THE CONSERVATIVES LAUNCH THEIR ELECTION CAMPAIGN

Image result for who launched the titanic

Well, this was the big day for them. An election that they called less than halfway through the fixed-term parliament. An election that they wanted. An election that they had to have because they were incapable of government…so much so that the prime minister said that they wouldn’t bring any new bills (including the budget) before parliament. They were effectively going on strike (on full pay, of course).

Here’s a brief overview of how the day has been going for them…

Thanks to Graham for this video.

Note to Tories: Try to keep Nigel Evans away from tv cameras.

++++++++++++

Brexit

So, then, the chairman of the Tory party, the somewhat inaptly named, James Cleverly, who one might expect to play a leading role in this campaign, particularly on launch day failed to turn up for an interview with Kay Burley.  Bad start.

But instead of making some sort of excuse, Kay, to her credit, empty chaired him and asked the questions anyway. Offcom is now looking at investigating this. Connections, anyone?

We’re indebted to Dr Galsworthy for posting this on Twitter. Enjoy.

Cleverly later suggested that he was unable to do Burley’s show because he was already on live Julia Hartley Brewer’s show when he was scheduled to appear. This is unlikely, given that JHB apparently started her interview by asking him about his empty chairing.

Note to Tories: Really, on the first day of the campaign, do try to get the junior staff to schedule interviews a little more carefully.

++++++++++

Meanwhile, in our own country, the launch got off to a slightly unfortunate start (even more unfortunate than it starring Fluffy and Carrot), and I apologise in advance for the rude word. Look away now if you are likely to be offended.

Image

Note to Tories. Try to keep away from signposts or shop names that Munguin will giggle about.

++++++++++

Graham’s blog is always a good read. Witty and informative.

Note to Tories: Isn’t there a load of dishes to wash or a pile of filing to do? Because it would probably be a better use of old Ben’s time.

++++++++++

Image result for alun cairns pics

Welsh Secretary, Alun Cairns has resigned over claims that he knew about a former aid’s part in the sabotage of a rape trial.

The political satirist, Michael Deacon, suggests that… “Cairns resignation is a dead cat to distract from Cleverly’s empty-chairing which was a dead cat to distract from Cleverley’s interviews which was a dead cat to distract from Bridgen which was a dead cat to distract from Rees-Mogg which was a dead cat to distract from the Russia report which was a dead cat to distract from the Starmer video which was a dead cat to distract from Cairns which was a dead cat to distract from the blocked Labour costings which…blah, blah, blah…”

And that kinda sums up the Tory’s day. Still, Alun’s not standing down as a candidate.

The one big question is…how will Wales manage without him?

Note to Tories: If perchance Cairns is returned to Westminster, have a look around to see if there isn’t someone else who would do better in the Wales Office.

++++++++++

Roll on tomorrow!

RANDOM THOUGHTS

Image

Thanks to Craig Dempsey on Twitter for this.

++++++++++

Image

Well, that’s one you won’t be able to scare us with this time… and we won’t believe you about B & Q, either. They threatened to stop investment if we left and when we didn’t they shut a pile of stores anyway.

++++++++++

Image result for Michael Gove

If Michael Gove is the next Tory leader, he intends to take back control… not just from Europe, but from Scotland. So maybe we can look forward to joining England with 58.1 doctors per 100,000 of the population!

Image result for sarah vine

He does seem to think that London should take back control of everything. I wonder if he has a Queen Victoria complex, or maybe that’s his wife!

++++++++++

To be fair, according to Gove, they do have a policy. It is to take money away from the devolved governments (steal it) and spend it on our behalf (but if agriculture is anything to go by, not necessarily in the devolved nations).

++++++++++

Image result for andrea leadsom

So talking about the Tory leadership contest which is surely only a few weeks away, what do Munguinites think? Will it be Batshit Boris or Awful Andrea, Ghastly e Gove…or who?

Could it even be Egregious Esther, who has confirmed that she has received sufficient support to warrant putting her name in the hat?

Well, we’re talking the Tories! Anything is possible…even her, god help us.

To save himself further embarrassment, Dreadful David has ruled himself out.

No matter how bad it is, remember, the more ridiculous and extreme, the more likely we are to break free.

++++++++++

Image

It’s fair to say that, no matter how underfunded the NHS is in Austerity Britain, it is still one of the few things in the UK that is pretty universally popular. It is, therefore, as Sir Humphry would have said, “courageous” of Nigel to suggest it should be funded by private insurance, just as he is heading into an election.

++++++++++

Image

Ah, he probably thinks that Scotland is just a shooting estate… and shooting estates don’t have football teams of any gender!

Image result for prince william shooting

++++++++++

GROW UP YOU MORONS

Image result for CORBYN STUPID WOMAN PIC

The Tories went into meltdown this afternoon over something that Corbyn may or may not have said under his breath about May.

It is possible that he said “stupid woman”, although many are saying that having seen the tape he said “stupid person”.

The Honourable, Honourable and Learned, Honourable and Gallant, and the Right Honourable versions of the same categories, spent what seemed like forever arguing with each other about the fine details of his insult.

Image result for ANDREA LEADSOM STUPID WOMAN PIC

Andrea Fox-Hunter Leadsom made her usual ‘invaluable’ contribution to the debate by complaining that the Speaker had recently muttered under his breath about HER being a stupid woman (as if), and what was he going to do about it, to which he replied that he had addressed that matter weeks ago (and probably, not unreasonably, muttered under his breath about what an airhead she was).

Nothing, strangely, was made of the insults that Tories have hurled about the place in recent times. Most recently the other day when the deeply unpleasant Nicholas Soames suggested that Ian Blackford go back to Skye. (Jeez man, you have absolutely no idea how much we’d like it if he just could do that.)

Nicholas, the dear boy, has form on this, having previously been pulled up for barking like a dog at Tasmina Ahmed-Sheikh. He’s almost as charming as the Liddle Grainger chap who suggested that the Scottish National Party members could commit suicide and then moaned that they were w***ers when they complained.

And I’m no lip reader, but it is reckoned that Hammond used the same expression recently when a Labour MP was asking a question at PMQs, and our own dear Fluffy was caught on camera a while ago mouthing what looked like “silly bitch” (I think) to something that Yvette Cooper said.

Now couldn’t care less what they call each other. They are supposed to be grown-ups and they should be able to handle a bit of name calling. Indeed, for that matter, they can go outside and slap each other about if that’s what they have a mind to do and I still don’t really give a toss. The whole world is already choking itself laughing at the UK, so what difference will some rough and tumble and a few drunks falling in the Thames make? I mean, would anyone even notice?

Image result for ian liddell grainger

However, it’s as well to remember that this was Wednesday afternoon and like many other people in the UK, they were supposed to be at work.

It might be worth mentioning too that, although they may or may not have noticed it, there are a few pretty important things going on right now that they need to be dealing with, and spending time arguing like 6-year-olds in the playground, while we’re paying their wages is very definitely NOT ON.

It may be the end of term but no one told them they could bring games in.

WHAT?

irony

a empirea empire1a empire2a empire3

**********

apwapw1

**********

aruth1

Ruth Davidson says that the dam has broken. It is time for this to stop. Boys’ locker room talk. Objectifying women!

atory

aruth5

**********

 

a fluff
Seriously, ya roaster. We’re going to find out in the end.

 

**********

 

alab
Do try to keep up, erm, Dick.

 

**********

 

atory2
“We socialists”.

 

**********

aalc2

aalc

**********

Or is it just Munguin and me?

RANDOM THOUGHTS

A1

It’s little wonder that Philip Mountbatten-Windsor-Saxe-Coburg-Gotha has had to go on working till he was 96.

Have you seen the state of the British Pension?

Hard enough for Mr Average to manage down the pub on a Saturday evening,  but when you mix in the best of circles, you really can’t do it on £7,500 a year.

**********

aaa

Well, I don’t remember any of that being in the manifesto, do you?

**********afishermen

Then a Scottish MEP, doing his best to get Scottish funding diverted elsewhere in the United Kingdom. Now a member of the aristocracy and a nobleman second-tier minister for Scotland. I imagine that he won’t be fighting hard for the Scottish fishermen in ministerial meetings. Kinda suckered all the fishermen who voted Tory. Still, I’m sure his dithering boss, Fluffy, the tea boy of the cabinet (no sugar, splash of cream, Mundell), will put up a spirited fight for them. After all, who can forget his brave cries of: “I won’t let that happen” when Mrs May paid the DUP a billion plus as a bribe to keep her in a job?

**********amuddle

anic

Or maybe not, Fluffy!!!

According to Wikipedia, Nicola is two places above Muddle in the great scheme of things, which includes royals, dukes, people from the established church, Commonwealth people and some real jokes (Princesses Eugenie and Charlotte anyone?).

The list is worth looking at for comedic value.

 

a£
Talking about comedic value, Trussy looks nearly as stupid as Govey did when he wore it.

 

None of it comes as any great surprise in Ruritania, except the inclusion at number 11 of the Lord High Chancellor, one Liz Truss, who I thought, was something to do with the English justice system….Justice Minister with a very silly uniform. And she’s above Theresa May…  And all the Scottish ministers. Is that because she has an even more ridiculous outfit than they do?

**********

eubrder

What was that you people were going on about? Controlling borders? Security?

If you guys think this is bad… you ain’t seen nothing yet.

!£

OH, WHAT A FLUFFY MUDDLE…

IMG_20170525_154128877

Munguin is perplexed.

On Sunday, in the Tory “Sunday Post” it was reported:

DAVID Mundell has promised Scotland will get a funding windfall if any extra cash goes to Northern Ireland as a result of the Tories striking a deal with the Democratic Unionist Party.

The Scottish Secretary said he’d block any “backdoor funding” for Northern Ireland if it meant the other devolved nations missing out.

Today Colonel Davidson, who may be Mundell’s boss, or not, as the case may be, said the opposite.

ar

So, which is it?

amay9

As far as we can make out both Fluffy and the Colonel are members of the UK Cabinet in England. So who has Mayhem’s ear? Both? Either? Neither?

Who speaks with authority?

What is going to happen?

Surely if Mr Brokenshire* is to get a billion pounds for the province from some serious shaking of that magic money tree which, only a few weeks ago didn’t exist, then surely England, Scotland and Wales should be getting some money in proportion to their populations.

asaarty

After all, it’s not just Northern Ireland’s health service that is falling to pieces. It’s not just their nurses that have had a reduction in pay in real terms since 2010.

So, we know this is not a well put together government. We know that they are at daggers drawn. We know they pretty much loathe their useless leader. What we don;t know is if this bribe to the troglodyte party has consequential or not.

Any chance we can get that clarified?

Theresa May to a nurse who hasn’t had a pay rise in 8yrs: “there’s no magic money tree” May to DUP: Here’s £1.5 billion so I can keep my job.

*I say ‘Mr Brokenshire’ because, as far as I know, he is still in charge of the day to day running of Northern Ireland since Arlene Foster brought down the government there because she refused to stand down as first minister while she  was investigated for corruption or incompetence over her wood burning scheme which cost Northern Ireland nearly half a billion pounds. This refusal precipitated the resignation of the then Deputy First Minister, and the subsequent inevitable collapse of the power-sharing government.

PEOPLE IN SCOTLAND POSITIVE ABOUT ANGELA MERKEL AND NICOLA STURGEON…

…AS FOR THE REST, AYE, WELL

apoll

If you thought Paul Nutt-All, of the Kippers’ party, was pretty unpopular (what with MPs and AMs leaving his party in England and in Wales), then what about the Orange Faced Muppet in the Gold House? He has to hope that bombing Syria has boosted his popularity with ordinary people as much as it has with some of the Tories.

At the other end of the scale, you’ve got two leaders with positive overall results.

So congratulations, Nicola and Angela. Two people worthy of the word ‘leader’.

I was amused that Davis and Farron scored large numbers of people who either didn’t know who they were or didn’t care. It’s a pity that one of these nonentities is supposed to be arranging to drag Scotland out of Europe.

And poor old Boris, he rates only just above Nutty and Tan-Man.

Probably embarrassing for Tessy that she rates below her Scottish gofer, but Kez will be happy that she’s streets ahead of her hated boss.

fluffy1

I don’t suppose anyone thought it worthwhile finding out what people thought of Fluffy.

And then there’s Hammond.

Sigh.

**********

OWN GOAL?

ajamie

Dear Jamie Greene MSP,

As a very important animal, and a media mogul, I would like to express agreement with you that it is difficult in the extreme to carry on business here in Scotland with such appalling coverage by telecoms companies. (Simply love the analogue and digital bit. Very smart and almost 21st century.)

Business set ups opportunities could be greatly improved by better electronic communications, of that there is no doubt.

The private companies responsible should be forced to get their act together, and surely the government has a role to play in that.

Your first three points (above) describe a disgrace in a modern European country.

Where I start to take issue is on the fourth point you make.

Of course, you could be said to be right, at least in a way. The SNP has no plans for a roll out of 5G in Scotland. Possibly the reason for this is that Telecoms is a reserved matter, and I suspect that your party would be the first to complain were the Scottish government to interfere in anything reserved to Westminster.

So, it’s true that after nine and a half years in government the SNP has done little to enhance our telecoms. But mainly that’s because they don’t have the authority or the funding to do so.

However, being an animal with excellent contacts in the higher echelons of Britnat society, I can tell you that the person to whom you should complain is the Secretary of State for Culture Media and Sport. Her name is the Rt Hon. Karen Bradey MP (nah, me neither, so I’ve enclosed a photo).

akarenThere’s little point in complaining to The Scotland Office. Fluffy’s absolute rubbish as you probably already know and his boss is some belted earl or somesuch other aristocrat (given the shortage of suitable elected candidates, you understand). I’ve put in a pic of Fluffs too, just because it never hurts to put people off their lunch. (Good for dieters.)

ad

I, and my fellow Scots, would be grateful if you could use your undoubted influence as a fellow Tory (they don’t seem to listen to anyone else) to attract whatshername’s attention and get this situation solved.

Please be assured of my most respectful sentiments and my compliments of the season.

munguin6

Munguin, Esq.