From the office of the prime minister of the UNITED kingdom of England and its lesser possessions and territories

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Dear Nikolas,

We were very tolerant towards your lesser self in the early stages of our taking over the top job at the centre of the Empire at No 10 Downing Street, London ENGLAND. We think we may even have done you the honour of visiting you in your bedsit at Bute Cottage in Aberburgh, although, of course, we do not recall.

However, following our tremendous and spectacular General Election victory,  and now that we have grown in stature in our position as triumphant leader of OUR United Kingdom and become close to world statesmen such as Mr Netenyahu and Mr Erdogan, not to mention HRH Excellency Trump and His Majesty King Salman, we feel that further discussion with a junior minister of a mere district would be inappropriate. Besides which, as I am now busily (and successfully) engaged in a red, white and blue Brexit, which means Brexit (including for your district) so that Britain can take back control of everything from the foreigners who are out to get us British people, I’m simply too busy to be bothered with inferiors.

It has been decided, therefore, that if you have anything that you wish to discuss with your superiors here at Empire Central, in our great capital city of London, you should address those matters with the Rt Hon David Mud… Mund… well, you know who I mean, and of course, if you can find her (she seems to have gone walkabout since Ms Arlene and I struck up a friendship) the Rt Hon and Gallant Lady, Colonel Davidson. Alternatively, you may try to approach the Noble Lord Duncan in his Baronial Castle, although I understand that he doesn’t much like commoners. A curtsey is appropriate.

You will not, any longer, be allowed to address yourself directly to us personally, and we intend to instruct the queen that she is no longer to grant you an audience, but must hold herself always in readiness for any occasion on which we wish to have a photo-opportunity with her, or get her to open our parliament.

Do not let any of that make you feel any less important than you already are.

Rule Britannia. God save the Queen and Theresa May

a££

Her Britannic Empr ,  sorry, Prime Ministerialness

Signed per pro

in her absence.

(Note to Cabinet Secretary: Send same sort of thing to that Welsh blokey, and the people in IOM, Channel Islands, and Gibraltar, Falklands and the rest of my empire. DO NOT ON ANY ACCOUNT SEND TO BELFAST on pain of death.)

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55 thoughts on “From the office of the prime minister of the UNITED kingdom of England and its lesser possessions and territories”

  1. More and more, I am becoming certain, the right wing of the Tory party WANTS Scotland to become Independent. They certainly seem to be doing their damnedest to give No voters a push towards voting Yes in Indyref2.

    The only alternative to this view, seems to me, to be – they are even stupider than we presume them to be.

    Liked by 5 people

    1. I suppose either is possible, S Mc.

      It’s not entirely original on May’s part, though. Remember the Eton Boy wouldn’t debate with Alex Salmond becasue Salmond wasn’t his equal. (Salmond went to a comprehensive.)

      He was however, the equal of back bench opposition has been, Alistair, now the Noble Toryesque Baron, Darling. Obviously Darling wasn’t an aristocrat at the time or Alex would never have been allowed in the same room as him.

      They are all so position and status conscious. To me that seems like a case of inferiority complex!

      Liked by 5 people

      1. They (that’s the Establishment English / British “They”) suffer from a number of intellectual and other – quirks – that cause problems in their relations with most other people. During my misspent youth, in which I committed far, far too many sins of omission and not nearly enough of commission, I was once roundly snubbed by a pukkah chappie and fellow student – a Wykehamist, if memory serves – at my Scottish university, which I found rather offensive. The pukkah chappie, I mean, was offensive, though actually the uni was pretty rank as well, looking back on it, from the social point of view.

        I mentioned this bit of obnoxious behaviour to one of my lecturers, a rather sweet-natured and -tempered young Englishwoman and a recent appointee to the Department, who knew us both. She said, “It’s a class thing”. My riposte was that my father was a senior lecturer at a Scottish university, and as a junior lecturer at another one, where did that leave her?

        These minor events were my first serious introduction to the English caste system, its obsession with heredity and titles and bastions of privilege and its perpetuation, in all its snobbery and its dishonourable contempt for the “non-U” among us. The experience highlighted the rather stark difference (stereotypical and broad-brush statement here) between it and the way we commonly regard such matters in Scotland – the “a man’s a man for aa that” approach. It was also my first experience of being treated as an oik and a clod for being Jockanese, which is a significant part of me, of course. For Them – it’s as if we come from a different continent, or even planet.

        Fortunately, my tender and fragile little personality suffered no damage because I was aware even then that most of Them were actually as thick as two short planks, for all their cut-glass accents, and I’m not. Skeich young lairds an ladies, birkies aa, with far too much money and far too little sense.

        With a welcome leavening of honourable exceptions whom I called friends.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Interesting, Ed.

          I loathe the snobbery that attaches to accent, clothes, houses, cars… education and money.

          And the titles???

          Even those who don;t have any, give themselves titles. The Hon gentleman and the Hon lady? You’d have thought that after the scandal where 50% of them were found to have fiddled their expenses, they’d have dropped that nonsense.

          Everything in the UK is tainted by this. Friends from most places in Europe just can’t understand at all (France being the exception.)

          Liked by 1 person

    2. You could be right there Soc. The English make good serfs whereas the Scots have always been a thorn in the side of the English. Makes sense to settle for 60 million willing serfs and cut loose from the 5 million who would never be.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Aye, talk to the hand ‘coz the brain is busy.

    LOLZ Too busy f**king up the EU negotiations, and running the UK into the ground AND fighting like weans!!

    So, if our representative is not welcome we should refuse to pay for any sneery ministers who (rarely) venture north. In fact, let’s just get our MP’s home and start building a country wi’ no cringing allowed. 😀

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Talking about sneering ministers I see the appalling defence muppet was in Scotland telling us that thousands of jobs had be saved with the order for three frigates.

      Three out of the 13 we were promised when they thought we were going to leave. They are totally into bribing that lot.

      Actually, Arlene needs to watch the sneakybastards. They’ll probably only give her £100 million.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. All part of the Tory one nation narrative where there is Ein Volk,Ein Reich and definitely only Ein Fuhrer.
    The Queen better watch her step or she too will be getting sidelined.
    Any bets on Scotland (England’s Sudetenland) having any say on anything any time under this fascist regime in London?
    I have no doubts now about how far these maniacs will go to retain their Reich.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. There’s a new law on the back of that one which states: People on the Indy side can’t discuss fascists in the British government and make valid comparisons to nazis without some yoon quoting Godwins Law.

        What next? Will folk no longer be able to discuss the holocaust without some smart arse abusing GLs meaning by undermining the discussion and quoting it?

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Niko, I believe Godwin’s Law refers to Hitler / Nazis rather than fascism as such. I am indeed seriously worried about the current regime’s fascist, authoritarian tendencies. Here’s something I came across a while back – it was based on the historical record and needs amending to suit the exact circumstance of today, but I think you’ll see why I worry! It’s entitled “Fourteen defining characteristics of fascism”. http://www.rense.com/general37/char.htm

        Liked by 1 person

        1. That’s a great article, which if I remember rightly we had on here before.

          Thought then, as I do now, that we are dangerously close.

          And I agree, that Goodwin’s law doesn’t talk about fascism, but Nazism.

          Liked by 1 person

    1. No. I think they are going for broke with Scotland. They can obviously see the approach from Scotland to the Europe situation is measured and thought out, compared to the moronic mess made by the English government.

      I’m not sure that treating all Scots like they were lesser beings (and the Welsh too probably) is wise, but then judging by the rest of their actions, they are hardly renowned for wisdom.

      In fact, if there’s a wrong way to do it, this crowd of morons will find it.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Hmm ! well its bit like the game keepers daughter going up
    to the big house and asking to speak to the (English) Lord of
    the Manor.
    surely no one would expect her to speak to anyone above the level
    of the under butlers valet.
    well no one who is familiar and or respective of the social
    traditions which hold our great United Kingdom together.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. But it does seem, don;t you think, Niko, that even if you don’t like Nicola and her politics, by treating her like nothing, they are getting up all of our noses.

      I bet the Welsh FM has been treated in the same way.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Perhaps this may help Nicola to behave appropriately
    at all times and mayhap you nats could do with some
    timely advice as well.

    THE
    LADIES’ BOOK OF ETIQUETTE,
    AND
    MANUAL OF POLITENESS.

    A COMPLETE HAND BOOK FOR THE USE OF THE LADY IN POLITE SOCIETY.

    CONTAINING

    FULL DIRECTIONS FOR CORRECT MANNERS, DRESS, DEPORTMENT, AND CONVERSATION;
    RULES FOR THE DUTIES OF BOTH HOSTESS AND GUEST
    IN MORNING RECEPTIONS, DINNER COMPANIES, VISITING, EVENING
    PARTIES AND BALLS; A COMPLETE GUIDE FOR LETTER
    WRITING AND CARDS OF COMPLIMENT; HINTS
    ON MANAGING SERVANTS, ON THE PRESERVATION
    OF HEALTH, AND ON ACCOMPLISHMENTS.

    AND ALSO

    USEFUL RECEIPTS FOR THE COMPLEXION, HAIR, AND WITH HINTS
    AND DIRECTIONS FOR THE CARE OF THE WARDROBE.

    BY
    FLORENCE HARTLEY,
    AUTHOR OF THE “LADIES’ HAND BOOK OF FANCY AND ORNAMENTAL WORK.”

    BOSTON:

    https://www.gutenberg.org/files/35123/35123-h/35123-h.htm#CHPTR_VIII

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Just how petty and ridiculously hubristic can this Prime Minister be?
      She assumes aires and graces like Hyacinth Bouquet, but does so without charm and apparently quite without insight.
      It’s ignorant and ill-mannered, defensive of course, a reaction to insecurity, a realisation perhaps that she has been weighed and found wanting, that she’s no stateswoman, that she’s so much less than the office she holds.
      Go. Go now, while you have a possibility of doing so with shred of dignity left to you.

      Liked by 4 people

      1. Let’s be fair, Jake, she hasn’t actually got any dignity left. She’s useless, incompetent, weak and a laughing stock.

        I bet no one can think of a worse prime minister.

        She’s made the UK a laughing stock. It doesn’t bother me at all, but you’d think it would bother people with red white and blue undergarments.

        Liked by 1 person

    2. This is exactly what’s wrong with the UK. Too many stuck up pompous little wa#%ers that think they are better than everyone else. Seems from your comments that you might be one of them.

      Like

  6. For many years, being subject to Westminster rule was a source of irritation to me I was ambivelant about voting because my Scottish vote didn’t count. There were times, I must confess when I just didn’t bother although I usually managed to turn up for the council elections.

    The run up to Indyref1 caused a bit of a political awakening for me with the seeds of hope germinating. I became interested in politics. The weight of the State being brought to bear on us however, turned the irritation into resentment and like the rest of the Yes movement I was gutted when our spineless majority Announced to the world that we couldn’t look after ourselves.

    Since 2014 we’ve been forced to endure an onslaught of propaganda because their wee plan to shut us up had failed. This due to our continuing refusal to give up has of late been stepped up and my level of resentment has increased apace. I’m not sure if it’s too dramatic to say that the propaganda and dirty wee tricks have now reached a pitch where it’s more like psychological warfare is being waged upon us. I am consequently beyond resentment now, I am feeling oppressed and angry.

    My point is not about where individuals are in terms of their resentment and anger, many people I’m sure reached the oppressed stage long before me. Many are obviously not there yet and many don’t give enough of a shit to ever get there. Using my own feelings as a gauge though I worry that something’s going to give.

    This latest snub/insult what ever you want to call it may be small potatoes in the wider scheme, but drip, drip, drip, tick, tock. How much more of this shit do we have to take?

    I realise folks are waiting for the full horror of Brexit to unfold to gain some political capital but the Independence Movement seems to be doing the headless chicken dance. We are currently an open goal and it’s sites like this, WOS etc that are left trying to hold back the tide.

    This is an information war and we need to get it out there because it’s much harder to undo damage than it is to cause it.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Good piece, David.

      I think we have probably all changed our views in the lead up to the referendum, and since, where most of the promises they made were broken.

      And of course, given that we voted to stay in Europe and not one single piece of effort seems to have been put by the UK into working out how Scotland’s will can be respected, when it was so all-fired important only a couple of years before, I think many people are being pushed to consider what can possibly been done to avert the disaster that awaits us in 18 months.

      Something will happen though. I think we can pretty much guarantee that.

      The broad UK shoulders we were promised look as if they are about to crumble under the weight of Brexit and the laughing stock government of May.

      Liked by 2 people

    2. A majority of Scots born voted YES. It wasn’t our spineless majority that voted to stay. It was the colonists. We have one more shot at this and its over. Do not give up, step up.

      There is an opportunity here for us. I do not want us to leave the EU, but if that’s what it takes to get independence, then so be it. So I find myself at once depressed and delighted by the cack handed way these eejits are operating. I desperately want to remain yet I want them to fail because I think that will be enough to tip us over the threshold.

      I was a heart yes, head no before 2014. I am 100% committed now. If my move to the hardcore from a neutral position is reflected across the whole population then a 47 – 50 percent hard yes can become a 60% yes by election day. Its worth fighting for. This is winnable, and their every arrogant F.E.B. smart arsed miscalculation plays to our hand.

      Alba Gu Brath!

      Liked by 4 people

  7. Listen some of us have been only too aware for years how little the sweaties are thought of in the old Mother country. But when you tried to explain this to folk, well they thought you were a bit tin foil hatted. So the good thing is that the swithering will clock this insult for that is what it is. However the uber unionists already know they are lesser beings they just prefer that to standing on their own two feet.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Well let’s hope that the way that the singularly worst ever prime minister’s insult come back to bite her on her backside.

      Of course, as you say, there are some who don;t want to stand on their own two feet, and some who enjoy that their country suffers while playing at being something that disappeared 100 years ago. Let’s hope there are enough of us who want to be like Scandinavia.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Why don’t they just call it HMS TAKING IT UP THE DOCK FROM WESTMINSTER SINCE 1707. The ships long enough to have that written in six feet high letters right up to the bow.

      In fact Niko, why don’t we dress you like a Roman and nail you to the prow. You could then be at the forefront of projecting Brittanias power across the world.

      We’ll even give you a waterproof tablet so you can still blog your shit. Just to show we’re not complete monsters.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. She’s certainly taken back control of Scotland.

      The laugh is that every time Fluffy (the roaster she’s supposed to approach) says anything, it is reversed by her or one of the proper cabinet members the next day.

      So what on earth is the point of speaking to Fluffy Muddle?

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Tris

    The yoons on all sides will try to portray this as putting NS in her place but what they won’t get is it’s a huge insult to Scotland and its elected government. It’s a slap in the puss and reduces Scotland to no more than a large City the size of Manchester. This might just give YES a big boost.

    Bruce

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Well, I’m hoping of it is well enough publicised, Bruce, then it will do just that!

      It’s not about Nicola. It’s about all of us. She has no more respect for Labour and the Welsh First Minister.

      Arlene on the other hand gets private jets to fly her about, so she can get home in time for the next Orange March.

      Liked by 2 people

    1. I suppose that Nicola Sturgeon has been expecting this. This, for us of an independent point of view is the last hurrah! of the golden hoard of Westminster. It seems clear that our Prime Minister, Theresa May, has utter contempt for any views that come from outwith her Cabinet, and indeed for few that come from within. For they are like rats in a sack.

      She appears to be an unadvisable leader who would prefer to chart a course that leads to disaster, much like Nero, rather than reconsider. The independence margin is on a knife edge. How many more will feel excommunicated by this insanity? If it is 10% we win easily.

      I am not at all clear quite how this statement could re-wind the clock. Is anyone in Scotland supposed to feel that denying access to our First Minister is a brilliant manoeuvre?

      I’d have thought not.

      It rather puts Nicola Sturgeon on the front foot. For ignoring the Scottish Government is tantamount to insulting, not just to the Scottish Government but all the people of Scotland.

      Theresa May has set the clock ticking for separation.

      It may not be long now.

      For this seems to me to be ‘end game’ stuff.

      Liked by 3 people

      1. Yes, even if folk don’t like the Scottish government and Nicola, the insult is directed at the country.

        And presumably Wales too.

        But not Northern Ireland.

        Like

  9. This is clearly intended to be a snub to put not only the First Minister but Scotland in their “rightful” place. It is, of course, also the height of bad manners and so is just what we should expect from the Conservatives, a party whose members and supporters pretend to be “superior” people but who are crass, selfish, loutish and uncaring.
    Perhaps the FM’s best response would be to issue a simple statement saying that she has no interest in consulting or being consulted by the English Prime Minister or any of her junior appointees on matters relevant to Scotland, its interests or its people.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Yes. She could indicate that Muddle is welcome to make an appointment with her secretary to speak to her in her office at Bute House, if he should require anything very important. Otherwise he should go through the Cabinet Secretary for Constitutional Affairs.

      In the meantime it seems that Michel Barnier and Guy Verhofstadt are happy to speak to both her and the FM of Wales.

      Like

  10. I think,one of the factors which has led to this is our First Minister having direct access to EU officials and no doubt putting forward a different view from the Brexiteers.
    In fact putting forward A view as opposed to none.
    This is Westminster trying to shutdown the flow of information so that when they walk away can claim it is the EU’s fault.
    Doubtless their intention to shutdown devolution was also a considerstion but it is all part of the increasing centralised control of Greater England sought by May and her Tories.
    No more sharing…..mine all mine.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Well, it may be that what they really want is a one Britain run from London. I would have to remind them, though, that that has, for 20 years, been a VERY minority preference.

      Like

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