munguin, would you put up with this from Tristan?

    25. No wonder I have a smile on my face. Mummy brought home dinner.

    Tristan and Munguin wanted me to say thank you to Kay, Nicky and Quokka.

    Some hae meat and canna eat, And some wad eat that want it; But we hae meat, and we can eat, Sae let the Lord be thankit.

    Farewell to all our Scottish fame
    Farewell our ancient glory
    Farewell even to our Scottish name
    Sae fam’d in martial story
    Now Sark runs over the Solway sands
    And Tweed runs to the ocean
    To mark where England’s province stands:
    Such a parcel of rogues in a nation!

    What force or gile could not subdue
    Through many warlike ages
    Is wrought now by a coward few
    For hireling traitor’s wages
    The English steel we could disdain
    Secure in valour’s station
    But English gold has been our bane:
    Such a parcel of rogues in a nation!

    I would, or I had seen the day
    That treason thus could sell us
    My auld gray head had lain in clay
    Wi’ Bruce and loyal Wallace!
    But pith and power, till my last hour
    I’ll make this declaration
    We were bought and sold for English gold:
    Such a parcel of rogues in a nation!

    Rabbie Burns 1759-1796.

    ***********

    Brig O’ Doon which featured in Tam O’Shanter

    Wherever you’re celebrating, have a good one. Remember …“Here’s tae us, wha’s like us? Damn few, and they’re a’ deid.”

    I was just getting ready to post this when I noticed an email from Kay, Munguin’s Bulgaria Correspondent.

    She remembered it was Burns Nicht and sent me a photo of her, her other half, and Claire drinking a toast to John, “the most amazing Scottish man we ever knew. We miss him so much. “

    I’ll drink to that.

    My thanks to Kay and to Morego.

    LETTER FROM MUNGUIN

    “The PM’s announcement of funding for better mental health services is excellent news for my constituents and will help cut NHS waiting times.”

    Nadhim Zahawi (Twitter)

    Dear Mr Nahawi,

    May I respectfully suggest that you instruct whichever factotum is currently writing Twitter messages on your behalf (and on our tax money), that it might be an idea to steer clear of boasting in any way about public expenditure.

    Because, you see, you’re leaving an open goal for people to ridicule you.

    As Dr Andy Grayson (Author) tweeted back to your factotum, “Funding for mental health services relies on everyone contributing what they owe in taxes. If only people (especially fabulously wealthy people) would do that instead of trying to avoid paying their fair share. That would REALLY benefit your constituents.”

    And Shoaib M Khan (Human Rights Lawyer)said: “What would actually help cut NHS waiting times is if multimillionaires and billionaires all paid the full tax due, so there was more money available for the NHS. And what would vastly improve people’s mental health is knowing that they aren’t being ruled over by immoral, corrupt weasels.”

    And that’s only two of the vast number of comments left on your post.

    You see, if you have grossly embarrassed yourself by, at one and the same time, being a Cabinet Minister and trying to avoid millions of pounds in tax, and you don’t have the decency to resign, you should probably keep as low a profile as is possible in the circumstances.

    In failing to do that, you are simply facilitating the continuing pile on by giving the impression that not paying tax is no big deal, while your government sanctions poor people for being 2 minutes late to an appointment with the DWP, even if they have a totally understandable reason for their apparent tardiness. (We don’t all have chauffeur driven limos provided free by the government to get us to our appointments on time, and public transport in your country notoriously unreliable.)

    However, you may well decide not to take my advice. After all, there’s a feeling that you may have to go before PMQs this week. It is hard to imagine that Sunak will be able to find a reason to keep you in cabinet if Starmer and Flynn decide to lead with you and your, um tax affairs. (On the bright side, I suppose it makes a change from the other kind of affairs so prevalent in Westminster.)

    You will, I’m assured, be remembered for your service to Britain, in particular for how kind you were to your horses, keeping them warm and comfortable in your heated stables, even if you passed the bill for that heat to the taxpayer.

    We are, after all a society of animal lovers.

    May I wish take this opportunity to you the best of luck in your next career.

    Yours sincerely

    Munguin

    PS. To cheer up you, look at this beauty:

    I’ve got my eye on you…

    RANDOM THOUGHTS

    **********

    ***********

    (Thursday, 19 January was “le jour des grèves”)

    **********

    **********

    Is it not an outrage that the flag of the united kingdom incorporates the flags of England, Scotland and the North of Ireland, but has no Welsh flag on it? It’s almost like Wales doesn’t count. How can that be?

    **********

    Call me a Luddite if you will, but I loathe using them. Mainly, I suppose, because they do do people out of work. In Tesco today, 3 assistants were supervising 20+ tills.

    Additionally, there are almost always problems with them. Something won’t scan, or scans the wrong price, or demands that a member of staff verify that you are over 18.

    They also expect you to go at a speed that they would expect from a member of staff who is being paid, albeit badly, to do the job you are now doing for free.

    They also invariably have a whiney female south of England AI voice:

    “Scan another item or press finish and pay”.

    “NO. And if you don’t like it, you can sack me from this horrible job. Oh wait a minute…”

    “Have you scanned all your items?”

    “Nope. I’m not scanning some. I’m just going to take them. Of course I’ve scanned them, you daft bat.”

    GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

    ***********

    Don’t stress it. It’s easily done, Mike. Why, even chancellors of the exchequer have been known to miss the odd £27 million.

    **********

    The lesson here seems to me to be, don’t fiddle your taxes unless you are a government minister, and ex-Chancellor of the Exchequer, otherwise you’ll do time inside.

    **********

    You’d have thought that they could have got me a sun terrace bed. Some peoples is just mean!

    **********

    **********

    JUST FOR A LAUGH

    1.

    2. The Banana Island. How Britain made itself the laughing stock of Europe. (I think.)

        3. “I would like the book ‘Working without exhausting yourself'”: “Sorry, it’s out of stock”. Not funny till you remember that “épuisé” also means exhausted in the “tired” sense as well as “finished or out of stock”.

        4.

        5. “Son, do you think that you teacher knows that I help you with your homework?”: I think so, mummy. She said it was impossible for me to have made so many mistakes by myself.

        6.

        7.

        8.

        9.

        10.

        11.

        12. “Hello. We would like to adopt an abandoned human.” : “Sorry, we don’t have any. Animals never abandon humans.”

        13.

        14.

        15.

        16.

        17.

        18. Can I have a photograph with you, Mr ‘Unt. It will make me look important back in North Britain.

        19.

        20.

        21. You can’t have seen me talking on the phone. It’s my wife. I can only listen.

        22.

        23.

        24.

        25.

        26.

        27.

        28. If you want a job doing right…

        29.

        30.

        Thanks to AndiMac, Brenda, Dave.