WELL, YOU CAN’T EVER SAY THAT THEY AREN’T ENTERTAINING

I listened to the news at 5 pm, and it seems that, for Mrs May, the ba’s on the slates and the game’s a bogey, etc, etc.

She, at that time, had locked herself in the cellar in Downing Street with, according to some correspondent on the BBC, the sofa against the door. “I Vant to be alone”.

She had refused interviews to both the Home Secretary and the Foreign Secretary.

Paul Brand
@PaulBrandITV
BREAKING: David Mundell has asked for an urgent meeting with the PM this afternoon following her statement to MPs. He is not acting in coordination with other cabinet ministers but the expectation is that this is going to be a conversation about her future.
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Wind forward three hours and I glanced at Twitter to see that David Mundell is furious with her (Oh Nooooo!!!!) and has demanded an audience. I was thinking that, whatever you think about Hunt and Javid, at least they hold reasonable senior and important positions in the Cabinet… the so-called great offices of state.¬†So, unless Mrs May is in need of a refreshing cup of tea, or indeed she has run out of digestives, I’m thinking that it is highly unlikely that wee Fluffy has a hope in hell.

What, you may ask, is the wee soul angry about…?

Robert Peston
@Peston
I am told the reason 

is furious with the PM and has asked to see her is that her apparent openness to another Brexit referendum is seen by him as a betrayal, because it would open the door to and legitimise another referendum on Scottish independence.

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Image result for david mundell cartoon

So, no matter how many votes the MPs can have on her wretched agreement only a few weeks apart and often with only two or three words being changed, there is NO WAY Scotland is getting to have a referendum 6 years after the first one, no matter how drastically the circumstances and voting population have changed.

But, my money is on Peston being wrong.

Probably Fluffs just wants to know if the Maybot has any idea about how many sugars Boris takes in coffee.

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Image result for boris johnson looking daft

OK, Munguinites! Who’s the next prime minister?

YOU HAVE TO LAUGH

Image result for jamie greene MSP

I have to admit it, I’m a Twitter addict.

After Munguin’s Republic (to read your comments), it’s invariably the first thing I look at on the net.

On a regular basis, I see silly tweets from a wide variety of politicians, Scottish and otherwise. My favourites are, of course, the likes of Richard Leonard, demanding that the SNP take water back into public ownership, pay Glasgow council female employees fairly, or something equally embarrassing that Labour is failing to do in Wales or failed to do during their 13-year tenure in Downing Street, but that the SNP MUST do, and Labour would definitely do were it to ever gets its hands on power in Scotland.

Even sillier are tweets from the likes of Murdo Fraser about the Queen’s Eleven, almost certainly typed later on in the evening, if you get my drift!

There is no shortage of Tories making idiots of themselves on Twitter. Miles Briggs, Ross Thomson, Jackson Carlaw, to name but a few. And my favourite: Jamie Greene.

Today in true Greene style, Jamie hit out at the First Minister, who has been on business in the USA and Canada.

He accompanied this graphic (did he pay staff to do it, tut tut, or is he a wee whiz on the ‘puter himself?) with text that read…

“If Nicola Sturgeon wants to go to the US to talk about independence then the should pay for it. The Scottish taxpayer should not be left with a bill of thousands of pounds so that the First Minister can fly first class, grandstand and talk up .”

Now, the reason I mention this is not to highlight Jamie’s graphic or literary skills.

Rather, I wanted to show the utter pointlessness of this kind of tweet.

It raised a lot of interest, of that, no doubt. I counted roughly 200 replies and there may be more by now. And, of course, I didn’t read every one in detail, but from what I could see, not one single person was agreeing with Jamie. (I’ll take that back if someone finds a supportive tweet. As I say, I didn’t read every one.)

Now, given that one criticism of Twitter is that people tend to follow and be followed by,  people with roughly the same outlook and opinions, and given that Jamie is a Tory list MSP, you might expect that the bulk of his followers would be Conservatives or at least have Conservative leanings.

It seems, then, a bit strange that there is so little support for his tweet.

On the contrary, people have laid into this intervention with some interesting counter facts.

Firstly, of course, as various people pointed out, Nicola Sturgeon didn’t go to the USA to talk about independence, she went on a trade mission. That is a part of her job.

Any idiot could have found that out in any number of ways.

Well, I’ll rephrase that, almost any idiot could.

Jamie also seems concerned that Nicola travelled first class.

Now I have no idea whether on not she did. I suspect that on a transatlantic flight, where you are expected to start work, be photographed and do interviews the minute you deplane, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to do so.

I’m sure that her counterpart in London doesn’t travel tourist on these flights.

And I’m sure that when Fluffy took himself off on a trade mission to South America on behalf of the British government, he didn’t travel steerage. So there really is a bit of a pot and kettle thing going on there.

The job of the first minister includes representing Scotland all over the world. That’s the deal. It specifically says that in her job description: “¬†promoting and representing Scotland at home and overseas”.¬†Not to do so would be a dereliction of duty, and as far as I know, all first minister, regardless of party, have done it. I suspect that they too did not travel tourist.

So far so bad, Jamie.

Many tweeters point out a series of other facts to Jamie, just in case he was unaware of them, a fair number concerning the incompetence, wastefulness and general slackness regarding taxpayers money in matters within the purview of the government run by his own party.

brexitliam

That one is my favourite… (To be fair I really really dislike Foxy, the disgraced former defence minister.) And there’s a wee additional comment to that particular graphic.

One guy pointed out that there was, in fact, a trade deal ready to sign.

It’s with the Faroe Islands, and according to him, it’s for whelks! (I’m sure you appreciate, knowing my love of the Nordic nations, that I mean no disrespect to the people of the Faroe Islands. I’ll bet it’s for more than Whelks. But Liam did promise us 40 deals just awaiting his signature on behalf of the queen, and no matter how good the trade deal with Thorshavn, Whelks won’t sustain us far into April. Keep up the good work your doctorness.)

As always in these matters, people do kinda go off topic ever so slightly, and mention is made of a fair few matters, not in the least concerning Nicola and her job, rather matters where the UK government has wasted endless amounts of Scottish and British taxpayers’ money.

One interesting one, I thought, was in the matter, recently in the news, of Labour MPs being bribed with cash for their constituencies to vote for Theresa’s hairbrained scheme to leave the EU, but to tie Britain to all its strictures without giving it any say in their composition. In fact, not so much “taking back control”, rather giving away the very considerable control that they had (a veto on some matters and a heavily balanced qualified majority vote on others).

It concerns a letter to the Times (no less) from Lord Thomas of Gresford QC (no less).

It seems that Jamies’ prime minister may be skating on very thin ice in this respect. And, that being the case in respect of Labour MPs,¬† may she not also have done so in the matter of the cash bribe(s) to Arlene’s Orange Fest?

brexcash

Nice of Jamie to facilitate the more open discussion of this matter, not (as far as I know) aired much by the BBC and hidden away in the august setting of the relatively little read¬† Times’ letters’ page.

Jamie’s tweets may be read here.

SOMETIMES WE JUST NEED A LAFF.

That’s pretty cool. I think I’ll have SCTOLNAD on my neck. Whatcha think?

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I’ve heard that there is a threat for Fluffy and Colonel Bake Lady to join Loathsom, McVile and Morbidity in resigning tomorrow unless everyone in the UK, including Arlene Forsterland, is treated the same way (obviously excepting the mediaeval abortion and same-sex marriage laws, social security, Olympic Team membership and, strangely, dog licences).

As no one would miss any of them, I see no great problem.

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!!!telt
Telt!
!!!Toast
Do you think they were trying to tell her she was toast?
!airport
So, why is it going ahead? Maybe it’s because she’s no longer a local resident and the noise and congestion won’t matter a fig to her?¬†Still, now we know where Colonel Cake-Mix gets her ability to turn on a sixpence.¬†
!cartoon
It’s not just England that has a loopy government. (Thanks BJS Alba).
!cartoons2
See…
ddd
But what the hell. I’ll be safe as houses anyway because I have royal protection. Pity about you lot. Morons.
dc
Lost on the playing fields of Eton… along with the pig’s head.
!gordon
I’d nearly forgotten that…¬†¬†
fraud
Well, she’ll be an expert then…
!toylies
Honest? From the Tories? Oh, come on…
health
Bloody experts again. Knowing stuff, not just trusting to Tory instinct. Honestly, what is the world coming to?

IF YOU DON’T BELIEVE MUNGUIN, HOW ABOUT BELIEVING JOHN NELSON?

Lloyds of Brussels?

Oh, and I’ve just noticed that¬†Dominic Raab, the newly appointed Brexit Secretary, isn’t actually going to be Brexit Secretary… I mean he’s still going to have the title, the salary and the car and be called Rt Hon and all, he’s just not actually going to be doing Brexit. So it didn’t take them long to find out he was a useless whatsit.

No, don’t look at me like that. This is Britain. It’s all totally possible.

Anyway, wait for the exciting news. Mrs May is going to take over the negotiations herself (because she’s so good at this stuff).

Anyway, you might say that “Brexit means Brexit”, but you can’t say the “Brexit Secretary means Brexit Secretary”.

It’s a funny old world, ain’t it just!

Image result for david mundell
Seriously though… did you ever read so much unbelievable guff? “Simple” is the only word I can see in there that even vaguely connects with the Tories.

I wonder, with all this leisure time on his hands, if Dom will be taking over the tea duties from Fluffs…

Patronising BT lady: "I'm stockpiling cereal."

Or maybe he’s the one that will be doing the stockpiling of food. The Rt Hon Secretary of State for Warehouses, Workhouses and Ration Books for the deserving poor?

It gets more surreal by the minute.

LET’S LAUGH AT LOONIE BREXIT

corbyn
Which only goes to prove that they are as daft as each other.
bres1
So that Liam and Boris can fly around the world in luxury.
brex
‘Principle’, says David Davis! You have to giggle.
brex2
So, it’s odd then, Fluffs, that immediately England and Wales voted for it, it became a great opportunity for Scotland. How did that happen then, Pet?
brex1!
I supposed a burly man with 18 snarling dogs screamed that at you in the street, Ruth. Still, at least you weren’t pregnant at that time.
brexaf
Hmmmm… just at the time when we’ll be needing to home produce as much food as we can.
brexxi
Embarrassingly Colonel Davidson’s boss doesn’t seem to share her recently-adopted opinions that Brexit will be good for us.
brex123
Reported after David Davis made a speech in Germany.
bryng
The seriously sad thing is that, by the time any kind of serious arrangement with the EU is reached, a fair number of the people who voted for Brexit will no longer be around to enjoy it. In the meantime, the opportunities that had been available to them for 45  years of their lives will have been removed from younger people.

RANDOM THOUGHTS

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!royals

Homeless and rough sleepers are, apparently, being rounded up in Windsor. These people, however, seem to be grabbing their place for an event that will take place in 2 days’ time. Does that not make them rough sleepers too?¬†

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The Tories seem to think that the decision of the Scottish Parliament (although I’ve heard it described as the decision of the Scottish Government) not to approve the European Withdrawal legislation, which will see the removal of powers from Holyrood, was some sort of small-minded nationalistic protest.¬†

But we should remember that Labour, the Greens and the Liberal Democrats¬†voted with the government for this action. It’s not narrow nationalism. It is cross-party consensus, with the only exception being the Tories.

In comparison to people who live south of the border, we have it a bit easier. And we’d like to keep it that way.

The British government (or rather the part of it that deals with England and Wales (and now, presumably, Northern Ireland) has revealed plans to make getting permission for fracking as easy as for putting up a garden shed.

A small thing, you might think, till it affects land in your area.

In Scotland, we can produce energy using green technology and at present fracking is illegal.

We must keep the fracking ban until we know that it is safe.

Incidentally, and ironically, Mundell has said that only Tories understand the complexities of the Withdrawal Bill and MSPs didn’t understand the technicalities of it. Presumably, he imagines that he is brighter than any of the MSPs who voted against it.

So I’ll¬†leave you to have a good old laugh about that one…

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£boris

trumpy1

So, Boris, remind us, why did you suggest that he should get a Nobel Peace Prize?

He’s certainly a bit of a lad for international diplomacy, isn’t he?

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Just saw this. It was a year ago but it’s still funny!

theresa2

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novi
Just a thought… Why not?

 

SEND A GUN BOAT? AH, YES, SORRY, OK, SEND A …TELEGRAM?

!a

The question is – if The Russians did perpetrate that nerve agent poisoning to kill one former agent – how did they think they’d get away with it. If they didn’t care through arrogance what can May possibly do that might impress them?

Jeff Dugdale raises a good point here.

Let’s be honest, we don’t know who poisoned the ex-double agent and his daughter, and we can’t trust anything that comes out of Whitehall, Westminster, the BBC or the Tory Press. (After all, a few months ago we held all the cards with the EU, and now they are bullying us. How can you bully someone who holds all the cards?)¬†

Will we ever know the truth? And would we know it was the truth when we heard it?

But let’s suppose for a minute that it was Russia and that it was done with President Putin’s knowledge. What can May do?

!vlad

I remember a few years ago when Russia invaded and took Crimea, that David Cameron announced that he was going to be speaking to Mr Putin on the phone and that he would make Britain’s points very strongly.

How we laughed.

“Now look here Vladimir, old chap. I say, this really isn’t cricket you know. You just can’t bally well do this sort of thing. What have you got to say to that, old chap?”

Vlad must have been shaking in his shoes for sure! Or maybe that’s just the way he dances.

It’s not unreasonable to suppose that during the Crimea crisis, President Obama would have spoken to Putin. It is possible, although less likely, that President¬†Xi may also have had a word. Both of these conversations might have given him pause for thought … because the USA and China count.

Frankly, despite Cameron’s proud claim that “we punch above our weight” the¬†UK does not count in that way. Everyone knows that it wouldn’t¬†do anything without permission from the USA. So worry about what the USA thinks and disregard the Brits or indeed the French, who are in almost (but not quite) the same powerless position.

Perhaps if all the countries of the EU/EEA withdrew from Russia’s world cup (leaving Russia and Serbia) it might have an effect, or if countries all around the world stood in solidarity with Britain the whole world cup thing would end in humiliation for them.

  • Belgium
    Belgium
  • Croatia
    Croatia
  • Denmark
    Denmark
  • England
    England
  • France
    France
  • Germany
    Germany
  • Iceland
    Iceland
  • Poland
    Poland
  • Portugal
    Portugal
  • Serbia
    Serbia
  • Spain
    Spain
  • Sweden
    Sweden
  • Switzerland
    Switzerland

But England withdrawing of its own accord would be a smaller blow from which the tournament would easily recover. And you have to ask if it would also be fair to the fans and the players with their tickets bought and flights booked and paid for.

If this is state-sponsored terrorism, it’s extremely serious. Not just for Skripal and his daughter, but for the police and emergency services and the potentially tens of thousands of locals who received safety advice a week after the event. (Thanks Amber Rudd.)

Is that an act of war? If so some action is required.

But having said that, May’s best mates are Erdogan, Netanyahu, Trump, Mohammad bin Salman¬†and their likes.¬† Has Mrs May any moral ground to cling to?

$

So what should… or rather CAN… Mrs May do?¬†Anyone want to advise her?

… Oh, and “resign” is too obvious.

!atea

¬†Here’s my suggestion. Send Fluffy as her majesty’s emmisary! He’ll show them.

TODAY’S CABINET MEETING

!tonight

Today and tonight the Maybot was holding long drawn out (probably painful) cabinet meetings, for some reason unknown to me, at Chequers, her country estate.

The purpose of these meetings is to thrash out what Britain will be taking to the table in Brussels. Brussels has already published its basis for negotiation. The UK, of course, has either no strategy or a dozen strategies, whichever you think the most appropriate to describe the dithering indecisiveness of their approach.

Now, of course, not all of the cabinet is there, but you can certainly see the top people along with (for some obscure reason, which may be that Mr Murdoch demanded it), Gove. Also you see Foxy (as in “call me doctor”), Rudd, Hammond, Johnson, etc.

 

!atea
Are you the waiter?

 

In all of these people, I was wondering who was speaking on behalf of the unique situation that Scotland finds itself in. With its people having voted by not far off 2-1 to remain in the EU (having been promised that staying a part of the¬†UK was the only way to guarantee our continued rights as European citizens), you’d have thought that maybe someone would have thought to invite either Her Right Honorable Colonelness (who told us she attends cabinet meetings as of right) or Fluffy Muddle who is…well, whatever he is. (To be fair, he may be temporarily absent having been sent to the kitchen for the rich teas! Come to think of it Ruth may have been called upon to defuse a mine or even bake the rest of them a cake.)

Just a modicum of respect for Scotland’s¬†position would have¬†been appreciated but, to be honest, wasn’t expected.

IT SEEMS TO GO WITH THE JOB

Possibility¬†1:¬† He’s not very bright and he isn’t on top of his brief. He wasn’t engaged¬†when Dr Brown was making these statements. No one told him what was going on. He was, after all, only Minister of State at the Scottish Office at the time.

Possibility 2: He’s a liar. And, moreover, he is, as Scottish Secretary (having been promoted due to Alistair¬†L Carmichael’s departure from government [L is for Liar by the way]) lying to parliament and to the Speaker, as well as to us plebs.

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On an entirely separate point, I’m wondering what his colleague (the lady sitting next to him) came as.¬†

I’m a great believer in equality. Unlike the Scottish Labour Equalities spokesperson, Elaine Smith, I back it all the way. I’m an anti-discrimination¬†kind of person.

a Es
Elaine Smith

I’ve been backing Carrie Gracie in her row with the BBC. Remuneration,¬†I reckon, should¬†be based on the difficulty of the job, not on the gender, colour, religion or sexuality of the incumbent. And given what a hard job she had, she probably should¬†have been earing a good deal more than her colleagues in “easier” places in the world. Just for a start, she is fluent in Cantonese, which I suspect her counter[part in the USA is not.

And I don’t think it is ‘political correctness’ to have the views of Black, Asian, White, LGBTQ, male, female, Christian, Muslim, Jewish, etc. people heard in parliament, or in the cabinet. I don’t¬†think there should be quotas but I think we need a parliament that reflects life in Scotland (or the UK).

I also don’t think that clothes are that important. As long as they are clean, keep you warm and cover your private bits, I can’t see that it makes a lot of difference if MPs wear jeans and t-shirts.

It’s what they do, not what they wear, that really matters. (I mean, I’d trade Fluffy in his expensive suit, for a¬†SoS that cared about Scotland, no matter what they wore.)

However, we are where we are, and what’s good for one is good for another, and I was just wondering what the Speaker would say if a man turned up to sit on the front bench wearing a stripy t-shirt.

Seriously, if there is a dress code for men (and there is), there should be a dress code for women.

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MAY MAKES MEGA MESS OF MANAGEMENT

Theresa May:

Apr 17: “A General Election, that’ll sort everything out”

Jun 17: “Oh Shit”

Sep 17: “A Party Conference, that’ll sort everything out”

Oct 17: “Oh Shit”

Dec 17: “A Reshuffle, that’ll sort everything out”

Jan 18: “Oh Shit”

We’re wondering if she has ever made any correct decision, or it anything she has¬†been in charge of has ever gone right. Because if it has we can’t remember it.

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abrad
He has to try to encourage younger people to join the Tory party (their current average age is 70 and the SNP has more members in Scotland than they do in the whole of the UK).

May’s was billed as being about providing fresh faces within cabinet.

Yesterday, 73% of cabinet ministers were male. Today: 74%

Yesterday, 27% were privately educated. Today: 35%

Yesterday, 43% had a South East constituency. Today: 46%

So that worked then…

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The new Universities Minister (England), Sam Gyimah’s, voting record on education:

aed
Perfect for the job, I reckon!
Acab1
The inner circle of great offices of state. Johnson, Rudd and Hammond.