A NASTY PIECE OF WORK

WELL, NOW THEN, THERE’S A THING

OR TWO

Boris Johnson’s daddy is apparently applying for a French Passport… a real one, a red one… not a blue one made in Poland by a French company, like ours will be… in order to escape the rigours of  Brexit Britain. Rachel Johson thinks she might have one too because their mother is of French nationality.

It would be hard to make that family up.

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dm

Erm, yeah… You know you’ll probably only get an MBE or something Stephen, don’t you?

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witherspoons

Anyone ever going to go into a Wetherspoons bar again?

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eu1

But… the plus side is Blue Passports!

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jke

This horoscope seems to be relatively accurate. Well, I never!

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SO WHAT’S HAPPENING?

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So, Munguin wants everyone to take care, but very specifically, if you are in any of the above categories, he absolutely DEMANDS that you take care. He can’t afford to lose readers. 

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So, why not Scotland?

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And this MAY explain his reluctance to order the closing of pubs, restaurants, theatres, cinemas. If he ORDERS it, the people who own these businesses may be able to claim on their INSURANCE. If he recommends people stay at home, the businesses have no insurance claim.

Anyway, who pays £25, 540 for an after-dinner speech? If they’ve got that kind of cash to throw away on a third rate music hall act, they should lower premiums.

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Ye Gads. Why is this man on tv?  He’s already wished his idiot son on us.

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Boris Johnson has slammed the brakes on the Brexit talks because of the coronavirus crisis – hours after his foreign secretary insisted they could go ahead as planned. Oh for an even semi-competent government at this time.

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I read that all French citizens have been told that electricity and gas bills will be suspended for now so that people don’t scrimp on keeping themselves warm while they are forced to be at home. Oh, the advantages of having utilities where the state has a majority shareholding.

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ANYONE EVER HEARD JOHNSON TELL THE TRUTH?

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“In Scotland, they have a particular issue with the resilience of their public services”, says Boris Johnson. 

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Probably the resilience issues are that they aren’t privatised and, although they may be understaffed, they certainly aren’t as understaffed as their English (or Welsh) equivalents.

I can’t make my mind up about Johnson.

Does he say these things off the top of his head because that’s the kind of thing that posh Eton boys do without given a flying one about the consequences? Very rich privileged people don’t worry about consequences because by and large they can buy their way out of them.

Or does Cummings just feed him words and he repeats them without thinking because he isn’t in any real sense the prime minister? Just the bloke that waves from the back seat of a chauffeur-driven limo on his way to see the queen.

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RANDOM THOUGHTS

I understand that “The Sun” is reporting that Boris Johnson called Nicola Sturgeon “that bloody Wee Jimmie Crackie woman”. (No link to the article because I won’t be a party to their clickbait.) Of course, you can’t entirely believe anything you read in the Sun, but it sounds like his unprofessional style. The kind of thing you’d expect from a 12-year-old.

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This you can believe.

Derek Mackay has resigned as Cabinet Secretary for Finance.

It appears he had been texting a 16-year-old lad and offering him dinner over a six-month period.

As the lad was 16, Derek was doing nothing illegal. In Scotland, you can leave school, get married, have children and vote at 16.

But for heaven’s sake, what a bloody stupid thing to do.

We all know that the Press is against us and that they put a huge effort into finding anything unpleasant they can headline on their front pages.

The Sun has it splashed over 9 pages on this, so presumably, they have been working on it for a while. It will take a bit of living down!

What on earth possessed such an intelligent and otherwise competent man to indulge himself like this?

As Ruth Wishart put it: “Another self-immolation by a politician with no shortage of talent but an all too slender grasp of judgement”.

He’s let us down badly.

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It is said that Ruth Davidson is to be offered a seat in the House of Lords.

The Edinburgh Central MSP has been selected alongside former Chancellors Ken Clarke and Philip Hammond    picture: GettyImages

So just a day after wee Carlot Jackson was hobnobbing with the Duke of Rothsay at Buck House, to collect his CBE, his predecessor is preparing to join Baroness Moan of Mayflower in teh Isle of Man on the red benches, collecting £300 a day and stack of “get out of jail free” cards.

Democracy, huh?

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I read that Wee Sniffy Gove may be appointed to lead the arrangements for the Climate Change summit in Glasgow.  The vacancy came about when Johnson sacked the previous incumbent, former environment minister, Claire O’Neill, without notice, for complaining that he had failed to carry out any of his promises in regard to the conference.

We all know that in most things Johnson does, promises are piecrusts and details are doughnuts. He says stuff. He walks away. He forgets everything.

Ms O’Neill has, subsequently, spent days speaking to the Press about how incompetent Johnson is,  how little he understands the subject and bemoaning the lack of progress that has been made in organising this massive international event.

David Cameron has apparently refused to take on the job, as has William Hague, both citing other commitments, possibly money-making ones (or more likely a desperate desire not to be stuck in Scotland for most of the year).

Grouse Beater on Twitter wrote, “Michael Gove is tipped to be appointed the new president of the UN climate summit to be held in Glasgow because, being a Scot, he is *well-liked* north of Gretna Green.”

Ye, I thought you’d like that!.

If possible, an even less likeable candidate, Michael “Something of the Night” Howard has also been proposed. Why not go the whole hog and invite Ann Widdicombe, his bête noire?  If it all goes horribly wrong she can always give us a tango or quick step! After that, even a catastrophic conference would fade into the mists of insignificance.

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With eight months to go, it seems like a huge task for whoever will take it on, particularly as they will be organising it in Scotland and, whether they like it or not, they need to liaise with Edinburgh about arrangements.

Given the current state of relations between London and Edinburgh, and in particular, between Johnson and Nicola, this is proving to be difficult.

You’ll remember that Johnson said that he didn’t mind if there were one of two Saltires at the conference but he wanted the place to be a sea of union flags and that he didn’t want to see Nicola Sturgeon there.

Bless him. How little he understands…  anything!

Nicola responded that she had been at the last three climate summits by invitation of the UN and that she WOULD be at this one. Of course, she can’t control the flags… but we can, and I have no doubt that Glasgow will be a sea of blue and white and that Back-Door Johnson will get the welcome he has come to expect when he appears in public in Scotland, which may cause him a little embarrassment with the world’s press in attendance.

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Random Thoughts

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No, honestly, Morrisons, they are still Brussels Sprouts even though the UK is leaving the EU and when we leave the UK London Pride will still be called London Pride, because that’s its name. Do go all Freedom Fries on us.

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Mr Johnson and his girlfriend will be spending their Christmas and New Year break on the Caribbean island of Mustique, once frequented by the royal lazy tosser of all royal lazy tosser, princess (hic) Margaret.

Princess Margaret, centre, and her friends Lady Ann Tennant and Colin Tennant on Mustique
Princess Margaret on royal duties on Mustique… erm, sort of.

“Sticking it to the elite,” one comment on Twitter read. “Our #PeoplesGovernment #PM will spend New Year with the masses in Mustique.”

I suspect that many of his new-found blue-collar Tories will be shrugging their shoulders and humbly saying that…” ‘ow as he’s a toff an’ all, gov, it’s his rightful due”.

I’m sure all those English people flooded out of their homes won’t mind one bit that he, with several homes provided at our expense, is off to luxurious sunshine.

After all, next year all the factory workers in the North-East can spend their redundancy money doing the same thing. What jolly hockey sticks!

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And here’s a thing: All those flooded workers from ‘oop North’ can take comfort and calm themselves down by reciting the Illiad, in Ancient Greek… ‘μῆνιν ἄειδε θεὰ Πηληϊάδεω Ἀχιλῆο οὐλομένην.’ It works for the prime minister, why not for them?

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At least he’s not driving…

I’m sure that you will all be hugely relieved to know that Prince Philip will be with the Queen at Sandringham for Christmas.

Recently, many of the lower end newspapers were praising HM for staying in London to run the country (yes, the Sun actually said that) while her ailing 98-year-old husband was in Norfolk resting.

That notion was kinda bashed on the head when a few days ago Liz took off for Sandringham… on the very day that Phil was brought to hospital in London (because presumably, hospitals in Norfolk are just not up to royal standards).

So it seems that it was less a matter of her selflessly staying in London and more a case of her doing her damnedest to avoid the old goat…althjough I can’t say I blame her.

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Now, this is a bit of a surprise!

I’m not Neil’s biggest fan, but this is excellent.

PS: I’ve just heard that Downing Street (or rather the inhabitant thereof) have responded, saying that people are sick of hearing aggressive interviews with politicians.

That should keep the peasants quiet. Yeah right!