REJOICE, SCOTLAND

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Edward trying to out-posh Mr Rees Mogg.

For unto us another royal earl has been given.

And his name shall be HRH Prince Edward, Earl of Forfar (but only when he’s in Scotland).

Be grateful, ye common herd.

Yes, most of us get a small gift, a card and maybe a special meal at that time of year when we suddenly, and inexplicably, get older.

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Civies.

But what do you give the son who has everything?

I mean, you wouldn’t be buying him trinkets for around the stately home or a year’s subscription of Readers’ Digest, would you? He’s already a Viscount and an Earl and is promised the title Duke Of Edinburgh when his father and mother die. And for someone who only spent a few months in the armed services he has more military uniforms than you can shake a stick at.

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And all these medals.

Still, the Queen isn’t that imaginative when it comes to these things, so she threw him a title, a Scottish one, lest we should feel left out and unwanted in the UK. As if?

And so, the people of Forfar wake up today with a brand spanking new Earl.

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In other royal news, there is speculation that Kate Middleton is pregnant again. And that one of Andrew’s royal princesses is also supposed to be with child. So another couple of mouths to feed.

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Classy background.

Soon there will be more royals than common people about the place. Stop it already. There are only so many things that need opening… and we already have devices to do that for us.

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Replace the royals with these? Much cheaper.

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Rule Britannia, Britannia waves (or waives) the rules

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I noticed a story on Twitter this morning about the idea of commissioning a royal yacht, and, initially, I discarded it as something dredged up for a year or so ago when Liam Fox was banging on about him and Kate Middleton sailing around the world drumming up trade deals for a new British Empire.

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But I was wrong.

The chief political correspondent for the Daily Telegraph, no less, wrote a piece on just that subject only yesterday in his august comic.

He writes: Ministers have held talks about commissioning a new Royal Yacht Britannia which will be a “showcase for everything that is best in Britain”, The Daily Telegraph can disclose.

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So there you go. Everything that is best in Britain post Brexit. Can you just imagine?

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What else can they sell?

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Munguin is happy to compile a list of other items that can be sold on. Donations of ideas positively encouraged.

Oh, and if anyone has a spare magic money tree in their back garden…

LIAM HAPLESS FOX’S DEPARTMENT TWEETS AND DELETES

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Correction, here’s what it means for you for a few months, till the UK leaves all that behind. Don’t you love that, although it is an EU/Canada treaty, somehow the EU flag has disappeared and another, relatively unassociated one, has replaced it? Odd that! A mere oversight, soon to be corrected, I suspect.

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But don’t get too attached to the jobs. Remember that in March 2019 they will dry up… Oh, and I see they haven’t removed the UK flag and replaced it with the other signatory to the treaty yet. Sure to happen soon, though. Don’t worry. It’s in the “capable” hands of Liam.

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Progressive you say? Taking people and the environment into account, you say?

Oh dear no. That would never do.

No, leave that nonsense to the progressive go ahead countries in the world. Much better for us to stay with the good old days of Empire where folk knew their place, we knew where we were and what was what.

But, strangely, still no one in Liam’s department has sorted the flags thing out. Probably too busy with plans for the royal yacht that Liam’s going to sail around the world on accompanied by Kate Middleton.

But wait! Having Tweeted this last night, the Department for International Trade, more of which you can read about here, removed these tweets this morning. They must have seen the flag error at last.

Or maybe someone pointed out to them that rejoicing in the good fortune of Europe, fortune the UK will not benefit from for more than a few months, only made the UK look sadder and more lonely and isolated.

Still, maybe Liam will sort out his royal yacht and sail off into the sunset, Kate at his side and retake the Empire for his Queen.

I wonder if William will hang out with Adam while they are off on their adventures.

TAKE THAT, MAY

Who wouldn’t take Kate’s picture and make lots of money if she does the nude sunbathing thing. Come on Kate!

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Theresa May would have done well, as we may have mentioned before, to resist the temptation to dash to Washington before Donald Trump had found out where the bathroom was in the White House. Her undue haste showed her to be inexperienced and desperate by comparison with her more knowledgeable and mature counterparts across the world.
Inviting Trump to have a state visit in the first week of his presidency, given his reputation for faux pas was nothing short of moronic. It is normal for a state visit not to be arranged until some time, a least a couple of years, has passed.
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Trump has apparently made a list of conditions to his visit. Reportedly he wants to play a round of golf at Balmoral on the queen’s private course with her watching. Additionally, he has allegedly warned Prince Charles not to lecture him about green matters, unless he wants a fiery response. He wants to meet and have a photo opportunity with Kate and William and their children, just like Obama did.
But the above tweet, dating from 2012,  may have put the kybosh on that plan. The tweet related to photographs taken of Middleton sunbathing nude in the south of France that year when she and Willie were on yet another holiday
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“Kate Middleton is great – but she shouldn’t be sunbathing in the nude – only herself to blame,” he additionally tweeted. 
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Also, the petition to deny him the State visit, now probably the largest ever on the London government’s website, has topped 1.8 million signatures and today the Speaker of the House of Commons took the extraordinary step of making a statement in the House saying that he would not invite Trump to speak in parliament.  The state visit, he said, was a matter to be agreed “well above the pay grade of the Speaker” (although as he is the most senior commoner in England, I’m not sure that there IS anyone above his pay grade), but, speaking in parliament was something that was an honour, not a right, and it had to be earned. Normally an invitation to speak would be issued by both Speakers (Commons and Lords). Bercow’s statement was greeted with cheers from sections of the House, and clapping by the SNP, who this time were not told off. Denis Skinner rose to say “Well done”.
I can only imagine Mayhem is fuming. All that creeping just to be smacked down by Bercow. The whole thing is becoming a massive embarrassment.
I wonder if her rush to meet with two other deplorables, Erdogan and Netanyahu, will come back to bite her as swiftly. Hardly any wonder decent heads of government snubbed her in Malta.

JOHN MASON’S POOR CHOICE OF WORDS DOESN’T FOR A SECOND SUGGEST THAT HE CONDONES RAPE

 

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No, girls don’t. Nor do women, lads or men. Sometimes you ask them to dinner and they say no, and sometimes you ask them to the movies and they say no. Sometimes you ask them if they’d like to go for a drink, or to the match, or for a run … and they say no. Sometimes you ask them if they would like to marry you and they say no. And on all these, and many other occasions, you might ask again, and if you care enough or you’re hard necked enough, again. And sometimes, the no becomes a yes.

If you think that his tweet had to do with sex, then you have to have a word with yourself. People ask people all sorts of things and surprisingly, many of them have absolutely nothing to do with sex.

“Can I have a pay rise, Munguin?” “No.” (I’ll try again next month!), “Do you want to go shopping, Mum?” ” No, but check again on Saturday.”, “Do you want to buy me a pint, Petula?” “No. I have better things to do, but maybe someday.”

OK. If he had stopped and thought about what he’d typed before he’s sent it, then maybe he wouldn’t have sent it. And as an MSP, he SHOULD have stopped and thought about it before he sent it.

We have made great strides to teach that No means No through education/campaigns over years. How on earth did John Mason miss that memo?!

Of course, I take Kezia’s point there. Mason was stupid to Tweet that line without thinking of the implications, of how it could be read, but I suspect that that is more likely to have been naivety rather than wickedness on his part. Reasonably, you might say we don’t pay him to be naive, but then you’d have to look very hard at all his colleagues, Holyrood, London and Brussels.

Fair to say here that I’m no fan of Mason. Actually, far from it. His religious belief seems to dictate his voting in parliament and that, in my opinion, is plain wrong unless he very specifically told the party, and his constituents, that they both played second fiddle to his church and I don’t think he did.

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Needless to say, no such fuss about Jill Stephenson’s boyfriend, Brian Spanner’s tweet about old people needing coffins, in response to the life-saving baby boxes. Incidentally, they were pioneered in Finland, and later in England, and given to Kate Middleton when her son was born, but apparently they’re evil things when introduced by the SNP to save Scottish babies’ lives. Based on the assumptions that they make regarding Mason’s tweet you might think that they didn’t want Scottish babies to have a better chance of survival. But we all know that’s not what they are saying.

And, even though Spanner is a repugnant foul-mouth misogynist I can see the funny side of it.