AVERT YOUR EYES, VON SMALLHAUSEN

OR AT LEAST HAVE A SICK BUCKET HANDY

!gove

Can this be the same man in a kilt?

I dunno about him being a “beggar” (although a cheeky beggar maybe) but he is, without doubt, an exceedingly “unattractive creature”.

All that said, is there a Tory leadership candidate who is not? Lord knows, in the unprepossessing and incompetent stakes, May is a hard person to beat.

I’d be interested to know which of the many candidates Munguinites fancy as the next UK prime minister and why.

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Image result for von smallhausen takes tea

Does anyone know if David Mundell was invited to the banquet at Buckingham Palace?

I see no mention of it on the Scotland Office Website. It would be, you’d have thought, the kind of thing that Mundell would brag about while making the most of the fact that no one from the SNP was there. But I suppose that the queen has enough tea boys without inviting him.

And as Davidson has also been exceedingly quiet over the last few days, can I assume that she was not invited either?

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35 thoughts on “AVERT YOUR EYES, VON SMALLHAUSEN”

  1. Union Jocks love their kilts and often wear the entire high camp outfit. They also profess an undying love of haggis, neeps and tatties (pronounced “heggis, neeps and tetties”) and probably have all of the Alexander Brothers’ finest albums. For Union Jocks, Scottishness is an add-on to make them appear exotic, like the Black and White Minstrels. Only white. Resolutely white.

    Liked by 6 people

  2. On your question to whom I would prefer as next tory leader, and presumably, Prime Minister, I can only give you this example.
    When out canvassing in 2014, and speaking to two women on the doorstep, when I mentioned the possibility of Boris Johnson attaining that high office, they were immediately converted from don’t knows to certain Yes voters. So in order to convert any undecided to vote for independence, it’s Boris for me, although in all honesty, I think any one of the candidates, in what must be one of the most obnoxious line-ups ever assembled, could fit the bill.

    Liked by 4 people

        1. A propos of the risqué, knee-revealing and emetic attire of Michael Andrew von Backpfeifengesicht Gove, on past showing a credible Brutus to Alexander Boris de Pfeffel’s Caesar, many years ago now – over 45 of ’em – my Croatian / Bosnian / Hungarian pal Željko (a name which I gloss as Désiré) asked me “Khvy do Scotsmen vear škrts?” I -an instinctive pedant and language teacher even then – absent-mindedly and with no malice aforethought corrected this by repeating back to him “Why do Scotsmen wear skirts? They’re not skirts. We call them kilts.” To which he replied, with a contemptuous shrug and an expression of disdain, “Keelts? Skeerts? Škrts.”

          I have no doubt whatsoever that Željko would say that MAvBG vos vearing a škrt.

          As for how I am keeping – thanks for asking! – I’m somewhat subdued from generalised peeliwalliness, and feeling low because a good friend’s eight-year-old daughter just died, in Kenya where they live, possibly because of a brain tumour. The funeral was yesterday, so feeling very glum.

          Kind people helped with donations toward the cost of hospital and mortuary expenses, which I passed on straight to my friend Ntosho (who is unable to work since he came off his motorbike and suffered extensive damage), and I was able to help with the cost of the funeral too – but ach, as Munguinites all know, I’m sure, there’s something particularly awful about the death of children.

          It would have been better if I’d been able to be there, of course, because I don’t mind damp shoulders, am built like a large teddy-bear, and can say “There, there” with the best of’em.

          So I’ve retreated into my burrow a bit. There’s not much going on in the world of politics right now except the usual Union-flag-bedizened donkeys being even more offensively loud, stupid and obstinately mulish than ever, and the air is full of pollen, so I prefer to grump indoors.

          Bloody stupid being allergic to the sex lives of plants. Tchah. Atchoo.

          Liked by 2 people

          1. Yes, the death of a child is particularly horrific. I’m glad that you were able to help with the costs of the funeral. It’s a small consolation, but it will have made life a little easier for your friend at a terrible terrible time.

            Please let him know that there are many here thinking of him.

            Liked by 1 person

          2. My youngest grandson just turned nine. I’m trying not to imagine the hole in my life without the wee man…
            Stay well and get back to ripping the pish out of the Yoonatics on the Herald.

            Liked by 2 people

            1. Perhaps I should read the Herald in order to do that, Conan – I love your coinage of “Yoonatics”, by the way, which I hadn’t heard before, and shall now make shameless and unattributed use of.

              Liked by 1 person

          3. Maybe if successful in his ambitions (perish the thought in an insane world) he’ll get a furniture style named after him. Future episodes of Bargain Hunt might refer to a table of a specific style as having Micheal Gove Legs. Hope the furnitures more robust than his principles.

            Queen Anne eat your heart out.

            Life can be shit at times and also as a fellow pollen victim I sympathise. Keep on, keepin on Ed your insights are missed when your not around.

            Liked by 1 person

            1. I suppose anything is possible now, and particularly in Britain and particularly in the Tory Party. It’s seriously hard to imagine this character as a prime minister, but then… look at the rest.

              Like

  3. To help out Munguinites,
    Horses and riders by Dunning–Kruger effect

    Aritficial intelligence James Cleverly scratched
    Sgian Dubh Michael Gove
    Private Health Matt Hancock
    Chinese meal Jeremy Hunt
    Nae approval Sajid Javid
    Eclectic Bike Boris Johnson
    Loathsome Pizza Andrea Leadsom
    Rough Sleeper Kit Malthouse scratched
    Vile Puddlian Esther McVey
    Lonely Island Dominic Raab
    Heroin Bust Rory Stewart
    Jobs R Us Mark Harper

    List of horses and runners , maybe ammended by the 1922 committee without due care.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Missed Sam, the dark horse, late entry. 10000 to 1
      I go with Clarke, the favourite doesn’t win, boris in the 2 horse race with gove.
      Gove pandering to the turkeys, no GE until 2022, save up for your retirement from parliament.
      Anyone else get the feeling it looks like what I’ve read of Germany in the early 1930’s?
      We need a good funeral in London to settle the nerves.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. That’s interesting, Kangaroo.

        I take it the fairly consistent 5% is the SNP, strangely at 4% id Boris wins.

        Oh well, Gove for prime minister then, sniff sniff.

        Like

  4. Oohhh, he’s gone all ‘Scottish’. I absolutely loathe these ‘Scots’ who flaunt their heritage when it suits them while at the same time denigrating their heritage in order to be accepted down there. Frankly they look creepy and ridiculous. Having ‘a place’ in Scotland is also terribly important. Rory Stewart’s family has ‘a place’ in Scotland, and numerous others. Weren’t the Camerons looking for ‘a place’ in Scotland? Anybody who’s anybody has ‘a place’ in Scotland. I suppose it puts them on a par with Royalty and the Chooks of Westminster who also have ‘a place or two’ in Scotland. Our wee country must be good for something, like getting sold off to the highest bidder and being lorded over.

    I have ‘a place’ in Scotland where I live all the year round, but apparently I don’t get much say in what happens to my country thanks in part to those ‘Scots’ who are so busy trying to be Anglo-Scots.

    Liked by 6 people

  5. Why don’t the Tories just cut to the chase,as they say in the fatherland and elect Trump.
    He is going to be in charge anyway post Brexit so why elect a monkey when they can get the
    organ grinder in chief.
    As for Gove,he is going to be stuck in no mans’ land shortly,rejected by English voters who will not want any foreigner running their affairs and by Scots who don’t take kindly to the way he has denigrated us.
    Shame.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Any day now we should be organising the street parties to celebrate 137 years since the borders of British West Africa were confirmed.

      Liked by 2 people

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