Overheard in the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties: “”I stepped on my scale this morning and it said: “‘Please use social distancing, one person at a time’.”
18.
Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.
19.
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MUNGUIN'S NEW REPUBLIC 
Ha ha, all excellent. The gin one is great.
I have walked past people in beer gardens and seeing their pints being taken to them the only thought I have is, that’s a fiver for that, why bother?
Love (Scottish) beers but the idea of a fiver for a pint, nah, people should stick to sitting on blankets in the park it’s much cheaper.
I didn’t know that Johnson was living in a skip, it’s a fancy one at least. Vines tend to be very invasive, they strangle their host. Not nice yuk.
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LOL I wonder about that vine. She’s a real piece of work.
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My local, in West Edinburgh, it’s £3.60 for a pint. Or it was that last year, the wife isn’t allowing me out until I get the second jag.
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I am – was! – a reasonably regular patron of Winston’s. I don’t grudge the extra over a carry-out because they’re providing premises in which you may socialise, which is nice.
I’m concerned for the single, older, folk that used to go to pubs of an evening to do crosswords, for example.
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Great ‘toons. Here’s Jimmy
“I went out with a Welsh girl. On our first date she asked “Do you want to come back to mine?”
I did & spent the next 10 hours digging up coal.”
“I just got a job as a waiter. The pay isn’t great but it puts food on the table.”
“Seagulls keep stealing my chips. I’m beginning to think that outdoor casino was a bad idea.”
Jimmy Ferguson, we salute you!
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Indeed we do. I love the “mine” one.
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tris
Thought you might like to know.
we watched on telly but didn’t notice due face masks
anyways Kelly phoned me missus to ask did we see him.
he is a friend of a family we know how we met was on a
long happy .drunken soul weekend a few years ago
there are two things one he was a pall bearer at Prince Phillips
funeral at windsor two he has the most enormous Todger
you have ever seen, and we have seen the proof. lol
He has sent some pics of funeral but could not let anyone know
before due to secrecy.
When i found out thinking about Mr bend a knee tosser
i admit i laughed and laughed so funny
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Psst… Tris… WTF is niko talking about this time?
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Let me put it another way: his enormous todger seems a little out of context. Or something.
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Have to admit that I’m at something of a loss to understand.
Who? What?
Eh, Niko?
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https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2019/04/08/scottish-sniper-faces-fraud-charges-fighting-syria-medically/amp/
Memory refresh
Sad 😞 poor old tris
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I’m not sure why I’m sad or poor old… Niko, but thank you for clearing up who you were talking about.
Although I’d have been perfectly happy to know only that you knew him and that he had been at Phil’s funeral.
Anyway. What was your point?
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Maybe that he’s got an enormous todger, or he is an enormous todger, Tris? Or can both be true? I’ve still got no idea what niko’s on about, really.
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Remember that bloke we covered who did that really weird act of obeisance in front of his tv, saluting Phil… all serious, but actually rather strange?
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Oh him? What a weirdo! He’s clearly mentally unwell, Tris, but it’s the kind of disorder that’s unlikely to respond to treatment, even if he had the insight to realize he needs it. Chances of that are approximately zero, in my experience.
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I think he’s probably stupfied by labour’s election disaster. 😭
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Good record, that; I have it. D.
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The Buffet one is so pertinent.
Poor goves’ wife seems to have missed the point about governments going bust, they can’t, they just stoke the economy and balance it by taxes.
In conversation with a onionist neighbour on the subject of borrowing by our government I asked the question, ‘Which country of the world would lend the UK money’?, answer ‘None’.
He was stunned to realise that we just ‘Print’ the needed cash.
Asked the simple question, Why are over 2 million people getting 70% of their last salary for staying at home and doing No Work and a similar number only getting £100 a week to play at looking for work.
Just listened to a man from Hartlepool say that he voted for the big flounder because the tories have given Hartlepool 9 foodbanks since they got power a decade ago and labour didn’t give them any.
Another said the police station was closed along with the magistrates court as his reason for voting tory, he was capable now of working out things for himself, who shut these facilities?, the tories.
The mass extinction event can’t come soon enough if that is ‘thinking’.
The indy ref is a distraction from a party that did nothing to minimise the death rate
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It’s quite amazing.
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Even more amazing is the news from a london care home that there’s been an outbreak of covid illness, what is the variant?, Indian, what is amazing is that the people in care have had the 2 vaccinations.
Today the big flounder is going to tell us that we can forget about social distancing.
The news is that he is being investigated over the Mustique honeymoon with princess nutnuts and who paid for it.
We have a joker in charge of the budget.
Sad that the englanders can’t see the ‘Freedom through Hard Work’, doesn’t apply to him and his party.
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I heard he was being investigated over the holiday.
If people are catching a new varient of Covid despite being vaccinated twice, we all have a huge problem to deal with.
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an actual broadcaster actually asked this question. WTAF!
America, Canada, Australia, New Zealand you’ll need to stop using English now. FFS
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She put him in his place.
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It seems Dougie has said he will be in Edinburgh when he doesn’t have important business in London.
Who’s the deputy leader?
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