A LETTER FROM MUNGUIN
Dear Mr Mundell,
I am flabbergasted at your ignorance of what the people of Scotland voted for, and therefore appear to want.
I mean, what part of 62-38 are you failing to grasp, Secretary of State? Do you think we all said, ‘oh well, the English voted by a narrow margin to leave so obviously that’s what we want too’?
We don’t want an orderly Brexit… or any other kind of Brexit. And just because you say it to yourself doesn’t make it so.
Now, it’s your job to convey our wishes to Downing Street, you are supposed to be our representative there. So why don’t you do that instead of threatening every few days to resign and then remembering that you’ve got a highly-paid cushy number with all that foreign travel, and withdrawing your threat?
Not that I think for a single second that your leader will be in the least bit interested what a bunch of Jocks think. She’s only interested in your confidence and supply partners in Northern Ireland (who represent a minority of Northern Irish sentiment, by the way) because without them she is toast.
In fairness, she’s probably toast anyway.
Yours sincerely
Munguin
(My thanks to Jonathon Poole-Smith for the pic.)
He said that, did he? Well, within the borders of Yoonland (co-extensive with Fairyland, where unicorns may be found), he’s probably right: unless you agree with the Faery Queen, Titania May, you don’t count and are a subversive element who must be converted into a rootless cosmopolitan elite. Of the rest, no doubt they would indeed prefer an orderly Brexit, because it seems more likely to provide them with more unicorns and fairy dust, the better to replace actual jobs, medicines and food.
He’s a fool, a hypocrite and a liar. He is an illegal alien from an alternate reality and is neither fish, nor fowl, nor good red herring, and as such should be sentenced to a protracted stay in Dungavel, to be known henceforth as Windrush Hall, while the Scottish Home Office uses all the techniques developed by its English counterpart to mess up his case, produce perverse results, separate him from his family, before finally decant him, destitute, upon some foreign shore. Somewhere like Brigadoon, but less frequent.
LikeLiked by 5 people
Hmmmm.
When Munguin is president, he fancies asking you to be his Lords Chief Justice in Ordinary (or Extraordinary in your case).
He likes your punishments. Very suitable for the likes of Muddle.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Ed, please give the unicorns a break. After all, they are the supporters of the Arms of Scotland and therefore shouldn’t in any way be associated with Mundell. I much prefer your reference to Titania – Mundell certainly fits in there as the whole Brexit shebang is a Midsummer Night’s Dream (or nightmare) and Mundell certainly can fill the part of Bottom as he makes an arse of everything he does or says.
LikeLiked by 6 people
Yes, you’re right there, andi. Less Botton and more Arse.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Indeed Andi, they are supporters on the arms. You’ll notice however that the unicorn has a coronet, not a crown; that it’s round it’s neck, not on it’s head; that it’s attached to a chain. The unicorn is silver, not gold. All the symbolism is of inferiority, subjugation and enslavement. Draw your own conclusions from the representation of the hooves as cloven.
LikeLiked by 2 people
I am such a fool! I should have remembered that by “people” Mundell means “Tories”! The rest of may, to the mind of Mundell, be safely ignored. It is up to us to disabuse him of such an evil conceit.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It would make a nice change for me to DISabuse him!
LikeLike
Every time I see that wee shite, I’m always reminded of the Burns poem, The Toad-eater:
What of earls with whom you have supt,
And of Dukes that you dined with yestreen?
Lord! A louse, Sir is still but a louse,
Though it crawl on the curls of a queen.
LikeLiked by 5 people
(Starchily) The Home Secretary for the Abolition of Scotland may be many things, including a lousy Home Secretary, but surely we should not take the “lousy” literally.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m sure he’s very clean and lous free.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hang on – wasn’t there some beard/investigation/munching?
LikeLiked by 3 people
Yeah, there was, but I always imagined that that was the second part of his lunch he was saving for later…
Still, I suppose…
LikeLike
Well, he is a queen. Bless his little diamond tiara.
Before anyone rises up in anger, I get to say such things because I’m uniquely qualified.
LikeLiked by 2 people
LOL True, Tree. You’ll like this.
https://www.thenational.scot/news/17456005.greg-moodie-breaking-up-isnt-hard-to-do/
LikeLiked by 1 person
The game was up and no more needed to be said after ‘I THINK….’
LikeLiked by 3 people
D, C & T will vote him back in though as the residents who aren’t actually English think they are…..
LikeLiked by 2 people
Well, he probably suites them nicely.
Although, like every other part of Scotland, they did vote to stay, on his recommendation.
LikeLike
The Secretary of State for
Scotland 🏴 is imposed by
Westminster
Wot don’t you lot know
About colonialism?
LikeLiked by 5 people
Not much as we live under it…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for that, Niko. I’ve been saying for I can’t remember how long that the Scottish Government and Parliament should repudiate him and refuse to enter into any official discussions with him. He’s proven his bad faith time after time after time. We didn’t elect or select him, so he has no right to represent us in any capacity whatsoever other than as as MP.
The Westminster Parliament should censure him too, actually; he’s lied to them too. But then Theresa May and all the rest of the regime do to, everyone knows it, but no one is allowed to say so in Parliament itself. Very odd.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Yep agreed, Ed. He was not elected to be some sort of governor general of Scotland, and his party was not elected in this country. He’s not democratically justifiable.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Fluffy is a useless bag o’ water.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Ditch water!
LikeLike
Pish?
LikeLiked by 2 people
But no vinegar.
LikeLiked by 1 person
…and wind.
LikeLike
Tris,
Bravo for this article. In an alternate Universe, you would be our Secretary of State for the nanosecond it took you to tear up this imposterish ( is that even a word?) ‘agreement’ about what this fool thinks we want.
He speaks for a minority, a sad and rejected minority. Today’s date is 25.09.2019 and we have to put up with his ‘the people have spoken’ rhetoric?
I doubt many people feel that they were told ‘the truth’ by political leaders and I expect that there is a new circle of hell for Nigel Farage. Perhaps he and his fellow inmate Mr Mundell can be fed and watered and have to listen to each other until hell freezes over?
douglas clark
LikeLiked by 3 people
Well, it’s been embarrassing being told that the British people want this chaos (although some do), but to be told that the Scottish people want it is just plain insulting.
But, to be honest, I’d rather eat my foot with no mustard, than be the SoS. I’ll settle for being general factotum to President Munguin.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ahem 25.02.2019. I have no DeLorean.
LikeLiked by 1 person
By the look of the Fluffster in that photie it looks more like a drunk and dis’orderly’ Brexit is on the cards.
He is such an odious treacherous self server. A prime example of party rather than candidate voting I’d say, although how anybody could vote for either is beyond me.
LikeLiked by 2 people
He’s an unlikable wee man at the best of times, and vastly over promoted to the non job of SoS. It’s a bit frightening that he will have more responsibilities if and when we finally leave the EU.
His ridiculous behaviour over resigning every few weeks and then non resigning when push comes to shove shows exactly what you said. Self serving describes him perfectly.
The thing is that no one much cares what he does.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Yeah, we can laugh at, and ridicule this odious creature as much as we like, but my big fear is that from the30th, March this year, he could quite literally end up running Scotland if the 2004 Civil Contingences Act is invoked following a “No Deal Brexit”.
I have forgotten the details, but isn’t there a much larger U.K Government in Scotland Office now in place in Edinburgh?
While I doubt they, Westminster, will actually go as far as abolishing the Scottish Parliament, they will emasculate it to such an extent that it will become irrelevant.
That is my big fear, that they will use the excuse of an “National Emergency”, to try to make sure that we will never be allowed to hold our second Scottish Independence Referendum, and to make sure we are subservient to Westminster for ever and a day.
LikeLiked by 4 people
I too fear the imposition of martial law and the suspension of civil an political rights on the pretext that they are needed to keep public order in the event of food riots and the like. In my darker moment, I imagine that if there is some fiendish plan behind the current imbroglio of a Brexit, that must be it.
I earnestly hope that our Scottish Government has plans in place for resistance for that eventuality: if it does not, it is failing in its duty to game out the possible consequences of the Westminster regime’s current aberrant behaviour, including the worst-case scenarios.
The Westminster regime is not engaging with reality. For all our sakes, the Scottish Government must.
LikeLiked by 2 people
I’m pretty sure someone has thought of it, Ed.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think they would find that that was a very big mistake to make.
But worrying none the less. I’m pretty sure they’ll have to replace him… heaven knows what with. A turnip?
LikeLiked by 1 person
C’mon, Tris – give the turnips a break (just like the unicorns) – at least turnips are good for one thing, Mundell is totally useless.
LikeLiked by 1 person
True Andi. My most sincere apologies to turnips and swedes everywhere… Indeed to radishes too!
LikeLike
Governor-General “Neep” McTumshie? Toom Tumshie? Bashir Nips (cousin of Sajid Javid)? Sir Nicholas Neep-Tumshie?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sir Chris “Porky” Chopes? Kemi Lochaber Badenoch? Aaarggh(Mr. Freeman has been abducted by aliens to have his eyebrows trimmed, and may be some time. Peace will therefore reign, for a while at least.)
LikeLiked by 1 person
LOL…
LikeLike
So far, nothing has prevented this Westminster regime from making even the biggest of big mistakes.
LikeLiked by 1 person
True there, Ed.
LikeLike
OT but WTH 🙂
I was going to get you some pictures of the “swathes of snowdrops” in the local woods etc. Well I failed as they’re wilting in the heat (19.6C yesterday, same today). I should have got the photos last week…
They aren’t the only ones struggling either, I had the Moose today & we were out for our usual 6 hour stroll (more like 2×3 or 3×2 rather than one walk) and for the first time since last September we had to find some shade & have a rest for 10 minutes. First time it was me, then the Moose about half an hour later.
Went out at 0815 and it was 2C; came back at 1115 and it was 18C; 1400 and it was 20C (all in the shade, its wall to wall blue sky so plenty hotter in the sun). Crazy weather, I fear we’ll be seeing a lot more of it.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Amazing, Vestas. I had to cut the lawns this evening. The grass was starting to look awfully straggly.
Cutting grass in February… I just hope it doesn’t snow next week!
LikeLike
Best not to cut if there’s any daisies/dandelions as the bees will certainly need those this year. I saw half a dozen queens out & about today, which is ridiculous for central England – I think its the first time the dog has actually seen one as it startled him while he was on another (failed) squirrel quest 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
No, there’s nothing like that in Munguin’s lawns. You could play bowls on them. 🙂
We’ll be having a wildflower border later specially for the bees. We usually end up with one or two nests. We have boxes out of them and leave piles of grass cuttings, which some of them like to nest in.
LikeLike
If you crisscross some (thick-ish) woody cuttings into a rough pile then put grass over that during autumn then that’s an ideal habitat for a year or so. Sadly people who put more grass on the pile after winter do the opposite that they hope as the pile gets too hot.
The amount of shit I know about beekeeping is stupid and is entirely due to a game called Eve Online which I’ve played on & off since 2003.
I was in a “corp” with a Welsh guy who kept bees and given everyone was on voice comms a lot of discussions took place which weren’t related to the game.
Other useless (to me) shit I know via Eve are the parlous state of the South Australian electricity network; how much private security costs in South Africa; the stupid price of housing everywhere from Tasmania to Norway; how to get a medical exemption so you don’t get recalled to the US military 10 years on etc etc etc.
Not even going to start on politics 😀
NB – I played with people from 37 different countries & most of them were decent people but many had diametrically opposed views of history/current affairs even when presented with evidence that they were BOTH wrong. Plus ca change etc. Also Eve isn’t for people of even average intelligence which worries me even more.
https://www.flickr.com/photos/23579228@N04/2335016192/ is the “Eve learning curve” graph. Its not that far off the truth…..
LikeLiked by 1 person
LOL…
Sounds like an interesting place to be. Thanks for the tips on bees. We like to give them a friendly home, even though I’m horribly allergic to their stings.
I just don;t know how many I’ve rescued from the pond and blown gently on until their little wings dried… Mind you I do it for wasps and flies too.
I seem to spend all summer blowing on small insects.
LikeLike
Was that picture of him taken in the Strangers Bar? where is his pal Ross?
LikeLiked by 1 person
There you go…
LikeLiked by 1 person