Yo, Grumpy Face. If people weren’t interested in you, you and your family would be gone, tout de suite.

Not long back from a break in France at Elton John’s estate, Harry Windsor and his Mrs and Erchie have decided to take a six-week break in the USA.

I was thinking of doing the same, but don’t worry, Danny and Jon, I won’t be visiting. Munguin said that if I paid someone to come in and look after his interests, I could have next Friday afternoon off.

Harry would like to settle in Capetown, South Africa. Exactly why he thought that would be a good idea I’m not entirely sure, given that South Africa is a republic. And he wants to build a home in Botswana, also a republic.

Given that we have to provide him, his wife and his son with 24/7 protection, has it occurred to him how much this is going to cost the UK taxpayer?

Silly question. Of course he hasn’t.

Apparently, they want somewhere where they can have complete privacy and will not be disturbed. So how about the house that the taxpayer had done up for them at Frogmore on the Windsor estate? £2.4 million of our money wasted on a home that they need to leave to get privacy?

Frogmore, apparently a cottage that we paid £2.4 million to do up for Harry.


What’s wrong with Frogmore? It looks not bad to me. No privacy? On a royal estate? What is it? Neighbours popping in to borrow some sugar?

But really, how many ordinary homes could we have built for the homeless with £2.4 million?

And how many people can take 6 weeks off, just because they did a whole ten-days’ work touring in Africa?

OK, let me explain it in simple terms, Harry.

Like she was born to it. 

You and your family, by and large, are an anachronism.

In order to avoid being overthrown, as an outdated and unnecessary expense, the palace, government and press made you all into little “celebrities”, a bit like Jordan or Kim Kardashian.

Your whole raison d’être is to provide entertainment for the easily pleased. Ant and Dec should be introducing you. Like it or not, that is how you are seen (and Boris Johnson has done his part in showing that even your grandmother is no more than his puppet).

If you don’t want to be in the public eye, we’re cool with that. God knows, it’s not like there’s a dearth of royal wasters. Your holidaying cousins Beatrix and Eugenie, your idiot uncle, Air Miles (although he too is keeping a low profile of late… I wonder why) and your brother and his wife, being carried around by ‘natives’ like they were somehow better than other people and deserving of the honour.

Hey Willy, is that a great big spider I see crawling up your trouser leg?

So if you want to get out of the limelight, mate, sod off to Capetown or Botswana or Mars for all we care, but do it on your money or your family’s money, not ours.

If not, stop whinging, stop scowling and get on with your bloody job of being a minor celeb.

As my last boss (before Munguin) was wont to say, Fit In or F*** Off.

106 thoughts on “OH, I DO LIKE A LITTLE HOLIDAY, DON’T YOU?”

        1. Tris wouldn’t want me as a palafreniere della sedia gestatoria, Douglas, coz I might drop him by accident and cause a catastrophic cascade palafrenieri-delle-sedie-gestatorie failure, and sedie gestatorie are difficult enough to bear in tandem with a four-wheeled Rollator® anyway.

          A Royal, on the other hand or shoulder, I would drop deliberately, ramming my Rollator® into the backs of the knees pertaining to the palafreniere in front while simultaneously endeavouring to jam my walking stick between the feet of the palafreniere behind, and joukin awa sauf an hail. (Sorry, can’t resist putting in a bit of Scots when I happen to know it.)

          Not much of a team player, me.

          Liked by 4 people

          1. Ed. Mobility aids can have a number of uses not always intended by the designer. I know from experience that in the right hands an electric wheelchair can become a mighty weapon of room clearing destructive power.

            Liked by 2 people

            1. Hm. I do agree, Tris, and you’ve reminded me of an incident a couple of years back now, when I was a bit more mobile than I am now, arriving at the Spar shop on the Hilltown in search of a couple of litres of milk only to discover that I could not get in as an elderly female person had attempted to enter the shop on her electric mobility scooter and got thoroughly wedged in the door. An easy mistake to make, to be sure.

              Liked by 1 person

    1. Second that, Aucheorn – in Spades, doubled and redoubled. Or am I following Ed’s example and introducing off-topic subjects? Troubled waters need a bridge of some kind. For the Saxe Coburg Gothas and multiple descendants I’d recommend Venice and the Bridge of Sighs for a get away from it all break. One-way ticket, of course.

      Liked by 3 people

  1. He’ll be able to bag a few endangered animals before afternoon cocktails from his balcony in Botswana.

    His grandad will never be away from the place.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. This is England’s Royal family funded by the parliament in England (England’s parliament) who are trying to escape the clutches of England’s press pack.
    There is a common thread here.
    I can understand them wanting shot of England,so do many of us plebs.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. I feel I should apologise for liking y’all. It never occurred to me, despite coming from a land where wealth is the measure of a man, always a man, that a media could twist and shake the opinion of the populace in an evil direction.

      It is near unbelievable that citizens of my estate could question our entitlement to rule.

      How dare you!

      For, God Bless the USA! It doesn’t do nuthin’ like that ever!

      Says no-one.


      Royalist propoganda knows no bounds.


      Liked by 2 people

      1. Very good idea. If independent Scotland doesn’t ask the royals to do anything in Scotland or elsewhere, it should pay them the rate for the job. And make them pay their taxes on their Scottish assets.

        Liked by 1 person

          1. As I keep saying, a question for Scottish monarchists: if Scotland were an independent country right now, would you vote for the Queen as its Head of State and the first of a dynasty of hereditary Heads of State?

            Liked by 1 person

            1. I can imagine that many people would want to allow the queen to see out her days as a reigning monarch. I can imagine that some wouldn’t want to deprive Chic of his turn after waiting 70 years for it, but it’s hard to imagine any thinking person wanting to initiate a monarchical system.

              Liked by 1 person

              1. Eggzacktically. I try to think of questions like that which show up how much of our opinion is based on attachment to the status quo and innate fear of change / conservatism, and what we’d rather have with all that to one side. The difference between where we are now and has the attraction of the familiar, and where we’d rather be if we had the choice.

                Liked by 1 person

  3. Tris
    He can always walk from the title, all he has to do is inform the government that he is abdicating his position and just a rich Joe blogs he becomes, he won’t though will he. Everything that makes him get in the news and noticed is his title and his Disney land existence. I just wish they would shut the f up and go away, the whole family are a stain that even nuclear vanish couldn’t shift.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Yep, there’s nothing stopping him walking away from it all and going to live in Botswana and shooting things.

      Nothing except he wouldn’t have a clue how to live without hundreds of servants running around after him.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. well just to raise everyone’s BP even more, Meghan was complaining that their lives were merely existing, not living and how dreadful it all was. So the couple that literally visited a place in SA teaching girls to be fight in order to stop them being raped and murdered have it really hard. The couple that jet setted across Europe and US all summer, then lectured us on the effects of climate change have it hard. The folk that had a hoose done up for over 2 million quid in a country/state with circa one million reliant on foodbanks are the ones we should feel sorry for.

    I don’t doubt there are some downsides to their lives – no-one’s life is all rosy – but give me a fecking break. And if you point this out, then you are a racist because its only her mixed race that you object to. (Don’t forget her dad is white – though she seems to forget she actually has a dad). Not the many instances of appalling behaviour – e.g. writing “you are loved” on bananas for sex workers. I mean where DO YOU EVEN START with that. Or the farce with releasing a notice that she’d just gone into labour when the wean had actually already been born. And the rest…

    Give me strength.

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Wow… take that Harry.

      Well said PP.

      For clarity, I feel exactly the same about his brother and his wife and about Andrew’s idiot daughters… and the rest of them for that matter.

      Liked by 2 people

  5. Tut, tut. This just the Basic Living Wage for Royals( even Pretendy ones get £5 mill per annum)—-plus a cheapo Palace, transport, security and visits to less developed ex-colonies. Harry didn’t get it so good—hiding out in a bunker in the Kush for months without his valet: big half brother getting all the good press while Harry was exposing the family jewels to sluts in the US of A.
    Good news—Elon Musk has room for “breeders” on his one way Spacex Starship trip to Mars—-go for it Harry; no Sunday Sport or Daily Mail journo’s up there!
    As they say–In space, no one can hear you bleat—or something like that!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. On the subject of the royals, a question for all Scottish monarchists: “If Scotland were an independent republic right now, would you vote for the Queen as its Head of State and first in a dynasty of Heads of State?”

    Liked by 3 people

  7. They are past their sell by date.
    So, the answer is No Way, she’s just a wee auld boireannach, no better than my auld granny on my Dad’s side.
    Should have died out with edward V11’s first born, prince john, quietly forgotten in Glamis.
    The monarchy is based on a king as a bully keeping the people down with an army, all paid for by the people.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. …and there you have it: Westminster operates on the bonkers, divine-right-of-kings, top-down notion that English sovereignty is incarnated by the Queen in Parliament, or some such nonsense, whereas here in Scotland, the people are sovereign.

      Most advanced thinkers had worked that one out quite a long while before the Scottish Enlightenment, if I have my history of ideas straight (no guarantees provided). Robert Burns was certainly on board with it, as we know.

      Liked by 2 people

        1. Ah yes, I keep forgetting: the 26 Lords Spiritual in the House of Lords. Not just large numbers of hereditary English aristocrats but representatives of an established church, all of whom may take part in passing legislation that overrides the will of the directly elected and sovereign Scottish people, the legislation of a nation with no established Church and a majority in favour of abolishing not just the House of Lords but the aristocracy itself – I think I’m right about that last, but have no proof.

          Like so much about the United Kingdom, on closer examination the monarchy, the House of Lords and the Established / Anglican Church and their place in the State turn out to be Ruritanian flummery, democratically illegitimate, and devoid of basic logic. But never fear, there is hope! There is a way out of this nonsense! Blast. I’ve forgotten what it is. It was on the tip of my tongue. Help me out, people, there must be someone among all you Munguinites out there who can remember what the solution is…

          Liked by 1 person

          1. It is to appoint Munguin as president of the country. There, did that help?

            I’ve no figures on support for monarchy or aristocracy either, but I don;t know anyone who supports either.

            I even have one friend who is a Tory voter , a unionist and a leaver, who has no time for the Lords, the monarchy or the CofE.

            Liked by 1 person

            1. I had one of those too, but she emigrated to Australia years ago with her husband, both of them fleeing a horrendous mother-in-law.

              It’s a good question, actually. I don’t know many Scottish (or English!) Tory supporters any more, but I’ll try to find out. Maybe the info is tucked away in the back of some recent attitudes survey somewhere with which a well-informed Munguinite has access…

              Liked by 1 person

    2. They’ve tried to keep them all regal and surrounded by glitter, unlike the Danish or Norwegian kings/queens who are more or less one of the people.

      This lot belongs to another era.


  8. Who knows what’s going on with that pair.
    Maybe Megan has discovered that marrying a prince and becoming a duchess and a countess &c isn’t quite the fairy tale she imagined. Maybe marriage just isn’t for her…she has previous there. Maybe it’s the in-laws…they too have previous.
    Maybe motherhood doesn’t agree with her. Now while I’m tempted to say “well tough” given the support and resources she has, if she does actually have a genuine /clinical post-natal depression she has my sympathy ( and that extends to her hubbie). It’s hellish and all the fancy houses and extended exotic holidays won’t make it go away. Nor will emigrating, or for that matter scapegoating the press and fixating on THEM being the source of the problem.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. If they’re actually doing the whole parenting thing instead of leaving it up to an army of nannies, lords and ladies of the royal nappy-changing and whatnot, the lack of sleep alone is likely more than enough to make a new mother and father just a little cranky.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I think they are onto nanny number three, the previous two having high tailed it. Like a number of other flunkies.

        Those who say they are in the know state that Harry always was a wee swine and the least liked, treating the staff badly. He got away with it for so long because of the public’s memory of the wee boy walking behind his mother’s coffin – that should NEVER have happened. But he’s always been a tearaway – hard drinking, drugs, partying. Sulky behaviour. He’s a brat and a ned.

        Liked by 2 people

          1. I think that the Queen’s cousin, Mountbatten, might be the one in his generation.

            And before him Edward VII led Alexandra a merry dance with his womanising, drinking, gambling. And there was the family who had a sick kid ( was the George V and Mary), and locked him away until he died!


        1. I hadn’t read that, PP. But then, to be fair, I rarely read anything about any of them.

          I’d seen the well publicised pics of him at wild parties, in a Nazi uniform, drunk as a puggy and bare assed. I just never gave them any thought.

          Up to him if he wants to behave like that. He just shouldn’t be doing it on my money.


    2. That’s true.

      If they are suffering in that way, as humans, they have my sympathy. On the other hand, how many people get the opportunity to have a tv documentary about their issues.

      Maybe they should give up royal duties and titles and go off to the wilds of Botswana and try to be ordinary.

      My objection is that, whatever it is, this soap opera costs me money.

      Liked by 1 person

        1. They could, of course, hire a nanny or three who spoke Kalanga, Sarwa, Ndebele or !Xóõ so the wee tyke could grow up properly multilingual like ordinary people in most parts of the world, though personally I wouldn’t bother with Afrikaans. Too much baggage with that one.

          Liked by 1 person

            1. Wouldn’t have done them much good in Switzerland, though; it’s French, German (well, Schwyzerdütsch), Italian and Romansh there among homegrown Swiss. Would put a crimp in their skiing holidays later.

              Liked by 1 person

              1. Hmmm. Well, I hadn’t considered that. But, without our subsidies, I’m not sure that they could afford Swiss ski holidays. Last time I was in Geneva, it nearly broke me and I only bought two coffees!

                I have a Swiss friend, whose parents are Greek (so he speaks Greek) and whose father was a Rabbi (so he speaks Hebrew), who lives in Canton de Genève (so he speaks French), and who had to learn Italian at school (and they properly teach language in Switzerland), and who learned English, because he’s involved in the music business and that means America. He also has a smattering of German!

                But to be fair I’ve never heard him speak Kalanga, Sarwa, Ndebele or !Xóõ!

                So fair comment!


                Liked by 1 person

  9. Brilliant, quite brilliant. Your best yet, and my sentiments exactly. Re Harry buggering off, marrying a commoner, and living the life of an “ordinary person”, there was an episode of the Windsor’s that parodies that very happening. Of course, he decides that his “duty” is to stay and keep taking the millions from the mugs. Us.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks, Alex.

      Yes, that option is always open to them.

      But only Edward VIII took it, and even then, appeared to live a life of incredible luxury … on what?

      OK, during the war they sent him off to be a governor somewhere well out of the way, given his fondness for Hitler. But afterwards when he and Mrs Simpson settled in Paris, who was paying for the lifestyle and the servants?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Maj’s rainy day fund will look after them all should we become a republic. She sees the writing on the wall and it’s what her offshore millions are all about.

        Liked by 2 people

  10. Some of those offshore tax havens not only have advantageous tax laws, they have advantageous climates as well, and Her Maj is still the Head of State for some of them… Egad, greig12, I do believe you’ve cracked it!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Munguinites of a certain vintage may remember a popular (at the time) ScotNat republican song:

      How many more did they have in ’64
      of the English royal family
      The queen she had four
      with expenses for a score
      of the English royal family

      Margaret was doing her best
      trying to keep up with the rest
      Did she have a little girl or a boy?
      Did Viscount Linley have a brother
      does it matter, it’s another
      of the English royal family

      Oysters! Oysters! Don’t forget yyour oysters!

      Ah, these were the days. They’ve since multiplied like a Ponzi scheme. Except you’re not forced to contribute to a Ponzi scam. And even if you were, it would still be better value.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Alastair McDonald had a fine collection of scathing ditties. Most of which are up in my loft somewhere.

        My daughter wanted to borrow a tennis racket the other day, something to with the dog I believe, after listening to the noises off, I followed her up, located the racket, and informed her “When I shuffle off you can sort though this lot”. I swear she physically groaned.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. My Alastair namesake. There’s a past blast. ‘Cruel was the snow that swept Glencoe…’

          And murdered the house of Clan Donald in the process. Why do I feel a sudden urge to get my guitar out and serenade the Resident Sassenach?

          Maybe because I’d get the same result as the First Wold War machine-gun response to bagpipes. ‘Can ye no play something they like?’

          Liked by 1 person

  11. They either want all the trappings of fame and put up with the press etc, or they should give up on the fame and go and retire on their own money somewhere in America, where they could top up their personal fortune by doing talk shows and stuff from time to time.
    Whatever, Scotland doesn’t need them.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m of the opinion – it comes especially to mind whenever the Usual Suspects start bleating about punitive tax rates causing a stampede of the well-heeled to the exits, or rather jumping ship in the direction of tax havens – that the question is not whether we as a society can afford to lose such people, but rather can we afford to keep them. We are all well aware of the self-made men – and they usually are men – who scream about having to pay taxes; pay their employees the bare minimum, if that; maximise their own incomes and those of their investors, cronies and pals; and hook into all the latest tax avoidance schemes and dodges. We are all too well aware that they invariably fail to recognise that “self made” actually means taking advantage of all the public infrastructure and services, and everything else, which we create as a society, and ignoring everyone else’s enabling of their money-hoarding addiction.

      No man is an island, to be trite about it, but let me stick in too the phenomenon of corporations which heed only the profit imperative and couldn’t give a damn about being decent corporate citizens – the kind (which is most of’em) where thumbscrews have to be applied for them to treat their employees properly and their social, cultural and environmental contexts with due respect. The kind of corporations, i.e. almost all of’em, governed by those with stunted consciences and inadequate empathetic abilities who are frequently extremely good at doing very little in return for voting themselves (and their cronies, pals and frequently relatives) huge wodges of dosh.

      On the subject of physical persons rather than legal ones, the same problem applies even to those who are unnecessarily and excessively monied but with the self-awareness not to quack on and on about being self-made. They are less in-your-face, teeth-grindingly annoying – and when you stick in the levels of entitlement and privilege that comes with being born into the “right” social circles and even into the top crust, into royalty, then we still have the same problem of the costly rich, and we have it in spades.

      What we need instead of the royals is an elected, non-executive president as Head of State for a fixed term at a generous though not massive salary, on condition that she or he completely liquidates financial and other assets that may give rise to any conflict of interest before taking up the post, and putting the money into a blind trust for the whole period; 10 years’ tax returns; and mandatory physical and mental health checks, no psychotics or personality disorders allowed in general and pathological liars in particular – because we know what happens when such people get into positions of power.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. …and most certainly, no one orange.

        Seriously though, I agree with all of that.

        Most particularly about “we can’t afford to lose the entrepreneurs” bit.

        I dunno. I suspect that countries like Denmark, Sweden, Finland, Norway and Iceland have entrepreneurs and continue to live in high tax countries.


        Is there a particular reason that Scots, or Brits are so greedy that they won’t consider living here unless they get carte blanche to rip off the tax payer and become obscenely rich?

        Philip Green anyone?


  12. The problem with those pictures of William and whoever he married is the ignorance of the people carrying them around on their shoulders (for whom it’s apparently a cultural thing,) and Prince William who was either too ignorant (or too unsure of his own authority with the staff of royal handlers) to refuse the public relations debacle. (Even the Popes finally gave up on the unflattering image of people carrying them around on a portable throne.)

    Similarly, the problem with the royal family is not that they are freeloading grifters, it’s that the British people support them.
    (In fairness to the royals, George III got a really bad deal (as a long term investment) when he gave the revenues of the Crown Estate to parliament under the provisions of the Civil List Act of 1760. Assets which the ancestors of the royal family got fair and square by looting, pillaging, and murder back in the really old days when they were a marauding band of war lords.)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. LOL. I can’t fault a word of that, Danny.

      It should have been made plain by Williams staff (presumably older and wiser than he is) that it would be most unsuitable for him to be seen being carried around like some imperial master.

      As you say, the Vatican has, bit by bit divested itself of a lot of the flim flammery that apparently the Windsors still enjoy.

      I can see what you mean about George getting a bad deal.

      If you have spent centuries (or your ancestors have) stealing lands from people, it is a tad foolish to hand them to another set of scoundrels, the government, in return for a fixed salary for all your relations.

      They got a lot of them back though (Duchy of Lancaster).

      Scotland wants to nationalise them, and use the money for Scots instead of greedy scrounging royal parasites.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Tris……Yes, being a King and turning your estate over to politicians in exchange for a promise of their future largess. Now what could POSSIBLY go wrong with that? 😉

        I’d say that Scotland has the right idea about the royal Duchies.

        Actually, it struck me that notwithstanding its multi-million pound renovation, Frogmore looks pretty modest by royal standards. Surely Harry was confused when he accepted Frogmore Cottage. He must have thought that the Queen was giving him Frogmore House.

        (Part of the assets of the Crown Estate that George III gave to parliament, but I guess the royals still have squatters rights. 😉 )

        Liked by 1 person

        1. They do. and as a result, all the upkeep and repairs of the whole thing is the responsibility of the government.

          Convenient that!

          Edward the VIII lived in Frogmore House and entertained Mrs Simpson there.

          Apparently the then PM, Baldwin, complained that state papers were often returned with the stains of cocktail glasses all over them.

          Nice place, but old Harry is a bit too far down the pecking order to get that. Maybe his brother will get his hands on it. He’s FAR more important.

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Frogmore House has a livelier history than I knew. Hard to keep up with all the houses, palaces, and castles. George V seemed to always be at Sandringham, whereas Liz seems to spend more time at Buckingham Palace and Windsor. Since Sandringham and Balmoral were personally owned by Edward VIII, George VI bought them to keep them in the family after the abdication. Wiki says he was annoyed at shelling out £300,000 to his brother and Mrs. Simpson.

            Liked by 1 person

            1. Danny, apologies fr taking so long to reply to your email. Been a bit on the busy side here.

              I see that Trump has been making money out of being president again:

              made a side trip to his Irish golf club this summer, dozens of Irish cops were sent to protect him. Then Trump’s company charged the cops more than $100K for food and coffee.

              Liked by 1 person

              1. LOL…..If he made $100K from Irish cops at his golf club in Ireland, imagine how much he could have made from all the Presidents, Prime Ministers, and Chancellors and their delegations at the G7 meeting in his Doral resort in Florida. It must have hurt him bad to realize that he’d finally planned a scam so brazen that even the Republicans went crazy about it and forced him to withdraw it. 😉

                Liked by 1 person

                1. You keep on pushing and one day… the whole thing falls off the cliff.

                  I realise, of course, that probably half of the entire An Garda Síochána will have been deployed to keep the orange one safe, but $100K???? How much coffee did they drink and were they caviar sandwiches?

                  I’ve been to Ireland. Prices there are usually lower than they are here. Even here that would be an outrageous amount.

                  He could have bought himself a new wig with all the money he would have made from the Florida deal. Do you remember the look on Angela Merkel’s face when he went on and on about it after the French G7?

                  Liked by 2 people

                    1. I suspect she was just like … What the hell, I’ll have retired to some academic post by then. I won’t ever have to meet this dick again, so he can have the next G7 in his bath for all I care!

                      Liked by 2 people

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