GLOBAL BRITAIN (the pantomime)

PRESENTS THE MOST EXPENSIVE EVER PARTY POLITICAL BROADCAST ON BEHALF OF THE BORIS JOHNSON FOR KING PARTY

The panto begins 

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But who’s playing Cinderella?

She’s gonna be late for her big number.

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That’s how to deal with those Extinction Rebels, chaps, what what!
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Which one is the handsome prince? Oh, OK, they couldn’t get that bloke from Denmark, so there isn’t one. OK, we’ll just have to make do with Charlie Big Ears.
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They need that many to guard two old women and one old man?
waste.jpg
Seem to be really fond of red in England? Or is it just this season’s colour?
nonsens
Can one just polish one’s shoes when one is dine there?
waste1
The gentlemen of the chorus are a bit overdressed.
batten down teh hatches
Oh dear lord, give me strength. No wonder he was replaced by a man called Richard Braine. No, seriously, I kid you not! 
happy not
If looks could kill, Johnson would be in the Tower for making a complete fool of Liz for the second time in as many weeks.

 

 

84 thoughts on “GLOBAL BRITAIN (the pantomime)”

  1. Oh, I heard that they were going to start a space programme.

    Maybe, I’m thinking, they should try to finish, or even start, the railway line from London to Birmingham first. It will be good practice for getting away into space, which is probably a tad farther?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I seem to recall a UK space programme called, I think, Blue Streak, which sounds like something you might want to us a stain remover for.

      Its many friends and admirers used to say that the instruction manual for it said “Light blue touch paper and retire well back”.

      Liked by 2 people

        1. Erhm. Off topic, Douglas, but someone using your moniker – surely without your knowledge or permission – mentioned me over on WGD just now, with a link to my so far blank and unused WordPress blog. As he is not the first person to mention this in recent days, one might almost think that there is Concerted Campaign going on to either use it or take it down. One might almost think one was being Ganged Up On Behind One’s Back, but one has reminded himself that Munguinites are to open and honest to resort to such unbecoming subterfuge and underhandedness.

          So say it ain’t so, people, say it ain’t so! Because, as I explained to Tris, the main reason I haven’t said anything on it is because I can’t get to grips with WordPress. No, that was a lie, the real problem is that I can rarely think of anything to say off my own bat. Not creative enough, and too lazy, maybe. No, definitely.

          BTW, in case you missed it, Tris, Tatu3 says over on WGD that he’s having trouble commenting here on MNR, which is a shame because I like him.

          Liked by 1 person

          1. I hadn’t seen that.

            I’ll poke around in the cellars, but I suspect that it is WordPress again.

            If you are reading this Tatu, I’m sorry you’re being excluded, and please rest assured that it is nothing to do with me or Munguin.

            Like

    1. Multi millions, I suspect. Of course we are never allowed to know… because of security! But “fur coat and no knickers Britain strikes again”, because I noted on the news this morning that the health service in England has deteriorated massively in the last year with huge numbers of hospitals failing and patients having to be treated many miles from home.

      If that had been in Scotland it would have been a massive story.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Definitely not a good situation at all.
        The image that comes to mind is of the cartoon character who walks off a cliff and carries on walking literally ‘on air’ … until he realises he’s over the drop and only then falls …

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Are you sure that guy’s name isn’t Batty, not Batten? Mind you, to be fair, it had completely slipped my mind that it was the 953rd anniversary of the Battle of Hastings, or Senlac Hill if it is given its correct location. So the Anglo Saxons lost the battle for national survival – that would be the guys who’d invaded Englanland from the Low Countries, Jutland, Germany etc and who gave the country its name – Angle Land. Does that mean that the English are French then following the Norman Conquest? Certainly a wee bit of French has crept into the lingo – “Rouge Dragon Pursuivant” to give just one example. Still, one mustn’t cast aspersions, I suppose, or to put it another way, Honi soit qui mal y pense. Now where have I heard that before?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. So they can’t even get a proper coachman?

    They need 3 riders to guide the horses pulling the golden coach instead?

    And those riders can’t even keep the horses in line properly. Look at that one sticking its bum out for the camera!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m appalled! Aghast! I’m quite beside myself!

    I tune into the state opening of parliament to see the door being slammed in Black Rod’s face and hear Denis Skinner’s rude comment; but most of all, to see the Queen wearing the Imperial State Crown. Dripping with history! The Black Prince’s Ruby worn by Henry V at Agincourt, the Stuart Sapphire, St. Edward’s sapphire…..from his coronation ring and buried with him at Westminster Abbey in 1066, the 317-carat Cullinan II Diamond, plus 2,867 smaller diamonds and many other assorted sapphires, emeralds and pearls.

    And so what does the Queen do? She wears the George IV State Diadem and casts aside the State Crown to rest on a side table! So why not just hang it on a hat rack and be done with it?

    And why? Because it’s “unwieldy,” and “one can’t look down to read one’s speech; so one has to hold the speech up, because if one did look down, one’s neck would break – and it would fall off.”

    Actually (below) she said “you”, but “one” is more fun. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. PS: Some crown weight statistics:


      Imperial State Crown: 1.06 kg (2.3 lb)


      St. Edward’s Crown (Coronation Crown): 2.23 kg (4.9 lb)

      There was an awkward moment in George VI’s coronation, when the Archbishop of Canterbury couldn’t figure out which was the front. (A marker had fallen off.) He turned it around several times, and apparently finally just gave up and stuck it on George’s head. Liz can’t figure it out either.
      “Weighs a Ton”

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I know what I’d do with them, Danny.

        Sell them to a country that can afford to have them, probably in the Middle East, because, although Norway could easily buy them, they wouldn’t want them, and spend the money on the run down infrastructure.

        Liked by 2 people

    2. Well, it’s part of the job to wear the crown and she’s managed up til now. However, it seems that she’s got a little too old for the heavy weight of the crown on her head.

      In other jobs, from train driver to surgeon to fireman to policeman, when you no longer have the physical attributes to do the job, you retire.

      Time she was like the rest of us.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I’m going to leap in here with a misquotation of Shakespeare, because if I don’t someone else surely will: heavy hangs the head that wears the crown!

        Should be “uneasy”, not heavy: Henry IV part 2. Somewhere or other.

        Liked by 2 people

        1. Ed….I like the misquoted quote even better. 😉
          Victoria didn’t like heavy crowns. She also wore that Diamond Diadem on occasion.

          Actually, last year’s BBC Documentary was quite interesting. You not only got to see the rarely used St. Edward’s Crown, which is a much heavier block of solid gold with not many jewels of monetary or historical significance relatively speaking, you got to hear the Queen making ironic comments as she watched the 1953 coronation film. Also the Archbishop of Canterbury turning the big crown around in his hands for an awkward period of time as he tried to figure out which is the front. A thread that he had previously placed on it to mark the front had fallen off. In the documentary, it’s clear that even the Queen doesn’t know which is the front.

          The Scottish crown doesn’t get worn. Just gets carried around on a pillow! Made for James V, it and the Honours of Scotland, are the oldest surviving set of Crown jewels in the United Kingdom. (Wiki says.) Older than all that stuff down in England that were cobbled together for Charles II after Cromwell had broken up and sold off the really old historical English stuff.

          https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crown_of_Scotland

          Liked by 1 person

            1. Quite popular headwear in the old days I guess. 😉
              The crown of Scotland has an interesting history by Wiki account. First worn by James V in 1540, and last worn by Charles II in 1651 at his Scottish coronation. It was then hidden from Cromwell who wanted to destroy it when he destroyed all the English stuff. Now it gets carried around a lot by the Duke of Hamilton when the Queen is there. In Scotland, “royal” logos often picture the Scottish crown instead of the English one…..such as the Royal Mail.

              Like

                  1. Tris……Not only second hand (AND heavier than the English Imperial State Crown,) but I would worry about how often the ermine and fabric in the bonnet of the crown gets dry cleaned. Perhaps centuries of royal head lice might be there? Upon researching the matter, it turns out that the bonnet part of the crown gets replaced from time to time. Wiki says: “James V ordered a purple and ermine bonnet from tailor Thomas Arthur of Edinburgh to fit inside the crown. James VII ordered the colour of the bonnet be changed to red. The bonnet had to be replaced several times, and the present bonnet was made in 1993. The completed crown weighs 1.64 kg (3 lb 10 oz).”

                    The Duke of Hamilton is apparently always on call to carry it around on a pillow when the queen has one of her state occasions in Scotland.

                    Liked by 2 people

                    1. I have to admit I hadn’t considered head lice as a thing in connection with royals, but now you come to mention it, I think it is as well that it is changed from time to time,

                      Let us all take a minute out of our busy schedules today to thank the good lord for Mr Hamilton. Where should we be without him and his cushion? 🙂

                      Liked by 2 people

                  2. I was thinking just now that the Privy Cabinet must consist of those trusted High Heid Yins who have the honour of emptying the Royal Chamberpots, but I´m pretty sure that someone different. Body slave, maybe, or Keeper of the Bogrolls. Or maybe I’m thinking of Louis the somethingth, XIV or XV, whichever one was the Sun King and built Versailles and neglected to put in any dedicated facilities for [self-censorship imperative detected!] defecation and micturition. I suppose he was called the Sun King because everyone thought the sun shone out of the Royal A[censored!].

                    Liked by 2 people

              1. I really didn’t know that, Danny.

                I suppose anything “crown-like” passes unnoticed by me. But I just looed at the book of stamps I have, and sure enough it’s our crown, not theirs, although I not that in the book the stamps are now just British ones. They used to have thistles on them, in a patronising attempt to be Scottish.

                Liked by 1 person

                1. Tris……And regarding “errata,” I was wrong about being wrong. I followed Wiki to this reference that had additional historical information about the Honours of Scotland. Turns out that Charles II was crowned King in Scotland at Scone in 1651, much to Cromwell’s displeasure during the period of the Commonwealth. THEN Cromwell unsuccessfully pursued the Crown across Scotland until it finally ended up hidden in a chest in Edinburgh Castle where it lay almost forgotten until 1818. It came to light with some assistance by Sir Walter Scott. (Perhaps another story for another day. 😉 )

                  The Honours of Scotland:

                  https://www.royal.uk/honours-scotland

                  Liked by 1 person

                  1. It is to our great shame that none of us knew that!

                    Mind you. It must be worth a bob of two. I wonder if anything else in the castle’s is waiting to be found. I might make a trip. 🙂

                    Liked by 2 people

                    1. I’m sure they’ll let you into that room, Tris, where they store the Scottish crown jewels with a big hammer for knocking on the walls and breaking into hollow-sounding bits. You just have to be sure you ask them nicely, or get Mr. Munguin to do it. Either that or one of those ground-penetrating radar thingmies they use in archaeology.

                      Liked by 2 people

                    2. Tris….. You should have a go at it; something else might turn up. 😉 I’d like to know what Sir Walter Scott did to convince the castle keeper to go poking around the place for long lost crown jewels. Must have seemed like a long shot.

                      Liked by 2 people

              2. Hm. Dry-cleaning bills. It occurs to me that crowns must have to be seriously steam-cleaned after every coronation, what with the coronees being anointed of God by some high heid religious-type person or another. In England it has to be a real heid bummer of the Anglican church, as far as I know, and I expect it’s some megacostly unguent or other that’s used for the anointing and you can’t get the same effect with chip fat and a lay preacher. Dunno how they do it in Scotland, or even if they bother – I mean, why would they?

                Either way, it must play merry hell with their majesties’ hairdos too, one would think, as well as making any ermine or satin or velvet all very manky.

                It all seems rather unpleasant, frankly, but then pretty much all that bizarre ritual behaviour they go in for down there is quite distasteful if you look at it too closely or think about it too much.

                Liked by 2 people

                1. Ed….I’ve wondered about such things myself. I noticed that even though the Crown of Scotland was last worn in 1651 and is only carried around on a pillow these days by the Duke of Hamilton, someone (perhaps the Duke himself?) felt compelled to have a new bonnet installed in the crown in 1993.

                  Then as you point out there’s all those robes and sundry costumes worn by the peerage and other characters who sweat in them during all the big costume dramas that happen down in London when they open parliament, crown a King or Queen, or what not. I scanned this article about the “Robes of the British Peerage”……both parliament and coronation…….and found not a single mention about dry cleaning, steam cleaning, or pressing the sweaty things.

                  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robes_of_the_British_peerage

                  I have a cousin who received a degree from the University of Edinburgh. As part of the graduation ceremony, she was tapped on the head by a hat (the Geneva Bonnet) which according to University legend was made using material from the breeches of John Knox. As far as I know there is no record of when if ever in several centuries the cap has been cleaned.

                  Liked by 2 people

                    1. Nonsense, Tris! It would have to be on delicates, and only after testing an unobtrusive bit for colourfastness. They should probably just stick to whatever it says on the fabric care label, and use Stergene or other mild, liquid detergent to avoid those nasty white flecks of undissolved powder which haven’t come out in the rinse, which is all too likely if you overload your machine.

                      Maybe I should cross-post this to Mumsnet in case some hapless flunky in the royal household is about to have a costly laundry catastrophe, as tends to happen when you tumbledry your Damart© Thermolactyl long johns on high.

                      Liked by 1 person

                    2. I don’t think Mr. Munguin would approve of you moonlighting as a hat-washer, Tris, but I suppose you could use the threat of it to bolster your case for a modest increase in your stipend to go some way toward matching the increase in the Retail Price Index since 1997…

                      Liked by 2 people

  5. I was just thinking about what Bojo could do to get a deal and came up with this, mmm
    The Norm Ireland border seems to be the sticking point and there are three distinct issues
    1. DUP want NI to be an indivisible part ofthe UK, notwithstanding they do some things differently there, and
    2. The Good Friday Agreement must be honoured, and
    3. The Backstop cannot be endless without a way out.

    The EU initially proposed that NI remain in the Customs Union and Single Market which was accepted by both sides until Arlene stepped in and said Norn Ireland cannot be treated differently. It would seem that Bojo and the DUP are coming round to that position although with some tweaks.

    So what if
    Norn Ireland stays in the CU and SM and that is the backstop.
    This is allowed to be changed if the following occurs
    a) the Assembly votes for a change, and
    b) the people of Norn Ireland vote for the change in a Referendum, and
    c) Westminster and the ROI approves the change, and
    d) the Good Friday Agreement is upheld

    What say you, is this workable?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’d say no it’s not, because the DUP can shut down Stormont anytime they like under the power-sharing agreement. In other words, if it looks like doing something they don’t like, they can prorogue it just like Boris tried to do with Westminster, but for an indefinite period and with no recourse worth a damn. How long has it been this time? Coming on three years now? And conveniently, Ash-for-Cash Arlene hasn’t faced any concentrated scrutiny from Stormont in all the time since Martin McGuinness resigned over the affair because the Stormont power-sharing agreement collapsed.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Interesting. The Good Friday Agreement states that there can be no border in Ireland and that people born in N Ireland can identify as Irish, British or both, and may hold these passports, both if they wish.

      I can’t see how that can work, if, at the end of a jurisdiction (where there is a demand to take back control of everything …albeit to hand it to the WTO and the USA…) there HAS to be a border of some sort.

      The alternative is that the standards that the UK will agree to in trade deals would be impossible to contain within the UK.

      It would be grossly unfair to people elsewhere in the UK. For example if the non existent assembly could vote to end it all, what would happen? Why wold the Welsh Senedd not have that power, or the Scottish Parliament.

      Also, it would be grossly unfair to offer referendum to the people of NI on the situation within their country without offering it elsewhere, including England. After a period THEY might decide that being in the EU or a customs union or single market might be what they want.

      I reckon once they find out that taking back control from Brussels will mean giving it to someone else, I wouldn’t wonder that that’s what would happen.

      Jumbled thoughts. Sorry.

      Liked by 2 people

  6. Thats the point, the DUP can only change the agreement on the basis that they get the Assembly to agree. Iĺf it’s not sitting then their is no Agreement. Shut it down for as long as they like but they can’t get a change unless it is sitting.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. I was not really paying attention but I thought that queenie specifed on two occasions what her government was going to do to benefit England in particular with no such plans mentioned for thee rest of the UK

    Liked by 1 person

  8. The picture of the house of common fools.
    Each seat in the stalls get a per diem of £300 PLUS travel, it wuld cost you to attend a similar panto.
    Add in the mps in the standing seats and it all adds up to a huge sum for a matinee that used to cost me a whole SIX old pennies to attend.
    That’s only the inside counted, what about the security and the fireworks?
    There’s no money left is a bit of a joke when doris can spend millions on his propaganda.
    Strange how economics have elastic constraints in a WAR situation BUTT it all goes missing when you want to restrict spending on the poor in our system.
    Expensive baubles in the crowns, diamond is a very common gemstone, DeBeers control the market.
    Much like crypto currencies, all down to confidence that they will be worth something as a bartering device, previously sea shells and tulip bulbs were used.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s not a very good panto. Not worth the money. I have a feeling that in the end Prince Charmless Boris will end up with the Princess Widdecombe, they will have many hobgoblins and live unhappily ever after.

      Like

  9. Apropos of nothing, what chances of Dominic being name of the year? From relatively obscurity – only previous one I could think of was Dominic Behan (singer/songwriter brother of Brendan) – they’re now ubiquitous: Cummings, Raab, Grieve, and Johnson (business partner of Jacob clean crackers). Probably more, but that lot come immediately to mind.

    Last year, Dominic ranked only 75th among the most popular names for new arrivals so their prominence seems disproportionate. Brexiters among them will no doubt have the Dom Perignon on ice for impending celebrations. Poor wee Scots will just have to take comfort from Dom Benedictine, reputedly a national favourite. Otherwise known as Buckfast.

    Is it really so popular or does that belong in the deep-fried Mars Bar category? On my occasional forays back to Scotland over the years, I’ve never come across anyone drinking or eating either of them. Maybe I just move in the wrong circles. VP and Lanliq were the wines of choice in my day.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am unreliably informed – kids, don’t you luv ’em – that it is possible to purchase a deep fried Mars Bar.

      Like you however, I have never seen one in the wild.

      Deep fried Mars Bars – mythic or real?

      You and I should make the video.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. I’m not sure that any of the current Dominics are a great advert for the name. I mean who on earth would want to look at yer little boy and think of any of them and think of any of that lot.

      As for fried Mars Bars… Never seen one. Never heard of a restaurant that served them, and seriously can’t imagine anyone eating one… I certainly never shall!

      Like

      1. I think Dominic quite an attractive name, actually: in other European languages, Dominic is Dominik, Dominiek, Duminku, Dominicus, Dominique, Domenico, Domingo, Domènec, Domingos … and there are the feminine variants too. I’d rather be called Dominic than Sunday any day of the week, I have to say, and I expect loads of you know that Kofi as in Kofi Annan is (born on) Friday in the Akan language of Ghana and Côte d’Ivoire, which has nothing at all to do with anything we’ve been talking about, really.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Yes Dominic is a nice name. I know a few.

          But I don’t know any Kofis. And I didn’t know (it may surprise you to learn) that it meant “born on Friday”.

          What an education, half a day spent on Munguin’s New Republic is. 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

  10. trispw,

    Y’know how I count you as a very good friend? Well, I do.

    There are people that eat deadly fish, after being addressed by master fish surgeons. There are people that eat mushrooms that are practically indistinguishable from their deadly poison cousin.

    I am pretty convinced that there are insane folk willing to eat a ‘Deep Fried Mars Bar’.

    You could run a headline:

    “Munguin’s Republic is against Deep Fried Mars Bars! Should they exist!”

    And that is the Nessie question. True or false?

    Your core supporters – you know who they are -would probably agree with you.

    I know I would.

    Re-read this post.

    ———–

    What do you think?

    I am really not trying to be confrontational.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I don’t mind people eating deadly fish… or, indeed mushrooms and toadstools… but I draw the line at frying a Mars Bar.

      I actually LOVE Mars Bars., but OMG.

      I feel the same way about deep fried pizza which you used to see occasionally on chip shop menus. What the hell was that about?

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Douglas, I’m laughing so much I’m spluttering over my deep-fried Kitekat. Or should that be KitKat? Maybe that’s why the resident moggies are looking at me with such reprehension. Oldies reduced to eating petfood used to be a staple story in my bygone days of Scottish hackery. Now that I’ve achieved advanced age, it seems to have become a staple of my own. Our local brand Purina is of a higher order, though. If only I had a bottle of Langliq to wash it down…

    Liked by 2 people

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