A friend went to Beijing and was given this brochure by the hotel. It is precious.
She is keeping it and reading it whenever she feels depressed.
Bear in mind it has been translated directly, word for word, from Mandarin to English.
Getting There:
Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel runs along the lake shore. Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water. You will know that you are getting near the hotel, because you will go round the bend.
The Restaurant:
Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting. At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you. The manager will await you in the entrance hall. He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests.
The Hotel:
This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome. We of course are always pleased to accept adultery.
Your Room:
Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity! .. You will not be disturbed by traffic noise, since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts.
Bed:
Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.
Above All:
When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope. You will struggle to forget it.
2. Lost in translation…
Sorry, it’s so late. My thanks to Panda Paws, Russ, John, Brenda and TM.
MUNGUIN'S NEW REPUBLIC 
Finally! Love JFAL. Brilliant selection and I’m still laughing my head off at the one I sent in. Excellent stuff!
Here’s another
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Better Late than Never, says Munguin.
And thanks for your contribution.
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Tell Munguin I’m sorry for being so impatient! My weak excuse is that we all need a laugh. Glad others have enjoyed the Chinese hotel. It’s the funniest thing I’ve seen in ages! Is that why people are missing going on holiday? 🙂
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Thanks pp. Best laugh I’ve had for a while.
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tris
Just watched out Pet on the one show
Seemed a bit batty to me .
Then showed her singing in Mary poppins…. Transformation ..
Apologies Petula 😉
Oh and to tris 😃
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LOL.
Not having a telly, I didn’t see it… and I can’t even watch it on Catch Up.
I dare say it will appear soon on You Tube.
I believe she’s going back into the show next week.
I dunno about batty… but she’s been stuck in Geneva looking after Claude (her husband) who, in my opinion, is a disagreeable bloke at the best of times, but who has had two hip replacements,
Possibly for the first time in her life she’s had to do the cooking as restaurants have been closed and he couldn’t get out anyway.
I can’t imagine what it must be like being stuck in a flat with him, albeit a very big one.
Thanks for the info. I’ll look online for the show, when I get back from Aldi!
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I SO empathise with Petula…I’ve got a wife who’s in much the same predicament.
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LOL… Ha ha. I’ll tell her the next time I see her, Jake.
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Aye well, and if you see her you might just mention…there’s a sink full of dishes…
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Ummm…. That might be pushing it too far!…although it sounds a bit like Munguin Towers when I go out for an hour or so…
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It’s all a bit depressing. Just been into town to drop off a wheelbuilding jig to a workmate, and from Tollcross up to Laurieston is rammed with folk with dragalong suitcases. So, tourists during a pandemic; good idea or not? Hmmm…
Still, at least the capitalists’ll start making money again. Can’t spend it if you’re dead though, can you?
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As Nicola said, the economy will recover. Dead people won’t.
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Eyes still streaming with the Chinese Hotel brochure!
Excellent Tris,thank you for posting it.
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Panda Paws sent it to me, bringiton.
She deserves the credit.
Glad you enjoyed it though 🙂
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tris, I enjoyed the Chinese hotel brochure, too.
Sent it on to my parents. Thanks, Panda Paws.
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Great selection, worth the wait.
Happy smiling face in the first picture, don’t recognise the person.
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Katie Hopkins, deported from Australia for not quarantining when she went out there to do one of those ghastly reality tv shows. Something like, “I’m an Obnoxious Bitch, Get me Out of Here”… and she did before the show started!
She should have realised that the Australian authorities actually take Covid very seriously and not as an excuse to get rid of a pile of older people and save on pensions and health care, like Johnson’s government does.
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Thanks for the info.
Just reading the propaganda sheets.
So the government are considering, negative interest rates, increasing the retirement age, increasing NI contributions and including anyone who works including retired.
The new power station being built with Chinese money is to have the Chinese company removed and another partner sought.
New super plan to stop criminal activity BUTT not to stop dark money and tax avoidance.
Starmer getting accused of not having any experience of modern job creation.
Poor safety in Scotland for not warning people that swimming in deep lochs is dangerous. I suppose we will need to have signage every 10 yards/metres along the watersides of all lochs/lakes and in all languages.
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Negative interest rates while inflation is rising? Nice move. That should make people with money in the bank saved for the proverbial rainy day happy.
Of course people will go out and spend it rather have have it dribble away, but then, when they get older they won;t have the money to look after themselves…or provide a funeral.
Seems rather short sighted.
Ah, the power station. Who else has the money to build it? Is this another treaty they will have welched on? Global Britain?
Jeez, they left the EU to keep tax evasion going. They aren’t about to legislate against it.
Do they have signage on every lake in England?
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Can’t have signs on englandland lakes it would spoil the view.
Today we hear that Honda stops production and makes the staff redundant.
Sky new says that Nissan are recruiting 600 people for a battery factory that isn’t built yet.
The covid numbers are falling, are people just not being tested, seems that if you’ve had a previous positive you don’t get counted, any thoughts that they’re manipulating the numbers, hospitals are recording mounting use of the facilities. Remember that the death rate is about 4 weeks behind the positives rate. This government has previous on manipulating numbers, remember the hancock counting sending out tests as having been completed.
The vaccination rate is falling behind other European countries.
The pensioner is to be charged National Insurance as they make most use of the NHS, the user has to pay, a great maggie quote.
Isn’t it wonderful to have the tory party look after your wellbeing?
The telegraph is to report englandland will not survive economically without the oil and gas from the West of Shetland fields, the stuff that they are quietly stealing but which won’t be reported to the Polis in Scotland.
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It isn’t credible that the Covid numbers are falling while the app is pinging so badly that half the population can’t go to work, causing shortages and empty shelves.
They really need to coordinate their lies.
I thought that the idea was that people paid all their lives so that they could be treated when they were older and less well.
I suppose, given that Johnson is happy for people over 80 to die, it’s not unsurprising.
Maybe the people who can afford 2 yachts might pay a little more?
Tut tut, silly me.
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I’m over 80 but have no plans to die just to please Mr Johnson and save his government having to pay my meagre state pension (lowest in Europe compared with average wages).
I will certainly resist any attempts to get me to restart paying NI and have no intention of paying the TV tax.
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Well said, arayner, 100% behind you.
The Daily Mail seems to think uk pensions are low becasue the Uk has no money because of all the dole cheats…
Amazing, then, that there is money for nuclear weapons, wars, an hugely extended royal family, presidential aeroplanes and yachts and a clothing allowance for the First Lady and a new outfit every time Willie’s clothes horse leaves one of the palaces she lives in…
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Well said.
The propaganda is intense.
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Joke
Man takes a duck to the vets.
Vet examines the duck and says ‘Sorry your duck has died’.
Man says can we have a second opinion?, you’ve not done much.
Vat walks out and returns with has black Lab dog.
Dog examines the duck and walks away.
In comes the cat and examines the duck, walks away.
Vet says ‘ Your duck has died’, goes to computer and hands the man the invoice.
Man says ‘ £200 for a few minutes work’.
Vet says ‘I usually just charge £5 for the examination but you had the full lab report and the cat scan.
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LOL LOL LOL….
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Just out for some supplies, had the radio on in the car.
The big flounder says that it is Kind and Loving to Stop and Search people on the street.
Then the presenter says that they should have a bell to ring everytime team gb wins a medal.
They’ve lost the plot.
Chain gangs in the streets probably wearing coloured indicators of their crime, like a yellow star for being of the Jewish Faith, purple squares for Gay people, Red circles for Political deviants.
I’m thinking doris and patel will have to pass the Trump IQ test to satisfy our englander cousins that they’re fit for government, trump will be marking the papers.
This is a distraction from the lack of logistic enablers, HGV truck drivers.
Are you really happy to have such people running Scotland?
There is a way out, over to you Nicola.
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Thank heavens I don’t live in England. It’s becoming scary.
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Thought this one was funny!
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A pal of mine’s dad was a U-boatman. Settled here, married a Scot, taught German and Maths. When he retired as a teacher, he was invited to a do at the City Chambers – presumably for all Council-employed teachers that were retiring – the invitation for which said “Decorations may be worn”. He did, and the council staff had kittens; they let him and his Iron Cross in eventually…
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LOL
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Great tale.
As they say it takes two to tango.
Same as the football, one team wins or one loses, draws are allowed but not in war
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