THE EDITOR OF THE DAILY EXPRESS IS UPSET

Indeed, so upset is he, that he has filed an official complaint with Evolve politics about the fact that they called it an “anti-immigrant” newspaper in an article last week.

I can’t imagine how they got that idea, can you?

Evolve tweeted that they would like to apologise for almost pissing themselves laughing.

That I CAN imagine.

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Dear Daily Mail (et al)

Letter from Munguin

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You see, this is how it works.

You write things. People read them. Some of them understand, or misunderstand, them.

Most intelligent people don’t actually believe anything you write. We know it’s all about headlines that grab attention and make you money. As Stuart Campbell, a proper journalist, has said on many occasions, people rarely get beyond the first few paragraphs of any story. So, it is easy to keep yourself legal by rubbishing your headline in paragraph 12, continued on page 17.

Indeed, these days, most people only see the headline as they pass them in the supermarket, so there is absolutely no danger of them seeing the truth on page 17.

But there are people who believe the crap in your headlines. The crap you have written.

These headlines have been telling people for years that all that ails the UK can be summed up in one word. “Foreigners”. ‘Coming over here taking our jobs, taking our women or men, taking our houses, our school places, our social security, our hospital beds, being criminals and rapists, etc.

You’ve preached a message of HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE…

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And now, after a particularly vicious campaign against anyone or thing foreign, in order to achieve the catastrophe that is Brexit, you feign horror that British people, quite possibly influenced by your vile lying headlines, have attacked a 17-year-old asylum seeker, leaving him for dead, while other British people stood by and watched and did nothing. And why would they? They’ve been reading your headlines for years. They probably believe that this lad is the source of all their woes. Probably a criminal, a rapist and that he’s depriving decent English people of their health service.

And you, Daily Mail, have the audacity to make of it a front page headline with the judgement “SAVAGES”, so you can sell more papers.

Of course, we realise that you have never actually in so many words encouraged people to beat up foreigners. Goodness, no. You’re a bit more subtle than that.

But what you have taught some of the hard of thinking is to HATE foreigners. To BLAME foreigners. And while you have been blaming them, and not the policies of the great Brtish Government for all that ails this country (undoubtedly the real problem), you have encouraged attitudes which have filtered down to the thugs and resulted in this atrocity, and many others.

Once you infect some people’s heads with an impression, however idiotic and ridiculous, it is almost impossible to get rid of it. Ask the family of the Polish man who was killed for being Polish and still being here after Brexit. As the family of Jo Cox, who was killed because she supported the EU. To attempt to infect people’s minds with lies on a daily basis is irresponsible and frankly criminal.

So well done, Daily Mail and your friends at the Daily Express, the Star and the Sun.

To be honest, though, I imagine that most of your readers are more interested in who Charlie’s been bonking (it’s his good looks that do it, obviously). Remember the old adage, ‘when the mistress becomes the wife she leaves a vacancy’. And there’s nothing like a royal story to fill an empty mind.

You’re a shameful blot on a noble profession.

Regards

Munguin

ERM, ISN’T STEALING STREET SIGNS…

…NOT JUST A CRIMINAL OFFENCE, BUT IN SOME CASES DOWNRIGHT DANGEROUS?

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Because it’s far more sensible to have £:s:p, yards: feet: inches, gallons: quarts: pints, tons: hundredweights and quarters,  stones: pounds: ounces. Obviously.

Still, the Daily Mail seems to think he’s a bit of a hero, and I bet the Daily Diana is fizzing it didn’t get the story first. It would probably recommend him to the queen for a knighthood.

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Oh, yes, then there was this bloke who seems to be unaware of just how utterly ridiculous Boris Johnson is, not to mention David Davis and the unbelievably hapless idiot Liam Fox, and that they are all led by someone with the well-deserved nickname “Mayhem”.

Talk about zero diplomatic know-how or ability!

Really, Prof Tomkins, have a wee word with yourself, will you? At the moment you are a liability.

 

MINISTER FOR CHICKENS MUST RESIGN

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OK, so when I saw the Scottish paper in the supermarket, I thought it was quite bad, and I was waiting for someone from the Labour Party to demand the Nicola Sturgeon take very severe action on whichever minister it is that is responsible for chickens.

But then I got home and found that in the UK the situation is even worse. Whereas in Scotland you have a 50% chance of dying from chickenitis, in England it’s a 66% chance, indeed in England it seems that the percentage of contaminated birds is 78.

How lucky we are in Scotland. Can someone find the chicken minister and give him or her a hearty pat on the back…

Seriously, this comic gets dafter in its competition with the Daily Diana.