I’M TELLING; WE’VE BEEN PUSHED AROUND BUY THE BIG FOREIGN BOY

££££££

After more than two years of being ruthlessly pushed around by the EU, it is time for the UK to resist.

WHAT?

OK, so in my world (and clearly that isn’t the world of Eton, Oxford, Bullington Club, Westminster, and the Daily Telegraph), you haven’t been pushed around. And by “you”, I guess I mean England (and Wales) and your government.

You guys in the Tories decided to offer a referendum as a way of ensuring that people who disliked Europe would vote Tory and not UKIP in 2015. And to an extent, it worked.

Largely due to the UK voting system, your 11.3 million votes got you 331 seats, where are UKIP’s 3.8 million votes got them just 1 seat. Fair, huh?

Having got that far your right wing pushed Cameron to go ahead with the referendum, and he did, but in the absolute certainty (in his head) that he would win. And because of that certainty, he refused to allow any preparation for a possible no leave. Nothing.

When Nicola Sturgeon suggested that he just might lose, he told her not to be silly. Girls in politics, huh? What’s the Eton world coming to?

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So, when the result came in Dave fled for the hills,  beach, leaving whoever was his successor to pick up the pieces with not one single plan having been made. (It is worth noting here, however, that Theresa May had been the Home Secretary in the run up to the referendum, and so she knew that that was the situation when she applied for, and then got, the job.

Now a sensible government would have planned for both conceivable results. This would have meant in short order they could have put together a set of detailed pre-prepared proposals for leaving the EU, including how they would deal with the vexed (nigh insoluble) question of the Ireland/UK border, mindful of the conditions of the Good Friday Agreement and international trade laws regarding borders at the end of jurisdictions.

Replying to 

After 2 years of the EU responding to our decision to break up something we helped build with them, by giving us a range of Brexit options which we’ve rejected, it’s time you accepted that your whole plan is doomed to failure…

I mean you must that thought that through, right?

No?

Ah! Oooooooo K.

Not unreasonable the EU was pressing for some details as quickly as possible. Uncertainty affects both sides in these matters. And they undoubtedly thought that a country like Britain would ahve had plans in place. Of course they would…

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Somewhat optimistically, on March 31 2017, your prime minister triggered article 50 in a communication with the EU and shortly thereafter the UK’s Secretary for Brexit was invited to meet with the appointed negotiator for Europe.

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There we have a picture of David Davis and his bag carrier grinning like Cheshire cats and Monsieur Barnier and his assistants looking rather less cheerful. Could be because while the EU three had clearly done their devoirs,  David’s homework had, just as clearly, been eaten by the dog.

No wonder you were home for lunch.

And that has been the pattern ever since, only interrupted for the period when your prime minister decided that, contrary to all her previous protestations, she was going to waste a month of precious negotiating time on holding a general election.

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That just might have been acceptable if she had made a better job of appealing to people that she could do the job, but as it was, she lost her majority and was obliged to pay a bribe of £1 billion of OUR money to secure the voted of a minority party of religious bigots and retain her position.

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Because it is a group of 27 nations, each with a vote (and a veto) on the final deal, the EU has operated on a fairly strict set of rules. There has been no doubt from the first day of negotiations that the “four freedoms” which are the founding principles of the EU are not up for negotiation. Freedom of movement of goods, finance, services and labour makes the EU what it is.

They’ve told the UK time and time again you cannot cherry pick.

Image result for trump plays golf

Britain’s always reminded me of a bloke leaving the golf club but saying that he wants to be able to come in to the bar on a Friday for a pint with his mates, play a round of 18 on a Wednesday afternoon, oh and bring the other half in for a meal in the restaurant from time to time, all the while avoiding the annual fees and disregarding the management committee’s rulings.

The UK, on the other hand, is a group of four (five including Gibraltar) nations, none of which needs to be listened to at all (and one of which has grubby little beard snacking tea boys telling it to shut up).

The UK really needs to understand that the EU operates differently from Britain. I suppose you could call it democracy.

Your trouble is that within your own party, never mind any of the other parties in the Commons, you have divergent groups.  Remainers, reluctant leavers, and the hard right who genuinely seem to think that Beelzebub himself is in charge in Brussels. So whatever Soubrey and her like wants, you can guarantee that Rees Mogg and his band will want the exact opposite.

Then you have to add into that mix, the DUP. Bought and paid for with British gold, they will support you, but only if they get THEIR way on everything and no one ever crosses their blood orange red lines. And their way is, well, pretty extreme and definitely weird and based on a hatred of Europe that may be something to do with the religious makeup of some of the southern countries.

So basically your lot has made a complete pig’s mouth, erm I mean, ear, of the whole thing. No more and no less than we would have expected from a bunch of over-privileged underachievers.

We have now five and a half months till our leaving day and the UK still has no position that it can put to the EU and that Barnier can be fairly sure will pass through the UK parliament and therefore which he can recommend to the member states to go back and vote on.

And you think you’ve been pushed around. If I were Barnier, I’d have pushed you under this bus.

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Lord, Boris, you really are a tosser.

 

 

 

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Random Clusters in Birmingham

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Sorry about the shock to the system. We hope you weren’t about to eat. The sight of Boris in his under garments isn’t advised either before or after a heavy meal..or indeed at any other time.

So Boris spoke, after running through a cornfield like the naughty wee soul that he is…

Basically, he said he thought everyone should get behind Theresa May and push her off… No, sorry, got carried away there. Munguin made me say it, honest.

He said they should get behind her, but he also said that she had to ditch “Chequers” (the agreement, not the house), which she has already said is the only possible way forward.

So, if I understand right, he’s saying that they should get behind her if she adopts HIS policies.

OK, fine.

Is it just me, or is she starting to look like Mr Burns?

It has all made Mrs May “cross”.

I am wondering how concerned Mr Johnson is about the prime ministerial crossness. Making people cross is his business, after all, so I’m suspecting ‘not a lot’ is probably the answer to that. Still, even if he is, he has a new protector in the form of his new wingman, Ross Thomson. Obviously more interested in preferment in a Boris government than bothering about his constituents.

Adding to Tessy woes, the Irish Border problem is never far from the surface.

Queen Arlene of Orange has laid it on the line to the PM.

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If May agrees to any kind of border in the Irish Sea, then the support deal is off (‘what billion you paid as a bribe?’, she was heard to say). There must be no difference between Great Britain and Northern Ireland, well, obviously except in matters like abortion or gay marriage, or any other loonie stuff.

She also indicated that the Good Friday Agreement wasn’t sacrosanct… which I think she will find is a quite a large lie… and she may end up going to hell.

So battered from all sides, Mrs May has agreed to another interview but only with the BBC. No other channels are getting to speak to her. Mr Snow is not a happy man. And it is beginning to look like the BBC is the state broadcast in every sense. Still, if you want an increase in the telly tax…

Feel free to update me if I missed any of the disasters that befell them today…

Can’t wait for tomorrow. I bet all the minions are going around with superglue nailing letters to the wall.

What’s the theme this year? OPPORTUNISTS?

 

RANDOM THOUGHTS

Arlene Foster (Niall Carson/PA)

Just eight hours after telling us that the proposed Irish Language Act (which is keeping the NI Assembly from functioning, and facilitating direct rule of the province from England)  was non-negotiable, Orange Arlene the Dinosaur Denier, said that “Red lines shouldn’t be placed above needs of the public”.

I don’t know who her god is, but presumably, she believes that he made the world and everything in it (including the Irish Language) in 6 days.

“So God looked at all he had done and saw that it was good, except for the pesky Irish Language, which clearly Satan had slipped in while he was on a coffee break.” Jeeeez.

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Image result for Isaac Herzog

Israeli opposition leader, Isacc Herzog, has said that Israel is fast becoming a Fascist state. Oh well, I guess he’s another one of these anti-Semitic blokes going about, eh?

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After all the fuss that Labour and the idiot Murdo made about the Queensferry Crossing, it was, according to Audit Scotland, a well-managed project that came in under budget, although it opened later than anticipated due to worse than expected winter weather.

Auditor General Caroline Gardner said: “There is much the public sector can learn from the way Transport Scotland managed the project and it’s important that the good practice is shared more widely.

“The management of the project delivered value for money and achieved its overall aim of maintaining a reliable road link between Fife and the Lothians.

“Transport Scotland now needs to produce a clearer plan about how it will measure the success of the project’s wider benefits, including its contribution to economic growth and improved public transport links.”

Transport Secretary Michael Matheson welcomed the report’s findings and said a full post-project evaluation was planned for later in the year.

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!!!mundell

Apparently, they were daft enough to let Fluffy be a spokesman for the British Government on the Today Programme. Also apparently, he said absolutely nothing that was even half ways intelligible. Incidentally, BBC’s Today programme has lost 800,000 listeners. The decline in numbers comes amid criticism of the flagship Radio 4 show as it becomes a Tory propaganda broadcast. Fluffy ain’t going to put the numbers up again though!

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brexbus

While ScotRail continues to run the most reliable service in the UK, Southern Rail’s timetable has apparently won the Man Booker Prize for fiction.

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Brexit00
Anyone not thinking about eating rats must be anti-food.

Boris

 

DAISY, DAISY

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According to Sky, the crisis has been averted (also see Evening Standard). After talks with Davis (and Johnson and Fox) this morning, Maybot appears to have caved (in a strong and stable sort of way, of course) and agreed to a vague end date of 2021 or 2022 for the single market arrangement over the Irish border.

It appears that for the bulk of this parliament then, Mr Fox has no function as he won’t be able to sign a single trade deal, which I guess is more or less what a trade secretary gets paid for. Maybe we should make him redundant and save his ministerial salary for the next 4 years?

And all this is thanks to the fact that Arlene Foster owns Mrs Mayhem and will NOT tolerate ANY differences between Northern Ireland and Britain (except with regard to abortions, gay marriage and their PR electoral system, of course).

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NOW THEN, THERE’S AN INCENTIVE FOR REUNIFICATION…

 

azrlene
Just one thing, Arlene pet, don’t think of bringing your narrow-minded beliefs to Scotland. Come by all means, but leave the bigotry and hatred, along with the orange kit, at passport control. We live in the 21st century here, we are open and welcoming, regardless of creed, colour, gender, sexuality, age, ability, or anything else. We know that’s not your party’s way. We should also probably warn you that our part in your united kingdom is moving towards its final days, so if it’s the queen, beefeaters, house of lords and great British “values” you’re looking for, I doubt if you’d like the way we are moving. Still, I hope you’ll leave Ireland. I’ve always seen you people as part of the problem and not part of the solution.

 

 

AS IF EVERYTHING WASN’T ALREADY FALLING DOWN AROUND HER EARS…

 

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Last summer, after her unnecessary and disastrous general election campaign, designed to give her a strong and stable majority as she went into Brexit negotiations, the Maybot was obliged to purchase the allegiance of Northern Ireland’s weird party of creationists, the Democratic Unionist Party (DUP) for a sum of somewhere between £1 billion and £1.5 billion to make up for the majority that she had just lost.

 

(Just a little aside here. I’m always a bit dubious about anything, party or country, with the word “democratic” in the title. If you need to tell people you are democratic, you probably aren’t… Democratic Republic People’s Republic of  Korea, Democratic Republic of the Congo, People’s Democratic Republic of Algeria… are you noticing a pattern?)

I’ve nothing against a coalition government or the compromises that are, perforce, a part of that kind of arrangement. But this wasn’t and isn’t a coalition arrangement, nor could it be, given the geographical limits of the DUP. It was and is, quite simply, a bribe to get for the Tories and May, the votes of DUP members in the House of Commons.

There are those who say that it was pretty much unnecessary. The DUP are the right wing, Protestant, unionist, queen and country (in short Tory) party of the province. Hardline Brexiteers, they would have voted, almost undoubtedly, with May even without a bribe.

 

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Nice scarf there, Arlene!

 

But May couldn’t be sure of that, and what the hell, it wasn’t her money she was giving away.

(Another aside here: When the bribe was announced it caused consternation. Money above and beyond the budget to devolved government is supposed to be based on the  Barnet formula. In other words, if NI gets money, so must, proportionately, the other countries of the UK. So our brave wee Viceroy Fluffy made a point of telling the BBC that he would not allow Northern Ireland to benefit from this sort of money without Scotland getting its fair share too. And that was the last we heard of it as Mrs May directed him to fetch the biscuits to go with her tea and he became permanently distracted with the more pressing matters of ensuring that the boss’s refreshments were supplied timeously or returning to the backbenches to be replaced by a wooden dummy….see below.)

 

Image from Harrison Photography - do not delete this IPTC data
Nothing in this glorious part of the glorious United Kingdon is older than 6000 years.

 

Now, however, Gina Miller, the woman who took the UK government to court (and won) on whether or not parliament should have a say on the issuing of Article 50, has sent a legal warning to May that the £50 million pounds already paid to NI as part of this “arrangement”  may be illegal, because it was given without being voted through parliament.

“It beggars belief that this government is once again putting itself above the law and seeking to undermine the normal constitutional and legal processes,” Miller said in a statement.

“Spending public money requires proper parliamentary scrutiny and accountability – and the making of these payments is no different.”

So, we shall see what we shall see…

 

maybot
Who has the more wooden smile?

 

Does anyone have an example of something Mayhem the Maybot has done that hasn’t gone horribly wrong?

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RANDOM THOUGHTS

 

a irel
Nope, mate. You hold all the cards.
£!7
Well, you and Arlene, of course.
a kids in poverty EU
Proud of punching above our weight in a lot of things, but clearly not kids’ poverty. Ex-communist countries like the Czech Republic, Estonia and  Slovakia are doing better!
aaaaaaa
I see these Britain First people speak really good British.
a trump2
Not sure there are a lot of people who are fit to walk in the footsteps of Mr Mandela.  But Trump’s not fit to walk in the footsteps of Atilla the Hun!
danny1
Oooops. Forgot, huh?
afruit
What with that and apprenticeships pensioners won’t need a pension to live on…
apension
…which is just as well, given that you couldn’t live on it…
apension1
…however, fortunately,  important people don’t have to.
britian
Ring any bells as to which country they are talking about?
inflation ps sal
And that’s serious stuff…
aeejit
Unlike this tube with his kilt on backside fore. What a wally.