Irish Judge: “In the case of €20 000 embezzlement, the court finds you not guilty.”
Patrick: “Does that mean I can keep the money?”
GIVE a man a fish and you’ll feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish and he’ll sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
A DUCK is was standing at a busy roadside, waiting for a break in traffic as the cars go roaring by. A chicken walks up and says: “Don’t do it, mate. You’ll never hear the end of it.”
WHAT is one to make of this comparison of friendship among women and friendship among men?
A woman doesn’t come home one night. Next morning she tells her husband she slept over at a friend’s. He checks with her 10 best friends. None of them know anything about it.
A man doesn’t come home one night. Next morning he tells his wife he slept over at a friend’s. She checks with his 10 best friends. Eight say yes, he did sleep overnight. Two say he’s still there.
A TALKING horse walks into a bar and asks to see the manager.
“Excuse me, good sir. Are you hiring?”
The manager looks the horse up and down: “Sorry, pal. Why don’t you try the circus?”
The horse snickers. “Why would the circus need a bartender?”
Thanks to Andi, John, Brenda, Brenden, Erik and Graham.