Dear Jamie Greene MSP,
As a very important animal, and a media mogul, I would like to express agreement with you that it is difficult in the extreme to carry on business here in Scotland with such appalling coverage by telecoms companies. (Simply love the analogue and digital bit. Very smart and almost 21st century.)
Business set ups opportunities could be greatly improved by better electronic communications, of that there is no doubt.
The private companies responsible should be forced to get their act together, and surely the government has a role to play in that.
Your first three points (above) describe a disgrace in a modern European country.
Where I start to take issue is on the fourth point you make.
Of course, you could be said to be right, at least in a way. The SNP has no plans for a roll out of 5G in Scotland. Possibly the reason for this is that Telecoms is a reserved matter, and I suspect that your party would be the first to complain were the Scottish government to interfere in anything reserved to Westminster.
So, it’s true that after nine and a half years in government the SNP has done little to enhance our telecoms. But mainly that’s because they don’t have the authority or the funding to do so.
However, being an animal with excellent contacts in the higher echelons of Britnat society, I can tell you that the person to whom you should complain is the Secretary of State for Culture Media and Sport. Her name is the Rt Hon. Karen Bradey MP (nah, me neither, so I’ve enclosed a photo).
There’s little point in complaining to The Scotland Office. Fluffy’s absolute rubbish as you probably already know and his boss is some belted earl or somesuch other aristocrat (given the shortage of suitable elected candidates, you understand). I’ve put in a pic of Fluffs too, just because it never hurts to put people off their lunch. (Good for dieters.)
I, and my fellow Scots, would be grateful if you could use your undoubted influence as a fellow Tory (they don’t seem to listen to anyone else) to attract whatshername’s attention and get this situation solved.
Please be assured of my most respectful sentiments and my compliments of the season.