A STERN letter from a reveller:
“Dear Alcohol
“We had a deal where you would make me funnier, smarter and a better dancer. I saw the video … we need to talk …”
9.
THE difference between a dog and a marine biologist? One wags a tail, the other tags a whale.
10.
THE Covid vaccine roll-out has started with health-care workers and old-timers
An account comes this way of one of the latter who went for his second dose. On his way home from the vaccination centre, he started having blurred vision. He phoned the centre from home and asked if he should see a doctor or go straight to a hospital.
“No,” they said. “Come straight back here. You left your glasses behind.”
11.
New virus affliction makes appearance
BAD news on the virus front, I’m afraid. A new one has arrived – Nile virus, type C. It appears to target those born between 1940 and 1970.
Symptoms:
· You send the same message twice.
· You send a blank message.
· You send a message to the wrong person.
· You send it back to the person who sent it to you.
· You forget to attach the attachment.
· You hit SEND before you’ve finished.
· You hit DELETE instead of SEND.
· You SEND when you should DELETE.
This is called the C-Nile virus.
And if you can’t admit to the above symptoms, you’ve caught the mutant strain. This is the D-Nile virus.
14.
In church last Sunday, I heard an elderly lady in the pew behind me saying a prayer.
She was so sincere, I just felt I should share:
“Lord: This last year has been very tough. You have taken my favorite actors Sean Connery, Kirk Douglas and Diana Rigg; my favorite television host, Alex Trebek; Carl Reiner from ‘Your Show of Shows’; my favorite singer from the 50’s, Little Richard; even Charlie Daniels and Kenny Rogers my two favorite country singers; and from sports you took Gale Sayers and a longtime favorite Kobe Bryant.”
“I just thought you should know that my favorite politicians are Joe Biden, Kamala Harris, Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer. Oh, and Lord if you’re running any specials I really like that little prick Adam Schiff, too.”
16.
Thanks to Andi, Brenda, Panda Paws, John, Erik, Graham.
MUNGUIN'S NEW REPUBLIC 
Well done, andimac! I don’t always understand your cartoons, but I appreciate the creativity.
Please keep going with the “Big Dug, Wee Dug” series.
Pic 3: Is this a reference to a Woody Allen film?
Pic 13: Old jokes never go out of fashion.
What did Quasi Modo get when he retired?
A lump sum and a bottle of Bells.
tris, if I ever start repeating myself, you have my permission to shoot me.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Of course, the real tragedy of the bell-ringer of Notre Dame was that he wasn’t even a real Modo, he was only a Quasimodo.
LikeLiked by 7 people
LOL…. @ Ed
LikeLiked by 1 person
Big Dug and Wee Dug are my absolute favourites too.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good work from Andi!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Love these especially the ballot card, and the church prayer one! Many laughs, a requirement for sanity.
On a serious note, Bolsonaro is an evil fascist, installed by Trump. Children and babies are dying of Covid in Brazil, the situation there is horrific.
Number 3, the arse must be the BBC, and that nasty BritNat Robinson…that’s my interpretation anyway.
What is the mass mask phobia about? Chin wearers, argh!
Here’s a link to a good daily update on research and the situation re Covid, worth a watch.
Stay safe everyone, and wear masks outdoors.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thanks, Hetty.
Robinson really is quite awful!
LikeLike
Looks like the Bullingdon Boys need a goalkeeper.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Probably too drunk to make the picture.
LikeLike
That’s some man-spreading BoJo is doing in the that picture! God he’s an erse. Maybe the erse in Andimac’s ‘toon?
Anyway here’s Jimmy Ferguson fresh from twitter
“When I was at the beach yesterday I saw a man in the sea yelling “HELP, SHARK, HELP”
I had to laugh. No way was that shark going to help him.”
“Alladin is in trouble for cheating. He’s been accused of using performance enhancing rugs.”
“Does an apple a day keep the doctor away?
Or is it one of Granny’s myths?”
LikeLiked by 1 person
As ever, good ones, PP.
LikeLike
Dross
Colin you canny.
Why can’t you tell a cake ‘you canny’?
Great free adverts for Aldi on twitter I’m told, it’s an M&S court case.
Great selection, we need to laugh at how the tories pick their leaders?, is it a bottom of the barrel trick now.
I’m looking at a very expensive Carless Jackass newspaper, just as funny as he says he’s going to recruit 76 new teachers in East Renfrewshire to restore education standards.
The joke is ‘After 5 years of delivering for residents’.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Jackson must be quietly content. After being sacked to make way for dross!
LikeLike
If the technique in nr. 15 really works, I’m going to start praying passionately for Jim Jordan, Ted Cruz and, of course, The Donald.
LikeLiked by 2 people
#17……Very funny! And it sent me to Google to look up what I assumed must be some issue about Stonehenge and a Wales connection. Interesting info from “Science News”:
https://www.sciencenews.org/article/stonehenge-roots-wales-stone-circle-archaeology
It also allows me to indulge a pet peeve about Stonehenge. Stonehenge is seen today as a twentieth century so-called “restoration,” which until recently no one seemed to say much about to the tourists. Upright stones which were leaning or fallen in the 19th century are now set in twentieth century concrete, and some elevated stones were raised and set in place by modern construction cranes.
SO…..taking this “restoration” a step further, I’m wondering if maybe it’s just as likely that material from Wales or elsewhere was shipped to the Stonehenge reconstruction site in the 1920’s – 1950’s, as in 2,000 BC – 3,000 BC. 😉
LikeLiked by 2 people
Like so many things, it isn’t in the least authentic. A bit like the Egyptians rebuilt the pyramids using breeze blocks …
Shhh don’t tell the tourists that doubtless pay a lot of money to see it…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Tris…….No doubt! Telling the tourists what’s original and what’s reconstructed doesn’t seem to be high on the list of priorities at historical and archaeological sites generally.
As Stonehenge was in the nineteenth and early twentieth centuries:
After reconstruction:
LikeLiked by 1 person
I can think you can be assured, Danny, that the stones are all from the original construction. No stones were brought in to make it a tourist attraction. And the stones are back in their original positions. When I went there in the 1970s you could still walk around inside the circle. My boss at the time remembered in the 30s he could cycle there and prop his bike up against the stones.
Stonehenge is only one of many such monuments. Aberdeenshire has a number of stone circles. At Carnac in Brittany there are alignment of hundreds of these monoliths. Incidentally, at Dol, they have the tallest phallic symbol in the world. When General Patton was there in WWII he couldn’t find it. He should have asked, it’s just off the main street.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Maybe he didn’t like to ask!!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
LikeLiked by 1 person
By Richard Mudhar, owner of Megalithia.com, states: "I confirm that I am the photographer and that I license these images to David Kernow/Wikipedia and onwards under the terms of the Creative Commons license https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.5/ referred to by Wikipedia as http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Template:Cc-by-sa-2.5". – http://www.megalithia.com Megalithia.com, CC BY-SA 2.5, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=523520
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dave,
Yes, I suppose that public contracts for new building materials would have been viewed with suspicion at the time of the twentieth century restoration. 😉 Although, they did bring in some modern concrete for setting the stones upright…..LOL.
Public access to archaeological and historical sites is surely a difficult issue, especially at a site that’s not continuously guarded. Hard to believe that graffiti would not have been a problem when people had free access to the stones.
The megalithic circles in Britain and Europe are amazing artifacts. As for the giant phallic symbol, it would long since have been torn down in America as an indecent affront to the public morals. Too bad that General Patton didn’t find it. He would surely have had a quotable comment. 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
He might have had a heart attack.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Notwithstanding the erm… standing stone in Dol… it is an attractive town in Bretagne (not Grande Bretagne). Some nice buildings. I have a colleague who comes from close by.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s a seriously tall…..erm……stone. 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yep. The French seem to have the biggest, um, stone in the world.
LikeLiked by 1 person
LOL!
LikeLiked by 1 person
This is good. Scots the language!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Is Twitter down… It won’t load for me.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ah got it now…
Magic. I hope Danny sees it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Nice! I knew a few of the words. 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person