NOW, LET ME SEE IF I HAVE THIS RIGHT…

In August 2019, Ruth Davidson, when she was a mere mortal, common or garden nobody, stood down from being the leader of the Scottish Branch Office of the greet british Conservative party.

Ruth Davidson in the House of Lords would be yet another PR blunder | The  National

She said at the time that she wanted to concentrate of being a full-time mother. She didn’t have time for politics and motherhood and motherhood came first.

This, surprise, surprise, was a fib! In truth, of course, she had taken the huff at Boris Johnson who had recently become the leader of the Tory party in grating britain and, I suppose, Northern Ireland.

As we all know she was replaced in the Scottish backwater job by Jackson Carlaw, who clearly didn’t meet Mr Johnson’s exceeding low standards and found himself, after about 5 months sacked… and replaced by DRoss, who has a talent for plumbing the depths and very much meets the standards we associate with the Conservatives and with Boris Johnson.

The Baroness - Ruth Davidson - Home | Facebook
Ok, I know, I know, but it gives you an idea of what she’ll look like… and don’t tell me you weren’t gagging to know!

In the meantime, Ms Davidson had a visit from a magical aristocrat fairy and a blood transfusion unit, and lo, with a wave of Mr Johnson’s wand (that’s quite enough, Niko) and an infusion of blue british blood, she became the Right Honourable, Noble and Gallant Baroness Don’t Call Me Baroness, Colonel of this parish and a member of the House of Lords, the second largest house of parliament in the world, after the The National People’s Congress of the People’s Republic of China. It is, however, less democratic than the Chinese parliament.

So it’s another one of these things at which grate britain leads the world.

The rewards of British political failure « Wee Ginger Dug

And it seems, according to Mr Gove who, I’m sure, knows all sorts of things about what’s what and whose got the powder, I mean power, that the Noble and Gallant Colonel Aristocrat will have the place in government over Scotland that she was never able to achieve by her own efforts… that is to say by getting herself elected.

Ahhhh, the will of the people in this great british britain, huh?

118 Union Jack Torn Photos - Free & Royalty-Free Stock Photos from  Dreamstime

Shall we all have a guess at which position the eternally unelectable Baroness Don’t Call Me Baroness will be given…?

RANDOM GREAT BRITISH THOUGHTS

British bananas are best. In fact, Munguin was thinking of starting a banana plantation in the grounds of the Towers. BTW, He’ll be looking for volunteer labour.
Bleu, blanc, rouge. Because no one else has these three colours in their flag. Only the greatest flag in the world
‘oots, man. These ere fings is wot we calls British ‘aggis. know wot i mean like..awk I the nooo.?
No-one does meteorites like the Brits.
British water, in which used to swim British fish. The happiest fish in the world.
The great thing about the great British parliament is that semi-moronic posh boys can waste time in the Commons while we are paying them not answer whatever question they’ve been asked and the Speaker shows his respect for his better by laughing along.
British carrots, the best in the worl… wait… These must be foreign carrots. British carrots would never have splits in them.
British carrots labelled 'grown in Spain' - Farmers Guide
Spain should really be a part of the Empire!
British Towers. The best Towers in the whole world. Can even lean better than foreign towers!
New British submarines with new British rust…a rust unequalled anywhere in the world.
However, Prince William IS the best prince Willie in the universe. I bet he wears union jack boxers.
The very best of British old queens. She may be a racist but, isn’t she wonderful for her age?
The best slogan ever. Vote for a party that doesn’t exist. Only Britain could pull that off.
Images emerge of Downing Street's £2.6m media room renovation | Evening  Standard
The New press room at Downing street…and it only cost £2.5 million, which by Johnson’s standards is mere pennies.
And great British stomachs… who could beat Britain on their stomachs? No one, that’s who!”
The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.”

JUST FOR A LAUGH

1.

A HUSBAND and wife are grocery shopping. He picks up a case of beer and puts it in the cart.

 “What are you doing?”

“They’re on special. Only R15 for two dozen cans.”

“Put them back, we can’t afford it.”

They continue. She puts a R30 jar of face cream in the cart,

“What are you doing?”

“It’s my face cream, it makes me look beautiful.”

“So do two dozen cans of beer and they’re half the price.”

His body was found in Aisle 5.

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Kal econ cartoon 3-12-21synd
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SOME agonising puns come this way:

·       Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes we arson.

·      What do you call a pig with laryngitis? Disgruntled.

·      Writing my name in cursive is my signature move.

·      Why do bees stay in hives during winter? Swarm.

·      If you’re bad at haggling you’ll end up paying the price.

·      Just so everyone’s clear, I’m going to put my glasses on.

·      A commander walks into a bar and orders everyone around.

·      I lost my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene.

·      Never buy flowers from a monk. Only you can prevent forest friars.

·      How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer.

·      Scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a person’s walk. The result was staggering.

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      I once worked at a cheap pizza shop to get by. I kneaded the dough.

·      I lost my girlfriend’s audiobook and now I’ll never hear the end of it.

·      Why is “dark” spelled with a “k” and not “c”? Because you can’t see in the dark.

·      What do you say to a friend who’s struggling with grammar? “

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Thanks to Brenda, Marcia, John, Graham, Erik, Russ and Andi.

Bonus, bang-up-to-date toon from Andimac:

SOPPY SUNDAY

Borneo orangutan holiday - Borneo orangutan photography tour
1. Morning all. It’s nearly spring time and I’m looking forward to the summer in the grounds of the towers.
2. There’s nothing quite like a hug!
3. There’s nothing quite like a snooze!
4. If you want to cross across a road, cross across a crossing… or so my mum says, but there wasn’t one, so it’s just as well my nickname is Speedy!
5. I’m a kookaburra.
6. On safari.
7. Is this a cool hairstyle or what?
8. That as far as you come!
9. Mombassa.
10. Our house is a very very very fine house!
11. Brrrrrrrrrrr
12. Passport control.
13. Down the local!
14. Spring in China.
15. You can’t say no to me, can you?
16. I don’t suppose you have such a thing as a carrot or 20, do you? I’m partial to carrots and it must be at least 100 years since I’ve had one!
17. Finland.
18. So what do you think of the outfit?
19. Munguin thinks that this is an excellent idea.
20. I’m not sure I want my photograph taken. But if it’s for Munguin’s Republic, I suppose I can make an exception.

Thanks to Andi and Quokka.

ALL OUR YESTERDAYS

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EVERY UK NUMBER ONE SONG: 'Softly, Softly' – Ruby Murray – Talk About Pop  Music
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1940 UK Magazine Cadburys Milk Chocolate Advert Stock Photo - Alamy
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My evolving sewing crew – 2nd edition – Vintage Sewing Machines
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Tragedy of Roy Castle as he died of lung cancer without ever smoking a  cigarette - Irish Mirror Online
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12. Dusty ooh là là.
Manfred Mann | full Official Chart History | Official Charts Company
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Images of Dundee, Scotland 8
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File:Winston Churchill, Anthony Eden, Sillery, 1943.jpg - Wikimedia Commons
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Edith Piaf, 1950s | Edith piaf, Musician portraits, Portrait
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With thanks to John, Russ and Dave.

Little anecdote about Piaf which I heard directly from Petula Clark (although I’m sure she has told it many times on stage).

When Petula first went to France in the early 60s her boyfriend (later husband) took her to see Piaf at the Olympia. It was something you really had to do… you know, you just had to see Piaf.

Pet knew little of Piaf, except that she was the darling of French showbusiness and that the concert would be an occasion with all the big names of Parisian glitz there.

So, the curtain rose and this rather unimpressive little old lady (actually she wasn’t really old; she just looked it) limped on to the stage. She wore a rather plain, short black dress which Pet described as “pas du tout chic”. There was no lighting except the spotlight, nothing pretty on the stage, no stage decoration…and Piaf, who was already very ill, in fact dying (she died in 1963, aged 47), looked most unimpressive.

Petula said she thought to herself, “Je ne crois pas que je vais beaucoup l’apprécier”. (I don’t think I’m going to enjoy this very much.)

Then the orchestra started to play and this ill woman started to sing… and suddenly everything changed, or seemed to. The audience forgot that the robe was unchic, the stage unadorned and the singer bent and crippled by arthritis… and they were transported to the magical world of Piaf’s music … and the next two hours passed in what seemed like minutes.

Piaf wasn’t my cup of tea certainly, but she was undoubtedly an enormous talent.

I am so heartily sick of politics (including the SNP*) and royalty that I don’t even want to think about any of it at the moment.

So here’s a story of a little donkey who thinks he’s a dog… which is no bad thing to think, I guess.

*No matter how fed up I am with the SNP, they are streets ahead of any other party in Scotland, whether or not for independence. So, fed up or not I will be voting SNP in May. Some say the SNP won’t get us independence. Well, I don’t know about that. One thing I’m really sure of is that without them we will not get independence, or certainly not an independence that will be recognised by the rest of the world.

The Greens are too small to do it, although they may very well help the SNP along the way, and they will almost certainly record an increase in MSPs in May.

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The ISP seems to have taken leave of its already limited senses and if this person is any guide to the standard of candidate have become an embarrassing laughing stock. Have a read of this, from our own Terry.

So, I’ll return to politics in the future, but right now, I need a break.

So donkeys seems a good place to be and a refreshing change from silly people and self important racist blue bloods.