NOW WE HAVE SOMETHING ELSE NOT TO SNEER AT

 

For some time now we have been under strict orders not to mock the iconic blue passports which will be introduced sometime…who knows when… after the UK leaves the EU.

!£$

Munguin has been, more or less, careful to heed the instructions of MPs.

Who, after all, is he, a mere media mogul, to disobey the commands of our richers and betters?

It’s been hard not to snigger at the passports, though, for several reasons.

After all, they won’t actually be iconic, because in the 21st century, passports from Canada to New Zealand, from Albania to Zambia, meet international standards of size, shape and layout, so that they can be read by electronic readers at every airport across the globe. And the standard has for some time been set by the International Civil Aviation Organization.

And the UK’s EU passport could have been blue in any case. The red colour was only a Brussels’ suggestion. Croatian EU passports, for example, are blue!

Image result for croatian passports

Add all that to the fact that they will be manufactured in France and  “iconic” (iconique) melds easily into “ironic” (ironique).

But enough of that, for there is something even more exciting to celebrate… and not in any way to mock or sneer at. Today, in his budget, Mr Hammond (you know, the cheery looking bloke with the smiley face? Aye, well, not him, the other one with the long face that looks like he lost a shilling and found a sixpence) will announce another Brexit bonus.

Yes. The UK is to have a new 50p coin, issued on the day it leaves the EU.

What about that then. eh?

In retrospect, we probably should have warned you to be sitting down before you read it. But for those of you who are still with us and haven’t passed out with excitement, it is true. A celebration of Brexit will be made available to us all, even readers in Scotland (probably).!£!£$

And in a bid to send out a positive signal to the world, it is expected to bear the phrase, ‘Friendship With All Nations’. Doesn’t that tug at your heart?

So, y’know, people from Kenya to Kazakhstan who lay their hands on a 50p piece (worth next to nothing) will be aware that Britain wishes them friendship, in a sort of isolationist way, because, obviously, it is better than everyone else.

AND…

It was The Sun what done it.

According to that august organ:

“The Sun has campaigned for the Government to create an enduring gesture to mark Brexit as a landmark national moment, such as a special stamp or coin.”

It continued:

“The commemorative coin has had to be personally signed off by the Queen, as it will bear her head.” (This gave them an excuse to include a photo of Liz, which always goes down well with Sun readers., although for the more sophisticated taste of Munguin readers we thought this more appropriate.)

And, if there’s anything left in the shops, just imagine what fun you can have spending it.

You could hope for a sale at Poundland…

Or you could get a tattoo… as long as you weren’t too fussy about spelling.

Or maybe a second-hand hat? (Note from Munguin: You’ve fallen for the crowd-pleasing photo of Liz, you idiot!)

This place gets madder by the day.

OUR WHOLE SENSE OF IDENTITY SEEMS TO BE DEPENDENT ON THE COLOUR AND PROVENANCE OF OUR PASSPORTS

Daily Mail1

 

Isn’t it a little sad when what worries you the most in today’s news is the colour of your passport and its provenance?

kids

Hungry kids; lowest pensions in the world; food bank Britain; police taking days to answer 999 calls; hospitals in crisis; the Archbishop of  York having more say about the future of the Scottish parliament’s powers than the elected government of Scotland?

Nah…

&archbishop-of-york-john-sentamu

The fact that a French-Dutch company can make their iconic blue passport (which will look exactly the same as every other passport in the world because they need to be standardised from Chile to Mongolia) at a better price than an English firm?

Scream, stamp your feet and have a conniption fit and a hissy fit all rolled into one?

Yup!

Presumably government ministers are the new enemies of the people?

And while we are laughing at the Daily Mail’s pap: why does the queen have “courtiers”?

Isn’t this the 21st century?

Oh yeah, but not in Britain.

 

 

Le nouveau “British Blue Passport” sera fabriqué en France

According to The Sun (OK OK, I know) the new British Blue Passport, is to be made in France. But who knows, maybe it’s true.

Rumour has it that Jacob Rees Mogg is going to get Nigel to throw him into the Thames along with the next load of smelly kippers he comes across.

Now please, whatever you do….

!£$

Or as they say at the factory where they will be made…

!$£

Arrêtez de vous moquer des passeports bleus

 

WHAT A RELIEF: I CAN HAVE A BLUE PASSPORT

£!3

I’m sure you will all be a relieved as I am that the BritNat government has announced that, upon the day that the UK leaves the European Union, a proper Blue passport will incrementally replace the fake burgundy one that we have been obliged to tolerate for the last 30 years.

A variety of guests were invited to appear on Radio Four’s Today programme to gush about this momentous event in the history of our “proud island nation”.

All of them were bubbling with excitement. It was as if it were the government’s Christmas gift to its grateful and adoring populace

Nigel Farage tweeted, “Happy Brexmas”, as joy unbounded overtook him despite his impoverished condition.

I think people may be a little disappointed though when they finally get their new passports because, even if you take back control, in today’s world you have to fit in with international standards (on this occasion set in Montréal, Québec, Canada by a UN authority). There’s not much point in having a passport that cannot be read by immigration officials anywhere else in the world.

£pa

So it is unlikely that the stiff cover with the cut-out space for a handwritten name will survive. The new proud Tory Blue passport will have to comply with UN requirements, no matter how important and superior Britain thinks itself to be.

In short, it is likely that the new passport will look the same as the old passport, except it will be blue and it will not have “European Union” anywhere on it.

It’s a little sad that so much fuss is being made over the colour.

!£1

And, there was nothing to stop the Brits having a blue passport whilst a member of the EU. Croatia seems to manage perfectly well!

The fact that it was an EU passport conferred a few privileges on its holders. You could, for example, when outside the union, make use of any of the diplomatic services of any of the countries of the union. So, if you had a problem in Mauritania,  Peru or Cambodia, you could pitch up at the French embassy/consulate, or the Hungarian embassy/consulate, and they would have the same obligation to render assistance as the British embassy/consulate.

Mostly, of course, the red passport used to mean we could move relatively seamlessly though over 30 countries in Europe. Now we will have to queue at borders. If the purpose of the document is to ensure smooth passage between countries, the new passport will certainly be failing there!

I think, though, that the saddest thing I heard this morning was someone say that having a red passport was a mark of shame on the UK.

!!£

I’d suggest that people dying of cold on streets, letters arriving telling people they are fit to work on the day that they die, waiting in hospital corridors for 36 hours for treatment, the lowest pension/salary ratio in the developed world, the most expensive transport in Europe, homeless children, schools begging parents for money, well over a million food bank users, the return of rickets…. might be considered rather more of a shame than a piddling passport colour.

Ironies: It’s not clear that the new “iconic” British passport will actually be made in Britain. According to two separate articles in the Daily Diana, they may be made in France or Germany.  What horror!

And, no matter where they are produced they will still contain the French wording: “Honi soit qui mal y pense” and “Dieu et mon Droit”.