JUST FOR A LAUGH

1. For those from outside Scotland, this may need a little explaining.
2. In fairness, the turtle is relatively attractive, where Gove is just Gove.
3.
4.

THE figure 9 appears to have featured strangely in the final days of Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh. He died at 9am on April 9, the 99th day of the year at the age of 99. Astonishing coincidence.

5.

6.
7.
8.

There’s a new epic movie coming out about Harry and Meghan abandoning British royalty and moving to Georgia to lead an agrarian lifestyle. It’s called Gone With The Windsors.

9.

10.
11.
12.
13.

SOME ancestral mathematics come this way. To be born you need:2 parents; 4 grandparents; 8 great-grandparents; 16 second great-grandparents; 32 third great-grandparents; 64 fourth great-grandparents; 128 fifth great-grandparents; 256 sixth great-grandparents; 512 seventh great-grandparents; 1 024 eighth great-grandparents; and 2 048.ninth great-grandparents.

For you to be born today from 12 previous generations, you needed a total of 4 094 ancestors over the past 400 years.

Think for a moment. How many struggles? How many difficulties? How much sadness? How much happiness? How many love stories? How many expressions of hope for the future? How much of this did your ancestors have to undergo for you to exist in this present moment?

Yes, all that to experience a Covid pandemic.

14.

News of some truly meaningful research at one of the world’s top universities…

“Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Booldy amazanig.”

15.

16.
17.
18.
19.

·      A few puns make me numb. But maths puns make me number.

·      I wanted to be a monk but I never got the chants.

·      A perfectionist walked into a bar. Apparently it wasn’ty set high enough.

·      I was kidnapped by mimes. They did unspeakable things to me.

·      If any of you know how to fix broken hinges, my door is always open.

·      Man injured in bizarre peek-a-boo incident. He’s in ICU.

·      Where did the Terminator find toilet paper? Aisle B Back.

·      If your guy doesn’t appreciate fresh fruit puns, let that mango!

20.

She: “You might at least take me to dinner.”

He: “I don’t go out with married women.”

She: “But I’m your wife.”

He: “I make no exceptions.”

21.

22.
23.

A POLITICIAN is in bed with his wife when a massive storm blows up and a bolt of lightning lights up the bedroom.

He jumps out of bed shouting: “I’ll buy the negatives! I’ll buy the negatives!”

24.

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day!

25.

Thanks as ever to John, Andimac, Brenda, Graham and Erik.

26 thoughts on “JUST FOR A LAUGH”

  1. All brilliant, thanks it’s always good to have a laugh. I like the lockdown one, Earth really needs a longer break. Sadly, now the worldwide pollution etc is worse than before Covid, having dropped a bit last year. 😦
    I will miss not having to go anywhere (except the shops or for walks) or see anyone, or staying in bed until a ridiculous time, and, the thought of going outsdie without a mask…nope nope nope. They help with fending off pollution, hayfever, CO2 loving flies, cold air, and help hide most of the wrinkles.
    I will be wearing mine for a while yet. 🙂

    Liked by 5 people

  2. JFAL wouldn’t be complete without Jimmy Ferguson

    “Having a cheese & wine party tonight, my friend is bringing the cheese.
    Question is, when’s Lee Dale going to arrive?”

    “At my job interview the manager said “it’s £8.50 an hour goes up to £12.50 after 6 months, when can you start?”
    I said “In 6 months”

    “I’ve got a new app that identifies trees.
    It’s called “What sap”

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I can’t remember the running order; whether Dick Advocaat became Rangers’ manager before or after Donald Findlay joined the board, but the gag was “there’s already a dick advocate at Rangers”.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Great selection today.
    Just adds to the tory party, rats in a sack , oh look there’s a squirrel, just for a laugh diary.
    So can somebody tell me why the daily hail is in full flounder attack?
    The cummings says he didn’t release the new hoover texts.
    Isn’t cummings a pal of the gove?
    Doesn’t the gove wifey write for the daily hail?
    The cummings releases the ‘bodies in the street rather than be dead in a ditch’ story.
    Has the flounder misread the situation and we are in the middle of a Greek Tragedy political takeover.
    The gove has been pushed out of the brexit office by frosty the clear fox mint negotiator who is currently arguing against the deals he negotiated.
    I think this will make a great script for a new Gilbert and Sullivan comic opera.
    Maybe Moira will come back from her retirement in the Isle of Man.
    Laughed at truss interviews, the flounder paid with money from his own account, all legal and notified, she’s been too busy with the Australian Trade Deal to look into it fully but says she trusts the flounder to tell the truth. Aye Right.
    The panto season might actually be running this week.
    Oh look , there’s another squirrel.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. It would take someone as monumentally thick as Truss to say that she trusted the chubby Eton boy.

      Did anyone ask what fabulous deal she got from sitting the Australian trade secretary on a hard seat?

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Well Welll, the gove turns up in parliament to tell us that there was a system of checks, (Cheques), for awarding government contracts.
    Yes we know from the history that being a contributor to the party made it 10 times more likely that you’d get the award.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. That is the system.

      Questions.

      Do you have experience in this kind of work?
      What turnover do you have?

      Or>…

      Do you contribute to the C0nservative Party? If so. how much?

      Are you a friend, relation, neighbour or pub landlord of Mr Handcock?

      Loads of cheques… not no Czechs.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.