JUST FOR A LAUGH

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THE children of royalty had to stay a certain distance away from their parents in early England… it was known as restricted heirspace.

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The impact of soaring fuel prices is illustrated in this ‘Staff Announcement’:

Due to the price increase of  petrol, all company cars will be replaced by bicycles.

The allocation of bicycles is as follows:

·    Representatives – 3—speed with bell.

·    Sales managers – 3-speed with bell and pump.

·    Branch managers – 10-speed, one mirror and choice of saddle.

·    Directors – 10-speed, two mirrors and choice of saddle.

·    Managing director – Tandem bicycle with chauffeur.”

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SOME great put-downs without resorting to four-letter words:

·    He had delusions of adequacy” – Walter Kerr.

·    “He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire – Winston Churchill.

·    He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary – William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

·    “Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?” – Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner).

·    “I am enclosing two tickets for the first night of my new play. Bring a friend if you have one..” – George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill.

·    “Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second … if there is one.” – Winston Churchill in, response.

·    “He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up. – Paul Kesting.

·    “Thank you for send ing me a copy of your book. I’ll waste no time reading it.” – Moses Hadas.

·    “I didn’t attend the funeral but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” – Mark Twain.

·    “He has no enemies but is intensely disliked by his friends.” – Oscar Wilde.

·    “I feel so miserable without you, It’s almost like having you here.” – Stephen Bishop.

·    “He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears but by diligent hard work he overcame them” -Robert L Russel (on Richard Nixon).

·    He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.” – Abraham Lincoln.

·    “I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But I’m afraid this wasn’t it.” – Groucho Marx.

·     “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde.

·    He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.” -Billy Wilder.

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15. Ooops, which culture now?

16. And while you are about it, don’t stand so close to me… Or I’ll call the Police!…What? Can you speak up?

Granny is reading the newspaper.

“What a girl, this Sarah Piplin! She was laid by 3 500 men in five days!”

 ‘Show me that!”  Granddaughter snatches the paper away.

“It says ‘Sahara Pipeline Laid By 3 500 Men’.”.

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19. Clearly doing some job training for his future.

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Tweet

Amanda

@Pandamoanimum

It makes a change for Prince Andrew to be in the news for something positive.

3:50 PM · Jun 2, 2022·Twitter for iPhone

21. Upon hearing the news that Andrew would miss the queen’s celebrations because he had contracted Covid.

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24. The state of the union.

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Thanks to Brenda, TMc, John, Graham

Just saw this and had to add it:

Whatever would make you think that?