51 thoughts on “AT LAST, I FOUND HIM”

        1. Didn’t know whether to laugh, or bend over reflexively with hand clasped protectively over my groin… although the risk of my sunbathing naked in my garden here in Dundee is approximately zero, the incidence of herring gulls is rather high. Anyway, I blame litterbugs who drop their half-eaten small saveloys and pickled eggs in the street after they’ve been to the chippie.

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          1. They are clever birds though. They know where, and when, people are likely to do that. 3 am on Saturday morning outside Fat Sams! Yummy Kebab!

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        2. They must hunt that seagull down and euthanise it immediately because once they taste human flesh they become maneaters.

          That’s not the only bollocks you’ll find in the Suffolk Gazette.

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          1. They are pretty much like that all the time in Dundee City Square. I’ve seen a few people loose a McDonalds to them.

            Mind you, as far as I’m concerned they are welcome to it.

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          2. greig……Checked it out! There’s some interesting stuff in the Gazette. The man eating seagull seems to be the lead story though. 😉

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  5. I was believing the seagull sunbathing story, then I started wondering about this “Suffolk Digest” with its masthead declaration “You Couldn’t Make it Up.” Now I’m thinking I’ve been punked……fooled……my leg was pulled…..they were putting me on ……pulling my chain……..or whatever the term for that is in Scotland. (There’s a British/Scottish term for this involving the word “piss” I think.)

    Anyway, apart from all the satirical websites, we have sleazy tabloid “newspapers” in the States that are usually sold from racks in grocery store checkout lanes……which specialize in making up stories about extraterrestrial alien visitations, outrageous stories about the Windsors (Camilla attacking Charles with a knife and such as that,) and one……named the “National Enquirer,” which now specializes in made up stories about Donald Trump and his administration. (VERY hard to separate truth from fiction in articles about Trumpy of course, where “you couldn’t make it up” has a quite literal meaning.)

    Amazing how quickly I accepted that silliness about the seagull and the unfortunate sunbather. As Eddjas… implied, the tip-off should have been the idea of the sun ever appearing in England or Scotland, and an Englishman doing ANYTHING in the nude. (Not sure about the Scots in THAT regard.) 😉

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    1. Error Correction……..The correct name for the questionable newspaper in question is the “Suffolk Gazette,” not the “Suffolk Digest.” My apologies!

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      1. We have similar publications here Danny. They are usually called “The Daily > insert “Record”, “Express”, “Mail”< here.

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        2. Conan……I’m glad we in the States are not alone in supporting such “newspapers.” I have found that as soon as something happens……even in the States…….the Daily Mail website will have the splashiest color pictures of it. Tris has explained to me that this is because many of the Mail readers can’t actually read very well.

          The American gold standards of accuracy and propriety in newspapers are the Washington Post and the New York Times. (The right wing Republican fanatics hate them both with a passion.) The Times is now 166 years old. With its masthead declaration “All the News that’s Fit to Print,” it’s nicknamed the “Old Gray Lady” for both rectitude and precision in reporting.

          Trump constantly rails against the Post and the Times for their salvos about the RussiaGate scandal which land almost daily on the White House. They respond with unflinching detail about Trump’s lies and deceit. The Times recently detailed EVERY ONE of the lies he has told since he took office, in chronological sequence.

          As for testing the news being “Fit to Print,” the Times recently published verbatim the obscene tirade of “The Mooch” (Trump’s flamboyant press secretary who lasted 10 days in the job) when he went off on the then current White House Chief of Staff Reince Priebus (since fired)……suggesting acrobatic homo-eroticism. While other newspapers and TV networks mostly just published the first and last letters of the words with asterisks between, the Old Gray Lady published it all.

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          1. PS: I should have mentioned that Trump has labelled ALL of the mainstream media “Enemies of the People” (for simply reporting accurately what the orange faced demagogue does and says.) He probably fears The Washington Post most of all, since that was the paper which published the reporting of Woodward and Bernstein that uncovered the Watergate scandal and destroyed the presidency of Richard Nixon. The Post brought down one President, and they can probably do it again.

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    2. LOL.

      Good one Danny.

      Brits of all nationalities are quite funny when it comes to sunbathing.

      It’s not that often that it is warm enough for it, but, when it is, they tend to show a fair amount of white flesh, which after an hour or so becomes pink, then red.

      The next day, of course they are like lobsters.

      This is particularly noticeable when you are in France or Spain. The Brit can be picked out long before you hear his or her dulcet tones, but the colour of their skin.

      I was once put on a table (in Croatia) with a couple who complained bitterly that they didn’t like spicy food, and they could’t eat the absolutely fantastic garlicky liver ragout they had been served. (“I can’t eat spicy foods, can I, Sidney?”)

      They were tedious company as they went on and on about how it was too spicy, and then how the compot of fruit afterwards wasn’t sweet enough.

      It was trying, but dinner soon passed.

      The next evening they were at the table when we arrived. The woman was lobster red and looking absolutely miserable with yet another dish she didn’t like.

      By way of politeness I mentioned that she had caught the sun a bit, to be regaled with how awful it was that it was so hot and that there didn’t seem to be any shade. ” I can’t stand to be in the sun, can I, Sidney?”

      So enough being enough, we inquired, rather less than politely, why they hell, given that they didn’t like heat and they didn’t like spicy food, they had chosen to holiday in a warm Adriatic country, well known for its spicy and garlicky cuisine.

      Bloody Brits abroad. Utter nightmares.

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      1. LOL Tris….Great story about the vacationing (on Holiday) Brits who couldn’t stand the sun or the food of the place they were visiting. I suppose that the concept of sunburn might seem strange to some Brits, and perhaps they have never used sun screen lotions. Maybe not widely marketed in Britain. 😉

        A family friend….and older person……worked at a job that took him to England when he was young, and to some towns far removed from London. When new at such travels, he described his desperation at finding what he considered to be edible food. He was in a small town somewhere and was happy to find a pizza joint. He said that SURELY the English can’t screw up a pizza……then found that he was wrong about that. The worst pizza he ever had he said. He said he finally learned that he could find good food in cosmopolitan London…..in the many ethnic food establishments.

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          2. Nah, it wasn’t Poirot. It was W. Somerset Maugham, an Englishman who had the good sense to spend much of his life in France, unlike Poirot, a Belgian who had the poor sense to spend much of his in England – so much for “the leetle grey cells, mon ami”.

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            1. Thanks for clearing that up.

              Aye, Poirot’s faultless logic kinda deserted him there.

              If I remember rightly poireau (pronounced the same way) is French for “leek”!

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    1. Yep Andi……..I’ve been getting fooled by some satirical news websites lately. I don’t notice (or know) the name of the website, and then start reading a story about Trump. I’m sometimes far into the idiotic story before I realize it’s intended to be comedy. In fact, it sounds like it could easily come from the daily happenings in the Trump White House. 🙂

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        1. Conan…….roflmao! The Onion logo (for the Onion satirical website) before the word “Span” is a nice touch in the lower right hand corner. It would normally be an upper case “C” for C-Span……the cable channel that broadcasts the sessions of Congress……House and Senate.

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      2. Danny, Tom Lehrer said in 1973, “Political satire became obsolete when Henry Kissinger was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.” It’s got a lot worse since then – you can’t possibly satirise Donald Trump: the reality is so much more bizarre and seemingly idiotic than any fiction.

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        1. Andi…..absolutely! The Peace Prize people never regained their senses either. As soon as he was elected president, Barack Obama was awarded the Peace Prize….even as he was prosecuting two wars and ramping up predator drone strikes. Simply for NOT being DubYa Bush apparently.

          (Tom Lehrer was great. I discovered him on YouTube.)

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            1. Yes….. Obama wore his Nobel prize honor very lightly. Was clearly never comfortable talking about it when asked. Maybe they should have just given it to DubYa for LEAVING the White House. 😉

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    1. Danny, that’s not a real sporting challenge. These guys wouldn’t make the grade in the Haggis Hurling event at any Highland Games. The current World Champion is Tavish McTavish of Inveraweehauf.

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      1. Andi…..Haggis Hurling! Now that’s a SERIOUS sporting event. Love it!……LOL.

        Sounds much more exciting than that Highland Games bit I’ve seen where they throw a big pole. One or two pole throws is OK I guess, but seems like an hour or so of pole throwing would get tedious. 🙂

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          2. A guy is going into the Olympic Village with a long piece of wood on his shoulder.
            The guard at the gate says, “Are you the pole vaulter?”
            The guy replies, “No, I am German but how did you know my name is Walther?”

            One from the schooldays – long, lomg ago.

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