Random Thoughts at the Tory Clutterf…. sorry, Conference




Remain’s tactics are now clear.

1. Urge the EU to hang tough

2. Oppose whatever deal is struck

3. Vote to suspend Article 50

4. Legislate for a second referendum with loaded rules

5. Harass Leave donors so that they don’t get involved again

A very British coup, wouldn’t you say?


James Melville Retweeted Daniel Hannan

Brexiter tactics are now clear.

1. Have no workable plan for Brexit

2. Blame the EU

3. Blame Remainers

4. Cause economic catastrophe in the UK

5. Blame the EU

6. Blame Remainers

7. Destroy the Good Friday Agreement in Northern Ireland

8. Blame the EU

9. Blame Remainers.


We apologise for the late arrival of Chris Grayling on stage at Tory party conference….😳

Chris Grayling, the English Minister for Late Trains and No Ideas About Borders, was more reliable than his transport this morning. He arrived only 6 minutes late for his speech at the Tory Party Mass Suicide, or Conference or whatever it’s called.

Some wisecrack commented… “this is because of a shortage of laughing stock in London”.

Another suggested a replacement bus service might be running…


Not so sure about “Crack on”. This lot seem more likely to be “On Crack”!


Image result for david mundell
Did you ever, in all your life, read such a load of utter crap?

Straight talking from ⁦⁩. Backing ⁦⁩ to get a Brexit Deal, saying no to second referendums and focussing on the issues that really matter to people in Scotland ⁦

As someone pointed out: “straight talking?  yeah, talking straight out of her arse”.

She said that we wouldn’t be allowed to have a referendum on independence for 10 years, despite having lied to us about almost everything the last time around. That’ll be the Tories with 25% of the seats in parliament and around a third of the MPs in the English place telling us what we can and can’t have.

Good luck with that, mate, especially when our properties have lost a third of their value, we don’t have any staff for hospitals or farms and we are queuing up for gruel, thanks to your half-baked policies.

In any case, how on god’s green earth would that fool know what issues really matter to the ordinary people of Scotland anyway?




…Because, according to Laura Kuenssberg, David Davis went to see Theresa Maybot today, being unaware of the latest plan to get the Cabinet, if not the Tory Party to agree on something that they can take to Brussels next week.

It didn’t go that well…

She writes:

“Hear that David Davis went in to see the PM this morning after not knowing about Number 10’s ‘new plan’, but left the meeting still not having discussed the ‘new plan'”

So… if he doesn’t know the plan, how can he sell it to the EU?

I suppose it doesn’t really matter that much. After all, it seems (from what I heard on the radio…maybe Mr Davis should try listening to his?) that they want to be in the single market for goods, but not services, people (except for Ireland) or finance.

Since day one Brussels has said that the four freedoms are not divisible and that the UK can’t cherry pick!

I suppose it’s just possible no one in Whitehall or Westminster knows what “divisible” means.


Do you remember when Mr Davis first went to Brussels to meet with M Barnier… and Barnier and his team had all this paperwork and Davis had… erm… nothing? He was back in London by lunchtime.

EU's chief Brexit negotiator Barnier and Britain's Secretary of State for Exiting the European Union Davis attend a meeting in Brussels

And how at that point we all thought it would get better.

Hmmmm. How wrong we were.

And Scotland has come out of it worst.


Rather like our own referendum, everything they promised has turned to dust.

And if that wasn’t humiliating enough, it’s frequently been this no-hoper who was responsible for turning it to dust.

Imagine, decisions being made about Scotland by the likes of him!


Please, someone, rescue us from this…




Lead us, says Gordie, but from the rear, behind that big door there, in the cellar and never expect anyone to listen to anything you say, you stupid Jocks. How’s staying in the EU working out, Ruthie? And Theresa, maybe you want to have a word with Fluffy, you know other than “black with no sugar and a small rich tea”.
Fluffs, when you finished washing up, maybe have a word with the Maybot. (It’s black with no sugar and a small rich tea, by the way.)
P r o m o t i n g and P r o t e c t i n g, Fluffette. Jeez, you are SOOOOOO Bad at your job, aren’t you, poppet!
Does anyone else remember that being mentioned before the referendum? Nah, nor me. It was just getting shot of the foreigners and the bus with the ludicrous promise splashed all over it. 
Och, Pauline, ya wee scone. You come and shout at me for marching next Saturday in Bannockburn. And if it makes you feel better, throw a wee hissy fit, then I’ll buy you a nice cup of tea and Munguin will tell you a story of how he became a media mogul… (Oh, and it was 90,000+ that time. Yer arithmetic’s fell dodgy.)
Initiated by the odious creeps’ odious creep, Iain Duncan Smith of Betsygate fame, continued by successive DWP ministers and now delivered incompetently by this evil item.  As Stuart Campbell said, Incompetent and Evil. That’s quite a combination. Probably excellent qualifications for a job in the Tory Party. Oh wait…
Why are people always walking out on the Tories? Rhetorical question, folks. Oh, and what was it that Labour MPs were saying about the SNP walk out?
Now we know: Outlaw, Robber, Brigand.  Seems like a good place to exile them all to.

Over 5000 people have joined the SNP in the last few days. I’d like to say that we welcome you all. Together we can do this.

And finally, to those Scots, and folk around the world, (and very specially to Abu, who’ll be here in a few days), who are celebrating the end of Ramadan, Munguin and I wish you all ‘Eid Mubarak’.