THAT MAGIC MONEY TREE ONLY SEEMS TO BLOOM WHEN IT SUITS MAYHEM

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The Michelin closure is a huge deal in Dundee.

More than 800 jobs in the company are set to go and most of us know someone who will lose his or her well-paid job. That’s before you take account of the knock-on effect on other business. And for the well-trained workforce, there aren’t that many jobs in Dundee that pay the kind of money Michelin pays.

The reason given for the closure is the cheap far eastern imports of the smaller size tyres that are made in Dundee. Certainly, Michelin tyres are really good, but they are also very expensive. The somewhat illogical move towards larger cars (and larger tyres) and the price are the reasons for the fall in sales. There’s nothing much one can do about that.

However, I can’t help thinking that there may be an element of Brexit uncertainty for the French company. Hundreds of UK  and international companies are moving out of the UK. It would be odd if this company hadn’t taken Brexit into account.

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The Tay Cities deal is being underfunded to the tune of £50 million. In the meantime, the DUP have secured another billion pounds from the magic money tree that Mayhem keeps in her backyard.

Mundell is being his usual completely useless self.

Over and over again he has made statements, promises and threats on a variety of matters, and over and over again zero has happened. Even his threat to resign came to zilch.

He promised more powers would come to Scotland after Brexit. In fact, Edinburgh will enjoy fewer powers. And, as Clive Ponting has said, maybe Brexit will mean the Tories get what they have always wanted and the Scottish parliament is disbanded

He failed to stand up for Scottish farmers when  Gove spent EU money, destined for Scotland, in England.

He assured us that when May paid the first bribe of a billion pounds to her pal, Arlene, that Scotland wouldn’t lose out. It did.

And now he has said that despite the Michelin situation we will get no extra cash… not even get what we were promised in the City Deals.

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Despite the utter uselessness of Mundell and the Brits, our own government is working hard to try to retain the jobs in Dundee.

Replying to 

𝗢𝗯𝘃𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀𝗹𝘆 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗹𝗮𝘀𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗙𝗹𝘂𝗳𝗳𝘆 & 𝗥𝘂𝘁𝗵 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝗶𝘀 𝗮 𝗦𝗰𝗼𝘁/𝗚𝗼𝘃 𝘀𝘂𝗰𝗰𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝗶𝗻 𝘀𝗲𝗰𝘂𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮 𝗳𝘂𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗠𝗶𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗻 𝗗𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗲. 𝗔𝗹𝗹 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝗶𝘀 𝗮 𝘀𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗯𝗶𝘁𝗲 𝗳𝗮𝗶𝗹𝘂𝗿𝗲

It’s a worrying thought that John Heffren may to an extent be right. The Tories have little to lose in a place like Dundee and frankly little to gain by working to keep Michelin here. No matter what they do, Dundee won’t vote Tory.

And wouldn’t it suit them nicely if the Scottish government failed?

WE’RE GONNA HAVE A PARTY

Dear, benevolent, caring, kind Mrs May has decided to grant us a little reward for …well, not quite sure what for, but for something. She’s like that. All erm… heart?

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Despite the figures here showing the expected drop in UK GDP (depending on the kind of exit), Mrs May remains cheerful, not least because her husband is very rich and, once she is dumped she can do a Lord Lawson and bugger off to pastures new within the EU. (Note from Munguin: Why does she not do that NOW?)

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At a cost then, of some £120 million pounds, she’ll be glad of the good old Magic Money Tree, which she has been tending with what passes in Downing Street for loving care, and guarding it against encroachment by Mrs Arlene “Sticky Fingers” Orange-Foster, every time she drops in at Downing Street to ensure that no heathen practices have been taking place in her absence.

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There are so many events already planned for the day of joy, which I assume will be held in London, the capital city of what she calls our precious union (me neither), the highlights of which you can see laid out below.

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It is intended to hold this “celebration” in 2022, which coincidentally is the anniversary of another thing that I couldn’t care less about, the accession to the throne of the queen, 70 years before, always assuming we don’t have King Charles and Queen Mrs Parker Bowles by then.

Frankly, I doubt Mrs May will be there to join in the joyful celebrations of her fellow Englishmen based on the fact that even the incredibly Tory-friendly Andrew Marr on the Tory-friendly BBC, left her stuttering over the Northern Ireland border situation this morning as he pointed out that the WTO will demand a border, by law. Either she is incredibly thick, or she just believes that Laws are things for other countries.

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Replying to   and 2 others

It’ll be Lend Lease and a couple of packs of hydrated mashed potatoes. Children running after trucks in the hope of buns. Old people, cankerous sores bleeding and pustulating, cry out for jam and the rest of us pretend the BBQ is not supplied by Battersea Dogs Home. Oh, joy!

Here’s someone who is clearly looking forward to the event with enthusiasm.

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If by chance there turns out to be a large number of us Jocks hoping to make our way to see if the streets of London really are paved with gold… or paved at all, for that matter, Munguin might consider lending you his tandem.

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Thanks to BJSAlba for the cartoon…

Rule Britannia, Britannia waves (or waives) the rules

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I noticed a story on Twitter this morning about the idea of commissioning a royal yacht, and, initially, I discarded it as something dredged up for a year or so ago when Liam Fox was banging on about him and Kate Middleton sailing around the world drumming up trade deals for a new British Empire.

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But I was wrong.

The chief political correspondent for the Daily Telegraph, no less, wrote a piece on just that subject only yesterday in his august comic.

He writes: Ministers have held talks about commissioning a new Royal Yacht Britannia which will be a “showcase for everything that is best in Britain”, The Daily Telegraph can disclose.

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So there you go. Everything that is best in Britain post Brexit. Can you just imagine?

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What else can they sell?

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Munguin is happy to compile a list of other items that can be sold on. Donations of ideas positively encouraged.

Oh, and if anyone has a spare magic money tree in their back garden…

THE BALL’S IN THEIR COURT

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Apparently Mrs May is set to tell the Commons that, following her speech in Florence (where she told the Europeans that we had never liked them anyway, and always felt awkward in the same room as them…wasn’t she supposedly a remainer?), it was now up to them to come forward with a solution.

It seems to be “job done” as far as she is concerned.

This, from the text of her speech to Europe:

On the other hand, it seems that Philip Hammond says this:

And here’s wee Foxy.

And that appears to be true at VERY considerable costs. From the Telegraph:

Theresa May has decided to commit billions of pounds on preparing Britain to leave the European Union without a deal in a bid to save her premiership.

The spending, which will be “unlocked” in the new year if no progress is made with Brussels, is intended to send a signal to pro-Brexit MPs that she is serious about regaining the upper hand in the negotiations.

Dominic Raab tells the BBC that planning to leave with no deal is underway. The cost of this will be billions.

(So she’s prepared to spend billions on saving her premiership, according to a hardline Tory paper.  That magic money tree is beginning to look as if it is her personal property, to be used only in the event of some event threatening to derail her.)

It’s all very well throwing the ball to Europe and telling them it’s in their court but they seem to be throwing several different types of ball. Mr Barnier doesn’t know whether he needs a tennis racquet, a baseball bat, a golf club or a pair of football boots.

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But we can’t help thinking that “the ball’s on the slates”, rather than on anyone else’s court.

Wouldn’t be nice if Britain had a realistic coherent policy on Brexit?

  • With thanks to Ian Dunt for the quotes from May, Hammond’s ally and Fox.
  • Theresa May will say in the Commons today that after her Florence speech, “the ball is in [the EU’s] court”.

IS THERE A MAGIC MONEY TREE IN NORTH LANARKSHIRE?

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In the recent council elections, Sandy Thornton stood and was elected as a Conservative Councillor in Fortissat Ward, with 13.3% of the vote in a four-seat ward.

The win came as a bit of a surprise to him. He is 79 years old and has stood before without winning. Indeed last time he stood, 5 years ago, he received only 2.6% of the vote.

Having won, however, he has declined to take the seat, citing chronic ill health as the reason. “Chronic” means “persisting for a long time or constantly recurring”, as opposed to “acute” which indicates a condition that came on suddenly. So it is not unreasonable to assume that, whatever ails Mr Thornton, he was aware of it when he stood for election.

We might reasonably further assume that Mr Thronon did not expect to be elected and that, in fact, he was a paper candidate.

Now, if these assumptions are true, one might think that this should be a matter between him and his local party, and possibly, given that it has caused a bit of a furore, the Tory party nationally.

But, you have to remember that the locals have been left a councillor short and that means that legally, a by-election must be held. So that’s a bit inconvenient.

It will have to be organised; candidates will have to chap doors and leaflets will have to be sent out.  The polling stations will ahve to be manned (schools may have to be given the day off). Then electors will have to go yet again to the polls. (I wonder how many will bother.)

And the local authority will have to find the £50,000 that this will cost.

Mr Thornton has refused to speak to the press except to say that he has a health condition that, quite reasonably, he does not wish to discuss.

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When asked to comment on the cost of the by-election, he replied: “Sadly that’s the situation that pertains.”

Now, we wish Mr Thronton well as far as his health is concerned, but his attitude does seem to be: “Nothing to do with me or my party, old chap. Let the magic money tree of North Lanarkshire be shaken”.

Hands up if you think that the Conservative party, or Mr Thornton, or both, should take at least part of the financial responsibility for this unnecessary election.

OH, ERM THIS IS EMBARRASSING, NURSE

YOU SEE, THERE IS A MAGIC MONEY TREE AFTER ALL… IT’S JUST NOT FOR THE LIKES OF YOU…

 

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Now, is that enough, Arlene dear? Do let me know if you want any more. You will let me be prime minister, won’t you? Now, don’t worry your pretty little head about the Colonel. We’ll send her off to the front line in Syria if she bothers you.
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Yes, your majesty, whatever you want. Please let me know if you want anything else. You will let me be prime minister, won’t you?

 

So the Trogs get a billion or so and they can spend some of it on giving their nurses a bit of a pay rise.

And, just to show that we do care about old people and the safety of their accommodations, this elderly couple will receive an 8% increase in their income, taking them up to £82.2 million a year

Now, how many countries treat their elderly like that? Scotland would have a black hole if they treated their nonagenarians that way.

Doesn’t it make you proud to be British, with these broad shoulders, pooling and sharing all over the shop?

Royal accounts – some key figures

  • £82.2m – Amount the Queen is expected to get from the Sovereign Grant in 2018/2019
  • £4.5m – Cost of the Queen and the Royal Family’s official travel
  • £288,697 – Amount spent on the Royal Train travel for 14 trips
  • £1.2m – Cost of replacing doors on the orangery at Windsor Castle
  • £154,000 – Estimated cost of Prince Charles and Camilla using “Cam Force One” – the official government plane – to visit Italy, Romania and Austria

OH, WHAT A FLUFFY MUDDLE…

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Munguin is perplexed.

On Sunday, in the Tory “Sunday Post” it was reported:

DAVID Mundell has promised Scotland will get a funding windfall if any extra cash goes to Northern Ireland as a result of the Tories striking a deal with the Democratic Unionist Party.

The Scottish Secretary said he’d block any “backdoor funding” for Northern Ireland if it meant the other devolved nations missing out.

Today Colonel Davidson, who may be Mundell’s boss, or not, as the case may be, said the opposite.

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So, which is it?

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As far as we can make out both Fluffy and the Colonel are members of the UK Cabinet in England. So who has Mayhem’s ear? Both? Either? Neither?

Who speaks with authority?

What is going to happen?

Surely if Mr Brokenshire* is to get a billion pounds for the province from some serious shaking of that magic money tree which, only a few weeks ago didn’t exist, then surely England, Scotland and Wales should be getting some money in proportion to their populations.

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After all, it’s not just Northern Ireland’s health service that is falling to pieces. It’s not just their nurses that have had a reduction in pay in real terms since 2010.

So, we know this is not a well put together government. We know that they are at daggers drawn. We know they pretty much loathe their useless leader. What we don;t know is if this bribe to the troglodyte party has consequential or not.

Any chance we can get that clarified?

Theresa May to a nurse who hasn’t had a pay rise in 8yrs: “there’s no magic money tree” May to DUP: Here’s £1.5 billion so I can keep my job.

*I say ‘Mr Brokenshire’ because, as far as I know, he is still in charge of the day to day running of Northern Ireland since Arlene Foster brought down the government there because she refused to stand down as first minister while she  was investigated for corruption or incompetence over her wood burning scheme which cost Northern Ireland nearly half a billion pounds. This refusal precipitated the resignation of the then Deputy First Minister, and the subsequent inevitable collapse of the power-sharing government.