In the strange world of today, blessed as we are with a lying, delusional moron as president of the United States of America and a Britain ripping itself out of the European Union, the largest richest trading block in the world, and going who knows where,  under the “direction” of a disparate bunch of idiots who seem to have no idea what they are doing… and in any case are all doing whatever it is differently, it has become increasingly difficult to take seriously any of the what now passes for news.

In fact, I read earlier today that Private Eye is no longer as funny as it once was. Presumably this is because it’s impossible to put a ‘funnier’ spin on the already hilariously ridiculous news.


Today, we heard that David Davis thinks that, while MPs will get the chance to debate the terms of Brexit deal (or one of the different kinds of no deal that he imagines to be possible), it might actually have to happen after the deed is done and dusted. By which time, of course, it will be impossible to make changes and any vote would be as much of a waste of time as the one which they had on Universal Credit. Bravo, David.

Then we find out that Harry Windsor has been on a charm offensive to Denmark. The government, being lumbered with Boris Johnson as Foreign Secretary, has decided to use the Windsors to do his job. Well, I suppose they have to do something for all that money.


Additionally, Willie and Kate and Charles and Cammy have been sent off at various times recently, to visit various parts of Europe. This is apparently designed to make the Europeans feel kindly disposed to the English or Brits or whatever. Note that H\rry arrived in a private jet, so heaven knows what the cost of this jolly is.


Still, it has to be better than sending grandpa!


I’ve just read too, that the only semi-sentient Defence Secretary SIR Hic Fallon has told the Defence Committee: “I have to repeat, sadly, to this committee that criticism of Saudi Arabia in this parliament is not helpful”.

Fallon claimed that criticism of Saudi Arabia in Parliament was the reason that a large order for Eurofighter Typhoon Jets to the barbaric kingdom was being held up.


Well, we’re bloody sorry.  Who are we to be spoiling Britains chance to sell these people more weaponry to kill Yemen kids, or indeed to arm whatever other rebels they arm? (Ask Boris.) Stop being nasty about the royal Saudi thugs.

It will come as no surprise that the waste of space that inhabits the cabinet chair marked “Secretary of State against Scotland and for Making May’s Tea” was unable to tell us what new powers would be coming to Scotland… just as he was unable to explain why, as powers keep being given back to Scotland, it has been necessary for him to boost his staff from 5 to over 70.


His only function is to represent Scotland’s interests in London. He has now 15 times the staff numbers available to him to do this. And yet, having promised a raft of new powers, he is unable to name one of them. NOT ONE. What on earth use is he, or indeed is his Noble Friend the Under Secretary so recently and with indecent haste raised to the aristocracy when he lost an election? (You Jocks didn’t vote for him, but we’ll make him your overlord anyway! Sod this democracy lark!)


And all that is before I’ve even had a chance to find out what kind of tomfoolery the orange baboon has been up to today.




It’s little wonder that Philip Mountbatten-Windsor-Saxe-Coburg-Gotha has had to go on working till he was 96.

Have you seen the state of the British Pension?

Hard enough for Mr Average to manage down the pub on a Saturday evening,  but when you mix in the best of circles, you really can’t do it on £7,500 a year.



Well, I don’t remember any of that being in the manifesto, do you?


Then a Scottish MEP, doing his best to get Scottish funding diverted elsewhere in the United Kingdom. Now a member of the aristocracy and a nobleman second-tier minister for Scotland. I imagine that he won’t be fighting hard for the Scottish fishermen in ministerial meetings. Kinda suckered all the fishermen who voted Tory. Still, I’m sure his dithering boss, Fluffy, the tea boy of the cabinet (no sugar, splash of cream, Mundell), will put up a spirited fight for them. After all, who can forget his brave cries of: “I won’t let that happen” when Mrs May paid the DUP a billion plus as a bribe to keep her in a job?



Or maybe not, Fluffy!!!

According to Wikipedia, Nicola is two places above Muddle in the great scheme of things, which includes royals, dukes, people from the established church, Commonwealth people and some real jokes (Princesses Eugenie and Charlotte anyone?).

The list is worth looking at for comedic value.


Talking about comedic value, Trussy looks nearly as stupid as Govey did when he wore it.


None of it comes as any great surprise in Ruritania, except the inclusion at number 11 of the Lord High Chancellor, one Liz Truss, who I thought, was something to do with the English justice system….Justice Minister with a very silly uniform. And she’s above Theresa May…  And all the Scottish ministers. Is that because she has an even more ridiculous outfit than they do?



What was that you people were going on about? Controlling borders? Security?

If you guys think this is bad… you ain’t seen nothing yet.


Britain is the only country…

…where there has been economic growth, but the workers got poorer.

In Italy and Portugal GDP, between 2007 and 15, is down, as are wages. Fair enough.

In Denmark, Latvia, Slovinia, Spain and Finland there has been a reduction in the GDP over the period 2007-15, meanwhile, workers have become better off.

In the top right-hand quadrant (Sweden, Norway, Slovak Republic, Germany, France, Luxembourg, Austria, Czech Republic, US, Ireland, South Korea, Japan and Israel both economic growth and Wages have increased.

Alone, standing out like a sore thumb, in the UK, although the GDP has increased, ordinary workers are worse off.

Better Together No Thanks, Ukok.


Meanwhile, once again in OUR united kingdom,  a tiny, temporary committee of MPs set up explicitly to consider doubling the publicly funded income of the Royal Family took thirteen minutes to decide that, yes, the Royal Family should indeed have its income doubled.

We all know that Buckingham Palace has been allowed to fall into a state of disrepair. We know its repairs now will be at a huge cost to the taxpayer. (Not unreasonable questions might be: Why has it been allowed to get to into this state? Why were not repairs and improvements ongoing? Could the queen have managed her finances better? Why are we bailing out her failures to look after the palaces?)

According to a report in the Independent: The project will involve replacing around 100 miles of electrical cabling 30 miles of water pipes, 6,500 electrical sockets, 5,000 light fitting and 2,500 radiators. I assume that most of this is to do with health and safety rather than aesthetics given that everything will have to be replaced looking exactly as it did. It seems to me that the palace has been neglecting its responsibilities to the high number of staff of all sorts it employs there. (I imagine that it can do this legally as ordinary laws do not apply in royal palaces.)

In 2014, the Public Accounts Committee reported that the royal household had mismanaged its finances. it seems that it did so disastrously. The estimated cost was £350 million, but we know that that will have increased considerably by the time the work is done.

We can only imagine that if the household managed to mess up Buckingham Palace’s repairs and renewals, then other palaces, housing other members of the queens expensive family will also need to be investigated. Will Kensington Palace (above), St James’s Palace, Thatched Lodge, Clarence House and the unrestored parts of Windsor Castle require the same sort of expenditure? And in Scotland, what is the state of repair of The Palace of Holyrood House? What kind of bill will that involve?

In my opinion, it is time to rationalise the housing arrangements of junior or pensioned members of the royal family. I’m not asking them to live in council flats, but family members who don’t work for the country shouldn’t be living in palaces at our expense. It’s not like any of them are living in penury. Many have country residences.

Other countries manage perfectly well with a president and their partner being kept at the expense of the people. Why we have the queen’s cousins and grown grandchildren being accommodated at our expense is beyond me. An argument that one day Beatrice might be the queen won’t wash. One day Munguin might be first minister. He doesn’t expect the salary and a suite in Bute house now, on the equally remote off chance.




Embarrassing: Because Mrs May is fond reminding us that she is a Christian. Mr Cameron reminded us that we were a Christian country. The Queen apparently lives her entire life according to the teachings of Christ. Maybe a bit of bible study would be in order.


Embarrassing: Because, “Take my hand”, she sings, “I’m a stranger in Paradise.” Kismet?


Embarrassing: Because….eugh, no comment! I feel sick.

Embarrassing: Because the NYT has figures which prove that subscribers and audience at all-time high:

. Fact check: subscribers & audience at all-time highs. Supporting independent journalism matters.


Embarrassing: Guys, this is the 21st century! You’re old men, not children. Stop playing at fancy dress parties and get a bloody job.


Embarrassing: Didn’t their very first manifesto make it a matter of priority to get rid of the House of Lords?


Embarrassing: Just how heartless and thoughtless and downright bloody wicked was it to harass this lad?


Embarrassing: Theresa May has just signed a £100 million deal to provide President Erdoğan’s government with fighter jets.  President Erdoğan has an appalling record on human rights and is seeking ever more powers. It seems only a short time ago when Westminster was warning against Turkey being allowed anywhere near the EU. They are becoming as inconsistent as Trump.


Embarrassing: Because this moron once tweeted something to the effect that his parents hadn’t come to ‘this great country’ so that their way of life could be ruined by immigrants. Dufus or what?  But amusingly, I see that part of the 2,000-mile wall that he’s going to build runs through territory “given” to native Americans. The  Tohono O’odham Nation have a border with Mexico which they cross regularly to meet with friends and family who live in Mexico. They have stated quite clearly that they will not allow the wall to be built on their territory. A war with a native American tribe would be all sorts of embarrassing for Dumbo. But a wall with a 75 mile gap in it would be completely useless. A little research before he made his vow  might have saved him.



Just in case you thought there was anything important going on in the world, let me put your mind at rest.

There is no American election in the offing, and Mrs May’s new boss isn’t going to be decided within weeks.

There is no war in Syria, nor is there one in Yemen, not one that Brits have any part in or should worry about in any case, clearly.

And Britain isn’t facing a crisis in Europe. No sir, it’s all plain sailing, as you’d imagine with Messers Johnson, Davis, Fox and Werrity at the helm of the royal yacht. What do people like Terry Entoure know anyway?

Anyway, no, it’s none of that. So important is the crisis facing Britain, that neither Diana nor even a scantily clad lass is anywhere to be seen on the front page of the Sunday Express. Imagine!

The utter horror facing our country, Munguinites, is that Charlie Rothsay and Airmiles Andy have fallen out about the two bloody, sorry, Blood Princesses.

It seems that, for once, Charles and I agree. He wants to  rationalise the royal family,slim it down, presumably to deflect criticism that there are vast numbers of them living at our expense and doing next to nothing for their very expensive  corn.


Don’t ask me which is which. I don’t know and I don’t care

Andrew, au contraire, thinks that as his children are proper royals, not “married into” jumped up commoners,  like, for example, his wife, Fergie, Camilla Parker Bowles and Kate Middleton. They are entitled to be call “Royal Highness” without having to get married to one. Moreover,  when unaccompanied by their husbands, Parker Bowles and Middleton are outranked by them. This involves endless curtseying and deference to Beatrice and Eugenie, which will magically melt away if Charles or Willie walk into the room. (Such are the complexities of being a royal. I mean, could you cope with all that? )


Anyway, I digress. Airmiles wants his daughters to be given decent accommodation. Apparently St James’s Palace is small, pokey and not in the least suitable for people of their quality. He wants them moved to Kensington Palace, and he wants them to go on the royal payroll. (Jeez, I wish I had a dad that would do that for me. I always had to get my own houses and jobs!)

As I said Charlie appears to think that they need to slim down the royals and that employing two princesses who normally only ever turn up at family dos when there is sport or fashion to be enjoyed: Henley, Ascot, Wimbledon is probably not the ticket to boost his popularity, which is already way behind that of the Queen..

One of the sisters is about to settle down and get married (and, presumably, cost us even more than present bringing up little Viscounts or Viscountess or Earls or whatever they are). The other seems to spend most of her life on luxury holidays and has just split up with her boyfriend of ten years.



I reckon Charlie has got it bang to rights here. Clearly, I wish we could retire the lot of them to Canada or New Zealand or wherever, and install a president in Holyrood House, but I recognise that the queen remains popular and that that isn’t going to happen anytime soon.


So let’s trim them back like other royal families in Europe. Just the monarch and their partner and the next in line and theirs.

After that they should go out, get jobs and provide their own houses.

Let’s hope Charles prevails in this.