SOME mind bogglers of the English language:
· If you take an Oriental person and spin him around, does he become disorientated?
· If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called holes?
· Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
· If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
· If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular.
· Why is the man who in vests all your money called a broker?
· When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
· Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
· Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
· Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced “onety-one”?
· “I am” is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that “I do” is the longest sentence?
· If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen unfrocked, does it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denotesd, cowboys deranged, models deposed, dog trainers debarked and dry cleaners depressed?
· What hair colour do they put on the driver’s licences of bald men?
· You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
· No-one ever says “it’s only a game” when their team is winning.
· Ever wonder about people who spend huge amounts on tiny bottles of Evian water? Spell Evian backwards – Naïve.
· Isn’t providing a smoking section in a restaurant a bit like providing a widdling section in a swimming pool?
And a follow-up: Learning English is difficult but it can be taught through tough thorough thought though.
21.
A down and outwalks into a swanky American restaurant and offers an amazing trick in return for a free meal.”
Waiter: “Ok, only if it’s truly amazing.”
The man pulls a hamster out of his pocket. It e runs across the room to the piano, ands starts playing great tunes .
The waiter brings a hot meal . The down and out asks for e dessert and coffee.
“No,t unless you have another amazing trick.””
“Ok!” He takes a frog out of his pocket. It starts singing the lyrics to t the hamster’s musicg .A man rushes over and offers $200 for the singing frog. It’s a deal.
Waiter: “Are you crazy? That singing frog is worth millions.”
“Not so. The hamster is also a ventriloquist. Now bring that chocolate torte and coffee, please.”
23.
An Ogden Nash limerick…
There was a young lady called Harris,
That nothing could ever embarrass.
’Till the bath salts one day
In a tub where she lay
Turned out to be plaster of Paris.
25.
SHE’s anxious to show off her new hairdo to the boyfriend.
“So what do you think?”
“Classic Italian.”
“Like Sophia Loren?”
“No, spaghetti.”
26.
An intellectual snob is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture and not think of The Lone Ranger. – Dan Rather
28.
OVERHEARD in the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties: “Our pal Bill has been very grumpy and morose of late. It’s almost as if he’s been having an affair with my wife.”
29.
30. You really couldn’t make them up.
Thanks to Russ, Erik, John, Quokka, Andi, Brenda, Graham,
MUNGUIN'S NEW REPUBLIC 
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Outrageous but vfunny . Hope they realise the psychological damage that will be caused when they view the video 😂
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Munguinites can cope, Niko.
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OMG. King Billy must be turning in his grave, slavering with aroused excitement.
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Ha ha, thanks Tris, some great ones there.
The orange lunatics video reminds me of a piss take (spoof) which was excellent, of an orange march done by a Scottish comedy programme, might be Chewing the Fat? Its absolutely hilarious if anyone can find it to watch. I’ll have a look see if I can remember who did it.
As for the terrible abortion situation in the US, the senate have also now rolled back environmental protections, and I saw something about them reinstating the dangerous connection between church and state. It’s really looking very scary in the US, and now another young black man has been murdered by the police, sixty bullet shot wounds.
What a world.
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Read online about a 10 year old rape victim in Ohio, not allowed an abortion as 6 weeks, 3 days pregnant as opposed to under 6 weeks. She was taken out of state, thank God. Luckily the clinic had links to one in a nearby state and her parents took her.
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Dear heavens.
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Is that it Hetty?
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Found this it’s very funny, but not the spoof I was hoping to find, it might have been Still Game, not sure.
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I? Is a complete sentence, as is I! In answer to a question. I eye aye.
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This one Hetty?
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Aye, the Naked Video one.
See also…
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🙂 🙂 🙂
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The English language ones were a hoot! As for the OO, I’d seen that vid on twitter, what are they like! Here’s a link to Derry Girls episode when the Flynn family try to leave Derry for Donegal to avoid the 12th celebrations…
https://www.channel4.com/programmes/derry-girls/on-demand/59741-005
Seen elsewhere “You need to be odd to be No 1!”
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Hmm I wonder what happened to the “Kinder , gentler politics” we were promised ….same thing I suppose as
“Strong and Stable”, “Take back Control”, Get Brexit Done”…..and “Better Together”……just another group of words that form a slogan with no connection to reality or truth…..slogans ,like opinion polls , exist to influence opinion NOT reflect it…..
Better to throw back your head and laugh at them all……..Brenda from Bristol said after she heard yet another slogan……….” Not ANOTHER Jimmy Logan”…….
Here’s a wee joke courtesy of Crow (CrowSaorAlba1) Twitter a/c
I went to the electrical shop today and said, “This strobe light you sold me doesn’t work properly.”
The assistant replied, “Have you tried switching it off and on?”
Have a nice day….’Thanks for the laughs….we all NEED them’….(my slogan…pathetic but at least TRUE Lol)
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LOL. Love it.
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Thought the orange nonsense WAS a spoof/skit! Surely no one could do that sort of stuff and be serious about the Boyne, Billy, or the inglorious 12th marches? Never underestimate the depth of idiocy, it would seem. The bulgarian for orangie’portukal’ (as in the country) and in Dutch ‘Sinese appel’ (Chinese apple). (!) Putting either before ‘lodge’ always conjures up a laugh and reduces participants to the ludicrous status they deserve. Sadly, if that was all they were they’d be harmless, but the vile bigotry is impossoble to mask.
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Neil Oliver’s been being an eejit in public* again. Good.
*Well, on GB news…
https://www.thepoke.co.uk/2022/07/04/neil-oliver-thinks-glastonbury-is-woke/
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Some brilliant replies there.
I wonder if he realises that “woke” really just means being everything that Priti Patel is not… a reasonable human.
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Including, I noted, one from Pilot, which is a brewery in Leith. Good work!
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GB News always provokes the same reaction in me: I remove it from the channel list on my TV (yes, I’ve got one, finally. Still very little worth watching on it, though).
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Happy to say that I don’t have one., but if I did, I imagine that it’s the last thing I’d ever watch.
It seems to me that they have had to employ the very dregs of the “talent” to present their shows.
I wonder if they will give Lawrence Fox a job…
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Here’s another laugh for you:
Andrew Bowie MP
@AndrewBowie_MP
A very Happy #4thOfJuly to all American residents in West Aberdeenshire and Kincardine, across the UK and all of you from across the pond I am proud to call friends. Have a great #IndependenceDay!
You wonder what gores through their tiny, tiny minds.
However, hopefully more sincerely, Munguin wishes all our American readers a great day.
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Andrew Bowie’s speciality is TROLLING….
His majority in last GE was not that great it was only 843 votes more than SNP who came second ….and I believe that many a birthday candle has been blown out on many a birthday cake in Scotland where the wish of many, while blowing out the candles, has been a wish ,to wipe the smug smirk from his smug smirking face come next GE ,via him getting ousted as an MP (INO)..if GE occurs BEFORE we get our independence……
Bowie and Priti Patel are like specially created Tory bookends…..the Smirking Sneering Snide Edition… specially commissioned by someone with NO taste….Boris Johnson.
Strikes me Tories are not dissimilar to the Mr Men characters….as in the titles (descriptions) connected to each character….and I heard they have created a NEW one…Mr Groper ( covers a lot of Tory MP’s past and present).
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🙂 🙂
Bowie is a particularly unlikeable example of Tory.
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Tiny mind thinking,
No staff to deal with luggage from and too aircraft, jus hire more people and just give them a sucurity clearance by fast tracking.
Isn’t security at airports an anti terrorist necessity?
Seems not.
To solve the staffing problem.
You lot need to have more children as the population hasn’t increased.
The tiny minds seem to have forgotten it takes a generation for them to be ready for the economy.
There’s a war on but your uk government and its media are consumed by telling us that Scotland can’t be trusted to take any decisions, that’s best left to the etom mess.
Just saw a clip of the fuel go slow on the motorway, lady truck driver haslost her job as the company she worked for can’t afford to buy the fuel for the truck,
You thought we were short of trucks and drivers? seems not.
The armed forces are being cut back, we are going to use high tech to defend ourselves, do they think young folk will join up?, maybe only asan effect of no benefits and no other jobs available.
Back to baggage handlers.
Seems that the englanders aren’t busy enough with their own problems they want a say in the referendum.
You a Yes voter yet?
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London: “Ah, it’s all the fault of the pandemic.”
Everywhere: “But you said you were world beating on the pandemic?”
London: “Um, Scotland, now is not the time. You should be concentrating on getting the economy back on track.”
Everyone else: “Who holds most of the levers to get the economy going?”
London: Boris Johnson has led the way in the world over Ukraine.
Everyone else: “You mean he’s given them a lot of money and disappear off there for a photo op every time another Tory MP has got himself involved in a sex scandal?”
London: “It’s nothing to do with Brexit.”
Everyone: “Course it’s not, dear. Now you have a little lie down.”
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Apt for today!
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Thanks PP………..Pic 24 had me thinking about the irony of the unfortunate modern day misreading and improper judicial application of the second amendment to the federal US constitution (the right to bear arms.) As a sensible eighteenth century approach to national defense however, it had came from a lesson learned 12 years earlier at Concord and Lexington (small towns near Boston.) You can send petitions of all kinds to King and Parliament, but nothing gets the attention of the English quite so much as shooting at them. 😉
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The backside fell off that one years ago. The Canadian head of the bank of England said we could use the pound.
Then a few days ago Mervyn King said we could use the pound.
Frankly as the pound is in the gutter, I’d prefer the Danish Kroner or the Euro.
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Just for a laugh
The carry out store dentist says he will be the next First Minister of Scotland as he’s going to abolish the house of lords after winning the local elections in Scotland.
He’s going to rebuild the red wall in Scotland.
All sems so easy to do as you’re told by sir starmer, the boss.
Has he been fined for beergate yet?
Of course that will be a specific fine not an actual one, a fixed notice of a donation to the local authority.
Reading that the uk government are selling off the electricity network to an Australian and Canadian partnership.
Is there any family silver left?
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Not in England. Harold Macmillan must be birling in his grave.
More of dafty Sarwar in the next post.
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Many thanks to Tris and Munguinite friends for the Fourth of July greetings. (I’m not sure how old I was before I learned that what’s usually called the “Fourth of July” in America is in fact independence day.)
A few historical ruminations……..
From John Adams’ letter to his wife Abigail dated THREE July, 1776:
“I am apt to believe that it will be celebrated, by succeeding Generations, as the great anniversary Festival. It ought to be commemorated, as the Day of Deliverance by solemn Acts of Devotion to God Almighty. It ought to be solemnized with Pomp and Parade, with Shews, Games, Sports, Guns, Bells, Bonfires and Illuminations from one End of this Continent to the other from this Time forward forever more.”
Old John Adams actually had 2 July in mind for the “bonfires and illuminations,” which was the date that independence was unanimously voted by the Second Continental Congress meeting in Philadelphia. But 4 July won out in the public mind as independence day, which was the date on which the wording of Tom Jefferson’s Declaration of Independence was adopted. (The first gunshots fired at the British army had actually happened at Old North Bridge in Concord, Massachusetts, on 19 April of the previous year.)
A link to the Adams letter…..and a video about the three days in July in Philadelphia: (The video played on the CBS television network on July 4, 1976…..bicentennial evening.)
https://www.masshist.org/digitaladams/archive/doc?id=L17760703jasecond#:~:text=It%20ought%20to%20be%20solemnized,this%20Time%20forward%20forever%20more.
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Danny,
How’s this independence lark working out for you guys in the US of A ?
Any regrets?
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LOL LOL LOL
Nah, obviously they wish they had Johnson, Lizzy and obviously Andy… don’t they?
Well don’t they?
No?
Weird.
Funny lot. Foreign you know.
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LOL Jake……Regrets? Well……the Donald Trump presidency gives me pause. 🙂
The same system that gave us Abraham Lincoln also gave us Trump. Nevertheless, like democracy itself, independence is surely better than the alternatives. I’m confident that Munguinites feel the same.
Even the English don’t seem to have held a grudge about losing their North American colonies south of Canada. Churchill famously referred to the “Great Republic,” and even the Queen, when she was here in 1976 commemorating the bicentennial of the revolution, wryly noted that she came “with a gallant disregard for history.”
BTW…..if anyone knows the difference between “wry” humor and “dry” humor, I’d like to know it. I’ve never figured it out. 😉
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https://english.stackexchange.com/questions/384686/what-is-the-difference-between-wry-and-dry-humor
Wry appears to be sarcastic, ironc… whilst dry is deadpan.
Fair to say that any system that threw up a person like Trump could reasonably be called into question.
The benefit is that coups d’état not withstanding, you can get rid of him after 4 years.
Here 70 years and counting.
I think the Brits are always pretty flattering about America because they know that they are only tolerated as long as they are polite and courteous and do exactly as they are told.
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Tris……Yes, the hereditary monarchy system does have its disadvantages, our recent experience with Trump notwithstanding. 🙂
One nice thing about wry vs dry is that you can pretty much go either way without anyone likely to challenge you on it.
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LOL… No one has a clue!!
I thought you might like this:
https://scontent.flba1-1.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t39.30808-6/292171674_137826445546096_4405662502270775966_n.jpg?stp=dst-jpg_p526x296&_nc_cat=105&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=8bfeb9&_nc_eui2=AeHHODQu6jycLM17WbDjd5t1whFo7SuYVY7CEWjtK5hVjpcxaYEyoj_rRI1Zl6eaElVTSo-eBnAfEPBHSLMjOZPI&_nc_ohc=A7fCUYs8DKkAX-ReQwl&_nc_ht=scontent.flba1-1.fna&oh=00_AT8xw0NMtp2Wb9bEZlJtgSTGdRX84RFcPVe5AZGQ1mmv3Q&oe=62C7A678
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Tris…..Very good! 🙂 “LOL” has been in use a lot longer than I thought.
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Yes, even Mr Cameron had heard of it. Although, to be fair, he thought it meant Lots of Love.
Horrible news from Chicago, Danny. A 5-month old child was amongst the dead.
Horrific.
Are you getting lots of thoughts and prayers?
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Tris…..Yes, tragic beyond words!
No doubt the GOP thoughts and prayers contingent are out in force.
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I’m sure that will be of huge comfort, Danny.
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“BTW…..if anyone knows the difference between “wry” humor and “dry” humor, I’d like to know it. I’ve never figured it out. 😉”
It’s subtle, but I’ll try.
First, you need to understand irony, which famously Americans don’t.
After that it’s easy.
Dry humour is where every member of the audience thinks they’re the only one that understood the joke.
Wry humour is where nobody understands the joke but along with everyone else they laugh at themselves anyway.
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Jake……Thanks for having a go at explaining it to me, but it may simply be too subtle for me to apply it properly. 😉 Maybe my reference to what the Queen said on her state visit and American tour in 1991 is not wry or dry at all, but something else entirely….LOL.
Anyway, when she was greeted by President Bush (the elder) on the White House South Lawn in 1991, she said:
“It is 15 years since our last visit to Washington, when, with a gallant disregard for history, we shared wholeheartedly in the celebrations of the 200th anniversary of the founding of this great nation.”
President Bush and the crowd did seem to get the joke about Her Majesty having come to the USA in 1976, “with a gallant disregard for history,” to celebrate the bicentennial of a revolution against her ancestor the King.
The narrator, at the beginning of this video documentary, talks over some of the the comment as he describes what became famous in the media of the time as the “talking hat” speech…….from a podium designed for 6 ft 2 inch President George H.W. Bush. The talking hat incident led to the Queens’s second big joke of the visit before a joint session of Congress……which earned her a standing ovation…..(description beginning at about one minute into the video.) Near the end of the video, the royal yacht shows up in Miami, and the Queen hosts a party. She works with the crew to arrange the special decaffeinated coffee demanded by Ronald Reagan.
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At least you got to see a VERY VERY expensive hat.
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LOL……Talking hats are bound to be pricey. 🙂
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LOL Tris……Maybe not a hat that would appeal to royalty. 🙂
An interesting thing about WordPress and Amazon links:
In my experience, when you post an Amazon link like this, the only thing that actually shows up as a post on WordPress is the Amazon illustration. In this case the only thing that showed up was the hat. The post is just blank otherwise. No text!
However, if you drop down the message from the notification icon (the Bell in the upper right corner,) the link shows up as the printed URL, which you can copy and paste into a browser address window, and then the complete Amazon page comes up.
Doing the copy and paste trick, it tells me:
“Official Wizarding World, Talking Sorting Hat with 15 Phrases for Harry Potter Pretend Play | Kids’ Fancy Dress Role Play Toys for Ages 5 and Up”
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Oh. Well done for working that one out there, Danny.
And maybe Liz would find that a bit of a climb down from her other hat.
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Yes, her other one is shiny and more sparkly than anything I’ve seen on Amazon. 😉
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I think I’ve seen something like it on the Jewellery Channel, though.
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Every palace should have one, Ed.
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“BTW…..if anyone knows the difference between “wry” humor and “dry” humor, I’d like to know it. I’ve never figured it out. 😉”
It’s subtle, but I’ll try.
First, you need to understand irony, which famously Americans don’t.
After that it’s easy.
Dry humour is where every member of the audience thinks they’re the only one that understood the joke.
Wry humour is where nobody understands the joke but along with everyone else they laugh at themselves anyway.
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Maybe in a couple of years, Danny, you will be wishing us the same thing!
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Tris……I’m confident of it! Good wishes already coming your way!
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🙂
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Wonderful Danny.
I’m looking forward to hearing similar words from our representatives in Hollyrood.
Have a great Independence day
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Many thanks Dave……..And I’m wishing the same for Holyrood!
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