ERM, ISN’T STEALING STREET SIGNS…

…NOT JUST A CRIMINAL OFFENCE, BUT IN SOME CASES DOWNRIGHT DANGEROUS?

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Because it’s far more sensible to have £:s:p, yards: feet: inches, gallons: quarts: pints, tons: hundredweights and quarters,  stones: pounds: ounces. Obviously.

Still, the Daily Mail seems to think he’s a bit of a hero, and I bet the Daily Diana is fizzing it didn’t get the story first. It would probably recommend him to the queen for a knighthood.

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Oh, yes, then there was this bloke who seems to be unaware of just how utterly ridiculous Boris Johnson is, not to mention David Davis and the unbelievably hapless idiot Liam Fox, and that they are all led by someone with the well-deserved nickname “Mayhem”.

Talk about zero diplomatic know-how or ability!

Really, Prof Tomkins, have a wee word with yourself, will you? At the moment you are a liability.

 

COME ON YOU PEOPLE WHO VOTED TO REMAIN: SORT IT OUT

01This is a comment left on an article in The Financial Times. It’s hilarious, but it also seems to be to me to be frighteningly true.

So, this is how the debate reads so far. I kid you not, it’s practically verbatim:

Remainers (left holding the Brexit baby after the Leavers… left) “WTF?”

Leavers “We voted Brexit, now You Remainers need to implement it”

Remainers “But it’s not possible!”

Leavers “The People Have Spoken. Therefore it is possible. You just have to think positively.”

Remainers “And do what exactly?”

Leavers “Come up with a Plan that will leave us all better off outside the EU than in it”

Remainers “But it’s not possible!”

Leavers “Quit with the negative vibes. The People Have Spoken.”

Remainers “But even you don’t know how!”

Leavers “That’s your problem, we’ve done our bit and voted, we’re going to sit here and eat popcorn and watch as you do it.”

Remainers “Shouldn’t you do it?”

Leavers “It’s not up to us to work out the detail, it’s up to you experts.”

Remainers “I thought you’d had enough of experts”

Leavers “Remain experts.”

Remainers “There are no Leave experts”

Leavers “Then you’ll have to do it then. Oh, and by the way, no dragging your feet or complaining about it, because if you do a deal we don’t want, we’ll eat you alive.”

Remainers “But you don’t know what you want!”

Leavers “We want massive economic growth, no migration, free trade with the EU and every other country, on our terms, the revival of British industry, re-open the coal mines, tea and vicars on every village green, some bunting, and maybe restoration of the empire.”

Remainers “You’re delusional.”

Leavers “We’re a delusional majority. DEMOCRACY! So do the thing that isn’t possible, very quickly, and give all Leavers what they want, even though they don’t know what they want, and ignore the 16 million other voters who disagree. They’re tight trouser latte-sipping hipsters who whine all the time, who cares.”

By Ishtar Ostaria
Source: ft.com

PROFESSOR ADAM TOMKINS DISPLAYS HIS CLASSY SENSE OF HUMOUR

 

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You know, it would be a wonder if sometimes we didn’t ALL say things on social media, particularly Twitter, that, upon reflection, would have been better left unsaid.

Of course, for many of us it doesn’t matter a fig. No one much reads our tweets, and those who do are probably friends…so it’s a bit like down the pub when we say something silly among our mates.

But when you’re a politician (or other celebrated personality), and your tweets are read by thousands, and they reflect the attitude of your party, it might be a good idea to consider very carefully before you put finger to keyboard.

It’s a small thing maybe, but using a picture of a natural disaster that killed 26 people and brought about devastation and misery just to make a silly, petty point against Humza and the SNP, is beneath even what you’d expect from anyone, let alone a supposedly educated man.

Stay classy, Prof.

 

BLAIR IS BACK

0If you thought that Trump and Brexit weren’t quite enough to finish off the world as you know it, the good news is that not only is Tony Blair making preparation to do a Norma Desmond style comeback (hopefully without the close-up), but he’s dragging  Spud Murphy and possibly even McTeacake with him as advisors.

Oh, how we laughed!

Apparently, he wants to save the UK from Brexit because he thinks Tessy Mayhem is a lightweight and that Corbyn is a nutter. So clearly, he’s learned a lot about diplomacy from all the murdering dictators he’s been working with over the last 10 years.

Clearly, by employing Murphy as an advisor (I assume that the Rt Hon’s conflict settlement agency hasn’t been doing too well),  he is hoping to lose Labour another 97% of its seats at the next election. If he sticks to meddling in Brexit, with that team I’d say we’ll leave in 2 years’ time without one single concession, and with a boot up our backsides.

If I were the Defence minister at Westminster I’d get buying a pile of ammunition, because Blair can’t be anywhere near the seat of power without bombing a few middle eastern within an inch of ruin and then withdrawing wearing one of his smug smiles and saying “job done, Mr President, Sir”.

The picture at the top of the article is either Blair wearing his military outfit, ready for a good bombing somewhere, or it’s a bus inspector who’s just heard that Blair had the effrontery to call someone else a nutter!!! I’m truly not sure which.

MINISTER FOR CHICKENS MUST RESIGN

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OK, so when I saw the Scottish paper in the supermarket, I thought it was quite bad, and I was waiting for someone from the Labour Party to demand the Nicola Sturgeon take very severe action on whichever minister it is that is responsible for chickens.

But then I got home and found that in the UK the situation is even worse. Whereas in Scotland you have a 50% chance of dying from chickenitis, in England it’s a 66% chance, indeed in England it seems that the percentage of contaminated birds is 78.

How lucky we are in Scotland. Can someone find the chicken minister and give him or her a hearty pat on the back…

Seriously, this comic gets dafter in its competition with the Daily Diana.