“If you boil a funny bone it becomes a laughing stock. That’s humerus.”
3.
Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself, you can always write a book. – Ronald Reagan
I JUST met a youngster on the street, crying his eyes out . I asked what was wrong.
He said: “Today I turned 22 in 2022 so I went to the bookies and put £22 on the second horse in the second race of the day. It was at 2.22!pm!”
“That all sounds great,” I said. ’”What went wrong?”
“He came in second”.
15.
“I asked my boss: ‘What do you want me to do with this metre roll of bubble wrap?’ He replied: ‘Just pop it in the corner.’ Four hours it took me.”
19.
NO ENGLISH dictionary has been able to explain the difference between the two words “complete” and “finished”, some people saying there is no difference – but there is.
When you marry the right woman, you are complete. When you marry the wrong woman, you are finished.
And if you marry a woman who likes shopping, you are completely finished!
20.
Thanks to: John, Erik, Brenda, Graham. Also want to thank Nadine, Jake and Andy Bowie for being a constant source of amusement.
Late finds:
MUNGUIN'S NEW REPUBLIC 
Danine Derrois says she says the wrong words ‘cos she’s dyslexic. Dyslexic? – she couldn’t spell it!
LikeLiked by 2 people
yeah, and Boris is dyslegsic
LikeLiked by 2 people
Lots of laughs this week! My favorite is the sheepdog who works from home. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Perfect job! Woof!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Chestita Velikden! Easter Monday here in Orthodox Bulgaria, and off to a fine and laughing start. This is the first time I’ve witnessed Danine (Desperate?) in full flight and can now understand why she’s known as Mad Nad. If this a sitcome the producers would reject the script as being too unrealistic, even by Tory politician standards.
Can’t say the same for Boris. Far too realistic for his own good – and everyone else’s, unfortunately. Cartoons here capture just a few facets of his repulsiveness, but do so really well. Like the trees his handle makes him one of them. Sad but true. Land of hope and glory, father of the free, keep on voting Tory till eternity…
LikeLiked by 2 people
He he he he.
True though… I genuinely can’t think of any redeeming features of the man.
In fairness, he was quite good at hosting “Have I Got News For You?”
LikeLike
Oh and …
Честит Великден
LikeLike
Very droll, Tris, as always. After the life-affirmingness of Soppy Sunday, the harsh realities of a Monday definitely need some light alleviation, like, as ‘t’were, as if that ghastly Monday-morning realization that the ship of State is heading straight for the rocks, going to hell in a handbasket and directly to the dogs, were followed by a swift emergency evacuation, rather like the last helicopter out of the American Embassy in Saigon in 1975.
But alas, reality then sets in again, as it has a tendency to do, and there is only so much joy to be derived from “I told you so”.
At least Mad Nad came out on the right side over Angela Raynor’s skirt, or so I understand, though possibly out of the sheer spite and jealousy of a woman scorned (what century is this anyway)?
LikeLiked by 2 people
Munguin lives to serve, Ed!!!! Well, in fairness, he lives to make me serve, but who wants to split hairs?
It was notably that Nad posted the exact, word for word, tweet that BoJo had posted.
So I have the feeling that either all the cabinet were told to post something along these lines and, Boris and Nad were too lazy to change a word, or maybe they erm, were ‘together’ when they sent it, and they are so “in-tune” that amazingly, they typed the same words.
I kinda wonder what a woman is to do if she is sitting on the front benches right opposite a man who is so easily distracted.
Yashmac? Burka? Long flowing black robes covering head to toe?
Of course in the interests of equality, one would expect the gentlemen of the chamber to do the same thing. It wouldn’t do if the Prime Minister were to sit with his legs open… for example
This is quite amazing:
LikeLike
Seen elsewhere
“why is a toblerone that shape?
So it can fit in the box”
“What do you call baby sheep falling down a hill?
A lambside!”
LikeLiked by 1 person
LOL.
I’ve wondered about the Toblerone since I was a kid! I put it down to the eccentricity of the Swiss… but now I know.
LikeLike
LikeLike
LOL. Yawn, tell me all about it, yawn!
LikeLike
Meantime in englanland.
here’s a war on by the way.
Rushing laws through to reform the football.
That’s urgent then..
Rerun of the super league perhaps.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Is that the English Culture media and sport lot?
Are they going to start calling football pitches, courts? Or maybe playing it with bats?
If so what will they do during the day when bats are asleep?
LikeLike
Yes that’s the department that mad nad is the leader of.
Meantime
80% of respondents report large rises in their living bills.
40% report problems with paying for energy
25% report problems paying their housing bills.
Is the buffoon off on holiday again? he was very busy last week , worked two hours in pariament on two seperate days.
This morning I’m told that sky news had a Ukrainian family on with their host, on the sign off, Welcome to the uk was followed by 4 people stabbed to death in london, some welcome., the kids would have still been looking at the programme.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I can’t imagine that anyone who is not on a fixed income isn’t noticing how much everything is costing.
I have never trusted inflation figures, no matter who was in government, but I’d be very surprised if the 7% they claim is anything like the truth.
The electricity and petrol/diesel increases along are frightening.
I have to be honest and say that I rarely look at prices in the shops. Aldi, where I do most of my shopping have decent prices and I see that Tesco where I sometimes go is trying to price match Aldi. The essentials I need from there, I have to buy, pretty much no matter what they cost, so rather like some politicians, I don’t know what a pint of milk or a loaf costs… and that’s not because Munguin is a multi billionaire, it’s because, I have to buy stuff and what it costs is what it costs.
But I’m told my mates that the price of everything is rocketing.
I notice too that the fresh fruit and veg is very much depleted and, for example, there are rarely many bananas for sale.
Carrie likes her holidays and Johnson loves it when he’s in the sun in the Caribbean or Med and he leaves the inimitable Raab in charge. And anyway. the First Lady must get what she wants…
Bojo was in India last week embarrassing his country, talking about alcohol in a Gurdwara, where, of course, alcohol is banned.
Free trade deal with India on the cards, but having promised that Brexit would mean an end to all teh pesky foreigners in the country, he appears to be prepared to vastly increase the number of visas for Indians.
That should please his hard right wing foreigner hating public.
LikeLike
I was in Scotland last week. The supermarkets looked really empty. I noticed it last Autumn, last time I was in Scotland, but it seemed even worse this time.
LikeLiked by 1 person
And for the first time I had to show my residence visa at Swiss immigration. Brexit is still as sh1t as it ever was.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It seems to get worse with time.
https://chrisgreybrexitblog.blogspot.com/2022/04/sometimes-we-told-you-so-is-all-that.html
Prof Grey’s latest blog which Brenda sent on to me.
Also you’ll probably get a good laugh (well, you can laugh, living in a civilised country) at Russ’ latest “Week in Tory”, which I pass on even if you didn’t bother to tell Munguin you were in Scotland.
https://threadreaderapp.com/thread/1518541475335790592.html?utm_source=subscriptions_mailer&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=real_time
LikeLike
I’ve not been out of Scotland since the Covid débacle started, but friends all over the world are telling me that they have plenty of food in their supermarkets. My mouth was watering at some of the market stalls in France I saw on Facebook!.
Multiple problems here with the number of people who are off sick with covid and the fact that foreign lorry drivers don’t want to come here, because of the ridiculous nonsense at Dover, where they can be stuck in their cabs with no food provision and no toilets for 15 16 hours when they return to the mainland.
People in government were warned this would happen. A 2-minute delay for each lorry in the port causes 25 mile tailbacks within hours.
But they wanted to take back control and they have refused to agree to stick by EU regulations, so…
When Brits start importing food (if it ever happens) from Australia, New Zealand and India, there is nothing to stop them re-exporting this food in produce, pies, soups, tinned goods, so the Europeans, who have strict hygiene and Phyto hygiene standards, are absolutely right to check everything. I know I’ll be checking everything to make sure of its provenance.
Lord knows you can’t possibly trust the Brits. They rip up agreements like it was fish and chip wrapping. Northern Ireland?
Incidentally, you are in VERY hot water.
Munguin read your post and wondered somewhat bad temperedly why you didn’t call to pay your respects to him while visiting Scotland.
He’s CROSS! 🙂
LikeLike
I did pay my respects by raising a glass in his honour. Several times, in fact.
LikeLiked by 1 person
He says he didn’t get any!!!!
😦 😦
LikeLike
Anent the French election again… I was going to say ‘apropos’ but we have a guid Scots word to do the job… some thoughts. Is Le Pen really French or a Tory Brexiter in disguise? If indeed veritable Francaise, should she not be Le Plume? As in the classic plume de ma tante? I’m sure Tris will be able to clarify as our resident French expert.
I’m also told that the motto of the French navy translates as ‘To the water, it is time!’ Can this be correct? My very rudimentary French comes up with ‘A l’eau, c’est l’heur!’ but it doesn’t sound right. Again, over to Tris.
LikeLike
Aye, very good, John – ‘A l’eau, c’est l’heure!’ – ‘Allo, sailor!’
LikeLiked by 1 person
🙂 🙂
LikeLike
Ha ha.
I think, John, that, as a United Nations translator, Ed has more right to that title than I.
I surely must have shared the story of how I got ‘a tomb’ and ‘a waterfall’ mixed up when walking in a very beautiful park in Paris!!!
Le Pen is actually a Breton name, meaning “the head” or “the chief”, so only French at a stretch!!!
It might be fun to call her La Plume, or Le Stylo.
The motto was a very amusing idea, which I see, AndiMac just saw through…
“Allo Sailor” 🙂 🙂 🙂
The French Navy… (nicknamed for some bizarre reason, La Royale??? ) … is co-incidentally called “La marine française”, so old Le Pen gets her name in there.
Their actual motto is far more mundane.
Honneur, patrie, valeur, discipline.
Barf.
Good try John!!!! 🙂
LikeLike
Oops – didn’t realize there were answers to this already, Tris. Comes of reading the comments through e-mail.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Munguin says you are forgiven. He’s not a bad old thing.
I think it is a joke though…
“à l’heure” sounds like “allo”; and c’est “l’heure” sounds like “sailor”
🙂 🙂
LikeLike
Jeez… it’s 1 April all over again, and I’m the fool.
Still, as I’ve so often been told before, pas d’elle yeux Rhône qu’a nous is a wise approach to living life.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Have to own up, Ed. Andi saw it first!
LikeLike
Um – as far as I know, the motto is “Honneur, patrie, valeur, discipline”, John, which I don’t think needs translation.
“À l’eau, c’est l’heure!” means something like “come on in, it’s time for a dip”, “Everyone in the water, time’s a-wastin”. Conceivably, but at a very long stretch”Ships away, the hour is upon us”.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Seems the hail on sunday story has opened some comments.
The owner, lord rothermere, is a French citizen and pays no tax in the uk. He has a seat in the lords but is Non Dom status so pays the £30,000 fee to maintain.
He has a small home in englandland, much like the queen’s cottage.
The hail on sunday may be about to lose the parliament passes.
The princess will have told the buffoon to stop looking at other ladies, she’ll be worried that he will go on the ran dan.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Nad hopes he will be hers and hers alone.
LikeLike