JUST FOR A LAUGH

Image
1.

The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.

He acquired his size from too much pi.

She was only a whisky-maker, but he loved her still.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said:

“Keep off the Grass.”

The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

If you tried to jump off the bridge in Paris you would be in Seine.

A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. The stewardess looks at him and says” “I’m sorry, only one carrion allowed per passenger.”

Two Irish Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during root-canal?

His goal: transcend dental medication.

2.

Image
3.
Image
4.
Image
5.
Image
6.
Image
7.
Image
8.
Image
9.
Image
10.
Image
11.
Image
12.

A REPORT of a strange new trend of people putting their names on food in the company fridge.

An informant says: “Today I had a turkey sandwich named Kevin.”

A VISITOR to a monastery sees somebody in the kitchen with a frying pan.

“Are you the fish friar?”

“No, I’m the chip monk.”

“I see people my age out there climbing mountains and zip-lining and here I am feeling good about myself because I got my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.”

13.

WHAT CAUSES ARTHRITIS????

A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway next to a priest.
The man’s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick,
and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.
He opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes, the man  turned to the priest and asked,
‘Say Father, what causes arthritis?’

The priest replies, ‘My Son, it’s caused by loose living,
being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man,
sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath.’

The drunk muttered in response, ‘Well, I’ll be damned, ‘
Then returned to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man
and apologized. ‘I’m very sorry.
I didn’t mean to come on so strong.
How long have you had arthritis?’

The drunk answered, ‘I don’t have it, Father.
I was just reading here that the Pope does.’

MORAL:

Make sure you understand the question before offering the answer.

14.

15.
Image
16.
Image
17.

“I find I’ve been happier since I changed from coffee in the mornings to orange juice.  My doctor explains that it’s the Vitamin C and natural sugars, but I think it’s really the vodka.”

“Doc, I played rugby today. Now every time I touch my leg, my arm, my head, my tummy, anywhere, it hurts like hell!”

“You’ve broken your finger.”

18.

Image
19.
Image
20.
21.
Image
Image
22. Schiphol Airport. EU and Non-EU. Taking back control of queueing.
23.
24.
BG211007c-CMYK copy
25.
Image
The Crown Prince now owns Newcastle .
Image
26.
Image
27.

AN AFGHAN, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American,  an Australian, an Austrian,  a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a  Belarusian, a Belgian, a Cambodian, a  Canadian, a Chinese, a Cuban, a Dane, a Djibutian, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Eritrean,  a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German,  an I-Kirbati, an Icelander, an Irishman,  a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan,  a Kuwaiti,  a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian,  a Malawian, a Malaysian, a  Maltese, a Nepalese, a New Zealander,  a Nigerian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Pole,  a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian,  a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan,   a Rwandan,  a Salvadoran,  a Scot, a Somali, a South African, a Sri Lankan,  a Tanzanian, a Turk, a Ugandan, a  Uzbekistani, a Venezulean,  a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean go to a bar.

Doorman: I’m sorry, I can’t let you in without a Thai.

28.

Image
The Mirror on Twitter: "Tomorrow's front page: Boris' luxury Marbella break  #TomorrowsPapersToday https://t.co/JXqNdfil4K… "
29. It’s simply days and days since I had a holiday, so we just HAD to get away to a luxury villa in Marbella. I know you plebs will understand the pressures on an upper-class twit like me.
Image
30.

Thanks to: John, Brendan, Brenda, Lexie, Erik, Marcia, Graham, T.Mc… and if I missed anyone out, umm, them too!!!!!

22 thoughts on “JUST FOR A LAUGH”

  1. Apologies to fellow Minguinites. Have realised that in a previous post which created a stir, I failed to make clear the the phrase “sooner rather than later” referred to an independence referendum.

    Noticed this on rereading at weekend but didn’t want to intrude into the cheerful pleasures of weekend posts.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. People are very generous.

      Munguin would pay handsomely for their contributions, but the accounts clerk has been off sick for a while now (8 or 9 years) and payments are so slow.

      Like

  2. Me and the other half , the ball and chain etc go into marks and Spencer’s
    Her indoors looking for a expensive bra.

    As she goes through the bras remarks how big the cups are she picks one and says

    Look at the size This cup cold fit on my head ….

    Made me laugh still does days later

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I can certainly see similarities in what is happening here and what has happened in America.

      For sure, there are similarities between Johnson and Trump.

      I once saw Johnson chair “Have I got News for You”, and he was really very good.

      Trump ran Apprentice, a programme I never watched when Sugar did it here, and obviously never saw Trump either. But I heard that he was quite good at that.

      My impression for what colleagues said about it was, that it was a bit down market from the rather clever HIGNFY… but basically, the two of them are showmen. Performers.

      I was astounded when there was an attempt at a coup d’état in America. Even under Trump that seemed like an impossibility.

      I’m equally appalled that there are still people who think he was good for the country. He made it a laughing stock with serious leaders as has his mate, Johnson with the UK.

      So far nothing has happened here, but then Johnson remains in power. I’m equally appalled that he remains popular. (What must SIR Keir think… I can’t even beat this arse? Unlike President Biden, who did beat that arse.)

      What I see is that Scotland and England drifting farther apart… and Wales too. And Northern Ireland becoming more and more a part of the Republic. (Lucky them.)

      I know a lot of Scottish people are screaming at Nicola to get us out of this… and to be honest, I am too now… but only legally.

      It seems to me, however, that the English seem to love him. He’s still ahead in the polls after all that has happened.

      Were he defeated in an election, I doubt if he’d be stupid enough to try a coup, although some of his Brexity type supporters might.

      Short answer then… I dunno!

      🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Tris you need to stop watching the TV News it is all lies, there was no attempted coup (assuming you’re referring to Jan 6 at the Capitol Building) it was instigated by ANTIFA and other State actors to foment antagonism towards Trump and to distract from the stolen 2020 election.
        Is the TV or other media even telling you that the Arizona forensic audit found hundreds of thousands of fraudulent ballots. Probably they focused on the count giving a few more votes to Biden and a few less to Trump. That only happens if you count the fraudulent ballots as if they are real.

        Remember in September the Press was urgently ushered out of a meeting between Bojo and Biden at the White House. Apparently at one point Biden (played by Arthur Roberts wearing a mask) leaned over to Bojo and asked him if he had seen any of his movies in the 1980s. Bojo muted his mic and said your not Joe Biden who the bloody hell are you? This prompted the clearance of the Press.

        Like

        1. Kangaroo, when you come out of this psychosis, if you ever do, you ought to look back on it as a crisis that you had, and you recovered. Strangely, I doubt you have that in yourself.

          It is a sad waste of your intelligence.

          But, there you go.

          Hoppity, hoppity, hoppity, hop.

          Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Talking-up Scotland

NOT conflating the aberrant with the norm like BBC

The Dunglishman

The bilingual blog about all things British

STAGE LEFT

Love, theatre and ideas

Wildonline.blog

British Wildlife & Photography

scotlandisdifferent

Why Scotland should be an independent country

BrawBlether

Thoughts about Scotland & the world, from a new Scot

Divided We Fall

Bipartisan dialogue for the politically engaged

Insightful Geopolitics

Impartial Informative Always

Black Isle Media

We Provide The Facts, You Make The Decisions

The Broad Spectrum Life

Exploring Rhymes, Reasons, and Nuances of Our World

Musical Matters...

Mark Doran's Music Blog

George Blamey-Steeden

Guitarist / Songwriter

Best in Australia

This site supports Scottish Independence

thehistorytwins

A comic about history and stuff by FT

My Life as Graham

The embittered mumblings of a serial malcontent.

Pride's Purge

an irreverent look at UK politics

ScienceSwitch

Your Source For The Coolest Science Stories

dondeeflugs

The greatest WordPress.com site in all the land!

Mark All My Words

Exploring Nature + Health

netbij.com

http://netbij.com

%d bloggers like this: