OH GAVIN, YOU STUPID BOY…

“Oxford University students removing a picture of the Queen is simply absurd. She is the Head of State and a symbol of what is best about the UK. During her long reign she has worked tirelessly to promote British values of tolerance, inclusivity & respect around the world.“

So tweeted the English Education Secretary on hearing that Oxford students had voted to remove a picture of the queen from a common room in the university.

The Daily Express comic sheet called it “simply absurd”. The Daily Express calling anything other than itself “absurd” is, ironically, pretty damned absurd.

For whatever reasons Oxford students don’t want to look at Liz in their common room (and seriously, how many young people would; it’s a bloody common room at uni…yeah?), I wonder what it has to do with the Education Secretary.

OK, I know that Oxford is an English university and he is the English Education Secretary, but seriously, is he the Janitor?

Is he checking up on what colour the toilets are painted in Durham, and if there are sufficient toilet rolls in Bristol to keep them hygienic till the end of term?

Yes, Gavin, we know she is the head of state. She has been since 1952. Most of us have got that by now rammed into our heads as it has been.

But I’d be interested to know in what way she is a symbol of what is best about the UK. Seriously, is that just something you think you should say because it makes you sound like a statesman? (Hint: it doesn’t.) And please, I’m in tears here about her promoting the British values of tolerance, inclusivity & respect around the world.

In what way are these British values? Does France not have these values too? Being in charge of education, you will undoubtedly be aware that the French talk about “Liberté, Egalité, Fraternité”.

Incidentally, there has been a considerable amount of liberty lost to British/English people recently. Egalité in a country with an unelected head of state and a house of unelected blue bloods? Ha ha ha ha. Not much brotherliness either. Grenfell?

But, do other countries have these values? Does Iceland, Does Ireland?

Or are only British people allowed to have these values?

Do these values include refusing to feed the hungries kids until some proper statesman like Marcus Rashford shames you into it? Do they include spending vastly less than any other European country on a catch up system for education following the disruption caused by your government’s mishandling of Covid?

Do they include plans to reduce the foreign aid budget in a way which yesterday had a previous and right wing Tory prime minister castigate them in the Commons?

And what is the Queen’s involvement in these values? Wasn’t her name found on a list of people who stashed their money in tax havens.

And, isn’t she the one that keeps her private wealth completely secret, thanks to her having the power to do that? Isn’t she the one that’s poking her neb into politics in Scotland?

Isn’t she also the one who sits in a warm palace, provided by us, in front of priceless art treasures and talks about her following the teachings of Christ, while a half mile away people are living in cardboard boxes under bridges, hungry and freezing?

Those values?

And that’s before we start on how much the government you are a part of respects the queen. You didn’t take down her picture, but you lied to her and got her to nod though a prorogation of parliament (at great expense to us… with private planes to Scotland for Jake) only for it to be shown to be a tissue of lies …and illegal.

And let’s not even start on the values of Boris Johnson?