According to the Daily Mail, David Davis has been warned that every other EU government is spying on him in an attempt to discover his strategy for Brexit.
He has been told he should expect the 27 other EU countries to be trying to listen in on his private conversations and intercept his phone calls.
So, when we read this Munguin and I fell about laughing. That should be interesting, we thought. The Minister for exiting Europe, who has no actual strategy for exiting Europe.
I hope the other 27 countries have a shed load of time on their hands. Just imagine the boredom:
D Davis: Hello, Rt Hon David Davis here, Cabinet Secretary for Brexit.
Recipient: Yes, how can we help you?
DD: Can you send round a Sweet and Sour Chicken with Boiled Rice, and 5 Spring Rolls?
DD: Hello, Secretary of State here.
Private Secretary: Yes?
DD: I’m bored witless. Do you fancy popping round to the club for lunch?
DD: Can you come in for a moment, Private Secretary. I need your opinion on something important.
PS: Certainly Sir. With you directly. (followed by knock on door).
DD: Do you think the Rembrandt looks better on that wall or that wall?
DD: Hello Liam, David here. Are you busy?
L Fox: Yes.
DD: Doing what, for heaven’s sake? You can’t start with the trade deals till 2019.
LF: I know. It’s a blast, getting paid a Cabinet salary and having nothing much to do. At the moment I’m working on the decor for my stateroom on the royal yacht. This afternoon we’re having a Tiddlywinks competition in the Ministry of Silly Talks.
DD: Hello David Davis, how can I help you?
N Sturgeon: First Minister of Scotland here. I was wondering how the Brexit plans were coming along with regard to Scotland’s continued access to the market.
DD: *Pardon Madame: You have a mauvais number there. Nous sommes “Le Petit Renard Fou” French restaurant. Voulez-vous book une table?
*with appoliogies to Miles Kington!
Any other suggestions?