a fivce


36 thoughts on “A LAUGH TO END THE WEEKEND”

  1. How Boris chortled as he dropped the toadstools he’d picked into their ginger beer. What a wizard wheeze he scoffed.

    I can’t wait to tell Rupert how clever I’ve been. He’ll have to let me be Prime Minister now. Arf! Arf!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Is this the Enid Blyton quote?:

    “Elizabeth Allen is a spoiled girl who is the only child of her parents. She becomes very upset and outraged when she learns that she is being sent to a boarding school. When Elizabeth joins Whyteleafe School she is determined to misbehave so that she will be expelled and able to go back home as soon as possible. She is surprised to find that the children run the school through weekly community meetings, and that her behaviour will be judged by her peers. It is a portrayal of children’s restorative justice, and is based on A.s.Neill’s school, Summerhill.[1]

    At Whyteleafe Elizabeth discovers a new world. Because of her mischief she is first disliked by her fellow students and she pets out eleven things on her chest of drawers, instead of the permitted six and when Elizabeth refuses to put any away Nora confiscates five of the things, which includes photos of her family. The next morning, she refuses to get out of bed so, with Ruth’s help, she strips all the bedclothes off her and then tips her out of bed. Elizabeth fumes at Nora, but loses some of her defiance when she threatens to spank her with a hairbrush. One day, Elizabeth hears about the village and the shops there, but nobody will go with her so she goes alone which is not allowed. She meets Rita and she tells her that a girl in her class – Joan Townsend – is not happy, as her parents neglect her, and Elizabeth promises to try to make friends with Joan, and she finally wins her over, and soon they become best friends and Joan talks about how much she loves her mother and how hurt she is by her mother’s neglect. Joan knows that her mother will not send her any birthday presents or cake Elizabeth is soon reported at the meeting by her schoolfellows who are sick of her and she loses a lot of privileges. After that meeting Joan convinces her that misbehaving to be expelled is a bad idea, and advises her to be good, and to ask the heads of the school to tell her parents that she is unhappy and to ask them to take her away, but not in disgrace. Elizabeth accepts this suggestion, and her behaviour improves a lot. She also makes good progress at her piano lessons and secretly longs to play at the function held after the half-term break, though she knows this will not be possible if she goes home at half term. One day, Elizabeth plays a trick on Harry and he retaliates by pinning a note on her that says ‘I’M THE BOLD BAD GIRL! BEWARE! I BARK I BITE I HAVE EVERYBODY!” and everyone laughs except Elizabeth who slaps Harry in the face and calls him a cheat. Nora comes along just then and points out that that behavior is not acceptable and orders her to apologize to Harry. Elizabeth initially refuses, but when Nora explains things to her she agrees to, even though she is sure Harry will not accept the apology and it’ll make everything worse, but Harry accepts the apology graciously and everyone is friendly again. Elizabeth receives a pound note from a relative and decides to use it to purchase a large cake, presents, and cards to be sent to Joan for her birthday, as if from her parents. Nora finds out and says “Elizabeth! Why didn’t you hand that money in?” “I forgot” says Elizabeth and Nora reports her at the meeting. Elizabeth still won’t say what she used the money for and finally it is decided to leave the matter until she receives a reply from Mrs Townsend. Soon Joan’s birthday comes and she is overjoyed at the presents, but when she writes to her mother to thank her, her mother replies that she did not send anything. Joan is distressed, wanders off in the rain, and becomes very ill. Elizabeth writes to Joan’s mother to confess her role in making Joan ill. Joan’s contrite mother arrives to visit Joan, and explains to the heads that her neglect of Joan stems from a resentment that Joan survived an illness years before, while her more loved twin brother died. Joan and her mother reconcile, and Joan becomes happy again, while Miss Best explains to William and Rita that the money was used for a very kind cause, and so they summon Elizabeth up to their office and explain to her that she did a right thing in a wrong way and that they will just tell the meeting they are satisfied with the explanation. Sometime later, John grumbles about nobody helping him in the garden except her and she’s no use because she’s leaving in a week. Elizabeth sits on the swings and says “Elizabeth Allen, you really are cutting your nose off to spite your face! You are perfectly happy here and you have a friend who will miss you when you leave and you want to play the piano at the concert at the end of this term. You really should change your mind and decide to stay.”, and at the next meeting, everyone is amazed.”

    I think that is just her.

    We ought to be told.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. And to add to the pantomime, we now have a defeated Tory candidate elevated to ermine and given the number two position at the Scottish Office.
    How anyone in Scotland can’t see the absolute contempt that this joke of a political party has for our country is beyond me.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The House of Lords is an affront to democracy.

      The number of failures that are promoted to the aristocracy, and then given government positions is an absolute scandal.

      It’s an insult.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Tris……your comment raised for me an interesting historical question. Since the government of the UK is by definition a rudderless ship, whose weakness AND strength is that lacking a constitution, it can be whatever it wants or NEEDS to be in any particular historical epoch; exactly who was the last Prime Minister who led the government from the House of Lords?

        In my historically uninformed youth, I had thought that such a situation might apply to Lord North, the “Prime Minister who lost America.” Turns out that he was at the time a Tory politician in Commons who went by his Courtesy Title of “Lord.” His father was at the time the First Earl of Guilford, and seven years after Lord North’s government fell on a vote of no confidence after the British defeat at Yorktown, Virginia, he ascended to the peerage as the Second Earl of Guilford and took a seat in the Lords.

        So when WAS the last Prime Minister who governed from the upper house? As recently as 1963, Sir Alec Douglas Home, who had served from the Lords as an official in previous governments, renounced his peerage to serve as PM in the Commons. From a biographical website: “On 7 November he contested and won the constituency of Kinross and West Perthshire – but for the 2 weeks in between he was a Prime Minister who belonged to neither the House of Commons nor the House of Lords.”

        To find a PM who actually led a UK government from the House of Lords, we have to go back to the Marquess of Salisbury, who retired in 1902. (NOT BTW, the wonderfully named Plantagenet Palliser, the Duke of Omnium, who is an 1876 fictional invention of Anthony Trollope.)

        Readers may wish to study this matter in greater depth by reading a blog entry titled “Prime Ministers in the House of Lords”:


        BTW, we have it on Wikipedia authority that “A preserved 18th-century door on display in Edinburgh Castle shows a hangman’s scaffold labelled “Lord Nord” carved by a prisoner captured during the American War of Independence.” MR Readers may wish to verify this by a visit to Edinburgh Castle.

        Liked by 2 people

        1. Danny: What would you do without Wikipedia?

          Interesting facts.

          Tony Benn,, a Labour MP (now dead), who kept throughout his life, diaries of events personal and political, was the son of an Earl.

          When his father died he briefly became an Earl. He wanted to renounce the title and remain in teh Commons, however he was told by those who would/should know, that renunciation of a title was impossible.

          Lord he was,and Lord he had to stay.

          Until the Earl of Home decided he wanted to renounce his title. And suddenly a procedure for so doing was found.

          So Alex Douglas Home (pronounced HUME) became Sir Alex, and no one could stop Lord Stransgate becoming Anthony Wedgewood Benn.


      2. PS: We might wonder if there is currently a statutory prohibition on a Prime Minister leading a government from the Lords. (That might explain Alec Douglas Home’s resignation of his peerage in 1963 for example.) Apparently not! It’s simply the way it is for the reason that seems to apply to so much in British governance (not to say British social culture generally). It’s simply the way we DO things in this country! And any OTHER way would be unseemly! Well….uhhhh…….Right NOW at least. The past was different of course as one finds that the past so often is, and we may rest assured that God will take care of the future.

        A CONSTITUTION??? Unthinkable!!!!!!

        SMUG????? English monarchists fairly INVENTED the concept!!!!

        From the aforementioned blog:

        “Halifax was correct that the centre of gravity of British political life had shifted decisively to the Commons. The political power and influence of the House of Lords had diminished significantly since the nineteenth century, a trend which continued apace in the second half of the twentieth century, making the possibility of any further Prime Ministers governing from the Lords increasingly unlikely.”

        Liked by 1 person

        1. It’s certainly unlikely, but it is not impossible. Indeed nothing is actually “impossible” in the UK constitution. There’s always a way to do what the establishment wants done.


      3. Making it up as you go along does have its advantages, as long as you have enough status with the establishment to make things happen your way…..by which it will be declared to be according to the “CONSTITUTION” don’t you know. Lord Home apparently had more “juice” (as we say in America) with the establishment than Anthony Benn initially did. Interesting story and Wiki entry!

        BTW……I found this article from about 15 years ago about a new tourist attraction in Edinburgh Castle involving artifacts created by American prisoners who were held there during the revolution. Among them is an early depiction of the stars and stripes, and the Lord North scaffold.


        Liked by 1 person

      4. Danny may like to know about the toilet (perhaps I should call it restroom? Always seemed a strange designation to me, although to be fair, I have seen pissed people passed out in pub ones.) situation in the House of Lords. When women were first allowed into the gentlemen’s club that was the Palace of Westminster, a public convenience received a sign which read “LADY PEERS.”

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Conan: LOL……an unfortunate choice of words by the gentlemen of the club. And I’ve always wondered about that RESTroom name too.

        It’s ironic that your message appeared just minutes after I was laughing at an old “Spitting Image” bit that I found funny. I missed the show by many years, but the clips are on YouTube. (Maybe it was never shown in the States.) It seems that Her Majesty is doing her best to appear interested in a tour of an industrial plant. Then they come to a newly refurbished and freshly scrubbed “Convenience” for Her Majesty’s exclusive use. And since it cost them £5,000, then by God they wanted her to “use” it while she was there.

        “I don’t care if they’ve got roses growing out of them,” Her Majesty proclaims about the toilets.

        Liked by 1 person

      1. Maybe all the news about Labour activists cheering Tories getting seats from the SNP has shut Kezia up a bit.

        They were cheering a Tory government in coalition with the DUP instead of a Labour government with confidence and supply from Liberals, Plaid, Greens and SNP.

        Bravo lads.


  4. England’s political parties can only command minority support in Scotland,even when they combine with one another they are still in a minority which makes the circus show south of our border amusing but not relevant to us.
    It has been disappointing to see a section of the Scottish electorate who continue to be misled into thinking that the English based parties have their interests at heart.
    They don’t,never have and never will.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Shouldn’t they all be wearing their orange sashes?

    Auntie Arlene will be a wee bit annoyed if they are found not to be wearing their sashes you know.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m sure that as soon as Mrs May has cemented their relationship, all good girls and boys will be given orange sashes and encouraged to wear them. 🙂


      1. I stopped in to say goodbye –
        When I heard Theresa’s prayer
        “And for me some Orange Sashes,
        Orange Sashes, in my lair…

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I’ve just realised that there is a line in that song that goes…

        I looked in and on her bed in GAY profusion lying there… lay those sashes, orange sashes

        Wash your mouth out. Gay and Orange in the same song… Blasphemy.


  6. Time for another topic Tris, it was a jolly good attempt to get the old jocular juices running but it was not to be. The lads were not for larfing it up in the old famous 5 vein so time to move it along old bean. You’re a jolly good egg though. What? What? Anyhow lets hope that the boys give the West Indies a good stuffing at the Oval eh! By Jove!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’d really like to be in the ‘intelligent category’ of poster on your blog but I’m fecked if I can work out what Douglas was going on about. So I’ll probably have to content myself with being one of the stupid people.

      I was however forced earlier today to interact with one of my elderly mothers carers and never mind stupid, it caused me to reappraise mankinds relationships with the beasts. Sorry if that sounds arrogant but it made me think that as well as free personal care and prescriptions, Doctors should be able to prescribe revolvers. Not only then would the poor victimised fucker be able to exact revenge on the patronising git pretending to look after her but she could then turn the gun upon herself, thus saving a grudging society the money for both wages and care.

      Definitely not a win, win scenario so it probably won’t gain traction. The moral of the story is – For fucks sake don’t get old and need looked after because they’re getting minimum wage so ask yourself, is that who I want wiping my arse?

      Don’t get me wrong, many of them despite great adversity and a system that treats them like shit, still manage to do a cracking job, but they are becoming harder to find. They’re leaving in droves. Most are kicking on a bit and the younger ones are tempted to work elsewhere.

      We need to value carers, give them a decent wage and pay decent trained managers to supervise them. Not the cheap useless SVQ shit that’s been passing for being qualified for a few years now but proper training. There needs to be wage rates that reflect the values required to care for people properly with respect and dignity. Private care firms are mercilessly squeezing profit from this beleaguered sector and ruthlessly exploiting their workers. Training is a non existent worthless box ticking exercise concerning only basic care and arse covering deniability in case someone wants to sue or to satisfy bullshit Care Inspectorate standards.

      When your young it all seems so far away, but hey folks being old will reach you before you know it. It’s in your interest to look after old people because some day that doddering old fucker may be you.

      Sorry I went off on one there but I’m putting up with this shit on a daily basis and I’m well fucked off with it.

      Now where was i?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. My wife has been night shift in a care home for multiply-disabled people for nearly three decades now, and has seen a huge decline in standard of care since – you’ve guessed it – the Tories took power, with an increasing amount of red tape balancing out the amount of decreasing money.
        For example the residents used to be able to pool resources in some cases. This allowed a top of the range people carrier to be bought and a full time driver employed. This was stopped, and now each resident has their own expensively adapted car quietly rusting in the driveway for 95% of the time.
        Staffing, well they can only function with inexperienced agency staff. Most residents are deaf blind and each have their own individual signage which takes time to learn, time which they aren’t given as they will be in a different care home the next day.
        To sum up, instead of being their home, amongst people they know and care for, the residents are now living in a poorly funded business cared for by strangers who make mistakes, like giving a hot cup of tea to a person who drinks liquids in one go. He had serious burns in his mouth and throat which went unnoticed until an experienced member of staff came on shift.

        My rant’s over too now, although I could go on. And on.

        Liked by 2 people

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