posthac tantum appellamus imperiales mensuras

It appears that Mr Rees Mogg’s letter to readers of the Sun, asking for ideas to ensure we get the best out of Brexit, has borne fruit.

The British government is to launch a study into the economic advantages of reintroducing imperial measurements.

Also on the cards is an Order in Council insisting that men be properly attired in morning suits at all times from 10 minutes after they rise…and women in long dresses that hide their ankles, whilst they go about their daily tasks of entertaining friends to coffee mornings and occasionally popping into the nursery to say goodnight to their children.

The most obvious economic advantage, to Munguin’s mind, is that teachers who trained in the 1940s and 50s should be able to take up employment again to teach the various combinations of measures and their interesting relationships to one another and about which no one else knows diddly squat. This will, of course, mean that they will not require to be paid their pensions and can invest such tasks for the children as : <If milk cost two pennies and three farthings a gill, how much would you get for 3 guineas, a florin and tuppence halfpenny?

Munguin suggests that other measures may include the general teaching of Latin and Ancient Greek. (Perhaps past prime ministers could try that kind of work instead of being a burden to society after they, umm, “retire” for whatever reason.)

Extra work too would be created in the design and manufacture of good old faithfuls such as farthings, halfpennies, threepenny and sixpenny pieces along with florins and half crowns.

And of course a 10/- note would have to be redesigned with some symbol to indicate that Britain was once again a Global nation of import second only to … well, no one. Maybe an idea to think about how Charlie’s ears would fit into the design in preparation for that dreaded day of which we may not speak…

No more of this 10, 100 and 1000 nonsense… Let’s get back to interesting numbers… like 12, 20, 21, 240, 480, 960, 3, 16, 14, 4, 8 and so on.

That’s much more British, indeed Great British. None of this namby pamby foreign softness of making things easy.

My only worry is, how will the average Sun reader cope?

PS: Munguin intends to increase subscriptions to the Republic, by a Groat.