Image result for Bridge between scotland and ireland
I got the Johnnies at some office or other to draw up maps and, I tell you, that bridge beats the hell out of the Forth thing that that the tartan knickers lot built.

You remember I had the brilliant idea of a bridge between Scotland and Northern Ireland to beat the customs in the middle of the sea? I mean you can’t have a customs post on a bridge can you, in the middle of the windy sea? So, they’d have to give in on that one. Noh nah nah nah nah, EU. You didn’t see that coming!

Image result for Bridge between scotland and ireland
Here I am overseeing it and looking like Winnie to boot.

Then I had an even better idea. (They don’t call me Boris Idea Johnson for nothing, you know.) I decided to build these ungrateful jocks a tunnel. I mean you can’t have a customs post in the middle of tunnel miles underground, can you? Very unhealthy. Got the foreign Johnnies again!

Image result for tunnel between scotland and ireland
What do you mean they call me Boris No Bloody Idea Johnson?

Then it came to me in another one of my flashes of inspiration and genius.

Why not build a few more tunnels? One from Stranraer in Haggis Land, one from Larne in Paddy Land and two from our own dear green and pleasant England. And…and wait for it, this is the really clever bit… have a ROUNDABOUT under the Isle of Man?

There you are chaps. Is it any wonder I succeeded as I have? Boris Visionary Johnson.

Now what do you think of that chaps?

What? We don’t own the sea? The IOM what? Government? Is that even a thing?
Perhaps, I ought not to have had that last bottle of bubbles before breakfast…


        1. Don’t go out now, Niko.

          There will be some gentlemen who’ll pop round soon and they’ll take you to a nice place where you can relax and soon you will start to feel better.

          Liked by 4 people

    1. I though Boris might ask you to do it.

      You’d better start taking the youth pills. On the basis that it’s taken 10 years to get zero miles of HS2 built, I’d reckon that roundabout might be ok in 2120… if the Manx people agree to having a traffic jam under their country.

      Liked by 2 people

    2. Could we get Princess Marple of America to open them all, especially the Manx roundabout at which opening I can guarantee Moira Anderson would be delighted to sing a fine British air. I admit that TV detective Miss Marple is no more royal than her hubby but if she would open these infrastructural masterpieces she could put it some hefty expenses, sells the photos to Hello or Majesty and claim her war hero husband’s medals and titles back for him. And Old Betty could stay on London downing the gin. Win Win, I call it.

      Liked by 3 people

      1. Win win win, I say. And Moira wouldn’t have far to travel. She could probably reach it from the cellar of her house.

        Here she is rehearsing in her living room already, like the true pro she is.


        1. I do hope “Niko” isn’t the new name for “Moira Anderson”. A teensy bit passé and ever so slightly camp. One cannot imagine Moira would wish to be renamed in memory of one of Andy Warhol’s sidekicks. Simply too outré.

          Liked by 1 person

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