- Andi at the world cup.
2.
3.
4. Have you drunk any alcohol today? Listen I don’t have time to do a survey!
5. I recently spent $16,500 on this registered Black Angus bull. I put him out with the herd but he just ate grass and wouldn’t even look at a cow. I was beginning to think I had paid more for that bull than he was worth. Anyway, I had the Vet come and take a look at him. He said the bull was very healthy, but possibly just a little young, so he gave me some pills to feed him once per day. The bull started to service the cows within two days! He even broke through the fence and bred with all of my neighbor’s cows! He’s like a machine! I don’t know what was in the pills the Vet gave him … but they kind of taste like peppermint.
6.
7.
So obese is my cousin from Hendon,
She looks elephantine, seen end on;
What preys most on her mind
Is her efforts to find
A good deckchair that she can depend on.
8.
9.
What does a graffiti artist call an empty wall?
A blanksy.
10.
11.
12.
13. La France c’est du lard. Le Royaume-Uni c’est des tripes!
An ARMY recruit reminisces: “During kitchen duty, my sergeant ordered me to prepare 100 gallons of soup for that night’s dinner. When I told him I had no clue how to make soup, he handed me a cookbook and instructed: ‘Follow the directions carefully.’
“Not long after, I had a large kettle of soup simmering. The sergeant came in, grabbed a spoon, and took a taste. ‘This is really good,’ he said. ‘Are you sure you followed the recipe?’”
14.
15.
AN ENGLISH language poser: what’s the difference between “completed” and finished”.
“When you marry the right woman, you are ‘complete’. If you marry the wrong woman, you are ‘finished’. And if the right woman catches you with the wrong woman, you are ‘completely finished.’”
He received a five-minute standing ovation.
16.
17.
18.
19.
20.
21. No but, yeah but… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eqvF2S7mnKU
22.
23.
24.
25.
26.
27.
28.
29.
A SPANISH knight travelling at dusk alights at a poor inn.
The innkeeper comes to the door and asks his name.
“Don Pedro Gonzales Gayan de Guevara.”
“Sorry, senor. We have not food enough for so many.”
**********
Last word
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance? – Edgar Bergen
30.
Withe thanks to John, John, TM, BLP, AndiMac, Erik, Graham.
MUNGUIN'S NEW REPUBLIC 
Ha ha love these, the France is bacon one is very lol…and the aliens one. If any aliens, (non human earthlings) ever landed near me I’d advise them to get back in their rockets and escape, pronto, for their own safety and survival. Earth’s not safe with humans occupying it.
The Dross pic, perfect!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Yep, I have a friend who swears that the Earth won’t start to repair itself till all humans are dead and gone.
Yep Dross was captured perfectly there.
LikeLike
Some corkers today. Liked the France and dirty van ones. Re above, might be an idea to ask to leave with the spacemen if they seem friendly 🙂
Good to see an Andimac toon. He’s been slacking off more than me recently…
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’d be tempted to ask them to take me to THEIR leader.
Munguin says not to upset AndiMac. After all, especially for you, he did a ‘BIG DUG, wee dug’ toon last week.
When he did a cartoon especially for Munguin., Munguin mad it made into t-shirts, mugs and insisted all the staff drank from them and wore the t-shirt.
Although, to be fair, the head gardener refused to comply, but that’s Robbie for you!!
LikeLike
He did indeed. Thank you Andimac. Could we open negotiations on Ginger and Tiddles 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha ha ha ha ha ha
LikeLike
LikeLike
You’ve got to laugh.
The rich cynic is off to Bali to tell the G20 group about ”leveling up”.
He’s going to give them the master plan, brexit or universexit.
On the monarch, couldn’t they afford a new uniform, his had the auld queen’s shoulder badges, oh it was an honour thing.
Biggest group was the ex tory pms. They brought out truss from hiding.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I was surprised to see Truss there pretending she had actually been a proper prime minister.
The group of Tory ex prime ministers grow longer by the month!
Given how the UK economy is the worst in the G7, and probably the G20, it will be good to see the Brits lecturing other people on how to run economies.
Still, nice to be in Bali. Did he take his private jet?
LikeLike
The big flag plane was used, you wouldn’t expect him to go by BA, onother half million return flight, the boys and girls need their training flights.
As for sue ellen, the squaddies are complaining about their housing, seems that the hotels are in use.
Notice the false French deal report, it’s an increase of £9m on the existing patel deal.
Plenty of hints in the torygraph etc, the power cap will only be for people on UC or pension credit, the rest will have to find another £900 a year for dual fuel deals.
Honestry and integrity?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well, they need to get these bodies piling high to keep the pensions down and if you keep people warm… well, that won’t happen.
Yes, I thought he’d go on the royal plane. That’s why he told Snarlie he couldn’t go, even though Truss was but a bad memory.
Did we ever find out why he had to rush away? It surely wasn’t news of Mr Whippy being a bully, was it?
LikeLike
I see, incidentally that Braverman turned up at the Cenotaph and then tweeted the usual insincere tearful patriotic line about how much we owe people who fought in these wars.
She seemed to miss, but was pretty quickly made aware of, the irony of a fascist praising the side that won in a war against fascism.
And boy was she told.
LikeLike
I grew up wondering what exactly was a “bone arrow”. Sure I had others but that came to mind.
There was also, in my childhood, popular ditty* which contained a line about “fish and chips and Stafford Cripps”. Wanted to find out whether I could have “stafford cripps” along with my fish and chips.
*Thanks For The Memories, the lyrics of which could be adapted to reflect topical issues.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s brilliant, Cairnallochy.
There was a song that had a line
“I will always be one step behind” and i thought what came next sounded like, “the bow of your shoulder”. Fair enough, I thought it was a bit weird, but it was a pop song and if you I supposed your shoulder running into your arm is a sort of a bow shape.
Then I was singing it one day and a mate said… “the what? It’s LOOK OVER YOUR SHOULDER!!!”
Frequent ribbing from him since.
Bone arrows would work though… 🙂
LikeLike
Early Sunday school, “Baby Cheeses”
LikeLike
*My* early…
LikeLiked by 1 person
🙂 🙂
LikeLike
Time for this classic routine from Peter Kay:
Such mis-hearings are known as ‘Mondegreens’, a term which – as Wikipedia explains – has its origin in the mishearing of the words of a Scottish ballad:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mondegreen
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha ha ha… so it’s not just us!
LikeLike
My wife’s niece, when she was very wee, used to sing the Nancy Sinatra hit ‘Jackson’ with a first-line of “We got married in a Viva…”. None of us can remember what she did with the next bit “…hotter than a pepper sprout” as we never heard it for laughing.
LikeLiked by 1 person
LOL. Brilliant.
And much more sensible that getting married in a fever!!!
LikeLike
There are a couple of well-established websites which list many, many more Mondegreens:
http://www.amiright.com/
https://www.kissthisguy.com/
LikeLiked by 1 person
All makes me feel a little less ashamed about the “bow of my shoulder”!!!
LikeLike
“A foxy young woman of Frimley
Was accused of behaving un-primly.
She said, “Heavens above!
I know sex isn’t love,
But it’s such an attractive facsimile!””
LikeLiked by 1 person
LOL LOL LOL 🙂
LikeLike