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This one’s Janey, so needless to say, there’s some swearing at the end.
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THESE ARE ACTUAL COMPLAINTS RECEIVED BY “THOMAS COOK VACATIONS” FROM DISSATISFIED CUSTOMERS:
1. “They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax.”
2. “On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don’t like spicy food.”
3. “We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish.”
4. “We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price.”
5. “The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room.”
6. “We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow.”
7. “It’s lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallartato close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during ‘siesta’ time — this should be banned.”
8. “No-one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared.”
9. “Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers.”
10. “I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts.”
11. “The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the local guide book during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun.”
12. “It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair.”
13. “I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends’ three-bedroom and ours was significantly smaller.”
14. “The brochure stated: ‘No hairdressers at the resort.’ We’re trainee hairdressers and we think they knew and made us wait longer for service.”
15. “When we were in Spain, there were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners.”
16. “We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning.”
17. “It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel.”
18. “I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure did not mention mosquitoes.”
19. “My fiancée and I requested twin-beds when we booked, but instead we were placed in a room with a king bed. We now hold you responsible and want to be re-reimbursed for the fact that I became pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked.”
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Thanks to Conan, Quokka, Andi, Daniel.
Some crackers there. My neighbours upstairs sometimes go on cruises, I can’t think why. Anyway a few years back when they returned, they said they had stopped off in Japan, and the wifey said, ‘and there were so many Japanese people!’ I pointed out that would be quite normal, in Japan. Crackers.
There was a US president of days gone by, not recent, can’t find the quote maybe it’s just a conspiracy, who said ‘if you think there is a conspiracy going on, think ten times worse’. Given how many deceptive, sneaky, lying toad humans inhabit the planet, I’m inclined to agree, or maybe I’m just crackers.
Trump is toast, or would that be, crackers! Ok I’ll shut up now. Goodnight!
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Ha ha ha… Toasted crackers?
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Great selection.
Tax research uk has a great addition.
A feast of Fools.
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Which one?
I respect Prof Murphy. Always interesting to hear his take.
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That’s the title.
A feast of Fools, written by Simpson, an ex labour mp.
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https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2023/aug/06/labour-would-barges-temporarily-house-asylum-seekers-stephen-kinnock?CMP=share_btn_tw
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The latest plan is to find an ‘Island’ somewhere to house the asylum seekers.
Watch out Orkney and Shetlands, you’re in the frame.
Fair Isle is too small and doesn’t have enough infrastructure.
Hoy would be okay as there is still bits of the naval base but it isn’t far enough away, they could build rafts and get to the Castle of Mey.
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https://pbs.twimg.com/media/F247s38WEAA7XgP?format=jpg&name=900×900
Ascension Island? Self governing (SO, they’d need to get permission from their government.
Andy Burge says: “This just dog whistling to the far right. Ascension Island is essentially an RAF base. It does not have the infrastructure for 000s of refugees, such infrastructure would need to be built. It doesn’t have the supply of essentials such as food. Such supplies would need to be flown in daily. It doesn’t have the legal and policing structure required, they would also need to be recruited and flown in. The story is BS, it is fictitious and it’s been made up by the Heil to try and persuade people to vote Tory.”
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ascension_Island
Why can’t Britain just process people and settle them in accordance with international obligations, or, if they do;t pass the test, send them back to whence they came.
Other countries, with more arrivals are doing that.
Do the Brits think they are above that kind of thing? Another thing they are a laughing stock for.
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Maybe just to hide the honest bob video.
He kept on saying the ‘Name’ was in the article, when it was point ed the comic didn’t have it he moved to try the website.
It wasn’t on there either.
Last bit was , ‘I’ll send you the name’.
Surely a feast of fools for the house of common fools.
I can see why Kinnock said they’d be using the Barges , surely a ‘Contract paid for’ can still be dumped.
I’ve seen these barges used in Saudi for Temporary accommodation during plant overhauls, less than a month, lots of staff turnover as specialists brought in for specific work.
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N0 2 looks like a “Spot the Brexiteers” listing.
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Bet most of them were. 🙂
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1. Sad news at the Nestle factory today when a member of staff was seriously injured when a pallet of chocolate fell more than 50 feet and crushed him underneath…
He tried in vain to attract attention but every time he shouted “The milky bars are on me” everyone cheered
*****
2. Me: What’s the wifi password?
Barman: You need to buy a drink first.
Me: Okay, I’ll have a coke.
Barman: Is Pepsi okay?
Me: Sure. How much is that?
Barman: £3.
Me: There you go. So what’s the wifi password?
Barman: You need to buy a drink first. No spaces, all lowercase!
*****
3. A Caveman and a Bear walk into a bar…
Bartender says “Okay, what’s your story?”
Caveman replies “Bear with me.”
*****
4. I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
*****
5. Since the snow came all the wife has done is look through the window…
If it gets any worse, I’ll have to let her in!
*****
6. I failed my biology exam.
The question was, ‘Name something commonly found in cells.’
Apparently, ‘scousers’ isn’t the right answer!
*****
7. I saw an overweight woman at the bus stop today…
I asked her, “When’s it due?”
She replied, “I’m not pregnant you rude pig!”
I said, “I meant the bus you big Daftie!”
*****
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Hahahaha good ones as were many atl! And the snail is unmissable this week!
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The snail was undercover last week!
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good stuff, needed a laugh.
I failed the english nationalism test, good job I was born in Scotland.
Some questions are jokes, surely. What year did the
‘battle of the Boyne’ occur?
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I hadn’t a clue about most of the answers.
I think they should give that test to all MPs, Lords and members of the royal family.
If they fail… Rwanda!
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Corkers, as usual, NMRN.
My favourite was the wife out in the snow!
🙂
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A white horse goes into a bar.
The barman says, “Hey, we’ve got a drink named after you!”
And the white horse says, “What, Norman?”.
Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Banana.
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Brilliant, Nigel.
Hilarious.
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NMRN……LOL……….Very good!
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Update – gave the wrong channel for Walking with Orangutans – should have been channel 4 thus available on C4 OD!
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🙂
I’ll look for it tonight.
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There aren’t as many orangs as I’d hoped but it was interesting none the less.
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Well complain, PP.
I mean if Munguin failed to have Orangs on a Sunday, you wouldn’t be long in making me aware of your displeasure…
Why should Channel Four be spared?
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These holiday complaints are rather amusing.
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They seem incredible, but I’ve met people like that on holiday.
Nightmares who really should have stuck to holidays at home…
I don’t like spicy food…
I don’t like it hot…
Yeah, so, did it ever occur to you to not go to a country where it’s hot and they serve spicy food? Duh!
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