Polish immigrant goes to Specsavers. Optician shows him the eye test card with CZWJXNYSACZ and asks: ‘Can u read that?’
Pole says: ‘Read it? ….. I know the bastard!’
Gentlemen and Ladies – read on.
It snowed last night…
8:00 am: I made a snowman.
8:10 – A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn’t make a snow woman.
8:15 – So, I made a snow woman.
8:17 – My feminist neighbour complained about the snow woman’s voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere.
8:20 – The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snow men instead.
8:22 – The transgender man..women…person asked why I didn’t just make one snow person with detachable parts.
8:25 – The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.
8:28 – I was being called a racist because the snow couple is white.
8:31 – The middle eastern gent across the road demanded the snow woman be covered up .
8:40 – The Police arrived saying someone had been offended.
8:42 – The feminist neighbour complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needed to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.
8:43 – The council equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.
8:45 – TV news crew from BBC showed up. I was asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I replied “Snowballs” and am now called a sexist.
9:00 – I was on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.
9:10 – I was asked if I have any accomplices. My children were taken by social services.
9:29 – Far left protesters offended by everything marched down the street demanding for me to be arrested.
By noon it all melted
There is no moral to this story. It is what we have become, all because of snowflakes.
Yes, I know it’s still November!!
A Tayside fellow walks into a shop and asks: “In which aisle do I find the Dundee cake?”
The counter assistant asks: “Are you a Dundee supporter by any chance?”
“Yes I am, but let me ask you something. If I asked for a French loaf would you ask if I’m from France? If I asked for a Swiss roll would you ask if I’m Swiss? Or if I asked for a Chelsea bun, would you ask if I’m English?”
“No, I probably wouldn’t.”
Well why then when I ask for Dundee cake you ask if I’m a Dundee supporter?”
“Because you’re in Builder’s Warehouse.”
Thanks to John, Erik, Brendan, Brenda, Marcia.