When you have nothing of substance to say, why not just generate some congratulatory headlines for the Daily Mail?

May sank to a new level today, even for her, and that is quite an achievement.

She was speaking to business, trying to sell her half-baked Brexit plan and, with very little to sell, and certainly nothing concrete, she remembered that we held all the cards and she played the Xenophobic joker.

In future, she said, EU citizens would not be able to “jump the queue” to get into the UK.

She seems to be unaware that no EU citizen jumped any queues to work anywhere in the EU, or indeed in the EEA. There were no queues. No more of a queue than there would be if I, in Dundee, decided to apply for a job in Stornaway, Riga, Vaduz or Bognor.

She managed to imply that these sneaky Europeans had been taking the best of the jobs in place of people from her Empire. Canadians or Kenyans had to get in line behind people from the European Union.

Of course, if she knew anything about recruitment at a high level, she would know that that’s not how it works. But then, had she known anything about recruitment she might, as Home Secretary, not have put all the barriers in the way of employing scientists from Sydney, doctors from Durban or techies from Tiruchirappalli.

Mrs May, of course, has several hurdles to cross before her plan becomes “the” plan. The EU is meeting this weekend to look at it and may or may not approve it without change; she has to deal with the rebels in her own cabinet, Leadsome, Gove, Fox, Mordant and Grayling, who are determined that they could have negotiated another, better deal and are writing one as we speak despite being told not to be the PM and by Europe… Who knows what will happen if they are ignored. And then she has to sell it to the DUP, the Commons and the Lords. On top of that, it has to pass the parliaments and in some cases devolved parliaments of the 27 member states of the EU.

I’m not holding my breath.

Still, there’s nothing like a bit of foreigner bashing to get a great headline in the moronic tabloid press.

I liked this open letter which a lady, who clearly ‘jumped May’s queue years ago (before making a contribution to the UK), wrote to the pm. Not that she’ll be embarrassed by it. She has more front than the Côte d’Azur… oh sorry, Blackpool.




Image result for heathrow immigration

Heathrow Immigration is in a bit of a mess. The average wait, if you are arriving from outside the EEA, is over 2 hours. Can you imagine how long it will be after March 29, 2019… assuming there are any flights coming in?



Yep, that pretty much sums it up.


Image result for Nelson Mandela

Having already refused to give visas to a dozen or so authors invited to attend the Edinburgh Book Festival, the immigration service held up the family of Nelson Mandela who were travelling to the festival to appear in a Q&A with their great-grandmother on the life of the late president.

Do you get the impression the UK government might be trying to sabotage the festival? If they are, they are doing their usual cack-handed job of it. It’s reflecting just as badly on their global Britain image. But ‘cack-handed’ and ‘Theresa May’ seem to be joined at the hip.



Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce you to Freda Jackson.

Poor Freda. She went on holiday with her friend to Benidorm and was surprised, nay shocked, to discover that there was a load of Spanish people there.

How very dare they?

Did no one tell them that Benidorm is for the exclusive use of Brits?

I mean, it must have been like going to Blackpool and finding English people there.

Can you just imagine? Horror of horrors.

Freda said Spanish people were rude.  Of course, this may be true. There are undoubtedly Spanish people who are rude. I suspect though, not all of them.

Probably they had the effrontery to speak Spanish.

‘The entertainment in the hotel was all focused and catered for the Spanish – why can’t the Spanish go somewhere else for their holidays?’ said dear Freda.

Johnnie Foreigner just gets more and more unreasonable as time goes on. The entertainment was Spanish, in Spain, and there were Spanish people all over the place. Locksalaudy, whatever next?

I mean, how are decent English people supposed to enjoy a foreign holiday or indeed have a football riot, when their plans are thwarted left, right and centre by foreigners?

Mark my words, Europe. This will not be tolerated.


Oh hell… where do you even begin on this?


Get me out of here.




So, Conservative Central Office is bragging the government has brought in new legislation protecting people who buy their package holidays on line.

“We are introducing new rules to protect package holidaymakers and save customers tens of millions of pounds”


“The government has today (Sunday 1 July) introduced new measures that will protect an extra 10 million UK package holidays a year and help save British holidaymakers tens of millions of pounds a year with strengthened rights for consumers and new protections.” They say.

Awww. Isn’t that kind of them?

Well, no, it isn’t, as it happens.



So hardliners (30 or so of them) have told May that this is the deal they want.


Dear Prime Minister,

At this critical moment in our country’s history, the time has now come to get tough in your negotiations with the European Union. We are looking to you to demonstrate courage and leadership in the face of those who seek to undermine the express wish of the British people in the 2016 referendum.

In order to satisfy this result and uphold our promise to the British people, after our formal departure on the 29th of March 2019, we will not accept:

  • an extension of the transition period beyond 31st December 2020
  • any extension to the two-year withdrawal period as stated in Article 50
  • the jurisdiction of the European Court of Justice over the UK in any form beyond the transitional period
  • remaining part of a customs union or other similar entity
  • any departure deal that prevents us from forging new trade deals
  • free or preferential movement of people from the EU
  • any deal without robust conditionality, linking the £39 billion financial settlement with a satisfactory free trade agreement
  • any part of the United Kingdom being treated differently from the rest

Our departure must be absolute. We must not remain entangled with the EU’s institutions if this restricts our ability to exercise our sovereignty as an independent nation. Anything less will be a weakening of our democracy. Britain must stand firm.

Yours sincerely








Lead us, says Gordie, but from the rear, behind that big door there, in the cellar and never expect anyone to listen to anything you say, you stupid Jocks. How’s staying in the EU working out, Ruthie? And Theresa, maybe you want to have a word with Fluffy, you know other than “black with no sugar and a small rich tea”.
Fluffs, when you finished washing up, maybe have a word with the Maybot. (It’s black with no sugar and a small rich tea, by the way.)
P r o m o t i n g and P r o t e c t i n g, Fluffette. Jeez, you are SOOOOOO Bad at your job, aren’t you, poppet!
Does anyone else remember that being mentioned before the referendum? Nah, nor me. It was just getting shot of the foreigners and the bus with the ludicrous promise splashed all over it. 
Och, Pauline, ya wee scone. You come and shout at me for marching next Saturday in Bannockburn. And if it makes you feel better, throw a wee hissy fit, then I’ll buy you a nice cup of tea and Munguin will tell you a story of how he became a media mogul… (Oh, and it was 90,000+ that time. Yer arithmetic’s fell dodgy.)
Initiated by the odious creeps’ odious creep, Iain Duncan Smith of Betsygate fame, continued by successive DWP ministers and now delivered incompetently by this evil item.  As Stuart Campbell said, Incompetent and Evil. That’s quite a combination. Probably excellent qualifications for a job in the Tory Party. Oh wait…
Why are people always walking out on the Tories? Rhetorical question, folks. Oh, and what was it that Labour MPs were saying about the SNP walk out?
Now we know: Outlaw, Robber, Brigand.  Seems like a good place to exile them all to.

Over 5000 people have joined the SNP in the last few days. I’d like to say that we welcome you all. Together we can do this.

And finally, to those Scots, and folk around the world, (and very specially to Abu, who’ll be here in a few days), who are celebrating the end of Ramadan, Munguin and I wish you all ‘Eid Mubarak’.