BATTEN BATTERED

…AND FILLETED

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IF WE ARE SO RICH AND SUCCESSFUL…

Britain is supposedly one of the richest nations in the world. So a few questions.

1/ Why do people have to sleep in shop doorways?

2/ Why was there a rush of Tory MPs being photographed at food banks yesterday, making a donation and then tweeting it with a standardised message, presumably so we would all think how compassionate they are? And why has foodbank use increased so much?

3/ Why, when clearly there are many problems to be sorted, do they insist on rolling out Universal Credit?

Image result for amber rudd

4/ Why do they need volunteers for the health service when we are about to get £350 million a week Brexit bonus?

5/ Why is Crossrail overdue and over budget?

6/ Why is HS2 late and over budget already?

Image result for hs2 late and over budget

7/ Why are the roads such a mess of potholes?

8/ Why are the trains the most expensive and among the least efficient in Europe?

9/ Why are retirement pensions the worst in Europe and indeed the developed world?

10/ Why, at least in England and Wales, is there a dire shortage of police?

11/ Why are the Prisons in England in chaos?

Image result for prison and probation chaos in England

12/ Why is the probation service in England broken?

13/ Why can my friend in London not get an appointment with his GP?

14/ Why did it take around 3 months for another friend (yes, I have some) to get his grandad buried in Coventry?

15/ Why are Tory councils in England going bankrupt?

16/ Why are we spending billions on doing up the Houses of Parliament in London?

17/ Why do Vince Cable and his Scottish tea boy think there should be a second British referendum, but not a second Scottish referendum. It couldn’t be that they liked the result of the Scottish one but not the EU one, could it?

Image result for vince cable and willie rennie

If anyone has any other questions, please feel free to ask them. No one will have much of an answer, but hey, you’ll have done your bit by asking it.

NOW HOW DOES THIS WORK EXACTLY?

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Let’s see if I can get this right.

The Daily Mail told us that Brexit was a good idea. It even seemed to go along with the notion that we should get £350 million a week for our health service. This picture was taken from the Mail.

Image result for brexit bus, daily mail

So with all that extra money that we will have to spend as of the 29th of March, why on earth would we need to have volunteers. Surely we will be able to pay people to work in the NHS.

If we get volunteers to do all the work, what will be done with the £350 million a week that is coming as what Mrs May calls the Brexit bonus? I mean there are only so many royal palaces we can do up, and we’ve already set aside the money for Buck House and the Palace of Westminster so that our royals and MPs and lords should be housed in a fashion suiting their own sense of magnificence.

I suppose we might just put the dosh toward the HS2 railway line from London to Birmingham, which seems to have fallen flat on its butt, along with Crossrail in London. (You’d have thought that all the sneering they do about Scottish projects, they might have managed to get their own projects finished not too much over budget and not too late.)

Anyway, if you have any suggestions as to why we should seek to recruit volunteer nurses and doctors, porters and cleaners… please let me know. Maybe it’s something they did in the war and they hope it will work in the wilderness that is Brexitland… I don’t know.

But if I were a retired brain surgeon (which I’m not), I’d make sure they didn’t know my address, otherwise, I might find myself volunteering for 60-hour a week shifts for not a penny piece, while we punch on above our weight.

To replace the EU nationals that this Tory Government is driving away after Daily Mail campaigned for

Oh look, Phillippa has come up with the answer while I was out for Munguin’s milk.

You see, it doesn’t much matter how much money you have if all the staff are leaving and you have no one trained to replace them… so maybe you will be having your x-rays read by auld Mrs McTomshie fae doon the road. I mean she was good on the tea leaves!

Did someone say Brexshit?

SOPPY SUNDAY

Image result for ORANGUTAN BABIES BATH TIME

Not so much fun getting a bath… I wish I had someone to play with.

N Aardwolf
Aardwolf, as opposed to hard wolf. We come just after Aardvark you know?
n batty
What are you doing upside down? That’s batty.
n beach
Munguin off for a dip.
n bear pumpkin
Never mind witches and stuff, these pumpkins are pretty tasty!
n carrick castle
Carrick Castle.
n pen
Munguin’s extended family.
n neddy2
Neddy, our favourite horse.
n lab baby
This is my puppy. I look after him while he’s sleeping.
n marine iguana
What all this frivolity?
n redwoods
The nice kind of Redwood, as opposed to the other kind that is prefixed, John.
n vik is
Vik, Iceland.
n where
I said I’d do some chick sitting… but this is a bit of a pawful.
n deer
This tree keeps moving…
n dolph
Come on, anyone can do it.
n el
What do you mean I should try some Oil of Ulay?
n sq
I think it’s all nuts.
n neddy
Our Neddy. The best horse in the world.
n slovenia
Slovenia.

n tokyo
Tokyo.
Image result for ORANGUTAN BABIES BATH TIME
That’s much better… No, don’t get out, you’re not half clean yet.

Oh, and as an afterthought, 100 years ago on Saturday (December 1) Iceland became an independent country under the Danish crown. (In 1944 it became a republic).

Til hamingju með sjálfstæði þitt, Ísland. Vonandi, Skotland mun fljótlega fylgja þér.

Congratulations on your independence, Iceland. Hopefully, Scotland will soon follow you.

RANDOM THOUGHTS

🚨 second referendum klaxon 🚨 May tells Sarah Wollaston: “Any second referendum, should that be the case, would not be able to held before March 2019… We’d need to extend Article 50”

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Say what you like about Theresa May, but she’s shit hot at remembering heavily rehearsed stock responses she can dole out whenever faced with a slightly challenging question. She’s now achieved the same level of competence as an answering machine

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Off the topic of Brexit, I suspect that most of you will have heard of the horrible incident in Yorkshire where a 16-year-old schoolboy thug follower of Tommy Robinson assaulted a younger Syrian lad, because…well, he was Syrian.

Image result for tommy robinson naked

The boy had been assaulted before and was wearing a plaster cast on his arm from an earlier attack. Additionally, his younger sister had been bullied so badly that she had allegedly tried to kill herself. This time someone filmed it.

I know I’m preaching to the converted here, but I am reminded that when people in the public eye make racist statements it seems to justify innate (if there really is such a thing) racism in the hard of thinking. (I’m disinclined to actually believe in “innate” racism, but I think that it can be implanted at an early age.)

Image result for katie hopkins

So people like Tommy Robinson and his message of hate, and the equally awful Katie Hopkins, who I suspect does it for publicity and self-enrichment rather than any kind of “principled” dislike of foreigners, can reasonably be blamed for stirring racial hatred. I’m not saying that Hopkins or Robinson (real name: Stephen Christopher Yaxley-Lennon) intend people to be beaten, or driven to suicide. But they unleash or free up and make semi-respectable harassment in the eyes of their followers. And that includes idiot prime ministers who accuse people of queue jumping to get British jobs. (I’m not sure if she knows how interviews work!) Or other idiot prime minister who promote slogans like “British jobs for British workers”.

Image result for gordon brown british jobs for british workers

Someone started a Just Giving page for the lad and his family, with the aim of raising £10,000. The last time I looked it stood at over £130,000. Now that is a British value I can relate to.

PS: Time for an Offstead inspection at the Almondbury school in Huddersfield, I think.

 

LIGHT RELIEF

On the day that Tess comes to town and bars the National newspaper from her press conference in Glasgow (not sure where, for anyone who wants to go along and protest, but all information welcome in the posts below), I thought we might start the day with a smile of admiration for these guys.