Advanced warning of a few sweary words.
A POLICE officer pulls over a woman for speeding.
“Is there a problem, officer?”
“Ma’am, you were speeding. May I see your driver’s licence please?
“I don’t have one. I lost it for drunken driving.
“Can I see your vehicle identification papers?”
“Nope, can’t do that either. I stole the car. I killed the driver and put his body in the boot.”
The cop reaches for his phone and calls for back-up. Police cars start arriving from several directions. A senior officer approaches her, pistol drawn.
“Ma’am, open the boot please.”
She does so. It’s empty.
“Is this your car, ma’am?
She hands him the registration papers.
‘Your driver’s licence?”
She hands it over. The police chief is nonplussed.
“I was given to understand that you have no driver’s licence, no registration papers and you stole the car and murdered the owner.”
“I suppose the lying bastard also said I was speeding.”
· When I told my contractors I didn’t want carpeted steps, they gave me a blank stare.
· I’m trying to organise a hide and seek tournament but good players are really hard to find.
· I went to the toy store and asked the assistant where the Schwarzenegger dolls are, and he replied: “Aisle B back.”
THREE senior citizens are strolling and chatting on the beachfront.
“It’s windy today.”
“No, it’s Thursday.”
“Me too. Let’s have a beer.”
Thanks to John, Tony, Erik, Graham, Brenda, Panda Paws, Andimac, Brendan.