“Last night I had Kasparov over for dinner.”
“Cool! And how was it?”
“It was nice and all, but we had to eat a cold meal.”
“Why’s that?”
“We had a chequered tablecloth and it took him an hour just to pass me the salt.”
4.
Why do the French eat snails?
They don’t like fast food.
*****
The other day I rode my bike to the liquor store. I bought a bottle of scotch and put it in the carrier basket. Then I thought: ‘What if I fall off? The bottle will break.’ So I finished the bottle before riding home. Just as well. I fell off seven times before I got home.
*****
DON’T be worried about your smartphone or TV spying on you … your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.
******
All generalisations are dangerous, even this one. – Alexandre Dumas
17.
Munguin’s thanks to Andi, Brenda, John, Erik, Jim, TM, Graham.
MUNGUIN'S NEW REPUBLIC 
Nice group of funnies this week! Note the snail in Andi’s cartoon. 🙂
I especially like the extraterrestrial alien who tried to abduct the cat.
#2…….Munguinites will likely know this to be a parody of the motto that for 125 years has graced the masthead of the “Gray Lady” of New York City…..the pinnacle of American newspaper journalism.
Some history about the most famous seven words in American journalism:
“The phrase has been admired as a timeless statement of purpose, interpreted as a “war cry” for honest journalism, and scoffed at as pretentious, overweening and impossibly vague.”
“The phrase has been debated, and endlessly parodied, both inside and outside the Times for more than a century.”
https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-16918787
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I guess its right. What does it mean? Who would be the arbiter of what’s fit to print and what’s not? What does “fit” mean?
LOL
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Tris……Since it started out as an advertising slogan, what could be better than a slogan that doesn’t actually mean anything? 🙂
I enjoyed some of the entries in the contest to replace it:
“Full of meat, clean and neat”
“Cheerful, clean, with glossy sheen”
“As bright as a star and there you are”
“The people’s voice, the good choice”
“Yours neatly, sweetly and completely”
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LOL. That’s true.
I think that it’s best left the way it is. 🙂
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A’ the news. Fit tae print?
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Fit indeed!!!
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Wasn’t there an addendum for the Sun so it read
All the news that’s fit to print
and print the nudes to fit
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🙂
Talking of the S*n… This is a good laugh…
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PS……#11 brings to mind a humorous video piece I saw a few years ago.
Most people, certainly including anyone who has taken the boat ride out to Liberty Island in New York Harbor, know that Emma Lazarus’ poem about the huddled masses yearning to breathe free is on a bronze plaque that’s mounted inside the pedestal of the statue, which BTW (at 154 ft) is three ft taller than the body of the statue itself. Standing at the base, the whole thing is one honkin big construction. It was in 1903 — nearly 20 years after Lazarus’ death — that the bronze plaque bearing the iconic sonnet would be added to the statue’s pedestal.
Nevertheless, nobody hates immigrants as much as Trump’s former White House Senior Advisor Stephen Miller, who took the opportunity at a White House press briefing to inform the reporters that those words are NOT in his view part of the Statue of Liberty.
A minute or so at the beginning of this video:
And then Stephen Colbert’s reply:
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About “The New Colossus”:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_New_Colossus
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Seriously, that sounds just like the UK.
Stephen Miller had a bit of a cheek. We’re not even sure that he was from planet Earth, never mind America.
Also, if the actual Americans had taken that attitude, none of them would have been there.
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I wonder what Miller is doing these days. Other than serving as a Trump defender on FOX News.
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Probably that’s him in the cat joke you liked. 🙂
Hope he was the one with the cat.
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🙂
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Danny, I believe Miller has been subpoenaed by the Department of Justice in connection with Trump’s Save America PAC fraud.
Miller deserves everything the justice system can throw at him. He is a singularly despicable, dangerous, hate-filled individual – yet another sociopath from the former regime.
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Oh goodie. Maybe he can join Trump in an orange overall…
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Yes Ed, there are so many subpoenas flying around Washington these
days that it’s hard to keep track of them all. The Times has reported: “Brian Jack, the final White House political director under Mr. Trump, and Stephen Miller, Mr. Trump’s top speechwriter and a senior policy adviser, were among more than a dozen people connected to the former president to receive subpoenas from a federal grand jury [sitting in Washington] this week.”
Here are a couple of articles in CNN, one of which links to the Times article which has further information about Miller:
https://www.cnn.com/2022/09/08/politics/trump-save-america-pac-federal-grand-jury-january-6/index.html
https://www.cnn.com/2022/09/10/politics/miller-save-america-pac-federal-grand-jury-january-6/index.html
More info……..Surprisingly, it appears that bipartisan majorities in both houses of Congress are actually going to fix the Electoral Count Act of 1887. This is the existing law which legislatively specifies the electoral vote count procedure, and which was known to be so badly written that it was a disaster waiting to happen…….a disaster that almost happened as soon as Trump and his cronies started plotting to overturn the 2020 election.
Wiki: “In the contentious 2000 U.S. presidential election, the law’s timing provisions did play a role in court decisions, such as Bush v. Gore. The law has been criticized since it was enacted, with an early commenter describing it as “very confused, almost unintelligible.” Modern commenters have stated that the law “invites misinterpretation”, observing that it is “turgid and repetitious”, and that “[i]ts central provisions seem contradictory.””
SO…….what could POSSIBLY have gone wrong with THAT on January 6? 🙂
A bipartisan “Presidential Election Reform Act”, co-sponsored by Liz Cheney (R-Wyo) and Zoe Lofgren (D-Calif), has passed the House 229-203, and a Senate version (with support from 10 Republican Senators) is being taken up this week. It looks like a final bill will in fact become law, in which (among other changes) the role of the Vice President will be explicitly defined as purely ceremonial, having no legislative influence in the outcome of the electoral vote count. So maybe (even if Trumpy is not yet in prison,) the 2024 presidential election can be carried out without calls to hang the VP for not overruling the result. 🙂
https://www.npr.org/2022/09/21/1124239193/house-legislation-electoral-count-act-reform
The Electoral Count Act of 1887:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electoral_Count_Act
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Thanks for that, Danny.
I had a great rant going to follow on from that, but WordPress destroyed it. Twice. So I have given up, which is probably just as well.
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Thanks Ed!
I really hate to lose a rant in a dialog box.
Sometimes I compose text in local word processing software like WORD, where the internet can’t get to it. Then I copy and paste to the internet.
But usually I forget to do that. 🙂
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LOL. It’s a good idea, Danny.
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Actually that’s a pity, Ed, but I do sympathise with you. WordPress is the bane of Munguin’s life.
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Thanks, Tris! I may try again when I feel a little stronger. I have an ambition to attract some more of Putin’s trolls to the blog (good for the old readership figures, eh?).
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LOL. We’ll charge them an entrance fee… (I know the rouble has crashed, but has it crashed less than the English pound?)
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One of the interesting side effects of this whole ERG-inspired debacle is that the pound, the euro and the dollar are quite close to parity now.
Re the exchange rate: that kind of catastrophic economic mismanagement would have brought down past Westminster governments. A collapsing pound will boost inflation even further by making imports such as food more expensive. However – it will allow the Usual Suspects to rake in oodles of filthy lucre of all denominations by shorting the pound.
For the rest, even Hitler got infrastructure like the autobahns built, and Mussolini famously got the trains to run on time. The Westminster regime is incompetent, even more so than the usual bunch of fascists.
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LOL that’s a good point. Usually these people have some redeeming features…
Unless you are super-rich, this lot has none.
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https://www.theguardian.com/world/2022/sep/25/is-catalonia-still-dreaming-of-independence-from-spain
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He recognises that his supporters are disillusioned and, while he demurs at former Catalan president Artur Mas’s suggestion that the movement went too far, too fast, he cautions patience. “We have to go on building a majority while faced with a state that doesn’t recognise this right [to self-determination], in order to attain a majority above 51%,” he said.
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That much seems common sense to me.
Of course in any movement like this there is bound to be a wide range of opinion.
I know there is in Scotland, I’m sure there was in England over Brexit…even within the Tory Party there was wide difference of opinion…and even now there still is.
And there was in Catalunya.
How anyone could still support the Spanish authorities after the way they treated people at that time, is unbelievable. Thugs.
But I imagine there are those who do better under a relatively right wing Spanish government and interfering king. Spain certainly needs the money that Catalunya supplies.
Essentially, there is, for them, no peaceful way to get away from Spain. Whatever they do will be illegal. They are a cash cow, and under the Spanish constitution they have to stay that way.
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Sounds like the position Scotland is in.
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Hopefully we’ll have a legal out. There’s nothing they can do unless the Spanish government changes the constitution to allow states to break away….which they won’t.
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I read that; it was in this week’s Observer.
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Well tris Reading the headlines today
Perhaps there isn’t much to laugh about .
Thatcher once famously said you can’t buck the market
You don’t here that in the Tory papers
Today .
Brexit and Tory’s remind me of that quote something like
They give us desolation and call it victory
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You could say it was victory for the VERY rich.
They are the only ones who will profit. Even those getting some tax back will pay for it in increased mortgages, fuel prices, and buying virtually anything from abroad.
It’s madness, but, hey… that’s what they voted for. Unfortunately we got dragged along in the process.
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Apologies
Auferre, trucidare, rapere, falsis nominibus imperium; atque, ubi solitudinem faciunt, pacem appellant.
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Most apt, Niko… and their faithful friends in the media will back that up.
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Agree with Niko…not much to laugh about today….BUT
If ever there was a time when we needed to turn to humour and the respite it offers …tis NOW.
Not burying your head in the sand just taking time out from all of the sh*t currently going down down down …..
Some good laughs in this collection….but perhaps some TOO painfully true .
Have a nice day everyone
🙂
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Yep. It just got more serious.
Prices look like they are going to rocket.
Britain is now a laughing stock as the Finance department solves the cost of living crisis by increasing the cost of living.
At least the sun was shining here.
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The kwasi seems to have lost his smile and chuckle.
Bloomberg quote,
The chancer has pushed the gas pedal hard.
The BoE has hit the brakes.
ONly one driver is required.
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That’s what smells, is it?
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We need all the laughs we can get just now. I liked the Warm Horse one, ehem!
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🤣🤣🤣
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If anyone is watching me, I wish them joy. Probably the most boring job they’ll ever have had.
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Love the , they’re, their, there one, who’s watching.
Truss and kwasi have a plan, lets have freedom of movement back, we need migrant workers to fuel the increase in GDP.
Not for Europe though.
What was all the trouble about?, the pound is back to Friday’s level and the FTSE is back over 7000.
Lots of money made in the casino.
Now that’s a laugh if it wasn’t so serious, will we have a repeat tomorrow?
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Oh dear.
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“BREAKING: US singer 50 Cent announces that he now wishes to be known in the UK as 1 Pound.”
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LOL LOL LOL
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LOL…brilliant.
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Kwarteng and Truss have inspired a new word: ‘Econoclasts’. Iconoclasm is defined as ‘The action of attacking or assertively rejecting cherished beliefs and institutions or established values and practices.’
By rejecting all classic and conventional economic teachings – Smith, Marx, Keynes et al – Truss and Kwarteng must surely qualify as ‘econoclasts’. Just remember, you read it here first…
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As ever!!! LOL LOL
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Quite a good selection this week and the comments too.
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