RANDOM THOUGHTS

 

You actually believed it?

 

 

bexit
Jacob, bringing control back home in an 18th century kinda way.

 

 

brex1
So, why, one might ask, are MPs exempt from this new law?

 

 

brexit
Bringing back control of our courts to England, erm sometimes.

 

 

bnp
BNP or Gordon Brown?

 

 

 

back-to-work
Working for everyone?
benefits
“I’ve got a target to reach, and they are nothing but numbers to me.”

 

 

bankrupt
Choice is yours…
bbc1
It’s strange how all the things the Tories accuse the SNP of plotting are things they are doing themselves. Think about it.
bbc
I guess if you print a variety of stuff, something is bound to be right, at least occasionally.
budgetcuts
But don’t worry, there SHALL be enough money to do up parliament and the Queen’s Town House, and find suitable accommodation for the Ugly Sisters. I know causing you great anguish.
bre2
Don’t you just love it when they try to use street speak? And I had been hoping that Ruth was going to be IMproperly brilliant!
daftruth
Looking forward to this Ruth. Enlighten us. Put our faith in Mr Fox, you say? Bwa ha ha ha ha ha . Properly funny!!
kip
Well, what do you expect from a dead smoked fish?
joke
And lo, with the passing of time, the prophecy came to pass.
munguin3
It’s Me …Munguin.

 

SNAPS ON SATURDAY

I didn’t know Liam Fox could cook…
I DID know, he was an idiot with a tendency to get things wrong.
You most certainly should have.
currency
In fact, that is true. In reality, not being ‘legal tender’ means absolutely nothing. NO NOTES are legal tender in Scotland. By these standards one would be totally within one’s right to refuse to accept Bank of Engand notes… or indeed ANY paper money in Scotland. Incidentally, it is always, regardless of what note, at the discretion of anyone, retailer, customer, whoever, to accept or refuse payment/change in any form.

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prat
Proud of that, are you? Needed to eat it, did you? Or was it just a fun thing to do for a stupid, idle, rich kid?

Click to access sni_notes_factsheet_nov12_copy1.pdf

Further information on cash in the UK.

 

 

Just for a Laugh

 

Few things give a better laugh than the man that the phrase “drunk as a lord” was invented for. The Noble Baron makes an eejit of himself again.
Erm, yeah…
jke
Doing an impression of Liam Fox?
joke2
Yep, sounds like a plan to me.
jim-after-referendum
Jim sent me this, Old Edinburgh Vet school on the day after.
eu
I suspect that the queen would prefer if Boris didn’t get to be the captain. After all, he’s already made reference to the Titanic in relation to Brexit so we know what to expect.
dann1
With apologies to Danny!!!
classy
When you talk about laughs, you just don’t get funnier than this classy dude.
british
The David Davis’ motto.

 

 

RANDOM THOUGHTS

 

Disagreeable old woman, oh sorry “lady”. She’s an aristo, don’t you know?

 

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Citigroup has shifted from warning about moving jobs from Britain to firming up plans to do so by picking specific destinations, according to an article in the Indy. I wonder what kind of financial incentive this broke country can offer them to stay.

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Donald Trump has increased membership fees to his Turnberry golf club by £700 per annum.  The 38% rise takes the fees to over £2 500 per annum. Serious stuff.

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That just might be an offence, although your falsified votes are unlikely to have been counted. Even if you and your mates are a bit dim, the people counting the survey probably aren’t. Oh, and it’s “my pals and I” you silly boy. Here’s a wee tip. When you don’t know which pronoun to use, take out the other name(s). Would you say “me sat and made up 40 people”? No?  Well, why would you use a subject pronoun when you’re on your own and change it to an object pronoun when you add a few mates? Duh!

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A RACE TO THE BOTTOM

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Danny, our man in America, sent me this.

So, what do we have so far on them? A potential Education Secretary that doesn’t like public schools and prefers that the Church run education; a Heath Secretary that hates Obamacare; and a possible Secretary of State who had an affair with a woman with whom he shared top secret documents… Splendid.

Oh yeah, and in the middle of the night I heard that Dan Quayle had been seen entering Trump Towers, so I’m imagining a Secretary for Potatoes.

Yep, the USA is definitely going to give the Brits a run for their money with Boris, who doesn’t know much about bridges, Davis who doesn’t know much about the EU, and Foxy who doesn’t know much about anything.

JUST FOR A LAUGH

cid:541CB65CE3EB41248CCF50D7D4A41583@UserPC

A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN 
To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II. 
In light of your failure to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA, and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.
 
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy).
 
Our new Prime Minister, Theresa May, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.  A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. 
To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect: 
———————–
1. The letter ‘U’ will be reinstated in words such as ‘colour,’ ‘favour,’ ‘labour’ and ‘neighbour.’  Likewise, you will learn to spell ‘doughnut’ without skipping half the letters, and the suffix ‘-ize’ will be replaced by the suffix ‘-ise.’  Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up ‘vocabulary’). 
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2. Using filler noises such as ‘like’ and ‘you know’ is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English.  We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.  The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter ‘u” and the elimination of ‘-ize.’ 
—————–
3.  You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists.  The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you’re not quite ready to be independent.  Guns should only be used for shooting grouse.   If you can’t sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you’re not ready to shoot grouse. 
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4.  All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect.  At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables.  Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour. 
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5.  The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon.  Get used to it. 
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6.  You will learn to make real chips.  Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar. 
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7.  The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all.  Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. 
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8.  You will cease playing American football.  There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). 
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9.  Further, you will stop playing baseball.  It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America.  Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable.  You will learn cricket.
*With thanks to Kangaroo for sending this to us! Note, please read in the plummy upper-class tones of someone who just got about half a billion pounds grant from the taxpayer  to do up one of their many homes.

TOO MANY TWEETS MAKE …WHAT WAS IT AGAIN, DAVE?

ruthtrump

As far as I can tell, this is a genuine tweet.

Now I love Twitter, I really do. I remember Sophia Pangloss extolling its virtues years ago, and me thinking, nah, but giving it a bash anyway …and finding just how interesting it was (and what a challenge to get all your thoughts into so few words).

But the maximum character limitation does give people the opportunity to, in a very short time, possibly without much pause for thought, batter something out into the night that, depending on your audience, may reach millions of people. And that can be embarrassing in the cold light of day, and without the rosy glow of a couple of glasses of whatever your tipple is.

I bet most users, including me, could find a tweet that they would, on reflection, have preferred not to send.

But that’s OK for most of us. We’re not the regional manager of a  political party, and we don’t aspire to higher office. In fact, we’re not public figures of any sort (at least not most of us). And most of us don’t have a vast number of followers.

So maybe it would be a good time for people who are in that position to reflect for a while on their use of Twitter. It’s genuinely in their own best interests to do so, and to remember the “wise if somewhat naive” pronouncement of David I’m So Cool Cameron only a few years ago.  Erm, Lots of Love!

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I read on the self-same Twitter this morning that the  results of the American election are as follows.

Eligible voters: 231,556,622

Trump %: 25.5

Clinton %: 25.6

Non-voters: 46.9%

(Presumably the other candidates got 2%.)