Let me translate:

“Well, if the Scottish branch office broadcasters want to arrange a debate between the First Minister and that beardy specky guy, who makes the PM’s tea and serves those delightful butterfly cakes at Cabinet, it’s up to them. We don’t really care. It makes no difference to us what you people do. We shan’t pay any attention to the outcome, anyway

“Remind me, is Scotland the little one on the left or the bigger one up the top? We know it’s not the one with the sharp-tongued leaderette we’ve had to bribe with loads of dosh, which we won’t be able to get back now even though she stabbed us in the back.”

Almost a quote from David Livingstone, who, for those who don’t know, is some wee chappy who works in the imperial cabinet office in faraway London, although according to his photo he’s been dead for more than 100 years. A perfect qualification for a Tory minister.

It occurs to me, though, that if we are going to have a debate here, wouldn’t it be better to have Scottish leaders debating about Scotland, rather than that Muddled blokey, who simply says, nay stutters, whatever London tells him and who couldn’t find Scotland on a big map of…erm, Scotland.

Image result for david mundell beard

Although to be fair, it would be fun to watch the FM’s sharp legal brain wash the floor with Muddle’s fluffy one. Come to that it would be fun to see Nicola and Patrick wipe the floor with Carry on Dick, Wee Wullie and Jackson Carlot.

But wait, a horrific thought has just struck me. If we had a Scottish debate, we probably also have to sit through the awful prospect of Tweedle May and Tweedle Corbyn boring each other and everyone else, to death as well?

Image result for may and Corbyn debating cartoons

There seems almost no point in us watching the two Westminster leaders debating as neither has acknowledged the vast difference in the voting intentions in our country in the Scottish parliament, in the central parliament and most specifically, in the European referendum.

They are hardly likely to address any issues that would interest us and if they did they would almost certainly know nothing about them, and care even less.

All of that misses the main point that, if you are not going to allow a people’s vote on your half-arsed deal, what is the point of debating it for the people who can do damn all about it?

It’s the politicians who will make the decision. Maybe May and Corbyn should just bore the backside off THEM, till they agree to vote whatever way the whips tell them.



Image result for justin tomlinson

Just when you thought that things in Westminster couldn’t get any more ridiculous, some junior minister in the Department for Workhouses and Low Pensions has offered up a solution to people who can’t cope with the benefits cap…

Move, or take in a lodger.

The hapless Justin Tomlinson, the junior work and pensions minister, told MPs that people struggling to feed their families could also seek to renegotiate their rent so it was cheaper.

Of course, he’s right. People should consider letting out the east wing of their coutry homes or simply moving into their townhouses from the estates, instead of expecting the taxpayer to fund them… (That’s aimed at you Frau Saxe Coburg Gotha, if you’re reading this.)

And if they can’t, well I’m sure the lodger could always bunk down between folk in their double bed. Or maybe share the kids’ rooms? Who needs all that space anyway?

Image result for justin tomlinson
Plenty of room here for an extra 10 ordinary common people.


And yes, why not go to your landlord, who may well be a Tory MP anyway, and ask if you can pay less. See where that gets you. Homeless, I wouldn’t wonder.

Tomlinson appears to be already rather gaffe-prone (this from Wikipedia):

Tomlinson employs his partner as Office Manager on a salary up to ¬£40,000.[16]¬†The practice of MPs employing family members, has been criticised by the media on the lines that it promotes¬†nepotism.[17]¬†[18]¬†Although MPs who were first elected in¬†2017¬†have been banned from employing family members, the restriction is not retrospective – meaning that Tomlinson’s employment of his partner is lawful.[19]

Tomlinson faced calls for his resignation in October 2015 after it was revealed that he had leaked information from the Public Accounts committee regarding regulation of short-term high-cost credit “payday lenders” to¬†Wonga.com¬†back in 2013. Tomlinson accepted he had broken the rules and apologised, claiming that his “strongly-held belief that action needed to be taken on payday lenders” had caused his “judgement to be clouded”.[20]

¬†Tomlinson arranged ¬£30,000 of sponsorship for¬†Swindon Supermarine F.C., a local football team by the same payday lender¬†wonga.com. The football club’s chairman, Jez Webb has made donations of ¬£30,218 to both Tomlinson’s and local Conservative party funds since 2014. Webb stated that he donated in a personal capacity and that the very similar amounts “were coincidental.”[21][22]¬†Tomlinson was subsequently accused of trying to remove references to previous links to Wonga from his website, including the arrangement of a sponsorship deal with¬†Swindon Supermarine F.C.¬†in 2011[22]

In September 2016, Tomlinson was forced to apologise for leaking “a draft of a public accounts committee report on the credit industry to someone he knew who worked for payday lender Wonga. And when his mate (sic) emailed four suggested amendments back, he had forwarded them virtually word for word on to the committee as if they were his own”.[23]

In May 2015, it was reported that his appointment as Minister for Disabled People was controversial as he had previously voted against protecting the benefits of disabled children and those undergoing cancer treatment.[24]

No wonder May chose him as a minister. The only shock is that he’s not considered cruel and heartless enough for a Cabinet post.


Lead us, says Gordie, but from the rear, behind that big door there, in the cellar and never expect anyone to listen to anything you say, you stupid Jocks. How’s staying in the EU working out, Ruthie? And Theresa, maybe you want to have a word with Fluffy, you know other than “black with no sugar and a small rich tea”.
Fluffs, when you finished washing up, maybe have a word with the Maybot. (It’s black with no sugar and a small rich tea, by the way.)
P r o m o t i n g and P¬†r o t e c t i n g, Fluffette. Jeez, you are SOOOOOO Bad at your job, aren’t you, poppet!
Does anyone else remember that being mentioned before the referendum? Nah, nor me. It was just getting shot of the foreigners and the bus with the ludicrous promise splashed all over it. 
Och, Pauline, ya wee scone. You come and shout at me for marching next Saturday in Bannockburn. And if it makes you feel better, throw a wee hissy fit, then I’ll buy you a nice cup of tea and Munguin will tell you a story of how he became a media mogul… (Oh, and it was 90,000+ that time. Yer arithmetic’s fell dodgy.)
Initiated by the odious creeps’ odious creep, Iain Duncan Smith of Betsygate fame, continued by successive DWP ministers and now delivered incompetently by this evil item.¬† As Stuart Campbell said, Incompetent and Evil. That’s quite a combination. Probably excellent qualifications for a job in the Tory Party. Oh wait…
Why are people always walking out on the Tories? Rhetorical question, folks. Oh, and what was it that Labour MPs were saying about the SNP walk out?
Now we know: Outlaw, Robber, Brigand.  Seems like a good place to exile them all to.

Over 5000 people have joined the SNP in the last few days. I’d like to say that we welcome you all. Together we can do this.

And finally, to those Scots, and folk around the world, (and very specially to Abu, who’ll be here in a few days), who are celebrating the end of Ramadan, Munguin and I wish you all ‘Eid Mubarak’.



On the face of it, this sounds like a generous move, BUT…



… you see, ALL newborn babies are entitled to this box if their parents so wish, rich or poor.



So I’ll repeat that for the slow-witted (hint hint)… EVERYONE is entitled. No one is being done a favour here.



You are asked if you want one. If you do, the midwife will help you fill in the form. If you are rich enough not to need one or feel that this innovative idea is a bit too ‘nanny state’ for you and your stiff upper lip prevails, you can save the country money by refusing. Ordering one and giving it to someone who was entitled to it anyway has done absolutely nothing for anyone. Indeed, it was probably a waste of a baby box.¬†

Still, Claire Imrie, you’ve managed to make a total trumpet of yourself for absolutely nothing. Most of us are just laughing like drains at your ineptitude.¬† You say that these boxes shouldn’t be given to everyone; that it is a waste of money giving them to the rich. Almost undoubtedly those a little savvier¬†in your party will be wondering at your stupidity and shaking their heads.

Because your Tory government gives¬†¬£200 to pensioners 60+, rich and poor (or ¬£300 over 80) annually to help with their winter heating bills. And just like the baby box, everyone can have one, if they apply. The deal seems to be… if you don’t need it, don’t apply for it.

And, even those who aren’t aware that the boxes are available to everyone are likely to be suspicious of your motives. You’re a Tory, after all. When did we ever expect a Tory to be helping out the poor?

Congrats to Scottish Tory councillor Claire Imrie – she wins 2018’s Utterly Pointless Publicity Stunt award! After saying she doesn’t need a baby box, decides to acquire one anyway to give to charity for ‘those most in need’, despite being an item EVERY NEWBORN IS ENTITLED TO ūü§¶