OK, LET’S LAUGH AT BREXIT…

…Because, according to Laura Kuenssberg, David Davis went to see Theresa Maybot today, being unaware of the latest plan to get the Cabinet, if not the Tory Party to agree on something that they can take to Brussels next week.

It didn’t go that well…

She writes:

“Hear that David Davis went in to see the PM this morning after not knowing about Number 10’s ‘new plan’, but left the meeting still not having discussed the ‘new plan'”

So… if he doesn’t know the plan, how can he sell it to the EU?

I suppose it doesn’t really matter that much. After all, it seems (from what I heard on the radio…maybe Mr Davis should try listening to his?) that they want to be in the single market for goods, but not services, people (except for Ireland) or finance.

Since day one Brussels has said that the four freedoms are not divisible and that the UK can’t cherry pick!

I suppose it’s just possible no one in Whitehall or Westminster knows what “divisible” means.

brex

Do you remember when Mr Davis first went to Brussels to meet with M Barnier… and Barnier and his team had all this paperwork and Davis had… erm… nothing? He was back in London by lunchtime.

EU's chief Brexit negotiator Barnier and Britain's Secretary of State for Exiting the European Union Davis attend a meeting in Brussels

And how at that point we all thought it would get better.

Hmmmm. How wrong we were.

And Scotland has come out of it worst.

bre

Rather like our own referendum, everything they promised has turned to dust.

And if that wasn’t humiliating enough, it’s frequently been this no-hoper who was responsible for turning it to dust.

Imagine, decisions being made about Scotland by the likes of him!

breex

Please, someone, rescue us from this…

berezit

!AB

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THEY NEED US MORE THAN WE NEED THEM…

So, the negotiations were bound to go well, weren’t they?

!bre11

!bre9!bre10

Well, weren’t they?

OK, maybe “well” is a bit of an exaggeration…

!bre1!bre2!bre3!bre4!bre5!bre6!bre8!bre

Happy taking back control everyone…

NOW WHY WOULD THE BBC MISS THAT OUT?

Sympathies to the now ex-employees of Maplins and Toys R Us. The UK is a pretty bad place to find yourself unemployed. The UK government (although by and large NOT most of the DWP staff) will treat you as if you are some sort of thieving, lowlife criminal out to take money away from doing up Buckingham Palace or HS2, just because you need to feed your family and pay your rent. They will demand that you take any work, no matter how unsuited you may be to it, and if you turn up a few minutes late at one of their appointments, in the diminished number of jobcentres, miles away from where you live, for any reason at all, they will do their best to starve you and your family. So I hope you find work very soon.

I fear that this is just the start of what is coming at us, and to suggest that it is nothing to do with Brexit is to live in a Narnia-like world…. where, should you wish to visit, you will doubtless encounter David Davis avoiding Michel Barnier, Boris Johnson setting up congestion charging on the Irish border, DOCTOR Fox taking Mr Werrity on a government-funded trip on a new Royal Yacht Britannia, Jacob Rees Mogg and Nanny in the Bently, the Maybot, being trailed around like a rag doll by her boss, Arlene and of course Humpty Dumpty and the Mad Hatter.

**********

From Jolyon Maugham QC…

!$ÂŁ

**********

Going back to the BBC… part of the Today Programme this morning came from Northern Ireland and at least one interview from Derry. I’m wondering if it was a BBC policy that the interviewer should refer to it as LONDONderry?

BUT THE BRITISH PEOPLE VOTED FOR THIS…ERM, DIDN’T THEY?

a dims

Laura Kuenssberg has just tweeted this illustration of the economic impact assessments that MPs have been allowed to see. Important to note forecasts are for a fifteen year period – and predict how much more slowly the economy would grow, not how much it would shrink, so they still expect growth, just a good bit less of it.

So, if you voted for Brexit, this is how much worse the pro-Brexit “Department for Exiting the EU predicts your future will be.

$ÂŁ

Scotland, were we to stay in the single market, which May has ruled out (on pain of the disgraced Liam Fox resigning… Yeah yeah, I know, anyone else would see that as a massive bonus, but what the hell???) would lose 2.5% of our growth. With some sort of Free Trade Deal, a very dubious possibility, we’d lose 6%, and if we work on WTO figures,  the most likely scenario, 9%.

%$

This is broadly in line with the conclusions of the Scottish government’s impact assessment which found that Scotland’s GDP would be 8.5% lower by 2030 than it would be if it stayed in the EU if Brexit resulted in the UK trading with Europe on WTO terms. It would be 6.1% lower with a free trade agreement, but only 2.7% lower if the UK stayed in the single market.

That’s in a country that voted 62-38 to REMAIN.

!AB

But, with the broad shoulders of Britain, and the strong and stable hands and legs and arms and possibly other bits of the Maybot… what chance does Barnier have?

**********

Hoi Munguin:

!ÂŁ$

Aye right… whatever.

THIS COULD PUT YOU OFF YOUR SLEEP

Applies to the next permanently appointed Conservative Party Leader after Theresa May.
Jacob Rees-Mogg
4/1
Matthew Hancock
50/1
George Osborne
66/1
David Davis
9/2
David Lidington
50/1
Nicky Morgan
66/1
Boris Johnson
6/1
Liz Truss
50/1
Jesse Norman
66/1
Amber Rudd
9/1
Johnny Mercer
50/1
Liam Fox
66/1
Gavin Williamson
10/1
George Freeman
50/1
Ed Vaizey
80/1
Andrea Leadsom
10/1
Priti Patel
50/1
Owen Paterson
80/1
Ruth Davidson
12/1
Graham Brady
50/1
Grant Shapps
80/1
Michael Gove
12/1
Alan Mak
50/1
David Cameron
100/1
Jeremy Hunt
16/1
Chris Grayling
50/1
Anna Soubry
100/1
Philip Hammond
16/1
Stephen Crabb
50/1
Jo Johnson
100/1
Tom Tugendhat
16/1
Robert Halfon
66/1
Iain Duncan Smith
100/1
Justine Greening
16/1
Kwasi Kwarteng
66/1
Theresa Villiers
100/1
Dominic Raab
18/1
Nick Herbert
66/1
Adam Afriyie
100/1
Sajid Javid
25/1
Daniel Hannan
66/1
Ken Clarke
100/1
James Cleverly
25/1
Zac Goldsmith
66/1
Maria Miller
100/1
Penny Mordaunt
33/1
Michael Fallon
66/1
Ben Bradley
100/1
Greg Clark
33/1
Heidi Allen
66/1
Nigel Farage
100/1
Damian Green
33/1
Rishi Sunak
66/1
Nick Boles
100/1
Anne Milton
40/1
Tobias Ellwood
66/1
William Hague
150/1
Rory Stewart
40/1

 

Still, look on the bright side. There’s not a mention of this useless muppet, even thought they are looking at the likes of Nigel Farage as the next Tory leader.
!mudd&
One view is that no one wants the job until May has completely and utterly wrecked any chance of a deal of any sort. Someone (anyone) could then step in a make a show of making the best of a disastrous job.
Crashing out with no deal (which you’ll remember May said was better than a bad deal), will be a red line for Remainers in the Tory Party, of which there are many.
Alternatively, signing up for a deal that will mean that the UK remains in the single market, customs union, takes the EU’s directives in most areas, accepts rulings from the ECJ, and pays more or less what it pays now (but doesn’t get Farming subsidies, Academic subsidies, Social Fund subsidies, Infrastructure subsidies) will be unacceptable to the Tory Leavers, of which there are also many.
Surely that must happen later this year (October) when the deal has to be agreed between Barnier and May and sent out to parliaments across Europe, and of course the EU parliament, for 6 months of debate and discussion before ratification.
By that time something concrete about the Irish border and the Spanish-Gibraltar border will have to have been agreed. And as that is a near impossibility, I’d not put money on the Maybot surviving much longer than it all coming crashing down then.
I suspect that next year’s conference it will be more than slogans falling off the walls. and the P45 will be real.
Just for a laugh, we’d like to know who you think would make:
a) a serious next leader who could repair at least some of the mess she and Cameron left.
b) which of the above (or others) would make the best comedy leader.
c) which of them would be most likely to lead to Scotland voting to leave the ridiculous mess and possibly rejoining the EU as an independent country.

JUST A LITTLE LIGHT RELIEF …

 

ashit
A must-read for the New Year break.
daily-mail
… or fairies, maybe?
beex
Bless him. So generous.
theresa
She’ll rust…
theresa2
You said it, mate.
UKIP9
There’s probably another mask under there… eh, Hissing Sid…?
tory2
Start with the House of Lords.
human rights
Ain’t that the truth…?
brexmaybot
I’d be embarrassed to be seen with a person who had such a wooden smile, but I suppose it won’t bother the puppet.
bus
Ah… right.
br4
Certainly looks strong and stable to me. 
a fox ban
Yep, we need to ditch them… 

maybrex

You’ll remember the last time that old British sword of truth came out? Aye Jonathan Aitken ended up in the pokey.

bex

As we shall shortly find out.

bre

Yes, just step back. It’s probably kinder.

brex3

Those on retirement pensions better get used to living on ÂŁ2000 a year then…

Brexitxmas

Jingle Bells.

brex1

Sounds like a plan.

brexmrsmay

The what of what? I mean, uhhhhh? If there was ever ANYTHING in the world that less resembled an iron lady, it’s this stuttering stumbling idiot. I’m wracking my brains to think of just one thing she’s got right.  Ever!

 

IF EVER THERE WAS A TIME THAT WE NEEDED PROPER LEADERSHIP IT IS NOW. AND WHAT HAVE WE GOT?

!B

A “no deal” Brexit will mean less money for the struggling NHS and for cash-starved social care, the Chancellor has admitted.

But wait, what happened to the ÂŁ350 million a week?

Philip Hammond is the first Cabinet minister to say it was “theoretically possible” that crashing out of the EU without an agreement would ground all flights.

And unless they come to agreements over Open Skies, that’s what will happen.

Mr Hammond appeared to be at odds with Mrs May when he noted that there was a  prospect of terrorists targeting new infrastructure at or near the border – despite the Prime Minister ruling out a hard border. An Taosiseach Leo Varadkar said last month that solutions were unlikely to be found and insisted that it was down to the UK to resolve the issue, adding that Ireland would not help design a “border for the Brexiteers.”

a1a2a3

Over 100 MPs have written to David Davis asking him to publish the impact assessments they say that the government has done, but refused to make public. Refusing to let us know how bad it would be is surely a dereliction of duty and impeding the work of parliament in scrutinising the work of the executive.

What a mess!

Looking at snippets of Prime Minister’s Questions today, I was thinking that, if ever there was a time to have a strong and stable prime minister with a bunch of dedicated, intelligent, hardworking, visionary ministers, it was now.

Then I listened to her stammering and spluttering her way through non-answers to the perfectly reasonable questions that Jeremy Corbyn was putting to her on the utter chaos surrounding their Universal Credit scheme, and I began to wonder if I was living in some sort of Grimms Fairy Tale.

Shortly afterwards I caught a bit of Liz Truss’s car crash interview with Andrew Neil, and then I knew that I was.